Confession Confusion
by hikarijade13
Summary: Erza finally confesses her feelings to Jellal but his confusing reaction is not what she expected. Are these childhood friends really going to graduate high school not even talking to one another? AU
1. Dutch Courage

_A/N: I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter One – Dutch Courage_

"Are you sure about this Lucy?" I asked.

"Yes. I'm telling you Erza, this will work. Trust me. I've got a boyfriend remember," was Lucy's confident reply.

"Which you got after kissing him senseless on New Year's Eve after downing an entire bottle of vodka amongst several other alcoholic drinks," our brunette friend added.

"I don't want to hear any comments about alcohol from _you, _Cana," Lucy replied.

"Just saying. Even you needed some Dutch courage to get Natsu," Cana took an easy swig from a bottle. I don't know how she got away with drinking on school property but she managed it.

"Exactly. Confessing is never easy. In any case, you've never done it sober or otherwise so just shut up."

"Umm, aren't you guys supposed to be helping me?" I interrupted before it could turn into an argument.

"Sorry, Erza. Do you want a drink?"

I felt my patience draw thin, "Actually, Lucy is right. Shut up, Cana."

"Fine. I'll shut up!" She was sulking now but I had bigger worries.

"Are you sure you don't want me to read the letter before you give it to him?" Lucy asked me earnestly. I felt a flutter of panic.

"What? Ah, no thanks. It's too embarrassing." It really was. Just thinking about what I'd written in my confession letter made me blush. We were standing behind one of the columns that supported the arched roof of the outdoor path that ran between the main school building and the gym. It was really convenient when trying to get between the two buildings in the rain. It was also a good place for watching what was happening on the playing fields without being seen. "He's there. What do I do?"

"Calm down. Now just walk over and hand it to him okay," Lucy placed a hand on my arm. She was so steady and calm. A complete role reversal for how our friendship normally was.

"I feel like some bad manga character. He's going to reject it for sure. That's how it always goes."

"He won't reject you. You're a beautiful, intelligent, young woman with loads of good qualities. All of which he knows since you've been best friends since forever."

"Yeah, best friends, not a couple," I could hardly imagine what it would be like. How we were now, only ten, no, a million times better?

"Well, you have to start somewhere. Natsu and I used to be just friends and now look at us. Do you want to take your relationship to the next level or not?"

Did I? Yes. Unequivocally yes. "Okay. I'm going."

I thought about walking over to my secret crush but my feet had other ideas and seemed to have welded themselves to the ground.

"To get there will require some movement on your part. Left foot, right foot. Repeat. In case you were unsure how it works," Cana said when I didn't move.

"Your sarcasm is not helpful Cana but… I think I will have that drink."

"That's my girl!" She thrust the bottle at me.

"Damn. What is this?" I nearly choked as the strong liquor slid down my throat.

"Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. It's liquid courage. Now go get your man!"

* * *

><p>"Hey Jellal…"<p>

I'd just stuck my head under the water faucet outside the gym but I didn't need to look up to recognise the voice. Standing up, I shook the water from hair and reached for my towel to dry my face. "Hey, Erza. What's up?"

"Not much. How was practice today?"

"It was good. Are you okay? You sound kind of funny," I gave her a good once over. She looked a little flushed. "You're not feeling sick right? I can walk you home if you just wait a bit."

"Uh no! I'm fine. I'm going out with Lucy and Cana. I just wanted to… umm…"

Awkward Erza. That wasn't something I could remember seeing much in all the time I'd known her. Which was saying something considering I'd known her since we were seven. Ten years. Through all the crazy ups and downs we were still best friends. It would be great to say I knew everything about her but that would be a lie. She was a woman. And women, as everyone knows, are ridiculously complicated. I think I'd been fourteen when I gave up trying to understand her and decided to just go with it. Even so, this was new. I waited a few moments to see if she would say anything but she didn't and the silence stretched on till I had no choice but to try and fill it.

"Is this about the student council work?"

"What? Oh yeah. I think maybe we should get everyone together next week for an extra meeting. Graduation and prom are coming up fast. We have to make sure we have everything ready."

I reached out and gently brushed her hair behind one ear so I could see her chocolate brown eyes. "Don't worry about it Erza. You've thought of everything. Prom will be amazing and graduation will go smoothly. You're the very best student council president. Plus you've got me and everyone else to support you so don't stress."

Her face flared up instantly. She really didn't know how to take a compliment.

"I wasn't really stressing. Anyway that wasn't… I mean, thanks. Have a good weekend," she made to leave.

Evasive. Something else was going on. I grabbed her arm, "Can't we hang out? It's Friday. Let's go somewhere."

"Together?"

"What? Obviously. Lucy, Natsu, Gajeel, the whole gang. Let's mix it up." Was it my imagination or did her face fall just a little bit?

"It's okay. I'm already going out with Lucy and Cana remember?"

"Ah. Some girly thing. Got it. See you tomorrow at the dojo?"

"Maybe. I'll probably sleepover at Lucy's or Cana's so…"

"Alright. I'll let sensei know. Have a good time and relax alright." Impulsively, I pulled her into a tight hug. For a moment she was stiff then she relaxed into my grip and hugged me back. She felt good and right in my arms. Everyone thought we were going out or at least having casual sex but really we were just comfortable around each other in a nice friends-since-forever kind of way. Anyway even if I wanted that, which I didn't, Erza wasn't the kind of girl for a casual hook up.

"You smell good," I murmured in her ear and she jerked back like I'd burned her. Whoa, good feeling gone. Before I could think of anything to say she whirled around and stalked off. Women. Don't try and understand, just go with it.

* * *

><p>"He hugged you! That means yes right? You're going out now, right? Ne, Erza? Oh my god, please don't cry!" Lucy immediately embraced me.<p>

"I'm not crying. There just something in my eye," not even Cana dared contradict me.

"He can't have said no. What happened?" Cana asked as Lucy rubbed my back.

"I couldn't ask him."

"Nani?" Both of them just stared at me.

I stepped out of Lucy's embrace and started pacing, "I couldn't do it okay! He was just looking at me with his beautiful eyes… He thought I was red because I was coming down with a cold or something. He doesn't see me romantically at all!"

"For fucks sake. Give me the damn letter," Cana snatched the offending envelope from me and strode off.

"Ah, Cana! What are you doing?" I hastened after her, Lucy trailing in our wake.

"What you don't have the guts to do. I, on the other hand, have Dutch courage down to a fine art."

_Five minutes later…_

"I can't believe you just did that," I said.

We were standing in the hallway on the third floor of the main building, not far from our homeroom.

"It's in his locker now. Safely locked away. You can't get it back," Cana cheerfully rattled Jellal's lock.

"How can you be so smug? You've just ruined everything. I'll wait here and take it back before he can read it." Panic was welling up inside me yet again.

"I'm siding with Cana on this one. It's done now. He'll have to come get his books once he's finished changing. Less than an hour from now he'll know exactly how you feel. Isn't this a good thing?" Lucy pulled me into a one arm embrace.

"I'm not ready!"

"You know, you're not like this in any other part of your life. Where is brave, fearless, kickass Erza?" Cana asked.

"She's about to kick your ass unless we get that damn letter back. I wrote such utter rubbish!"

"Erza, love is about putting yourself out there. Even if it doesn't work out, you'll only regret it more if you don't at least try."

"Wow Cana, that was pretty deep for you," Lucy looked impressed.

"Thanks. Now I say let's go back to my house. My father is away, as usual, so we can drink wine, order pizza and watch some girly chick flick while we wait for Jellal to call," Cana waved her bottle at us and started sauntering down the hall.

"You think he'll call me?" I asked, feeling hopeful.

Cana looked back over her shoulder, "Oh honey, he'd be an idiot not to."


	2. The Status Quo

_A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading. I hope you continue to enjoy CC. _

_For those who might not know - Sun Tzu is a renowned historical Chinese military general credited as the author of _The Art of War, _a book on military strategy, that is widely regarded as a masterpiece. Also, persona non grata is Latin for "an unwelcome person". _

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Two – The Status Quo_

"Jellal, you're a fucking idiot."

"Good morning to you too, Natsu. What gives?" I was already in a foul mood. I'd shown up outside the girls' dorm, like usual, to walk Erza to school only to be told she'd already left. That never happened. Ever. Now she was nowhere to be found, one of my other friends was yelling at me and it wasn't even 8.30. Great start to a Monday.

"Whatever you did. Just apologize. No matter what it was. Even if it was nothing. Just get on your knees, admit you were wrong and beg for forgiveness."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about my girlfriend spending all weekend at Cana's house. You know what that means? It means she wasn't in bed with me. All weekend. That's three days. Three long sex free days."

"Dude, your sex life has nothing to do with me."

"Okay. I'll be nice and cut it down to two days because I knew she was doing some girly crap on Friday night. Which turned into a whole weekend affair because of you!" Natsu jabbed his finger into my chest to make his point. Whatever that point was.

I sighed and pushed his hand off me. "What happened?"

"I don't know man. I rang her on Friday night and they –that's Lucy, Cana and Erza- were all excited and giggly. I ring her on Saturday and Lucy is all like 'Ah no. I have to stay here and you can tell your stupid friend he's a jerk' and hangs up on me."

"And I'm the stupid friend?"

"Yeah. I asked Gajeel and Levy totally ditched him on Saturday to go to Cana's house and get this, she took a DVD with her. The Notebook. The fucking Notebook."

I blanched. This was serious. "Ice cream?"

"According to Lucy, six tubs of Ben and Jerry's."

"Fuck." I let my head smack onto the top of my desk. "I swear I haven't done anything. Maybe it was Gray?" I asked hopefully.

"Not me, man. I spent all weekend banging this awesome girl from Mermaid Heel. Seriously, chicks from all girl schools are the best," Gray slid into the seat in front of mine, looking disgustingly happy.

I sent him a withering glare, "Not helping. What did I do?"

"Doesn't matter. You fucked up the status quo. Only one thing to do. On knees. Begging. Immediately. Or Lucy will never sleep with me again because I'm guilty by association," Natsu said.

I thought he was being overdramatic but didn't comment. "I'll ask Erza. She'll tell me who I pissed off and what I need to buy to make it better."

"No good. From what I hear, its Erza you pissed off," Gajeel strolled into the classroom, chucked his jacket over his seat in the corner of the room before making his way back to the rest of us.

"Seriously? But I haven't even spoken to her since Friday."

"Did you say you would call her then not?" asked Gray, "Bitches hate that shit."

"No and for the record, your attitude towards women is horrendous," I said but Gray only shrugged.

"Did you have a fight with her?" Gajeel asked.

"No. Everything was fine. But-"

"But what?" Natsu prodded.

"She was a bit off."

"You pissed her off," they all said, practically in unison.

"I asked if she was okay-"

"The answer to that will always be 'fine' even if she had the worst day ever. Natsu is right. You need to go beg," Gajeel concluded and the others nodded.

"I will. As soon as I find her. Where are the girls anyway? It's nearly time for homeroom."

We all looked towards the door but none of them appeared. So I settled down to wait.

* * *

><p>"I can't face him."<p>

"Yes, you can and you'll do it with us," Lucy stepped back and then waved the brush over my hair one last time. "And you'll look damn good too."

I sighed. I didn't care about that. "I'm such a fool. Of course he isn't interested in me. We're childhood friends. He probably thinks of me as a sister."

"Be that as it may, only a complete jerk wouldn't at least give you a proper response," Lucy said and the other girls nodded.

Reflected in the bathroom mirror were all my amazing friends who'd abandoned their plans and ditched their boyfriends at a moment's notice to spend the weekend with me. Moaning about stupid men, eating way more ice cream than was strictly necessary and crying over The Notebook, especially the part about the letters. They'd kept me from going crazy waiting for the call or text that never came. Lucy had even invited me round dead early this morning to do my hair for me. It fell in soft, loose curls around my shoulders. I had to admit it looked pretty good.

The warning bell sounded. 8.25. Only five minutes till homeroom started and we'd probably be marked as late but I couldn't stand the thought of things being awkward between Jellal and me. After what I'd written in that letter it would be incredibly hard for things not to be awkward. One particular line came to mind and I felt like punching myself. How could I have told him that?

"I can't!" I wailed and instantly my friends were comforting me.

"You have to walk in there, with your head held high and act like it doesn't matter," Levy said.

"Just blank him because you're a bad bitch and if he can't see that, well it's his loss, not yours. Now stop crying. I didn't lend you my Prada eyeliner for you to blubber it off," Cana handed me a tissue.

"I'm not crying," I said automatically, grabbing my bag off the counter. After they'd been so good to me I could hardly repay them by landing us all in detention for tardiness. And I was student council president. I had an example to set. "Let's go do this."

* * *

><p>8.34am and Scorpio-sensei had just got the class to settle down. "We seem to be missing a few students this morning," he was saying. Almost as if that was their cue, the girls swept into the room. Every single one of them shooting daggers in my direction. With the exception of Erza who blatantly avoided any eye contact. Shit, I really had done something.<p>

"How nice of you to join us, ladies. Can we try to be on time? You're all final year students-"

And Scorpio-sensei was off on his typical 'You need to be prepared to become adults and productive members of society' rant.

I tuned him out and watched Erza from the corner of my eye as she settled into her assigned seat. We sat next to each other in homeroom. And English and Math and every other subject we had together. We were lab partners. She was student council president and I was vice. We trained at the same dojo. In short, my life was going to be hell if I didn't figure out what I'd done wrong and make it better fast.

First things first. I needed to divide and conquer. The girls together were an unstoppable force of nature. All that oestrogen and girl power stuff. The moment one of them was hurt they closed ranks better than any army. Sun Tzu himself would have had problems with them. If I had any chance of fixing this without having my balls ripped off and with some shred of self-respect left at the end, I would have to get Erza alone. I sent desperate looks at my friends who returned subtle nods. Scorpio-sensei moved on to taking attendance, then giving out announcements before the bell sounded. The signal for the start of the war.

Gajeel corned Levy effortless, offering to carry her books to the next class which was, thankfully, not the same one Erza and I had. Natsu had his puppy eyes on, complaining that Lucy had ignored him all weekend and he was lonely. Lucy practically melted. But it was like Cana read my mind or something. Levy and Lucy could be distracted for a bit by their boyfriends. No such luck with Cana. She was sat on the edge of Erza's desk within seconds. Giving me the look of death. "You got something to say?" it was less of a question and more of a threat.

"You're hair looks pretty like that," I said and was immensely relieved when Erza blushed. That I could still knock her out with a compliment had to be a good sign. We got up at the same time and I intentionally bumped arms with her. Used the opportunity to lean in close and whisper, "I really need to talk to you."

"Umm okay," she said and we left the classroom, shoulder to shoulder. I could feel Cana's eyes burning into my back but she hung back, giving us some space. I wasn't quite _persona non grata _yet. At the end of the corridor Erza went to go down the stairs but I placed my hand on the small of her back and guided her into the student council room. Shut the door on Cana and the rest of the school body. Nearly sighed out loud.

"Well what?" she said, crossing her arms. I was getting that weird, awkward feeling from her again. She still wasn't looking at me.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out, "On Friday I was being an idiot. I can't believe I didn't say anything then."

Her expression softened, just a small upturn of her lips but it was enough to give me hope that I was on the right track. She uncrossed her arms and played with the bottom edge of her pleated grey skirt, "So, what did you want to say?"

"I think it's great." Her whole face lit up. I closed the distance between us and took some of her soft hair between my fingers. "I probably didn't notice because you had it pulled up into a ponytail that day but really your hair looks amazing."

I swear the temperature in the room dropped thirty degrees. Crap. Was I wrong about the new hairstyle thing?

"You think this is about my hair?" Her voice was soft. Immediately, my danger meter started going crazy but I weighed up the options and decided not to upset the status quo any further. She was going to hit me. And me? Well hell, I was going to let her.


	3. Choose A Label

_A/N: I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Three – Choose A Label_

"And then I punched him. Repeatedly," I said and watched Mira's mouth fall open.

"And then what?" There was a little bit of lag so her mouth moved on the webcam before we heard what she said over the speakers.

"I've been ignoring him. If he isn't interested in me that way, then fine, but at least tell me properly. I'm a big girl. I can take it."

"So, it's been what? Three days?"

"And he is still acting like he doesn't know why she's mad. Can you believe it?" Cana leaned over my shoulder so Mira would know who was talking. "He keeps writing stupid little notes like 'Is it this?' Baka!"

"I always thought you and Jellal would make a cute couple," Mira pouted.

"It's okay, senpai, not all of your love predictions can come true. I mean two out of three isn't bad. You were spot on for Lucy and Levy," I said.

"Ah!" Mira clapped her hands together. "I have the perfect idea. On Saturday night all of you should come visit me!"

"At your college? Seriously senpai? That'd be so awesome!"

"We're throwing a cross-dorm pool party. There will be music and dancing and food and beer and guys! College guys! Trust me. The gap between a high school boy and a college guy is immense. I'll hook you both up with somebody."

"I can't. My father is supposedly coming home on Friday. We need to do some father-daughter bonding shit. And Erza is still a virgin. She doesn't hook up."

"I could if I wanted to!" I said, feeling my face flame. "It's not like there's any point saving myself anymore."

There was a brief silence. "Shit, Erza. I'm sorry. I didn't think before I said that," Cana finally said. "Were you really waiting for him…?"

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" I turned back to the webcam, "I'm so in. Find me a decent guy, Mira."

"Hmmm. Actually, I think I've just had a better idea. This is what we're going to do…"

* * *

><p>"Are you and Erza going to be alright tonight?"<p>

Elfman's eyes found mine in the rear-view mirror. We were on our way to pick up the girls from Lucy's apartment and he was driving. Lisanna had shotgun, a load of presents for Mira on her lap, a case of beer at her feet. Gajeel, Natsu and I sat in the back. The girls would have to sit on our laps. Not strictly legal and we'd be toast if we got in an accident, but with insurance prices what they were hardly any of us had our own cars. I shrugged. "She'll ignore me and I'll try to stay out of her way. It will be fine." I didn't feel nearly as nonchalant as I sounded. The last week had been hell. I still had no clue what I'd done to make Erza hate me so much. Why couldn't girls just tell a guy what he fucked up? All this guessing was doing my head in. I was thinking about it, about her, constantly. I missed her. Badly. I knew we usually spent a lot of time together but I had no idea how much it would hurt not to have her around. It was like having a knife in my stomach and every time she ignored me she twisted the ice cold blade a little deeper. I really wanted us to be friends again but that was seeming less and less likely. Lost in my thoughts I couldn't follow the conversation. The next thing I knew the car had stopped and Elfman was tooting the horn.

First out the door was Levy. She looked cute in those wedge sandal things and a pale green sundress. Next was Lucy. Flip flops, a short blue skirt and that strapless pink top. I'd seen her wear the outfit before I think. Last was Erza and I was out the car before I even realised what I was doing. I grabbed her wrist and hauled her back inside the foyer of Lucy's apartment block. We were halfway up the stairs before she jerked me to a stop on the landing.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"What am I doing? What the fuck are you wearing?"

She'd painted her toenails, alternating red, white and blue. I knew because she had on these cute black ankle boots with the cut-outs so you could see her toes. From her ankles it was just one long, uninterrupted line of her legs until the tiniest pair of denim shorts I'd ever seen in my life. I pulled her towards me so she was flush against my chest and had a look over her shoulder. Sure enough I could see the curve of her ass hanging out. She pushed away from me and I didn't even know where to look. Paired with the shorts she had her red bikini top on. Barely covering that was this flimsy excuse of a top. It was virtually see-through and ended above her belly button.

Now. I've known Erza for a long time. I've put my hands all over her in our sparring matches at the dojo. We've been swimming together before. I know what the hell she looks like. But I'd never seen her look like this. There was nothing left to the imagination. Nothing. She might as well have been going to the party naked. No, what she had on was quite possibly worse than naked. It was sexy as hell. Those college guys would eat her up.

"You can't go in that."

"Why the hell not? It's a pool party. I'm in my bikini."

"Erza, just no, okay. Any guy will take one look at you in this and want way more than you can give."

* * *

><p>I could see it in his eyes. He wanted me. All this time he'd been looking at me but now, only now, did he finally see. And he loved it. Didn't want anyone else to see me like this. I felt a rush of power. I could do this. Just like Mira had said, I could bring him to his knees. Make him beg if I wanted to. The cards were down and I'd won the first hand but everyone knew it was best of three that mattered. Time for part two.<p>

"Don't act like you know me. I can give whatever I want to whoever I want." I watched his expression harden and his grip on my wrist tightened.

"No, Erza. I do know you and you can't. Believe me you can't," He looked around and realised we were putting on a show for Lucy, her landlady and anyone else within a mile radius. "Lucy, throw me your keys. We'll be just a minute."

As per the plan Lucy didn't even bat an eye and sent her keys sailing up. He caught them easily and pulled me back up to the apartment. He dragged me inside, then backed me up against the door. His hands landed either side of my face, pining me where I was. For a passing moment I wondered if he would kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me.

He didn't.

"Why are you doing this? You must know what will happen if you go to a party dressed like that." He dropped his voice and leaned closer to me. "You're still a virgin right?" His eyes on mine were so intense I nearly gave in but Mira-senpai had told me exactly what do, the exact lines to say.

"For now, but maybe I don't want to be one any more," I watched the shock reverberate through him. _Yeah that's right _I thought, _if you don't want it someone else will take it._

"You're too damn innocent Erza. You have no idea what you're talking about."

"I'm seventeen Jellal! Last time I checked if I felt like having sex I didn't need your or anyone's permission."

* * *

><p>It was like she'd slapped me in the face. She was right though. How was it any of my business who she lost her virginity to? I hadn't asked her permission when I lost mine. But, the very idea of some guy looking at her in these clothes or god forbid getting her out of them infuriated me. Even worse, I had no idea why. The reaction had come from some primal part of me I hadn't even known existed.<p>

Forget the 'why' I needed to deal with the main issue right now. I slammed my palm against the door, "I said no. Now change your damn clothes."

She didn't so much as flinch. "Jellal, there are only three people I will accept telling me how to dress and even then within certain limits. My father, my brother and my boyfriend. Now unless you're willing to choose one of those labels you need to step back because you've got nothing on me."

I obviously wasn't her father. I couldn't claim to be a brother because when I'd said _'any guy will take one look at you in this and want way more than you can give' _I'd been including myself. I wanted, I…, Zeref help me there weren't even words for how I felt about what she was wearing. It definitely wasn't brotherly though. That left boyfriend but I wasn't that either. I'd never felt that way about Erza. Thinking about it, she'd always been in this weird no man's land. She was closer than a friend but not a girlfriend. I'd never thought of her as a sister either. She'd always just been my best friend. We had an easy familiarity with each other that made people think we were lovers when really it came down to us having spent an inordinate amount of time together. I couldn't put a label on what I was to her. To even try would be impossible. So I took the only option left. I stepped back.

* * *

><p>I hadn't realised I'd been holding my breath until he stepped away from me. Disappointment slammed into me in time to the air rushing out of my lungs into the new found space between us. He hadn't taken the bait. Mira-senpai had said he probably wouldn't but it still hurt like hell. I looked down at my feet. My freshly painted toes were making an appearance in the peep-toe boots I'd dragged out of the dark recess of Cana's closet back when the idea of seducing Jellal had been novel and fun. There was some line I was supposed to say now but the words got caught around the lump in my throat. Why didn't he want me?<p>

"Here," he said and I felt a sudden warmth. He was pushing his varsity jacket into my arms. "I'm not your father, your brother or your boyfriend but I care about you as much as any of them ever will. So please wear this and think seriously about what it is you really want."

I slipped the jacket on. It was so big on me that it covered my whole outfit. Anybody who saw me would without a doubt think I was wearing my boyfriend's jacket. It was the sweetest, nicest thing ever. My disappointment melted away and the words in my confession letter came back to me, this time minus the familiar twinge of pain. Jellal cared about me. Even if it wasn't the exact emotion I wanted from him, it had to mean something.

"Let's go," he said. All I could do was nod. Part two, not as fantastic as part one, but an adequate result. I hoped Jellal was prepared because I'd already seriously thought about what I wanted and part three would make sure I got it.


	4. The Friend Zone

_A/N: A **big** thank you for everyone who reviewed, followed or made this story a favourite. It means a lot to me. _

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Four – The Friend Zone_

We'd previously decided that, when we picked up the girls, Lisanna would sit on my lap. It was obvious that Levy and Lucy would sit with their boyfriends. Prior to this week I wouldn't have had an issue sharing my personal space with Erza but with the way she was being… It just wasn't an option. Apparently, that plan was out the window. When Erza and I returned to the car. Lisanna was still in the front seat. I only hesitated for a millisecond then opened the back door, got in and pulled Erza down after me.

"Alright, let's go." Elfman started the car and the girls immediately fell into talking about this and that. I could feel Gajeel and Natsu giving me looks behind their girlfriends' backs but I couldn't even look at them. I'd completely overreacted and now I was starting to feel like an idiot. Erza wasn't mine to protect. She wasn't mine to do anything with.

We went over a speed bump and Erza's head bounced against the roof of the car. I didn't even think about what I did next.

* * *

><p>Jellal's arms came around me and pulled me back against his chest. His chin ended up over my shoulder. "Lie back, then you won't hit your head," he said into my ear. I shifted around on his lap, settling into our new position. His left arm was heavy around my waist and his right hand rested on my knee. Lucy and Levy were shooting love hearts at me with their eyes and I couldn't help but smile. It felt so good. I relaxed into his hold. Things were definitely looking up. I would have to remember to buy Mira-sempai a thank you gift.<p>

* * *

><p>Elfman turned up the music and for a while it was like the old times. A bunch of friends cruising to a party. Except the weirdest thing was going on with me. For starters I couldn't stop thinking Erza smelled ridiculously good. I was sure that it was the same scent she always wore. Even so, I found myself taking these deep breaths, like I would suffocate without her. Damn. She'd been avoiding me too long. I had missed her. That's all. Unfortunately that didn't explain my sudden inability to keep my hands from wandering. Circles, figure eights, random patterns traced by my fingers on the smooth skin of her thighs. Tapping out the beat to a song on her perfectly flat stomach. I tickled her and she let out this high pitched squeal that had everyone staring at us.<p>

"It was Jellal," she protested.

I put on my best innocent face and shrugged, "I haven't done anything." I was so happy to be back on good terms with Erza. It was making me act like a madman.

"Can we stop somewhere? I feel like stretching," said Lucy and ten minutes later we were at a service station.

* * *

><p>"Stop thinking about it. You're turning red," Levy said.<p>

"I can't help it. I love Mira-sempai!" I splashed some water from the bathroom sink onto my burning cheeks.

"Got to admit it. Nee-san nailed this one. Where did you find those shorts?" Lisanna asked.

"I already had them. I used some scissors to sex them up."

"It's not the shorts. It's what's in them or should I say what's barely covered by them." Lucy came up behind me and threw her arms around my waist. "Our Erza-chan is one sexy bitch. Did you see his face?"

We burst into a fresh round of laughter. I twirled out of Lucy's grasp and pulled on the edges of Jellal's varsity jacket. "I'm so unbelievably happy. It's like he finally saw me. You know, _really_ saw me."

Lisanna smiled, a little forlornly, back at me. "You're such a cute couple. Now everyone has a boyfriend but me."

"Don't be silly. You're a year younger than us and there's lots of other single girls. Cana and Juvia to name a few and it's not like he's officially my boyfriend yet," I tried to cheer her up, even though I felt I might burst from my own happiness.

"Yeah but you've definitely moved out of the friend zone. He can't keep his hands off you."

"I know. Isn't it great?" Having Jellal notice me made me feel sexy and beautiful and confident.

"Tomorrow, you have to tell us _everything," _Lucy winked at me.

As far as I was concerned tomorrow could wait. Jellal would finally be mine and I wanted the moment to last forever. "I don't know about everything."

"Oh come on. I didn't spare any details about my first time. Even Levy spilled the beans," whined Lucy.

Levy blushed, "Only because you wouldn't stop nagging me about it. You're like a boy the way you want to compare notes. Does it really matter whose boyfriend is bigger?"

"There's nothing wrong with being curious," Lucy said with a toss of her blonde hair.

"How would you feel if Natsu told all the guys your bra size?"

"They probably already know. The guys talk about us like that all the time. I'm sure of it. It's only fair we return the favour."

"Maybe, but we really don't need to know. I think you traumatised me with that story about Natsu going down on you after the Cherry Blossom Festival."

"Don't pretend like Gajeel doesn't-"

"I think I'm too young for this conversation," Lisanna interrupted, putting her hands over her ears and we all laughed.

In truth I was glad Lucy was so open about those sorts of things. I mean, I read romance books that were a bit risqué but nothing compared to real life experience. I'd gathered from my friends that it would probably hurt but I wasn't afraid of a little pain. I was ready. Jellal might have only recently realised it but he'd never been in my friend zone. He was always going to be the one. I applied some more lip-gloss and did one more happy twirl. Tonight was going to be the best ever.

* * *

><p>The moment the girls disappeared into the restroom Natsu punched me in the arm. "Jellal, you sly dog! You both denied it so much I almost believed you. No point denying it now. You two are fucking!"<p>

I smacked the back of his head. "No, we're not. We made up. That's all."

"Make-up sex is the best sex," he rubbed the spot where I'd hit him and grinned at me.

"We're not having sex."

"Yet," added Gajeel.

"What?"

"You're not having sex _yet_. Is what you mean because you'd have to be deaf, blind and stupid not to realise that she wants you."

"No way. Erza and I are just friends." Okay, maybe the two of us were acting a little crazy but she wasn't going to suddenly fall for me because we messed around a little.

"Uh no. You and Lucy are friends. You and Levy are friends. You and half the girls in our grade are friends. There is nothing about spending the last forty-five minutes running your hands all over her bare thighs that will convince Erza or anyone else that the two of you are _just_ friends."

"Don't get it twisted. I'm not serious. I don't even know why I was doing that."

Gajeel gave me a look like I was stupid, "It's the shorts."

Natsu nodded and let out a low whistle, "I would never let Lucy out the house in those. They scream 'fuck me' in the worst or maybe best possible way depending on the situation."

"The situation?" I asked. Natsu sounded like he was on the verge of actually saying something sensible.

"Yeah. Worst if we had a fight and she's thinking about going out in those. Best if I come to her apartment and find her wearing them just for me. Thank god you gave Erza your jacket. Even I wouldn't have known where to look if she really wore those out. What'd you say to her anyway?"

"Nothing really, but I don't think she's mad at me anymore. That's all that matters." In hindsight, our conversation had been a bit weird. What was she thinking saying all those things?

"I guess but seriously, you're not tapping that?"

"Give it a rest Natsu. I said we're friends."

"Alright man, don't get all upset. I've never seen a guy try so hard to stay in the friend zone."

"I'm not trying anything. You've known Erza nearly as long as I have. You don't want her do you?"

"In those shorts? Who wouldn't?"

Who wouldn't indeed? But what about me? Did I want her? No. Yes. Well, in those shorts, maybe. What? Where'd that thought come from? I'd felt _something _when I first saw her in them… Still no. Then again why not? I'd never really thought about it, but Erza was kind of hot, I suppose. And bright and funny and could totally be kicking my ass one moment then be saying the most sweet, girly thing ever five minutes later. In short she was a solid ten, no doubt. But we'd been friends since forever. Was I over-thinking this? It didn't even matter. There was no way she would ever want me that way. I didn't want her that way. Right? I shook my head and said firmly, "I wouldn't. We're friends."

Natsu shrugged, "Whatever you say."

"That doesn't change the fact that she wants you," Gajeel had to add.

"Who made you the expert on women? Nothing will happen between Erza and I. Period."

There was a moment of tense silence as we stood around the car. They were sceptical. I was annoyed. Elfman came out of the store and with his usual inability to read the mood made things worse. "The girls are buying snacks. I have to say you are a true man amongst men, Jellal. How long have you been sleeping with Erza?"

* * *

><p>The boy at the counter was checking me out when Jellal appeared behind me. He leaned onto me, his forehead on my shoulder, letting me take some of his weight. "What's wrong?" I said.<p>

"Nothing. Those idiots are hassling me, that's all. We're best friends aren't we?"

"Forever," I replied with no hesitation. After the last week I think we both needed the confirmation. Even though he'd hurt me by ignoring my letter, I'd actually found it really hard to stay angry with him. If it hadn't been for Cana I would have caved after his first few cute apology notes that he passed during class or left stuck to my locker. And if it hadn't been for Mira I would have let our romantic relationship die before it even began. We'd always be best friends but we were on track to be so much more. "Here, try this."

* * *

><p>I took a sip of the drink she offered me and tried not to give the cashier the evil eye. Erza had confirmed we were only friends so why was I staring him down like he was eyeing up my girl? I really needed to put a stop to this behaviour before even more people got the wrong idea. My hands found their way into the pockets of my varsity jacket. I squeezed her hips gently, "Make sure you keep this on."<p>

"I will if you want me to."

"I want you to." She wasn't my girl and maybe I had no right to be so overprotective but I'd be damned if any guy got close to her tonight. I released my hold on her and led the way back to the car. Told myself to be good but as she settled onto my lap I knew I wouldn't be able to resist touching her. It was cool though. I would never be in her friend zone because that implied that I was romantically interested in her. And I wasn't. Really. I let my fingers roam over her silky soft skin. She obviously didn't mind and no matter what anyone else thought we were friends. Just friends…


	5. Fireworks

_A/N: As a warning, since the previous chapters have been pretty tame, this story is rated M and the story line from this particular chapter onward reflects that._

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Five – Fireworks_

"I'm so nervous."

"Have another drink. Whoa, just a sip! You want to be tipsy and brave, not drunk and sloppy," Mira took the half empty glass from me. "Don't be nervous. From what I've seen everything will be fine."

It was approaching midnight and outside the party was still in full swing. So far I'd been having a great time. I think we all were. Laxus had swept me up in a big hug the moment he saw me. Then he and Mira had introduced us to all of their new friends but none of them could hold my interest. I had missed Jellal so much. Just talking with him normally after a week of awkward silence was a huge relief. We'd spent the whole night together. Talking, swimming, sharing drinks, until Mira had pulled me away. I was sitting on the chair in her dorm room while she fussed over my make-up and finished blow drying my damp hair.

"This is my key." She handed me a plain white card, "Just swipe in downstairs and again at my door. You'll remember how to get here?"

I nodded. "Are you sure it's okay for us to use your bed?"

"Don't worry about it. Although it is my birthday next month. I accept chocolate, sparkly jewellery and cold hard cash."

I couldn't even laugh. My stomach was in knots.

"You don't have to do this if you're not ready Erza," Mira's blue eyes looked carefully into mine. Then she smiled, "But you are, aren't you?"

She was right, as usual. I wanted to be with Jellal tonight more than anything. No last minute nerves were going to change my mind. I stood up and slide the key card into the pocket of Jellal's jacket. Breathed deep.

"Here goes nothing."

* * *

><p>The music was loud and the night was warm. People were dancing, drinking, talking. I sat on top of a wooden picnic table, a beer in one hand. I had no clue where my friends had gone but I was drunk enough not to worry about it. The only person in my head was Erza. She had disappeared somewhere with Mira, a promise to come back whispered hastily in my ear. So I sat and drank and waited and thought. About college.<p>

This was the one that Erza wanted to come to. I had been split between here and one further away in Edolas. I could see us here though. Me and her. As inseparable as we'd been for most of our lives. I can't believe I'd ever considered going somewhere she wouldn't be. The last horrible week compared to this one perfect evening. It was time to face the truth. She was my greatest and best friend. Always and forever. I needed to be wherever she was to be happy.

It was like that thought summoned her because there she was in front of me. I reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. Not being able to do this? No way. I wouldn't be able to deal. And that feeling had nothing to do with her shorts. I wanted to tell her. Tell her I was sorry for upsetting her before. Tell her I wanted to go to the same college. Tell her that I'd never do anything stupid ever again but the music was too loud for a serious conversation. There was nothing quite like pouring your heart out only to have the person yell '_What? I can't hear you!_' So I took her hand and led her away from the party.

We rounded the corner of a building but she pulled me up short by the double doors. It didn't occur to me to question where she was taking me as we made our way up the stairs and along the hall. The door clicked open and I didn't have to wonder. This had to be Mira's room. The moonlight glinting off the framed picture of Mira and Lisanna both dressed as witches for Halloween last year confirmed it. I don't know why that was what I noticed first. Alcohol was a funny thing. Maybe I'd had a few too many. I put the beer down on the table, kicked my shoes off and took a seat on Mira's bed.

* * *

><p>I took a deep breath and made sure the door locked behind us. The last thing I wanted was to be interrupted. When I turned around he was sitting on Mira's bed, waiting for me. I'd dropped some pretty heavy hints at Lucy's house but they'd been in the form of an argument, albeit an arbitrary and planned one. Time to let this outfit do some real work. I bent down and removed my boots. My footsteps were silent as I walked towards him. Not that I'd be able to hear anything over the racket my heart was making. It felt like it was about to thump right out of my chest. Standing in front of him I let my hands rest lightly on his shoulders. His hands traced their way up my thighs and under the jacket to land on my hips. Jellal looked up at me and smiled. My heart flip-flopped. I knew right then that I'd never feel this way about anyone else even if I lived forever. He looked like he was going to say something but I leaned down and brushed my lips against his.<p>

Soft and brief. Hardly a kiss at all. Still, he was surprised. I could tell. He was about to be even more surprised. My right hand was shaking a little but I still managed to slide the zipper of his jacket down. Rolling my shoulders it slipped free from my body to pool at my feet. I grabbed the bottom edge of my crop top with both hands and pulled it smoothly off before I could change my mind. Felt his hands grip me tighter as the flimsy white fabric ghosted to the ground. This next bit was difficult but I'd been practising. Crossing my right arm over my chest, I reached behind my neck with my left hand and undid the tie on my bikini top. Did the same with the bottom tie. Tugged gently so that the red fabric joined everything else on the floor. I was topless but my right arm kept most of me hidden from his view. In the quiet room my breathing sounded unnaturally loud. I felt beyond awkward. All my previous sexy confidence had faded away but this was the point of no return. I steeled my resolve, grabbed a fistful of his shirt to steady myself and climbed on his lap. Started softly kissing my way along his neck. I wasn't sure what to do after this but Mira said things would happen naturally and I trusted her. I trusted Jellal too. Sort of figured he'd take control from here.

* * *

><p>Holy shit. Erza. Topless. Kissing me. I was sure that there was something I had wanted to tell her but fuck if I knew what it had been. My hands slipped from her hips up over her bare back. To feel this way about my best friend had to be wrong. I tried to organize the chaos in my mind into a coherent thought. "Erza, I-" She sucked gently on my neck and that was it. My brain just stopped working.<p>

I grabbed her chin and brought her lips up to mine. A proper kiss this time, my tongue tangling with hers. She tasted like vodka and peach schnapps. For a long moment the kiss spiralled on, setting my blood on fire. Desire, raw and dangerous, rushed through me. The feeling was all the more potent for the fact that it felt like I'd taken a bite of a forbidden fruit. If this was a sin I'd gladly fall into hell with the taste of her on my lips.

The arm across her chest was an unwelcome barrier between me and her soft curves. I needed to see, to touch, to taste every inch of her. I pulled her down with me, then rolled us over so I was on top of her. Grabbed her hands and pulled her arms up over her head in one smooth movement.

* * *

><p>He held me, pinned to the bed, whilst he took his time looking at me. My whole face was burning up but that was nothing compared to the molten heat his gaze ignited in my belly. Never before had I felt anything quite like it. Lust for him battled with my own self-consciousness. I was so exposed, my pale skin luminous in the moonlight that flooded the room through the partially opened curtains and still he just looked. I tensed my arms, wanting to cover myself, but his fingers intertwined with mine, encouraging me to stay still. The moonlight played across his face. I wondered what he was thinking.<p>

* * *

><p>I thought she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. It was a weird thought. I'd always known, somewhere in the back of my mind, that Erza was a dime but maybe I'd never really taken the time to look at her properly before today. I was getting a good look now and loving what I saw. She had an amazing body, all smooth lines and generous curves. Really generous curves. I stared at her exposed breasts. Fuck. Had she always had those? I longed to touch her, explore every inch of her from the fantastic dip above her her collarbone, over the swell of her chest, past her toned abs right on down to places still hidden by those damn shorts.<p>

I leaned down and kissed her again. Gently this time, wanting to savour the way she tasted, how her lips felt against mine. Kissing my way down her neck, I returned the favour and sucked gently. I could feel her pulse racing a mile a minute. Easing my way down her body I left feather light kisses along her collarbone and the smooth expanse of skin on the upper part of her chest. Felt her tremble. I pulled away from her, still not believing we were doing this. She was flushed, eyes wide, lips slightly parted, taking these shallow little breaths. Waiting and willing for me to do whatever I liked with her. I ran the back of my hands down her arms, across her sides, right down to her waist in a gentle caress. Laid my palms flat on her stomach and hesitated. "Is this what you want?" Her small nod was all the encouragement I needed. I swept my hands upwards. Cupped her breasts in my hands. They were so soft and full.

I wanted her then. Wanted her more than I'd ever wanted any girl before.

* * *

><p>Jellal's hands were warm on my skin. He squeezed gently and I couldn't help arching upwards into his grasp. His fingers tugged, rubbed and teased. I grabbed handfuls of the sheets, a secure hold in the sea of new sensations I was battling. One part of me desperately wanted to touch him but another part of me was still unsure. <em>Was it supposed to be like this?<em> He took one nipple in his mouth and the feeling was unbelievable, nearly overwhelming. Warm and wet, his tongue traced a slow circle that left me gasping for air. Caught up in the moment I completely forgot about being nervous. I wanted him so much. Wanted him to touch me, kiss me, make love to me right here, right now.

Outside there was a loud bang. We both jumped. Seconds later the view outside the window filled with bursts of colour. Fireworks. It felt like they were going off just for me. A celebration. Part three of the little game that had started with a simple seduction plan was ending in a total victory for me. For us. Mirajane had been right. I'd probably surprised him with the letter. He simply needed a little push to stop seeing me as only a friend. A push in the form of tiny denim shorts. Shorts, I had no doubt he'd be pulling off me any minute now. I smiled up at the boy I loved. Had loved for years now. Everything was beautiful and perfect and right.

Hungry for another kiss, I linked my fingers behind his neck and pulled him down towards me. Or tried to.

* * *

><p>The sound of the fireworks going off jolted me back to reality. I was drunk, but not that drunk, and Erza was definitely drunk to be looking at me like that. And we were about to make the biggest mistake ever.<p>

"Shit." I disentangled myself from her arms and scrambled about on the floor for her clothes. My hands found my varsity jacket and I threw it over her. "Please put that on." My voice sounded ragged.

She sat up and put her arms in the sleeves but left it hanging open. The view did nothing to calm the heat raging through me. My body ached with desire. How the fuck could I want her so much? This was _Erza_. I needed to get away from her. Put some space between us. Remember that earlier today I'd sworn down that something like this would never happen between us.

"We can't do this," I groped around in the semi-darkness and managed to jam my shoes on. I was sobering up fast and uncharacteristically desperate to get away from a beautiful topless girl. This had to be a first. Then again, Erza was no ordinary girl.

* * *

><p>"Why?" It had been going so well and now he was totally freaking out. I slide off the bed, nearly tripping in my haste to catch up to him as he headed for the door and grabbed his arm. "What's wrong Jellal?"<p>

"You're my best friend Erza. I can't let you do this."

He wasn't even looking at me. His gaze was directed somewhere over my head. I felt panicked. No one had told me what to do if this happened. "What do you mean? I want to do this."

"Not like this. Look, I get it okay. You're frustrated. That doesn't mean it's alright to lose your virginity to some random guy. I think-"

I didn't care what he thought. I stopped listening. It had taken every ounce of bravery I possessed to lead him here and make the first move. I was standing right in front of him, half naked, offering him everything. My body right now and my heart too, for as long as he wanted to keep it. And he didn't want me. I felt my self-esteem plummet to an all-time low.

* * *

><p>I was blabbering. All this bullshit coming out of my mouth to hide the fact that I had no fucking clue what was going on. As far as I knew Erza didn't even like anyone. Is that why she'd picked me to be the one she came on to? Why me? Fucking hell, I could not deal with this shit. When I told her at Lucy's house to think about what she really wanted I'd meant find a guy she loved instead of showing up at a party with her ass hanging out. Didn't she know what she was doing to me?<p>

Seriously, I couldn't even look at her. I focused instead on Mira's neat and colourful timetable pinned to the board over her desk. I knew exactly what I would see if I looked down. The beautiful curves of Erza's breasts peeking out from my varsity jacket, tempting me to finish what we'd started. I respected Erza but a man only had so much self-control. I wanted to throw her back down on the bed but that would only end one way. Badly. For her because she'd probably regret it, and for me because I knew I wouldn't regret it at all. In fact, I'd probably want to repeat the experience. Often. But she wasn't that kind of girl. A casual sexual relationship would never exist between us. She'd let me have her tonight because her hormones were going crazy or whatever and then think we could go back to being normal friends. That wasn't going to happen. How could I tell her that a onetime thing would never be enough without sounding like a complete jerk?

* * *

><p>"Just tell me," I said, "I put everything in black and white for you. The least you can do is the same for me." I needed to hear him reject me outright or I'd never move on. Still, a part of me was hoping he would look me in the eye and say he loved me too.<p>

"Erza, you're just not the type of girl I could ever do this with. I would want… something more."

I stood there, frozen. Not only was I not his 'type' but I wasn't good enough. I didn't even come close to his idea of acceptable girlfriend material. By ignoring my ill-fated letter he'd probably been hoping I'd take the hint and ease up. But no, I had to go and make an even bigger fool of myself. I dropped his arm and he backed away from me.

"I'm sorry. Don't be too disappointed."

I nodded but couldn't speak as he slipped out the door. Tumbling into Mira's bed, I lay there, feeling stupid. The fireworks sparkled outside, bright and cheerful like before, except instead of a celebration they seemed to mock my epic failure. I pulled the bed covers over my head to block them out. The fabric of Jellal's jacket grazed the sensitised skin on my chest. A slightly painful reminder that he had been here, that for a moment he'd been remotely interested in me. My fingers came to rest on my swollen lips. I could still taste him.

I told myself I wouldn't cry.

It was a lie.


	6. Space & Time

_A/N: Thanks to my awesome reviewers and to everyone who has continued to read this far. Please look forward to the rest!_

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Six – Space & Time_

"Morning, how are you today?"

"I'm fine. How are you?"

There it was again. That word I'd slowly come to hate over the last month. '_Fine_'. It had become Erza's go to response about everything. But it was a lie. She wasn't fine. She wasn't anywhere close to fine. And I suspected it was my fault. Correction. I _knew _it was my fault.

The drive back from the party at Mira's college had been quiet. We were all tired and hung-over, some of us more than others. Erza had sat on my lap but I'd been careful to keep my hands to myself. Monday morning I'd shown up at the girls dorm and she'd been there, waiting for me, like we were back to being friends. But our conversation had been subdued, a little awkward. I figured it would be, at least for a while. She'd all but offered her virginity to me on a silver platter and I'd turned her down. That wasn't the kind of situation a friendship just bounced back from. A bit of space, a little time and we'd be back on track or so I thought.

That hadn't been the case. She spoke to me. We revised for our exams together. Sparred at the dojo. But something was off. She wasn't exactly depressed. I'd seen her smile and sometimes even laugh when she was with the girls. Around me though, it was like a black cloud loomed over our every interaction. At least for her. I was having a problem of a completely different kind.

I was dreaming about her. The kind of dreams I hadn't experienced since I was thirteen and my raging hormones had a crash collision with the serious crush I had on our pretty student teacher. I woke up every morning feeling like I would die from wanting her. It was that bad. I noticed every little thing she did. Ordinary things, like the way she tapped the end of her pen against her lips when she was trying to think, were suddenly incredibly erotic. The way she walked, hips swaying gently, had me hanging back slightly to watch the sweet curve of her ass whenever we went somewhere together. If she crossed her legs during class I was instantly distracted. I caught myself staring at her breasts, wanting to unbutton that white school shirt and find out what kind of lingerie she was wearing before ravaging her on the desk in the student council room. The way I felt I half expected sparks to fly every time she brushed up against me. It was the sweetest form of torture but a whole month of near constant hard ons was taking its toll. Some days I flat out avoided her just to give my body a rest. If we kept going like this I felt sure I was going to end up with some kind of injury. To my wrist at least, if nowhere else. Thing was, I'd ruined my one chance with her in the worse way possible. There was no way I was getting to hit that. There was no way I could. That friends with benefits shit only worked in the movies. All I could do was watch and dream and pray that space and time would work their magic on me too.

* * *

><p>He was staring at me again. I pretend not to notice as we make our way to Magnolia Town Hall. The student council and a virtual army of volunteers were meeting up to decorate the place for prom. <em>Just a little more time <em>I couldn't help but think. Being around Jellal had become nearly unbearable. I don't even know how I made it through each day without bursting into tears. I mean, he'd seen me naked. Kissed me. Put his hands on my body. He'd even run his tongue over my... _Ugh. Don't think about it Erza, just don't._ Mortified didn't even begin to cover how I felt. Yet I still had to carry on like nothing had happened. Like we were normal friends. Like I hadn't completely humiliated myself. Like he wasn't staring at me as if I'd morphed into some kind of hideous monster. Thankfully, there were only two more weeks left before graduation. I could come up with some excuse for not seeing him too much over summer and then we'd be in college. Granted, the same college but studying different things. I hoped our schedules were incompatible. The more space between us the better.

* * *

><p>We walked along the quiet, tree lined streets. It was early afternoon so it felt a bit weird. Our final exams were finished, leaving the graduating seniors with a kind of extended summer break. We had the odd club meetings, mostly to hand over the reins to the juniors, or last minute extracurriculars to attend for that little bit of extra credit but normal high school life was all but done for us. It was a little sad to be honest. One last summer together and then friends we'd known since we were children would disappear off to find their own way in the world. At least most of my close friends would be at the same college. Then again college seemed like the perfect place to get over my infatuation with Erza's body. Surely there would be loads of pretty girls there to help distract me. My eyes wandered over Erza's hourglass figure. Those college girls had a pretty tough act to follow.<p>

I yanked myself away from those thoughts as a woman with a child in a pushchair came towards us. We automatically shifted to one side to let her by, our new path forcing us to pass between a large old oak tree that grew right out of the concrete and the wrought iron fence that separated the sidewalk from the neighboring houses. It was only a small gap so I let Erza go first but she stopped suddenly halfway. Her ass pressed against my groin as I walked right into her. Fuck. Did this girl have it in for me or what?

Evidently not, judging by the way she jumped away from me. My desire for her cooled nearly as quickly as it had appeared. Erza was always flinching away from me. We were miles away from the easy comfortableness we'd once shared. It sucked big time. What I wouldn't give to be able to touch her again, not even in a sexual way. Just normally like I used to. A simple hug, a casual motion to brush her hair out of her eyes, any of the little gestures of affection that were a hallmark of our friendship.

"Are you okay?" I asked when she didn't start walking again.

* * *

><p>"No." I was trying extremely hard not to freak out. I could terrify probably every member of the student body without even trying but there was one thing I just couldn't deal with - spiders. I wasn't exactly scared. Fear was an emotion I'd learned to control years ago. I just had an extremely strong dislike of anything that fell within the category of a 'creepy crawly'. For me, spiders topped that list and I'd just walked straight into a one of their webs. I squeezed my eyes shut and stood very still.<p>

"Jell, please get it off me." I hated the way my voice wavered. It was a testament of how well we knew each other that he didn't need to ask anymore questions.

* * *

><p>The irony of this situation did not escape me. Here I was wishing to touch her and Mother Nature had stepped in with a perfect excuse. I spotted the spider immediately. This tiny little thing that was probably more afraid of Erza than she was of it. I flicked it off her, opened my mouth to tell her it was gone and had a change of heart. It was a terrible thing to take advantage of a woman but that was exactly what I was going to do. God could strike me down later.<p>

"I'm gonna have a quick look for it and I'll take off the web too."

I started with her face. Light touches over her cheeks, her nose, her chin. Found a few strands of sticky web but really I was looking at her long eyelashes, admiring her pink lips. She was a beautiful girl. I was glad she didn't coat herself in makeup like so many other girls I knew. She didn't need it. My fingers moved into her hair, the scarlet locks slipping through my hands like silk. I loved her hair. Always had. Even more so now that she'd let it grow so long. I wondered how it would look fanned out on my pillows at home. Yet another pointless thought.

"Do you see it?" Her voice was tense and I felt a little guilty but I wasn't ready to stop.

"Hold on. I'm looking."

I allowed myself the luxury of firm, determined strokes along her neck, across her shoulders, up and down her arms. I wanted to pull her close and hold her but I figured that would be pushing it. Then again, this was the first time in weeks that she'd let me get this close to her. I ran my hands down her shoulder blades, and along the contours of her spine with enough pressure to force her up against my chest. I felt wicked but I'd missed being this way with her. At the small of her back I hesitated then thought _Fuck it_, and followed the curve of her ass, the back of her thighs till my hands ran out of skirt and met warm skin instead. I should have felt like lifting her up, wrapping her legs around my waist and making love to her against this oak tree. In broad daylight. In the middle of the street. Yeah, it was twisted but that's how I felt a lot of the time around Erza. Except that wasn't how I felt now. That feeling was definitely still there but I felt something else much more keenly. This bizarre desire to take care of her. Protect her. As if the great Titania needed it. I must be going crazy.

Hands back on the relatively safe territory of her shoulders, I reminded myself that we were in public and stepped back just enough to barely skim my hands over her breasts and waist. Made a big show of dusting down her skirt to make the whole process believable then announced, "It's gone."

* * *

><p>I let out a soft sigh and reluctantly opened my eyes. For a moment there I'd felt something between us, something that shouldn't have been there. It was like... I don't know. Like he was feeling me up or something. What a stupid thought. Jellal had made it abundantly clear that he wasn't interested in me that way. Why was I torturing myself with these silly imaginations of things that would never be. Eyes open, I realized I was mere inches from Jellal's broad chest. He was standing so close to me. Too close. I had to tilt my head right back to look at him. I remember that summer when he'd shot up about four inches seemingly overnight. He'd been so awkward, all elbows and knees, constantly bumping into things. Just another memory of the years we'd spent together. I found the idea cute now. He'd changed a lot since then. Filled out into his height, exchanged awkwardness for confidence. His dark brown eyes gazed down at me. My heart rate went up straight away. I loved this boy so much. It was almost a physical pain in my chest. I blushed and mumbled an apology. Everything was always so awkward between us nowadays. Which was undoubtedly my fault. I needed to get a hold of myself.<p>

"It's okay. Hey, can I try something?"

I raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"You seem kind of tense." He reached for me and I automatically took a step back. Jellal's hand stayed suspended in the air between us. An emotion I couldn't name flickered across his face. That had been happening a lot lately. I used to be able to tell exactly what he was thinking. I also used to let him touch me without a thought. Yeah, well, everything had changed.

"I just wanted to... Never mind. Forget it." He said and looked away from me. His hand dropped and formed a fist at his side. The moment of intimate closeness was gone.

I felt like kicking myself. There was no point in pretending everything was fine one moment then being all weird the next. _It's fine, it's fine_, I told myself over and over. But it wasn't. It really wasn't. But… it had to be. I tried to get my emotions under control and stuck a bright smile on my face.

"We'll be late if we don't hurry."

"Mmm," was all I heard from Jellal as he walked away from me. I trailed behind him, trying not to remember the last time I'd watched his back as he walked away. What we had before the events of that night had been perfect. Why did I have to go and fuck it all up?

* * *

><p>She was completely in her element. Ordering everyone around. Pointing out locations for tables and lights and streamers. Of course the lower half of my body found bossy Erza extremely sexy despite all the weird tension between us. The temporary truce my body had enjoyed for those brief minutes under the oak tree was well and truly gone so I confined myself to a table to blow up balloons, at least until I calmed down a little. Natsu was across the table from me making an absolute mess of curling the silver and white ribbons.<p>

"Are you an idiot or something?" Cana asked him. "For the millionth time hold the ribbon in your left hand and the scissors in your right. Glide the scissors along and the ribbon will curl. It's not difficult for anyone of normal intelligence."

"Why don't you do it then? I'll take my below average intelligence and go help lift something heavy," Natsu replied and stropped off.

"Go ahead and sulk like a little girl!" Cana yelled after him. She plopped into his vacated seat and started producing perfectly curled ribbons like a pro. It was probably a girl thing.

I had my fingers crossed that she wouldn't talk to me and for a few minutes she didn't. I blew up a balloon, tied a knot and pushed it across the table. She added the ribbon. A nice simple production line. But of course Cana was a woman. They never shut up for long.

"So…" she said and I knew where this was going. Apparently I wasn't the only one Erza had been blowing off using the word 'fine'. I'd managed to evade the girls' most pressing questions but it was about time one of them caught up with me.

"So what happened?"

"What are you talking about?" She gave me _The Look_. Damn, were women born knowing how to do these things? Was there some kind of club they attended or manual they read? I resisted the urge to sigh. If she wanted answers she was going to have to force them out of me because the way I saw it, if Erza hadn't told them what happened that night then who was I to go running my mouth?

"I'm talking about when you guys went to Mira's party. Erza's been really down since then. I mean we kind of got the basic gist that it didn't work out because if things went the way we all thought they would, she would have been really happy…"

Now, that was news to me. Thinking about it, of course they knew what Erza was going to try that night. Girls hunt in packs. They probably helped her pick out those shorts. _Ah, damn it Jellal._ Do _not _think about the shorts. I shifted uncomfortably on the chair. Tried and failed to force the image from my mind. Which inevitably lead to me thinking about Erza wearing my varsity jacket and nothing else. Fuck. I needed to calm the hell down.

"Nothing happened," I managed to say and it was the truth. The wholly regrettable truth. Hindsight was a bitch. If I'd known then what I knew now I would have fucked her six ways to Sunday. She might have still ended up being weird with me but at least I'd have gotten laid. Now, that was a Gray thought if I'd ever had one. Maybe I was spending too much time around him. Or too much time fantasizing about Erza.

"Something must have happened. I mean, I know what she _planned _on doing so if she did even half of that then something definitely happened," Cana's eyes bored into mine searching for some kind of clue.

I merely shrugged and picked up the next balloon.

"Come on, Jellal. We're worried about her. At least tell me what you said to her. It's a given that you turned her down, for whatever crazy reason, but did you say it nicely?"

Of all the girls, Cana was the pushiest. And since I was effectively trapped at this table by my stupid, uncooperative body I had to tell her something. "All I said was that she wasn't the type of girl I could be with and that I'd only end up wanting something more. I was nice."

* * *

><p>"Erza, are you okay?"<p>

"I'm fine, Natsu. Move this star a little to the left."

"That's all you ever say these days. 'Fine'. I miss old Erza."

"Old me?"

"Yeah, the you who used to beat Gray and me senseless several times a week."

I faked a laugh and punched him lightly on the shoulder. "You miss me beating you up?"

"Not exactly. I miss you being all fierce and kick ass. A sad face doesn't belong on a girl as pretty as you."

Natsu really knew how to get right to the heart of things. "It's really sweet of you to say that but really I'm fine."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?" He looked annoyed.

"I said bullshit. This is about Jellal isn't it?"

"No-"

"Yes, it is. Everyone thinks I'm an idiot but I notice things. Like the way you look at him."

"And how exactly do I look at him?" I tried to put a little bit of threat into my voice to get him to shut up but my heart wasn't in it and he ploughed on, undeterred.

"Like you love him."

I might have actually stopped breathing. It couldn't possibly be that obvious. Natsu was staring at me, point blank, daring me to deny it. I tried a little laugh but it sounded strangled even to me. I had to contradict him now. The longer this silence stretched on the more it would seem like a confirmation. I opened my mouth - _I don't love him – _No good. The words wouldn't come out_. _Natsu grabbed my hand and pulled me down a quiet corridor.

"That day. Those shorts. You wore them for him didn't you?"

I nodded and tried desperately to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over.

"So what happened?"

All my girlfriends had been plying me with the same question for weeks and I'd managed to deflect them away from the truth. When Jellal and I hadn't strolled out of Mira's bedroom hand in hand that Sunday morning it must have be instantly apparent that something had gone terribly wrong. I hadn't really needed to explain. Natsu didn't know what they knew. His normally chilled, carefree expression was replaced by a serious mask of concern. He was so worried about me. His eyes pleaded with me to tell him. To confess and let him take care of me. Something in me snapped.

"He didn't want me! I put myself out there like a fool and he turned me down."

"What? That's impossible."

"Believe me. It fucking happened. I was standing there, practically naked, and he walked away from me."

"Erza. No man in his right mind would walk away from you regardless if you were wearing nothing, those shorts or a brown paper bag. Trust me. Even I didn't know where to look."

"No, you trust me. He wasn't interested."

Natsu frowned, "But he couldn't keep his hands off you that day and ever since then he's been practically obsessed. He's got it bad for you."

I had to laugh at that, "He told me straight up that I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend. I know he's been staring at me but he's only waiting for me to flip and go back to acting normal. But I can't Natsu, I just can't." Huge, fat tears started making their way down my face. I dashed at them angrily. I never cried. Or at least I had rarely cried before about five weeks ago when this whole fiasco kicked off. In true man fashion, Natsu physically stepped back from my emotional outburst.

"Wait here. I'll go get him."

"No!" I grabbed his arms, "No, Natsu please. I only need some time. I'll get over it."

He looked doubtful but pulled me into the circle of his arms. "You can cry on me if you want to."

I sniffed and buried my face into his chest. Time. All I needed was a little time.

* * *

><p>"You said what to her?"<p>

I would have repeated myself but Cana's expression was already telling me I'd fucked up big time.

"Oh. My. God. You bastard," She hissed across the table. I was infinitely grateful that we were in public. I strongly suspected that she wanted to slap me. Or perhaps, stab me with the scissors.

"What was I supposed to say?"

"A simple no would have sufficed. You didn't have to go and tear down her self-confidence. What breaking her heart wasn't enough for you?"

"I didn't break her heart and Erza has more self-confidence than any woman I've ever met. I might have dented her ego a bit but-"

"Shut up. Just shut the fuck up. I can't even deal with this. Her _ego_? Are you insane? You have no idea how much she tortured herself over you. And you're not even worth it. Bastard. You don't fucking deserve her."

"You think I don't know that? Why do you think I turned her down? Would you rather I just made her my fuck buddy? Would that make you or her happy? Mavis, I can't please any of you no matter what I do."

We glared at each other, neither willing to back down.

"I hope that when you realize how important she is to you, it's too late. I hope she's moved on. I hope you feel every ounce of pain that you've put her through only ten times worse. Give it time. You're going to regret taking her for granted. I guarantee it." Cana smacked the scissors down on the table and marched away.

I sighed. Time to regret. I already had plenty of that.


	7. Jealous

_A/N: Everyone wants to know what happened to the confession letter. Hmm I wonder..._

_That mystery will linger a bit longer. In the mean time, this chapter is one of my favourites. I hope you enjoy reading it!_

_I do not own Fairy Tail. _

_Chapter Seven – Jealous_

"Hey Erza, can I talk to you for a bit?"

"Sure Simon, what is it?" I was going around the tables making sure each frosted glass bowl had a tea candle in it. I'd recovered from my little moment with Natsu enough that Jellal following behind me holding the box of spare candles was not a major issue.

"I just wanted to know, what colour is your prom dress?"

I smiled. Simon was so thoughtful. I looked across the table to answer him but Jellal spoke first.

* * *

><p>"Her dress is a dark purple but why would you need to know?" I dragged my eyes off Erza's ass long enough to look Simon in the eye as I answered him. Why had I volunteered to do this? Every time Erza reached across the table for the glass centre piece her dark blue skirt slid up higher, revealing more of the pale creamy skin on the back of her thighs. Maybe I was a masochist. I seemed to enjoy torturing myself with ideas of parting those thighs and... <em>Don't finish that thought.<em> I damn well knew I couldn't do _that_ but I still wanted to.

Quite honestly, I felt perilously close to my limit. If she'd been down for it I'd be more than willing to fuck her right here, right now, on this blue and silver decorated table, not giving a damn who was watching.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Simon looked cautiously between Erza and me, clearly sensing a problem. "Because I'm taking her to prom and I want to pick out a good corsage. One that matches her dress."

Fantasy destroyed, I nearly dropped the box of candles. "No. You're not."

"Yes, actually he is," Erza said.

My jaw was more or less on the floor. "I thought you were going to prom with me. You've always been going to prom with me," I sounded like a whiny kid but this was unbelievable.

"Did you ask me?" Her voice was flat, hands busy with the decorations. Why was she still checking the god damn table at a time like this?

I stared at her, "Did I- No, of course not! I didn't think I needed to. I knew you were my date to prom since we were thirteen."

* * *

><p>That was true. He'd been my date to prom pretty much since the day I'd found out such a final year event existed. It was a previously indisputable fact that we would be going together. Thing was, now that everything between us had changed, I couldn't face the thought of him whirling me around the dance floor like we were some lovely dovey couple. It would be a cheap imitation of what I really wanted from him. I didn't think my heart could take it. Still, I felt a twang of pain since he had remembered what colour dress I planned on wearing.<p>

"Simon asked and I said yes. He's my date to prom."

* * *

><p>I could not have been more surprised if the world suddenly stopped spinning and dropped out from beneath my feet. "And you were going to tell me this when?" I snapped at her, then realised that wasn't what I really wanted to say. I turned to Simon, "Look, I'm really sorry but she's going to prom with me."<p>

"No, I am not. Don't pay him any mind, Simon. A corsage that's violet and white would suit my dress. Just make sure it's a dark shade, more like plum than lavender."

I was starting to feel annoyed. She'd just ripped the carpet out from underneath me, a mere two days before the big event. Yet here she was. Calm and collected. Standing there, barely two feet from me, tossing out shades of purple across the table to her new date like it was nothing. While I played catch up like a damn fool.

"I already ordered a corsage for you. Weeks ago. You're going to prom with me."

"I said no, Jellal. What's wrong with you?"

"With me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Maybe-"

"Shut up Simon!" we cried in perfect unison.

* * *

><p>Why was Jellal being so insistent? There were loads of girls still running around like crazy trying to tie down a date. He was good-looking, athletic, popular. He could go to prom with anyone he wanted. Anyone who was good enough. I forced the wave of self-hatred back down. Only Jellal could make me feel so utterly worthless. <em>But that, <em>I told myself,_ was because you let him get to you_.

And I was tired of being that girl. I was tired of falling asleep with tears in my eyes. I was tired of my friends hovering over me like they expected me to break down any minute. I was not some porcelain doll to be so easily shattered and it was time to act accordingly. I kept telling myself to move on but was I really trying? I'd been wallowing like a lovesick fool. This behaviour needed to stop. Now. I turned and faced him head on, "Nothing is wrong with me. I'm going to prom with Simon. Get over it."

"Get over it? Oh no sweetheart. You're the one that needs to get the fuck over it. It's been an entire month. I said no. Big deal. Move the hell on and stop acting like this."

* * *

><p>Her face went pale. Holy shit. Why was I even bringing that up now?<p>

Because she'd hurt me. The truth rocked through me. I genuinely had wanted to take her to prom. A lot more than I'd realised or would ever admit. The revelation left me reeling. How exactly did I feel about Erza that she could set me up, then knock me down so easily? Why was I spending hours every day and night dreaming about making love to her? What was it about the way Simon looked at her that irritated me so much? It was too complicated. All this emotional bullshit. I ignored the warning bells going off in my head and decided to focus on just the one feeling. Anger.

All of this had to be her fault. She'd fucking come on to me and thrown our whole relationship out of whack. And for what? A one night stand we hadn't even had! I was trying so hard to get things back to the way they were but she seemed determined to thwart me at every opportunity. Looking so fucking sexy all the time. Wandering half naked through my thoughts. Not letting me hold her and giving off that irresistible 'I'm untouchable' aura. Torturing me all month long. Now I couldn't even take her to prom. What the fuck?

* * *

><p>I could not believe he dared to go there. All this time neither of us had mentioned that night and now he wanted to bring it up? What the hell? Our voices were raised and people were starting to stare. Poor Simon looked like he wanted to disappear.<p>

I made a conscious effort to bring my voice down and tried to moderate my tone but it still came out a little bitchy, "You're right about one thing. _You _said no. I'm done Jellal. I don't want to play this game with you."

He slammed the box of candles down on the table and the glassware jangled. "A game? Do you think it was fun for me to have you throw yourself at me like a fucking whore?"

All the air rushed out of my lungs. It was like when I'd first started at the dojo and hadn't quite learned how to fall properly. He'd thrown me and I'd hit the mats hard, unable to breathe. It'd been a while since anyone had bested me. I'd forgotten how much it hurt.

* * *

><p>I wanted to take the words back the moment they left my mouth. Erza looked like I'd just ripped her heart out or something. The silence in the room was absolute. You really could have heard a pin drop. I stepped towards her, held my hand out, imploring. <em>Erza, I didn't mean that. <em>I had time to think the words but not say them before Natsu's fist slammed into my face.

There wasn't much pain. That would come later. I was surprised but I guess I shouldn't have been. It was only what I deserved.

"Leave. Leave now before I kick your ass and you end up losing two friends instead of one."

Natsu was glaring at me. Erza had turned her back on me. What choice did I have? I left.

* * *

><p><em>The next day…<em>

"This is terrible. Tomorrow will be the worse night of my life. Prom is ruined!"

"Don't worry. We can fix this. Or at least hide it."

"I have a mountain on my face!" Lucy wailed, "For the rest of my life I'll be the girl with the huge spot on her forehead in the prom photos!"

"It will go down. Here, drink this," I said and handed her a cup of green tea.

I had expected questions or even pity but none of my friends had said anything yesterday. After _he_ left, I had rearranged my expression into something I hoped resembled supreme calm and promptly put everyone else back to work. _Nothing to see here folks_, _move along..._ It was maybe fifteen minutes later when Cana had gently shaken my arm that I realised I'd been staring into space. For the second time that day one of my friends guided me out the room but not before I overheard Jenny saying "I told you they were together. Only a couple could have a domestic in public like that." It was like an arrow straight through my heart. Well, it would have been if I'd had any heart left to be hurt. Cana had sat me down in a quiet corner with a mountain of pale blue linen napkins to fold then disappeared with a look that spelled trouble for someone. Five minutes later Levy had taken a seat, back to back with me, and helped me fold. She paused only to hand me a tissue over her shoulder. "I'm not crying," I had insisted, in what was becoming a regular denial. "I know," was all she had said back, with her usual level of understanding tact. When I finally recovered enough to return to the main room, there were no more half whispered comments or sneaky glances. Normality achieved, probably under pain of death from Cana but still, I was grateful. If anyone so much as mentioned _his_ name I felt sure I would fall apart just like that porcelain doll I had claimed not to be.

After a restless night, I refused to dwell on it anymore. Instead I focussed on other things. Like writing my speech for the graduation ceremony next week or the sudden appearance of a spot on Lucy's forehead the day before prom. She had come over to the girls' dorm, hoping that our collective resources would produce a miracle fix. For now I tried to calm her down while everyone else raided their makeup bags.

There was a knock on my bedroom door. "Come in," I yelled but whoever it was must not have heard me. I crossed the room and yanked the door open.

* * *

><p>She had yelled '<em>Come in'<em> but I worked on the assumption that if she knew it was me outside the door, her response would have been somewhat different. So I stayed put and waited. Went back over what I was going to say. If she bothered to listen to me. The door opened. I got a glimpse of her surprised expression and then the door was closing in my face. I shoved my foot in between the door and the frame to keep it open. The pain was worth it if I could talk to her.

"Erza. Wait. Please, just wait a minute. I need to talk to you."

* * *

><p>He was the last person I expected to see at my door. The last person I wanted to see. I reflexively started to slam the door but it bounced off his foot. He didn't even flinch.<p>

"There's nothing to talk about," I said. A blue-black bruise had appeared under his eye overnight. He looked tired and desperate and little-boy-in-trouble cute. Against my better judgement, I felt my heart waver. How was it he could do that to me every single time?

"Please. We've known each other too long to let our relationship fall apart like this. I swear I never meant to say that to you. I have never and will never think of you as a… as a… you know what I mean."

_Whore. _

The word hung unspoken between us. I knew he hadn't meant what he said yesterday. Better than anyone, he knew that I wasn't that kind of girl. Didn't mean the words had hurt any less though. Especially coming from him.

Jellal nudged the door open a fraction, "Can I come in please? I want to apologise and I think I need to explain too. I brought strawberry cake."

* * *

><p>I held up the white box tied with the fancy pink ribbon from her favourite bakery. If this didn't get me in then I was well and truly screwed. I saw her eyes light up, then return to looking hurt.<p>

"Please. I'm begging here, Erza. Please."

I'd been up half the night trying to think of ways to fix things. I was absolutely desperate to talk to Erza and I knew it had to be in person. No apologetic text could make up for how I behaved yesterday. I already had half a dozen messages from my friends telling me I was an idiot, although they used far stronger language than 'idiot'. A few not so subtle Facebook statuses let me know I was more or less dead to all the women I knew. Natsu had left a seven minute rant on my voicemail that cryptically ended with _"She told me not to get involved, and I'm not, but you need to sort your shit out before you lose her. Erza... About you... She feels... Ah fuck! She'll kill me if I say anything. Point is, you make Erza cry again and I will fuck you up. I swear to god Jellal. Don't hurt her any more than you already have."_

Lose her. I hated the sound of that. So here I was. Sorting my shit out. Determined not to say anything that would upset Erza. Mavis, I couldn't even remember the last time I'd seen her cry. She was always so strong. I hated the thought that I was the cause of her current unhappiness. I didn't have a time machine to reverse, not just yesterday, but the last five weeks so a grovelling apology and strawberry cake would have to be the next best thing. Quite frankly, I'd get on my knees if that was what it took. "Erza, please," I repeated, hoping against hope that she'd give me a chance.

"What makes you think you deserve even a single second of her time?"

Damn it all to hell. My latest and greatest archenemy. Cana's voice came from behind me.

* * *

><p>Cana appeared from Laki's room like a veritable force of nature. With not quite the same amount of attitude, Laki stuck her head into the hallway, her brown eyes huge behind her glasses. Through the wooden banister, I could see Juvia, halfway up the stairs, hands full of potions and bottles. Levy's door swung open, "I found this blemish gel. Oh hell." She froze. I prayed that little Wendy wouldn't decide to find out what was going on. She was too young for this kind of drama.<p>

"It's okay, Cana" I said trying to dissolve some of the tension. Natsu had been in a dark rage for most of yesterday but I'd seen the same fiery look in Cana's eyes. I was usually the one protecting everyone. Now the shoe was on the other foot and it was strangely comforting to know how far my friends would go for me. However, if we didn't back this down a little World War III would kick off right here on the landing.

"Like hell it is! I'm sick of this bastard dragging you down then thinking a simple 'sorry' will fix everything. Get out Jellal. None of us want you here."

He didn't even look at her. "Let me in, Erza."

My eyes darted desperately between them. I didn't know what to do. "I-"

"Erza." Cana's voice was razor sharp, "Don't you dare even think about it. Tell him to get lost!"

"Shut up, Cana! I'm trying to fix things with my girl and we don't need any running commentary from the god damn audience."

His girl. He called me his girl. I was so stunned I didn't resist as he put his arm around my waist, forced me to step back and kicked the door shut behind us.

* * *

><p>Cana was fast becoming the fucking bane of my life. Irritated as I was, I could still feel a rush of heat from being this close to Erza. She smelled delicious. I propelled her back into the room and I would have kept backing her up, right onto her bed, to do Zeref knows what to her if I hadn't seen Lucy sitting there. I gave her a look but it wasn't as effective as I might have hoped.<p>

"I'm not leaving," She declared, "After what you said yesterday I think you should avoid saying anything to Erza you're not comfortable having me hear."

Like, _please let me fuck you. _It was probably for the best someone else was here. I'd arrived here humbled and ready to apologise. Yet, barely five minutes in and my body was already getting other, more exciting, ideas about what to do with the beautiful girl in my arms. I couldn't seem to stop lusting after Erza. It was getting ridiculous. With great reluctance I released my hold on her. Forced myself to take a step back and push the cake box into her hands. Gathered my thoughts, ignored the daggers Lucy was firing at me with her eyes, took a breath and started my little rehearsed speech.

"Erza, even if I apologised a hundred million times it won't make up for what I said. It was inexcusable. I know you're not like that. But yesterday… I always thought we would go to prom together and you switched up the game plan on me. It made me angry. That's not a reason to lash out at you like I did but you have to understand, thinking about Simon or anyone else but me taking you to prom makes me feel so… so…"

* * *

><p>The cake box shook slightly as my hands trembled while I waited to hear what he would say. Could it be? Did he feel…?<p>

"It makes me jealous."

He said it. I watched him run a hand through his hair. My heart was racing way too fast and I was finding it hard to breathe. Maybe, just maybe... I forced the thought down. No use getting ahead of myself. If he did say _those _three words next I felt sure I'd pass out from the shock.

* * *

><p>I shifted restlessly. That was <em>not <em>part of the original apology I'd spent hours figuring out. The words rang true though. Jealous. I'd never felt that way about Erza before. Probably because she had always been there, by my side. I had no reason to feel envious of the time she spent with others because most of her time was spent with me. And it had been that way for years. I could hardly remember a single good memory in my life that didn't have her in it. It hit me then how much I'd missed her the last month or so. I'd been so consumed with the physical but god did I miss talking to her. We used to have these deep conversations about anything. Everything. Late night phone calls that lasted so long sometimes we watched the sunrise together. Then spent all day trying to keep each other awake during classes. Sometimes I'd just look at her and know exactly what she was thinking. Secret smiles from private jokes only we understood. We had fallen into the habit of finishing each others sentences so often that no one found it weird any more.

Yet, how many times in the last month had I wanted to tell her something but stopped myself? Awkward silence filled the space between Erza and me now. A dark void where there used to be only light. It seemed like no amount of time would ever heal the rift in our relationship. This was so messed up. Things shouldn't be this way between us. I needed Erza in my life as much as the air I breathed. I wanted her to be happy with me again. Laugh with me. Smile at me. Talk to me. Just be with me. _Only _me. Such an intense feeling swept over me. There was no name for it. I just felt it right down to my very core. Jealousy and longing and desire and, and, _oh god what was this?_ It was so overwhelming. All I could do was stand still and take a moment to look at Erza. Not at her breasts or her hips or anything like that. I mean _really_ look at her. At the person she was, who she had become, so familiar yet so different from the childhood friend I remembered.

This beautiful girl who had been so close to me all these years...

Now grown into an amazing, fearless woman...

How I felt about her...

This emotion...

* * *

><p>Jellal was looking at me with the strangest expression. "I'm jealous and I don't even know why," he said slowly. "Lately, I've been so confused. I don't even know how I feel about you any more. Whenever I… Whenever I see you…"<p>

It happened so fast.

Jellal closed the distance between us, cupped the back of my neck and pulled me to him. I was surprised but not for long. His lips on mine were warm and demanding. He asked and I gave, with no hesitation. The world fell away, leaving only me and him and this budding heat between us. Forget fireworks, the whole world could have ended with fire and brimstone, and we wouldn't have noticed. There was only this moment, this feeling, this crazy, impromptu, passionate display of affection that I thought we would never ever have. His hands wandered, one up into my hair, another down my back to press me closer. I longed to touch him but I was crushed against his chest, unable to move. So I relaxed into his tight hold and left him in control. His tongue played along mine, explored my mouth with a sense of possession and ownership that was unmistakable. He kissed like we were lovers, like he needed me to live, like I was the only girl in the world. And for that moment, all three felt true. It was wonderful.

Jellal broke the kiss as abruptly as he had started it, pushed me away and fled without a word, my door banging against the wall with the force of his hasty retreat. I stood in the sudden silence with my bruised lips, wondering what the hell was going on. Within seconds my bedroom door was crowded with a sea of curious faces. Except Cana who still looked furious. In the ensuing pandemonium with my heart still racing, head spinning, Lucy erupting into full blown hysterics while all the other girls asked questions left and right, I rested the small mangled white box on my dresser and didn't spare a thought for the crushed strawberry cake.


	8. Prom

_A/N: AV is short for Audio Visual. I can't reply to you personally so to all my guest reviewers - Arigato, this chapter is for you._

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Eight - Prom_

I was in love with my best friend. That much was obvious. Less clear was what to do about it.

I adjusted my tie in the bathroom mirror. When had it happened? Yesterday's kiss? A month ago on Mira's bed? No. It'd certainly taken those shorts to make me see Erza as a woman but my heart had been hers long before then. At the bonfire last year after the school festival? Or at the arcade when we were fourteen? The first time she ever beat me at the dojo when we were ten? Or maybe, just maybe, that fateful day of second grade when I'd first laid eyes on the beautiful, scarlet hair of the new girl? Had I loved her even before I knew her name?

I wasn't sure. Did it matter? She told me to pick a label. Father. Brother. Boyfriend. I'd walked away from her without making a choice. She offered her body to me. I'd turned her down. I'd fucked up in every possible way. Cana was right. I deserved every ounce of this pain. I'd blown my one and only chance at claiming the most perfect girl as my own. Even so, a small part of me dared to hope against all odds that it wasn't too late. I could fix this somehow, still end up with the girl.

Who was I kidding? I didn't deserve Erza. Not even a moment of her time should be wasted on an idiot like me. And it wasn't like she felt the same. I was someone she didn't mind telling all her secrets to, like any decent best friend. Someone to spar with at the dojo and walk to school with. Someone she was comfortable enough with that sharing a bed now and then had been a fun thought. Why hadn't I slept with her that night? It might have started out casual but in time I could have convinced her to be my girlfriend. Back then I'd known one night with her would never be enough but my thought process had been all wrong. I hadn't known the truth. Had been incapable of matching my desire to spend all my time with her to the emotion of love. She was so close to me that I couldn't see it. It wasn't until everything fell apart that I realised how I truly felt about her and even then I'd been painfully slow to figure things out. I might have been insisting we were friends but in my heart Erza had been exclusively mine for years.

I was such a fool. By my own actions I'd well and truly ended up in her friend zone. If you could even say I was there. We were barely speaking as it was. It felt like I was one step, one foolish action, one spiteful word away from her walking right out of my life. _Lose her, _Natsu's words kept repeating in my head. The very thought was enough to twist my heart into all kinds of painful knots. I was no longer sure how to act around her. To keep her.

On my desk rested two corsages. I let my hand linger over what I'd picked for Erza. I knew it was the perfect shade of purple to match her dress. It wasn't too big or fussy or overly girly. She might have liked it. Too bad she'd never wear it. I pocketed the other corsage and, with a sigh, went to pick up my date.

* * *

><p>"The limo is here," Levy called out, the gold sequins on the bodice of her dress sparkling as she shifted from her perch on Lucy's window seat. Cue hysterics as everyone went through last minute checks. Levy wasn't fazed. I think the biggest problem she'd have tonight was balancing her time between Gajeel, Jet and Droy so that the latter two wouldn't end up in tears from her 'ignoring' them. Her zealous, overprotective brother figures really hadn't taken her getting a boyfriend that well.<p>

"I swear to you, Lucy. Your fringe hides it. No one will notice so don't let it ruin your night," I said, turning my attention back to her. The spot really wasn't that bad. A little concealer had done wonders within minutes. Convincing Lucy she looked fine was taking a bit longer.

She let out a soft sigh, "You're right. I mean we only get to go to prom once so why spend it sulking?" I watched her go to the window and throw it open. "Natsu! Do I look pretty?"

I didn't listen for his response. I found my clutch and ushered everyone out the door. We had to get going or we'd be late. Waiting at the bottom of the stairs was my date. Simon. "You look beautiful," he said and I knew he one hundred percent meant it. I'd known him for about as long as I'd known Jellal. Somewhere along the line we'd grown apart but I was happy he was the one taking me to prom. That didn't stop me from quickly scanning the foyer for Jellal. He wasn't here, even though he should have been, with whatever lucky girl had scooped him as a date at the last minute. I wondered if she'd be prettier than me...

Lucy's landlady appeared out of nowhere and insisted on taking photos. I smiled with everyone else. Somehow, Simon's hand on my waist felt foreign and strange. Maybe I should have let Jellal take me to prom after all. _Stop it. _I pushed him from my mind and concentrated on making good memories. As Lucy said, we only ever got to go to prom once. Thoughts of yesterday would only confuse and upset me. We piled into the limo and I let everyone's excitement infect me. I was not going to be down today.

* * *

><p>"This is depressing," Natsu said, "I cannot believe you brought Millianna to prom. She's a sophomore."<p>

"For a change I agree with Natsu," Gray added, "It's like coming with your little sister. And don't even say it was the best you could do last minute. I know for a fact that your fan club is full of girls who would kill to be here with you tonight. Now they're probably all kicking themselves thinking you have a Lolita complex they should have picked up on."

"I don't have a fan club. Or a Lolita complex. And everyone loves Millianna."

"And it's still lame."

"And you were dragged here against your will by Juvia," I pointed out. I didn't have anything against Juvia. In fact I thought she was perfect for Gray to curb his womanising ways. But push comes to shove I'd at least chosen my date. Millianna had been over the moon. She looked cute in a pale pink, ruffled dress I'd brought for her this morning and was busy charming every guy here with her cat ears. By the end of the night I reckoned she'd have at least half a dozen new nii-sans.

My eyes swept the room. All night I'd found myself looking for one person and one person only.

"She looks good right?" Natsu said, cutting into my thoughts. Both him and Gray were watching me. I didn't like the careful look in their eyes. Shouldn't they be arguing with each other instead of ganging up on me?

At least Natsu and I were back on good terms. Most likely thanks to a certain blonde who had witnessed my temporary loss of sanity in Erza's bedroom yesterday. He hadn't apologized for hitting me and I didn't expect him to. I also didn't expect him to be giving me these meaningful looks. It was a bad day if this dense guy was one step ahead of me. But what he kept hinting at was so unbelievable... I just couldn't deal. Emotionally, I was on the world's worst rollercoaster. What I wouldn't give to hit the pause button and have some time to sort out this mess in my head.

I kept my face neutral, "She looks great." That was an understatement. Erza looked stunning tonight. Breathtakingly beautiful in a dark purple dress that hugged her curves. There was a slit up one side that revealed little flashes of her leg when she moved. I felt like beating the crap out of every guy here who dared let their eyes linger in her direction. I couldn't blame them though. She was the hottest girl in this place. Hands down. It almost hurt to look at her. What hurt more was watching her spend the whole evening on another man's arm.

"You could-" Natsu started to say but I cut him off.

"I could have but I didn't. And now I can't."

"Don't be like that. Erza-"

"Erza deserves better," I said firmly. I couldn't even entertain the idea that Natsu kept pushing. It'd break me to believe him only to find out it wasn't true.

"And they say I'm the idiot," Natsu murmured under his breath but I pretended not to hear him. There were so many things I could have done, should have said, would have changed if I'd only known the truth about how I felt about Erza. Anything I tried now would be an obvious case of too little, too late.

* * *

><p>I could feel him watching me. His eyes had followed me all night but every time I looked in his direction Jellal glanced away. Was he avoiding me? We hadn't spoken at all and I was too busy micromanaging tonight's event to chase him down. This wasn't the place for that conversation anyway. I was tempted to send him a text but what would I write? There was so much unsaid between us. The words weighed on my mind like a ton of bricks but when it came to actually typing them out I couldn't do it. So I threw myself into the party and tried to simply enjoy the night.<p>

Prom had gone well. The official photographer had taken everyone's photos as they arrived and set it up so they scrolled across the wall in a looping slideshow. The AV club had done something really clever so people could tweet messages and have them up on the wall alongside the photos. New comments were flying up so fast they were almost impossible to keep up with. Dinner had been served earlier and nearly everyone was on the dance floor now, having a great time.

Looking around, there were a few surprise couples. Like Juvia beaming over a reluctant Gray who was having his usual trouble keeping his clothes on. I must have told him at least ten times that this was a _formal_ event and that if he didn't want me to hand his ass to him in public he'd better unlearn his stripping habit for at least a few hours. Then there was Bisca and Alzack who were so damn cute around each other. I'd forced them to stand a bit closer after the first terrible photo where there was a gap a mile wide between them. I could see them across the room. Holding hands and talking. Finally. Not that I had room to talk with my current 'it's complicated' relationship status. I checked the time. 10.48. We only had the town hall until eleven. It'd gone so fast.

"Erza, what are you doing here? Come dance!"

I let Millianna pull me onto the dance floor. She was literally glowing with happiness. I didn't understand why Jellal had brought her but I was glad he did. Her upbeat personality temporarily cheered me up. Despite my best efforts and the electric atmosphere, all evening my emotions had kept drifting towards feeling down. Silly thoughts kept whirling through my head. About Jellal and yesterday and what those events meant for us. If there was an 'us'. Millianna squeezed my hand and I refocused on the reality in front of me. This was my senior year prom night. I had to be happy. The song ended and another did not start. Instead, Makarov-sensei took the mic.

"Is everyone having a good time?" There was a loud roar and some individual shouts demanding that the music come back on. "Settle down. First, I think we need a cheer for the student council and all the volunteers that helped make tonight possible." He paused and waited for the noise to die down. "I hope prom night will always be remembered as a special event of your time spent at Magnolia High. Next week you'll be graduating and leaving us so the teachers thought it'd be nice for you to spend some more time in a place we know you love. School." There was a muted groan. "It pleases me to announce that the night is not over. The official prom after party begins in the school gym in half an hour with special guests your very own school band, The Trimens, and your favourite sensei, DJ Panterlily, spinning the tapes till 3am."

There was a massive cheer and rush of excitement. I had to laugh. '_Spinning the tapes_'? Jii-san really thought he was down with the kids.

"Can I come? Can I? Please Erza nee-san."

"That's a negative," Jellal said coming to stand to the left of me. It was the closest we'd been all night.

* * *

><p>"Ah but why?" Millianna pouted.<p>

I ruffled her messy hair. "Because I promised your parents I would get you home no later than midnight. And it's practically a given that someone will spike the punch and things will get out of hand."

"You mean things will get fun."

"Do what you like at your prom in two years. For tonight, I'm taking you home."

"Alright then. I can't really complain. Every girl I know is so jealous. I kind of felt bad that I was stealing your date, Erza nee-san."

Erza blinked. I wondered if she would deny it but she just smiled. "I don't mind since it was you." Which was exactly why I'd chosen Millianna. No one could misunderstand our relationship.

Millianna drew my arm up around Erza's shoulders and I automatically pulled her closer. She fit so perfectly against my side. Barely twenty-four hours ago being this close to Erza would have triggered a million dirty thoughts. Now I only had one. How could I keep her here? But that was a selfish, stupid thought. She wasn't even my date for tonight. I had tried to keep some space between us but she had me under her spell and I couldn't resist the hold she had over me. I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Even if I got burned I'd still be back for more. Millianna stepped back and made a rectangle using the thumb and index finger of both hands like she was framing up a camera shot. She closed one eye and tilted her head to the side. "Just as I thought. Perfect together."

There was a flash that surprised us all. The official photographer looked at his camera screen. "You two do look pretty good together," he said and disappeared into the crowd.

* * *

><p>Jellal's arm around my shoulders felt right as usual. My skin tingled where his fingers rested on my bare arm. After yesterday I was really unsure where I stood with him. He'd said he was jealous and then... And then we'd shared that mind-blowing kiss but tonight we hadn't seen each other properly until now. I was starting to really believe that he was avoiding me. Which depressed me no end. Thinking about it, we'd been more or less avoiding each other for the last month. 'Awkward' was the best way to describe how things between us had been but something had shifted yesterday. The energy between us was definitely different. I sneaked a glance up at him. He was smiling but I couldn't help thinking that he seemed really sad too.<p>

Sad or not, the fact remained that after all this time spent apart, he was here now, holding me close and for this moment everything was as it should be. I reached out and grabbed the lapel of his jacket. "Hey," I said softly. He looked down at me and the breath caught in my throat. Jellal was everything I'd ever wanted and when he looked at me like that it was almost more than I could bear.

"Hey," his reply was equally as soft. His free hand brushed the hair out of my eyes in a familiar action that was a throwback to a time before all this confusion. My heart ached. I had to fight the urge to throw my arms around him and never let go.

_Please love me. I'll never ask for anything ever again. Just love me._

"I- Jellal, umm," I began.

Jellal's hand drifted down my face and his thumb ran lightly over my lower lip. The words I wanted to say died in an instant.

_Please, please, please..._

His hand dropped. "You look beautiful tonight, Erza."

I couldn't even reply. His weight shifted away from me as he put some space between us. The fabric of his jacket slipped through my fingers and I was left with only the sudden sense that I was losing him.

"There you are," said Simon. He looked at the two of us. "Maybe, I should-"

Jellal's arm slipped completely from my shoulders. His hand landed on the small of my back and pushed me towards Simon. "I'll see you later. I've got to take Millianna home."

And he was walking away from me. Again.

* * *

><p>I took Millianna's hand and led her through the crowd. Left Erza in Simon's arms. Ignored the green eyed monster that reared its ugly head demanding I take her away from him. Erza had made her choice. I wasn't the person she wanted to be with tonight. I tried to tell myself that I was doing the right thing. I'd seen the way Simon looked at Erza. I could understand it now. He was as whipped as I was, only he seemed smart enough not to hurt her. I couldn't quite suppress my negative thoughts about him though. If I wasn't careful I'd fall into the <em>'If<em>_ I can't have her, no one can' _way of thinking and end up stalking the poor girl the way Juvia haunted Gray.

I almost wished I could return to ignorance and just be friends with Erza. After all, it had only been one day. One lousy day and these intense emotions were already crippling me way worse than a month of simple lust for her body ever had. As we crossed under the string of glowing stars above the entrance Millianna stopped and pointed. "Quick, look!"

I glanced up. The picture of Erza and I scrolled across the wall. We looked relaxed and happy. Caught in the moment of smiling at Millianna's quirky action. I could see myself fifty years from now looking at old photos, coming across that one and thinking '_That's the one that got away'. _Because that was what was going to happen. Someday I _would_ lose her. She would fall in love and I'd still be the best friend. Something tightened in my chest. I turned away and walked out into the night.

* * *

><p>He was acting so strange. Had he almost kissed me just now? I didn't know what to make of it. Lucy thought he might have finally fallen for me. She said it was obvious from the way he acted yesterday. It had definitely been one hell of a kiss. I'd tossed and turned all night, my thoughts in turmoil. Waking up this morning no obvious answers had revealed themselves. It had plagued me all day. Dozens of conflicting thoughts ran around my head in circles.<p>

Sharing one kiss didn't mean anything if our relationship didn't change. However, could I really say it was only a kiss? Maybe he regretted it. Yet, it really seemed like he'd do it again. But maybe I was hoping for clues of affection that weren't really there. If he didn't say the three words that really mattered then we were still just friends, right? I'd already told him how I felt in my letter. All he had to do was say it back but that was not what happened yesterday. He had admitted feeling jealous which I guess was a start. Then why was he avoiding me and trying so hard to push me at Simon? Oh no. What if he was only jealous in a friendly kind of way like Jet and Droy with Levy? But the kiss... This was so stressful. I wanted answers but I couldn't ask him. Even though I knew Jellal hadn't meant it, his words about throwing myself at him had stuck with me. I was done making the first move.

"Erza! Erza!" Lucy grabbed my arm and started shaking me.

"What? What is it?" I realised with a start that I'd probably been blanking Simon for the last few minutes. He was too polite to interrupt my thoughts and point out that I was being a horrible date.

"The voting for the yearbook superlatives are up! Natsu and I won best couple!" She was literally bouncing up and down with happiness.

I laughed, "That's great Lucy."

"Come quick, the AV club is scrolling them on the wall now."

We joined everyone else, laughter and cheers spontaneously breaking out as each winner was announced. Natsu as 'Loudest' didn't surprise anyone. 'Biggest Heartbreak' was Gray, again no surprise. 'Most Likely to Win a Nobel Prize' went to Levy making her blush like crazy. 'Most Likely to Not Change After High School', 'Most Likely to Shock Everyone at the Class Reunion', 'Biggest Gossip', 'Best Smile', the list went on and on. I ended up with 'Most Likely to Be President' and 'Most Likely to Be Your Boss' which I guess said a lot about how people saw me. I didn't mind.

The AV club were really out doing themselves. For the couple ones they'd managed to link up the superlatives with the prom photos. There was Lucy and Natsu as 'Best Couple'. She screamed right in my ear as their photo went up. I winced and twisted away from her, "Alright already. Calm down."

"Oh my god. You won something too."

"What? In the couple section? That's impossible…" I trailed off looking at the picture on the wall and the accompanying superlative caption.

* * *

><p>Millianna sat next to me in the taxi. Her fingers moved rapidly as she text all her friends about how 'totally awesome' going to prom had been. "Are you okay Jellal? You and Erza seem a bit off with each other."<p>

"We're fine." Damn, even I was using that stupid word now.

Millianna hesitated like she wanted to press me on the subject then shrugged and let it go. Yet another thing I liked about her. She knew how to mind her own business. I stared out the car window feeling uncharacteristically melancholy. Why didn't I do something to get Erza and me away from the word 'fine'? I could confess. Tell her how I felt. No. I couldn't do that. No matter what Natsu hinted, I was certain Erza couldn't feel this way about me. I'd only known my true feelings for a day and was having a hard time keeping everything under control. If Erza had felt this way for even an instant, she would have told me for sure. So here was the truth. I, Jellal Fernandes, eighteen year old high school (almost) graduate, had fallen head over heels into an unrequainted love with my best friend. And if I told Erza I risked losing her as a friend in an epic awkwardness that would make the last month seem positively cheery in comparison. That would kill me. This knowledge didn't seem to stop me doing other stupid things that risked our friendship. Yesterday I'd forced a kiss on her which was pretty out of line considering I'd rejected her own advances and even called her a whore for it. I winced just thinking about it. Yet just now I'd been so close to kissing her again. Simple fact was, I still wanted her, but on a level way deeper than basic physical attraction. God, I'd fucked up so badly and seemed to only be getting in deeper. My only option was to get a grip and get over her before I ruined everything.

But I doubted that I could. Erza was under my skin in the worst possible way. No other woman could compare. I wanted only her. The girl I was desperate for yet couldn't have. Would never have.

"Hey, the yearbook superlatives are out and you won a few," Millianna scrolled down a long list on her phone.

"Hmm? Which ones?" I asked even though I didn't really care. How could I? Consumed as I was with thoughts of Erza.

"You got… 'Most Unforgettable', that's probably because of your tattoo. And 'Guy You'd Most Like to Take Home to Meet Your Parents', that's your crazy fan club."

"I don't have a fan club."

"Uh huh. You keep denying it. Hey, you and Erza won something that's so true!"

"We won something together? Like 'Best Friends' or something?"

"No silly. You won it as a couple. 'Most Likely to Get Married and Live Happily Ever After'. Isn't that cute?"

Great. Not only would I have the prom photo to haunt me, I'd also have my senior yearbook memorialising forever what our future could have been if I wasn't such an idiot or a coward or both. "It's real cute," I said and let me head fall back against the headrest. Prom night was turning out to be memorable for all the wrong reasons.


	9. Romeo & Juliet

_A/N: This chapter is a bit heavy on references. _

_First, the song used is 'Drawing The Line' by Royal Pirates. They are Korean-American so you have the choice of the K-pop or English version if you want to listen to it. _

_Second, if you haven't seen the 1996 version of Romeo & Juliet, there is an iconic moment when the fated lovers see each other through a fish tank and it's love at first sight. There are clips on Youtube. _

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Nine – Romeo & Juliet_

Normally Hibiki, Eve and Ren annoyed the hell out of me. They were shameless womanisers matched only by Gray. There was a difference though. Gray had enough common sense not to hit on me. Tonight, I was willing to forgive the Trimens host club-like actions. They were a great band. Someone, let's face it, _Cana, _had put vodka in the punch but it was like the teachers didn't even care. I suppose the majority of us were eighteen and all of us wouldn't be their responsibility after next week so they were willing to overlook those of us with late birthdays, myself included, for this one special night.

Simon had turned out to be a surprisingly good dancer and we'd been tearing up the dance floor till both of us were out of breath. Ever the attentive date, he'd gone off to get me some more punch. I stood by the gym doors and tried to cool down. Hearing a faint sound, I looked out into the night. A couple was out on the playing fields. In the darkness I couldn't see who it was but he grabbed her around the waist and spun her around and around, making her laugh. She sounded happy.

My eyes wandered over the school grounds. I had so many good memories here. A boyfriend swinging me around till I laughed was not one of them. Then again I shouldn't make assumptions. That girl might be with her boyfriend or maybe not. It was prom night so all kinds of random, one off hook-ups were possible. Not that I was tempted. My last attempt at losing my virginity had been an unmitigated disaster that I was not eager to have repeated.

I sighed. Where was Jellal? He should have been back from dropping Millianna home by now.

* * *

><p>I stood in the shadow of the archway that connected the main building to the gym. Rumour had it that girls often watched the guys they liked practice on the playing fields from here. It was true that the view was pretty good. Erza stood in the doorway to the gym. Sound and light spilling out into the night around her. Memories of another party came to me. Seemed like a lifetime ago. I wished I could get a do-over.<p>

Simon appeared and handed her a drink. As I watched he placed a hand on her hip and leaned down to say something to her. The music was loud. He was her date. He was allowed to be that close to her. That tight feeling in my chest came back with a vengeance. I wondered what he would do if she undid the halter-neck tie on that silky dress and let it slide to the floor. I don't know why I wondered. He was a decent guy. Not an idiot like me. He'd be gentle with her. Slow and careful. In the morning he would tell her he loved her. Ask her to go steady with him. It might be prom night but Erza was not a casual hook-up. She would be a good girlfriend. I bet they'd be happy together.

The thought made me sick.

* * *

><p>"Do you want to dance some more?" Simon asked.<p>

"In a few minutes, sure." I took a sip of the drink. Rum. The first lot of vodka punch must have run out. Where was Cana getting this stuff from?

"You're waiting for him aren't you?"

Simon's question surprised me but I didn't insult his intelligence by asking who 'him' was. "Yes. It's okay. I'm used to it." Damn. I hadn't meant to say that last part.

"If… if you were my girl I'd never make you wait for anything. Or wonder where I was. Or hurt you in anyway."

"That's sweet Simon. You'll be a great boyfriend for a very lucky girl one day."

"But not you."

He said it so soft I almost missed it. I looked up into his dark eyes. How could I have failed to realise it? He liked me. A lot. "Simon, I-"

"Don't sweat it Erza. I know it's always been him. Will never be anyone but him." The corners of his eyes crinkled up into laugh lines as he smiled, "For this one night, I've got you and that's enough. Dance with me."

I put my drink down but instead of leading me back onto the dance floor he pulled me out into the moonlight. The Trimens started up a new song. Vocals, drums and guitars blending into a smooth rock melody. We danced.

* * *

><p><em>We get close, we fall apart,<em>

_Red roses, broken hearts,_

_And we don't know which way to go,_

_We're in love, we're insane,_

_What's the sun without the rain?_

_I guess we'll find out as we go,_

* * *

><p>I couldn't stand watching her dance with him. The song lyrics mocked me. In love and insane? They had no idea. I turned away, but the image of <em>my<em> girl in _his_ arms was burned into my mind. I could've killed him. In desperation I stalked down to the main building. To my surprise the door swung open under my hands and I stepped into the cool hallway. The school at night was eerily quiet. A big empty space designed for hundreds, now visited by only one. My shoes squeaked loudly on the polished floor with every step I took.

A million memories of this place flooded my mind. The Home Economics kitchens where the only reason I passed was because I had Erza for a partner. She made chocolate chip cookies to die for. The Chemistry lab where Natsu and Gray got into a fight once and knocked over a Bunsen burner that would have burned the whole damn building down if it weren't for some quick thinking by Lyon and a handy bucket of water. I think the beating they got from Erza for that was one neither of them would ever forget. The Art Club. We weren't members but being on the student council meant we tended to get around all the clubs and sports teams. One afternoon last autumn, Reedus had asked Erza and I to pose for him. The resulting watercolour portrait hung in the school auditorium having won first prize in the national competition. We'd only sat normally on plain wooden stools, afternoon light flooding the room and playing off Erza's hair. Out of that short session, somehow he'd transformed Erza into a beautiful angel, wreathed in white, wings outspread as she floated down from the sky to accept a single red rose from me, a weary knight in battered armour complete with a golden sword, kneeling in the mud yet transfixed with the heavenly vision before him. It was a fantastical piece of work but he'd kept our faces so there was no mistaking who the picture was based on. I think it was around then that people who didn't know us that well started believing beyond a doubt that Erza and I were a couple, regardless of our denials. It struck me now that everyone but us seemed to realise how perfect we were for each other.

Reminiscing, I kept wandering through the main building right up the stairs to my familiar homeroom on the top floor. No good. Sitting in this seat only remind me that Erza wasn't there beside me. She was downstairs playing happy couple with Simon. The bastard. How dare he even ask her to prom? Everyone knew she was meant to be here with me. I had the sudden urge to hit something. Destroy something. Anything to vent this pent up jealous frustration inside me. I heard Gray's voice in my head, "_My textbooks? I burned those the minute final exams were over!"_

Brilliant idea. Thanks Gray. I went out into the hall and opened my locker. It was mostly empty. Everything I'd needed to revise was already at home. All that was left was a half-full notebook of little sketches and unimportant notes, a library book I'd never got around to returning, the usual crap in the bottom – pens that didn't write, a few uneaten snacks. And there, leaning against the side, a battered copy of _Romeo & Juliet _that I hadn't needed to use since English Lit last term. Sending a tragic love story up in smoke, could anything be more perfect?

I picked the book up, tucked it under my arm and slammed my locker shut. Made a mental note to return that damn library book. I debated whether or not to put the lock back on my virtually empty locker then decided I would. If I had to come back to get it that would help me remember the library book. As I put the lock back on _Romeo & Juliet _slid out from under my arm and hit the floor with a soft thud. When I picked it up something fluttered out from between the pages. A small cream envelope. I was pretty sure I hadn't seen it before. I flipped it over and immediately recognised the handwriting on the front. Erza.

_What the hell?_

* * *

><p><em>You keep on drawing the line,<em>

_Just a little bigger every time,_

_And I must be losing my mind,_

'_Cause I know I want you in my life,_

* * *

><p>Simon spun me effortlessly as the chorus came back around. The line between Jellal and I had been moved so many times I don't think either of us knew where it was any more. But the lyrics were right. Losing my mind or not. He was still the only one I wanted. Even if I had to settle for us being only friends. The song came to an end. We all clapped and cheered. A pounding dance beat came on as the sound switched over to the DJ.<p>

"I'm going to call Jellal and make sure he's okay. Oh!"

"What is it?"

"Oh my god. I think I left my clutch in the limo! My keys, my phone, everything is in there."

"Okay. Don't worry. I've got the company's number."

"Will someone be there at this time?"

"I think so. The same company does taxis. The switchboard should be active all night."

I waited while he made the call and explained to whoever answered.

"They say they've got it at the office. The driver found it. We can go pick it up now if you like."

"No, I could just crash with Lucy-" I paused. Natsu would probably be there. That would be awkward. Cana? No, she'd party all night and probably invite people back. Great as tonight had been, I wanted to sleep. Levy would be with Gajeel. Juvia then. As if on cue Juvia stumbled out the gym door practically glued to Gray. Which wasn't new. Him kissing her certainly was new. Whoa. Strike her off the list then. Mavis knew, all hell would break loose in the morning between them and I didn't want a front row seat for the apocalypse. There were other people I could ask but it'd be such a hassle. "Do you mind?"

"Not at all. It's good my house is so close. We can walk there to get my dad's car and I'll drive you over."

"Thanks Simon. I'm really sorry about this," I didn't look back as we left the party behind.

* * *

><p>Tearing the envelope open, I leaned against my locker and unfolded the single piece of paper within. It was definitely from Erza. Her neat cursive script filled nearly the whole page. I tilted the apparent letter towards the moonlight so I could see it better and started reading.<p>

_Jellal,_

_I know I'm being a coward by not telling you this to your face but in the end this is the only way I can say it. How I feel about you has changed and I can't deny it any more. I like you, a lot, and not as a friend. Truth is, I may have fallen for you. I wonder if, maybe, you might feel this way too? If you do then please keep reading my selfish confession. _

_I want us to hold hands when we walk to school. When I'm cold I want you to let me wear your varsity jacket. I want you to take me to prom and when we graduate I want your second top button. I want us to kiss and maybe do other things. I can't believe I just wrote that! I'm blushing like crazy right now but if it's you then I think I'm ready for, well, you know, it. I really hope you don't think that's weird. _

_All those wants definitely sound selfish right? I guess I'm like that when it comes to you. Greedy. I want you with me all the time. Silly really considering we spend nearly everyday together already. I'm rambling. Sorry, I'm nervous just writing this down. You must know I've never done something like this before. I'm really unsure of how to put into words the things I feel for you. In the end I suppose the simple truth is best. Somewhere in that long list of wants are my true feelings but it still doesn't seem like enough. I guess what I'm trying to say is, that I want to be with you because I love you. _

_Perhaps those three small words say it all. I love you, Jellal. More than you could possibly know. And in my wildest of dreams you feel this way about me too. Because no one knows me like you do and I can't think of anyone I'd rather share this feeling with._

_Please believe that everything I'm writing is the truth. I can't really tell you when this all started. To be honest, I'm not too sure myself. I do know that I don't want these feelings to ever end. We've been best friends for so long now but don't you think we could be really happy together if we'd only give this a chance? _

_Please give us a chance._

_I'm waiting for you to reply and every second without knowing your answer will be agony for me. So think about it and let me know okay?_

_Erza_

I read it through again. And again. And again. At some point my legs forgot how to work and I ended up sliding down the lockers to sit on the cold linoleum floor. Erza loved me. She had confessed to me. Wanted to be with me all the time. Wanted me to kiss her and... _Oh god_. Through the confusing fog in my mind one clear thought came into focus – When? This letter had been in my locker, trapped in the pages of _Romeo & Juliet _but for how long?

_I'm waiting for you to reply and every second without knowing your answer will be agony for me._

The answer became glaringly obvious and everything else fell into place. Five weeks ago Erza put this letter in my locker expecting an answer. Courtesy of an ill-placed book and some incredibly bad luck, I'd completely ignored her confession. Worse in my ignorance I'd thought she was upset about me not noticing the change in her hairstyle. Her _hairstyle_? Damn it all to hell. I must have seemed like such a jerk. But she hadn't given up. She wore those shorts for me. To get me to notice her.

_Are you still a virgin?_

_For now, but maybe I don't want to be anymore._

Was I some kind of fucking idiot? She told me what she wanted right then. I'd sent her mix messages. Let her wear my varsity jacket like she wanted in the letter, put my hands all over her in the car on the way to Mira's party then shut her out when she thought she finally had me in bed. How much courage had it taken her to even get me there? To take that huge risk with the tiny hope that I'd change my mind and acknowledge her feelings?

_I really hope you don't think that's weird._

Fucking hell. _Weird?_ I'd basically run away from her naked body. Who the fuck does that to a girl as beautiful as Erza? I definitely was a fucking idiot. No wonder she'd been acting so off this month. She'd been willing to give up her virginity to get me and I'd called her a whore. A_ whore _like she was some easy girl who seduced men into bed with her every damn day of the week. I fucking knew she wasn't into casual hook-ups. How could I have thought for a second that she'd come on to me with no serious emotions attached to her actions. Fuck! I had to be the stupidest man on the planet to have misinterpreted Erza so badly. Some best friend I was turning out to be.

_Just tell me. I put everything in black and white for you. The least you can do is the same for me._

Black and white. Right here in this letter. A straight up confession that she loved me and wanted to be with me. Happiness, there for the taking if I'd only take the chance she was offering me. I'd strung her along for a whole week without a solid yes or no answer. My eventual reply?

_You're just not the type of girl I could ever do this with. I would want something more._

In the light of this letter, my response that night was harsh and cold. Nothing like what I'd intended. It didn't even sound like a simple 'your-not-my-type' rejection. It was more like... an insinuation that she wasn't good enough for me or something utterly ridiculous like that. With those words, I'd broken her heart and crushed her self-esteem, according to Cana. Cana who now seemed completely justified in every bitchy thing she'd ever said to me.

_I hope that when you realise how important she is to you, it's too late. I hope she's moved on. I hope you feel every ounce of pain that you've put her through only ten times worse. Give it time. You're going to regret taking her for granted. I guarantee it._

Dear God, please let Cana be wrong about that.

I didn't run down the stairs. I launched myself down them, five, six steps at a time. Every last moment of the past month played through my mind but now with a different spin on it. The awkwardness, the way she flinched away from my touch, the fake smiles as she forced herself to try and be friends with the idiot who rejected her and broke her heart. Maybe if I'd spent less time staring at her breasts and more time looking in her eyes I'd have been able to see it. The love she felt for me as strong as anything I could feel for her. _Please don't let me be too late._ I flew across the covered walkway and collided with Scorpio-sensei at the gym doors.

"Easy there, Jellal. Where's the fire?"

"Where's Erza? I have to find Erza now. Right now."

He rubbed a spot on his chest. "Did you just smack me with a book?"

"Sensei! This is serious!" I threw the copy of _Romeo & Juliet_ to the floor. That damn thing was the reason I hadn't been able to read Erza's confession letter sooner. "Where the fu- Argh! Where is Erza?" I felt like shaking him.

His eyebrows crept up at my hasty words. "Sorry, but I think she left. Why don't you calm down and-"

"What? When? Why?" Desperation and disappointment slammed into me. "Where did she go?"

"Breathe, Jellal. She left maybe fifteen or so minutes ago with Simon." He pointed towards the school gates. "I thought it was strange. Shouldn't you be taking her home?"

"Yes. I should be. Tonight and every night for the rest of our lives if she'll let me."

"Got it bad huh?"

"Like you wouldn't believe!" I yelled over my shoulder as I bolted across the school grounds. I had to find my girl and apologize for being an ignorant bastard who caused her so much pain. I needed to hold her in my arms and tell her what I should have said weeks ago.

_I love you too._

* * *

><p>The walk to Simon's house was quick and quiet. I hadn't realised he lived so close to the school. The security light flashed on as we walked up the stone path. Simon opened the front door of the two storey brick house and quickly grabbed the car keys out of a bowl.<p>

"Shouldn't we ask your dad first?" I asked.

"I think he'll be more annoyed if I wake him up. We're only going downtown and back. He won't even know it was gone." He held open the car door for me and I was reminded yet again that Simon was as close to a perfect gentleman as a girl would ever find in high school. I could totally see him as Romeo, wooing some girl off her feet.

_Did my heart love 'til now? Forswear its sight. For I never saw true beauty 'til this night._

I'd really enjoyed English Literature last term so the lines popped effortlessly into my head. I wasn't her, but when Simon found his Juliet his forgotten love would probably be me. It seemed kind of fitting and right. Simon more than anyone deserved to find a perfect Juliet. Then again, _Romeo & Juliet _was too much of a tragedy. If anything two star-crossed lovers with a terrible fate described Jellal and I much better. Or maybe not. I'd keep waiting for our 'looking through the fish tank' moment but it would never come. He couldn't see me the way I wanted him to. I mean I'd confessed, put all my feelings out there for him to see and had to deal with the stress when he didn't give me a straight answer. Or any answer at all for that matter. Then I'd taken my clothes off, literally baring it all to him in a last ditch attempt to try and seduce him because I wanted him so much and what had it gotten me? Nothing but humiliation and misery and heartache and a near insurmountable level of awkwardness with my closest friend.

And a kiss.

One perfect, beautiful, heart-stopping kiss... if I ignored our drunken ordeal on Mira's bed. And I was more than happy to forget the events of that night. In fact, why didn't I go ahead and forget everything? Forget the way his eyes followed me tonight, forget the horrible things that had been said in our fight two days ago, forget all the other nonsense we'd been through the last five weeks including that stupid, ill-fated confession letter. I never should have written that thing. Perhaps I should ask for it back, if Jellal still had it, then I could burn it and be done with this particular unhappy phase in my life. A nice act of closure so I could stop clinging onto a boy who didn't want me. Would never want me. The truth was here before me. I'd overcomplicated our relationship way too much and, if Jellal's sadness tonight was anything to go by, it was making not just me, but both of us miserable. Jellal was my best friend. If asking for more destroyed all of that then I didn't want it.

_For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo._

Yes. I didn't want him to be my Romeo if it ended like that. My feelings for Jellal had to die. I would box them up, seal them away, suppress them deep down until they were nothing more than a dim memory of something stupid I'd felt once. Even the memory of that kiss had to be thrown away. Nothing should remain to tie me too closely to him. For a moment my heart protested, still longing for that intimate level of closeness to exist between us. To feel his strong arms around me, holding me like I was precious to him, like I was special. Like he loved me.

Pointless foolishness. I hated that he could make me feel this way. Titania was a nickname I'd certainly lose if I kept acting like such a damn softie. I was stronger than this. I could ignore these feelings until they went away. Abandon the memory of his hands caressing my body and sweet kisses that left the taste of him on my lips. That moment was an anomaly in our relationship that'd be best left unmentioned from now on. I would definitely forget it, if only to salvage what remained of my friendship with Jellal.

I would create such a strong adamantine armour around my heart it'd become indestructible.

Simon started the car and pulled slowly out of the drive. "You look like you've just made a major life decision."

"Maybe I have." I gazed out at the night stars and silenced my weak heart. It would take awhile to fully heal but for the first time in weeks, I felt a little like my old self. After all, what was love if not overrated?


	10. Falling To Pieces

_A/N: So the letter has finally been found! Now our Juliet is 'faking her death' and our Romeo is 'coming to see her one last time'. Is there a tragedy in the making?_

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Ten – Falling To Pieces_

I ran for the school gates. Half of me felt completely euphoric. I loved Erza and she loved me, or so I hoped. As unbelievable as it had once seemed, after the years spent together as friends and all the denials, we had fallen in love with each other. Being voted the couple most likely to get married and live happily ever after no longer seemed like a twisted joke engineered by a cruel fate. But I was getting way ahead of myself with that thought. I had to set things straight between us first.

So, the other half of me was terrified. I'd hurt her, badly. It hadn't been intentional, far from it, but still, what if she'd given up on us? After all this time, what if she didn't want me anymore? I had to find her. Explain to her properly that all this confusion was nothing but a huge mistake. She had to understand that given a second chance we could make this work. No matter what it took, I would _make_ her understand. If simple words weren't enough, then I'd take her to bed and show her exactly how much I loved her.

At the school gates I hesitated and looked both ways. Which way? Right led up the long, winding hill that eventually split into two. Down the right hand path would be the girls' dorm. Down the left hand path the boys dorm. They were divided by thick woods which probably had seemed like a good idea to whoever built the dorms but those very trees had become a hiding place for many an illicit meeting. Left from the school gates lead into the quiet residential area surrounding the school and beyond that into busier and busier neighbourhoods until you reached downtown Magnolia. I could see the sparkling lights in the distance. It was nearing one in the morning and Magnolia's night scene was buzzing. If he was taking her home then they would have gone right but… no one went home this early on prom night unless they were planning on continuing the party at home. Together. In a bed.

No way.

I reached for my phone and dialled her number from memory. It didn't even ring, just went straight to voicemail. I started jogging up the hill. Maybe I could catch up with them before Erza did something stupid. Her virginity was no longer hers to give away. It damn well belonged to me and there'd be hell to pay if that idiot Simon put even a single hand on her. I only made it maybe fifty feet before realizing that Simon's house was much closer than the dorms. Shit. What if he took her there? I scrolled though my address book and found his number. It rang and rang.

"Hey-"

"Simon! Where-"

"-This is Simon. Leave a message after the beep."

I hung up. Thought for a moment then dialled a number Erza would probably kick my ass for later. But hell, it'd be worth it.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice said.

"Hey, Wendy-chan. I'm so sorry to wake you. It's Jellal."

"Onii-san? Is everything okay?"

"Listen carefully. I need you to do me a favour. Look out the front door and tell me if you see anyone coming up the hill."

"Hai."

Bless. Wendy was so damn cute. I felt really bad waking her up but I was desperate. My only thought was that I had to find Erza as soon as possible. On the phone there was a soft thump.

"You okay?" The poor girl was beyond clumsy, to the point of it being ridiculous.

"I tripped. I'm okay. Eto… there's nobody there. Everyone is still at prom. Even Laki."

"You're absolutely sure?"

"Uh huh."

"Alright. Don't worry about it. Go back to bed. I'll buy you something nice to make up for this."

I hung up, reversed direction and headed for Simon's house. I hadn't been there in ages. As I jogged, I re-dialled his number.

* * *

><p>Simon had the radio on. It was set to some easy listening station which alternated between playing soft jazz or classical compositions and the commentator discussing problems that people wrote or called in about. Having recently covered the gory details of some messy divorce involving the cheating soon to be ex-husband, the pissed off soon to be ex-wife and the backstabbing ex-best friend soon to be new wife, I think even the commentator was pleased to move on to a soothing piano concerto. The soft chords filled the car. I felt myself drifting a little, the motion of the car and the music lulling me to sleep.<p>

A buzzing noise interrupted the pleasant atmosphere. I opened my eyes, "Is that your phone again?"

"Sorry. You look so peaceful and that's the second time it's gone off. I don't know who could be trying to ring me at this time of night. It's probably a drunk call off one of my friends."

"Do you want me to answer it?"

"No. It's in the pocket of my trousers. Whoever it is will just have to wait till we get out of the car."

I nodded and leaned back. It couldn't be that important.

* * *

><p>Simon still wasn't answering. I peered up at the windows of his house. The security light flickered on but all the indoor lights were off. I searched through my memories of the many times I'd been here when I was younger. Decided on a window. Found a few small pebbles and sent them sailing up, one at a time, to tap against the glass. Nothing. Rang him again. Still no answer. I was starting to feel stressed. I left a rather terse voicemail detailing exactly what I would do to him if I found out anything had happened between my girlfriend and him. Not my proudest moment but it was done and I couldn't take the words back.<p>

Nevermind the fact that Erza wasn't actually my girlfriend. Yet.

I thought about banging on the front door but while it was one thing to wake up Wendy in the early hours of the morning, it was quite another to disturb someone's sleeping parents. Plus Simon's little sister, Kagura, put a capital B onto the word Bitch like it was an Olympic sport. The girl had it in for me for some reason. I have no idea why. So I ditched that idea and was preparing to throw another stone when a light went on in the house next door. A little old lady stuck her head out the upstairs window. "Young man, what exactly is it that you're doing?"

Great. A busybody neighbour. "I'm just looking for my friend, Simon. This is his house right?"

"Yes but he's not home. He left a while ago with a pretty girl in his father's car. I dare say they're sneaking off to do something _immoral. _Young people these days don't know how to act decent. Including you. It's one o'clock in the morning. Go home and stop disturbing the peace!" She slammed the window shut.

* * *

><p>"Arigato," I bowed politely to the lady.<p>

"No problem, dear. People leave things all the time. I'm glad we could return it to you."

I thanked her again and we left the taxi office. Opening my clutch I dragged out my phone only to discover that the battery was dead. My face must have fallen big time because Simon immediately pulled his phone out and handed it to me.

"I'm such an idiot. I should have let you call him with my phone right from the beginning."

"You're not an idiot, Simon. I didn't think to ask you either. You've been so good to me tonight. Thank you so much for being a fantastic prom date and an even more fantastic friend." I couldn't quite tell in the semi-darkness of the street but I think he might have been blushing.

He scratched the back of his head, "Anytime for you, Erza."

I smiled at him and unlocked his phone. It popped up with four new voicemails, thirteen missed calls and eleven text messages. All from the same person. I raised my eyebrows.

"What is it?"

"The person who has been ringing you is Jellal."

"Ah. He's probably looking for you."

"For me…" I murmured then opened the first text message.

_Where are you?_

_Are you with Erza?_

_Did you take Erza home?_

_Please, this is important. I need to find her._

_I swear. If you've taken her anywhere dodgy I'll kill you._

_Sorry. I know you're a decent guy. Answer when I call alright?_

_No really. I might actually kill you if you're alone with my girl right now._

Weird. Each message sounded more and more desperate than the last. And that one I'd just read. I felt my cheeks burn. My silly heart started thumping away at the thought of Jellal calling me 'his girl' again. Simon peeked over my shoulder.

"Whoa. Sounds like he thinks you and I are up to no good."

"What? No way. Why would he even care if we were?" I blushed even harder.

"Well, even if you broke up I guess he still feels strongly for you."

"Broke up? We didn't break up."

Simon looked surprised. "I thought that was why you agreed to go to prom with me. I wouldn't have asked if I knew you were still dating him. Oh man, Jellal probably hates me right now. So what, you guys just been taking a little break for the last month or something?"

I hadn't realized that the awkwardness between Jellal and I had been obvious enough for everyone to notice. Then again he'd called me a whore in front of thirty or so people two days ago. That kind of juicy gossip gets around school pretty fast, death threats from Cana or not. "No. I mean, we aren't together at all. We never have been." _And never will be, _the cynical voice in my head couldn't help adding.

Simon smiled gently at me, "I know you guys like to keep your relationship on the down low but maybe that's the problem. You should be more honest with your feelings." He gestured at his phone. "He's going crazy looking for you because he doesn't want you to be with anyone else. He still loves you. You two should get back together."

I looked at Simon like he had just announced with all seriousness that the moon was made of blue cheese. "You've got us all wrong."

Everyone did. As long as I could remember people had thought Jellal and I were a couple. If only we were. _Stop it!_ I had decided to forget those thoughts. There would be no going back everytime someone made a throw away comment about us being good together. _Adamantine heart, adamantine heart, _I repeated silently to myself. It was my new mantra to help me remember that Jellal and I were friends. The closest of childhood friends. No more and no less. And right now something was obviously upsetting him, but what could Jellal possibly be so anxious about? And why was he trying so hard to find me? I went to open the next message and the phone vibrated in my hands. _Jellal _flashed across the screen. I pressed to answer it and was raising the phone to my ear when someone grabbed my wrist.

* * *

><p>The words of that busybody old lady really struck a chord with me. Simon had taken Erza somewhere in his car and it obviously hadn't been home to the girls dorms. I had this sick feeling in my stomach, imagining them in some seedy motel on the outskirts of town. His hands on her curves, tongue on her skin... For Simon' sake I hoped that wasn't the case. I would kill him if it was true. Erza was mine. My initially jealousy had morphed into a sense of possession that was nearly archaic. Any half decent feminist would have a heart attack at the thoughts going through my head. Because as far as I was concerned no other man should dare even look at her ever again. She belonged with me. Only me.<p>

For what felt like the billionth time in five minutes I tried Simon's number. The call connected. I could hardly believe it. "Simon-" There was a loud thump and I pulled the phone away from my ear to make sure he was there. He was. "Simon, are you with Erza?" Silence then a muffled moan.

I felt my blood run cold. They couldn't be. _Could they?_

More muffled noise. Another moan. Simon's voice, "You're amazing." I think my heart stopped.

Erza sounding excited, "You're pretty good yourself." This couldn't be happening.

"Well this isn't my first time." It might be your last though.

"Really? I can tell." Oh fuck no.

A small pause, more muffled sounds and then clear as a bell Erza again, "Do you think it will fit?"

"Erza!" I screamed down the phone, "Don't do this!"

* * *

><p>I could not believe some idiotic thugs had actually tried to mug us. The moment the opportunist thief grabbed my wrist I'd reacted without thinking. I seized his forearm and twisted, breaking his hold on me. Stepping to one side, I used his forward momentum to throw him to the ground with an easy hip throw. Within seconds I had him pinned, his arm twisted painfully behind his back. The guy couldn't even speak. He moaned and threw desperate pleading glances my way. I almost felt sorry for him. I mean he didn't stand a chance against me, after all the years I'd spent training at the dojo. The sudden adrenaline rush had my heart pumping. I looked across at Simon who had his own assailant subdued.<p>

He sent a cheeky grin my way, "You're amazing."

I couldn't help but grin back, "You're pretty good yourself."

His grin turned into a small grimace, "Well, this isn't my first time."

"Really? I can tell," I was a little surprised, not because of his skill level, but because Simon was a big guy. Why the hell would people come after him? For the challenge maybe? I stood up and slammed a fist into the solar plexus of the guy I was holding. He dropped like a sack of potatoes. Confident that he wasn't going anywhere, I scouted around and found Simon's phone. With a piece missing and a pretty bad crack down the centre of the blank screen. Damn it.

Simon wedged his knee into the back of the other guy and gestured. I looked where he pointed and found the missing piece. I brought both parts over to him. It was only cosmetic, the cracked screen was worse, but I still felt bad about it. "Do you think it will fit?"

He had a look. "Yeah. They're designed to go together. Hold on." He smacked the slightly struggling would-be mugger in the back of the head and the guys' head actually bounced off the sidewalk.

"That's going to hurt," I said, a little concerned that maybe we'd been a bit rough with them. Then again, they deserved it. These guys were going to rue the day they ever thought a couple of high school teens would be easy prey. As student council president I was pleased that out of everyone they'd run into me. With the lesson learned, and the bruises to prove it, I doubted they'd try a stunt like this again which meant the streets of Magnolia were that much safer for all the other students.

"Don't worry. It won't hurt that much. I know what I'm doing." Simon took the two pieces and with a little bit of effort forced them back together. "See, it fits."

* * *

><p>So this was Armageddon. The end of the world as I knew it. Right here. Right now. Standing on the street outside of Simon's house with the nosy neighbour probably watching on, I listened as my world fell to pieces. The girl I loved was getting fucked by some other guy and they sounded so clinical and matter of fact about it. Like it meant nothing. Maybe it didn't mean anything. I'd rejected her and now she was rebounding with someone else. Which wasn't something the Erza I knew would do at all. But of course it wouldn't be a rebound for her. It would mean something. Be the start of something new, something real, a proper relationship with someone who loved her. Someone who wasn't me.<p>

I'd blown it. Everything I could ever wish for in a girlfriend had been there, within easy reach, right in front of my eyes all along. Perfect happiness, wrapped up in this one amazing girl who understood me like no one else did. And I'd let her slip away from me. That tight feeling in my chest came back with a vengeance.

I suppose I should have hated Simon. But, despite all my earlier feelings, I didn't. I couldn't. He didn't have a damn thing to do with all the bullshit that'd been going on between Erza and me. True, it should have been me she was with. The fact that it wasn't was… I don't even know whose fault. Mine, I guess, for not realising sooner how important Erza was to me.

Cana's words came back to haunt me. _You're going to regret taking her for granted. I guarantee it. _I wondered if Cana would approve of Simon as a boyfriend for Erza. Probably. He'd take good care of her. Love and respect her. Never hurt her. Hold her close and...

On second thought I might murder him after all.

Would Erza hate me if I beat the crap out of her new boyfriend? Probably, but I'd rather she hate me than have to watch her be with someone else. He couldn't have her. I'd never give Erza up, never let her go. It wasn't even an option. She was my girl. It didn't matter if she had decided to move on. In a single heartbeat, I took a massive leap straight into the _'If I can't have her no one can'_ state of mind that I'd been trying so hard to suppress. Erza had it all wrong after all. She had made this choice thinking that I didn't love her. When actually there was no way Simon or any other man could ever love her the way I did. Or hurt her the way I did. But that had been a misunderstanding. If she knew the truth she wouldn't have done this. Right? _Right? _Isn't there that saying that the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else? The image that thought produced had me spiralling right back towards depression and feeling that I should just let it be. It was over. No way was this thing with Simon a one night stand.

_Erza... How could you do this to me?_ Wait, that thought was way out of line. I would go fucking crazy thinking about her, about us and what could have been, should have been but would never be now. Fuck my life. I couldn't deal with this shit. Just couldn't. She was meant to be with me and now.. and now... _What the hell was I supposed to do now?_

There was a clatter and I realised I'd dropped my phone. I stared down, debating if I should pick it up or not. A cold numbness was creeping over me and things seemed not to matter so much any more but I figured I should at least disconnect the call. I knelt down and heard a crinkling noise. Erza's confession letter in the jacket pocket of my suit. I pulled out the slightly crumpled page.

_I want us to kiss and maybe do other things. I can't believe I just wrote that! I'm blushing like crazy right now but if it's you then I think I'm ready for, well, you know, it. _

She said it was selfish, greedy, to have all those wants. I had to disagree because they weren't wants at all. They were needs. Holding hands, talking about anything, being closer than ever, sharing a love that was deep and true. I needed all those things and so much more with her but somehow I'd ended up with nothing. Nothing except this hollow emptiness in my heart. I tilted my head back to gaze at the sky. Not a single cloud. Still it must have started raining. How else could I explain the drops of moisture dampening the page?


	11. Just A Kiss

_A/N: After the (fantastic) reviews of the last chapter the management of this story would like it noted that the author accepts no responsibility for broken household items - desks, plates, computer screens, patience, wills to live etc. - caused by the ridiculous level of misunderstanding in any particular chapter. That said - Hide the good china..._

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Eleven – Just A Kiss _

The moment the two broken pieces of Simon's phone clicked together the screen flared back into life. Unbelievably, the call to Jellal was still connected. I took the phone back from Simon. "Hello?" I tried but there was only silence and when I pulled the phone away, the screen had turned black again. I couldn't help feeling disappointed. I guess I would have to send Jellal a text as soon as I could charge up my phone but it seemed likely that we wouldn't be able to speak until the morning. I felt a flicker of concern. He'd seemed pretty desperate to find me. I hoped he was okay.

"I think we need to call the police," Simon said.

"Yeah but with what? Your phone is broken and mine has no battery."

Simon started to rifle through the guy's clothes. "Thought so. Take your pick," he said and pulled out three different phones. Clearly these idiots were having a good night. "I bet they usually rush up to unsuspecting victims, snatch the phones right out of their hands and then run off."

"Disgusting." I didn't feel sorry for roughing them up any more. I chose a phone at random and made the call.

* * *

><p>I left my phone lying in the street outside Simon's house. There was no reason to keep it. My life was over. Yet for some bizarre reason no one else seemed aware of this fact. The world kept spinning on, as if everything was okay. Apparently the sun would still rise in a few hours, right on schedule. Who knew?<p>

Post personal apocalypse, with nowhere else to go, I wandered back to the school. Big mistake. All these damn couples kept appearing everywhere. Was everyone in Magnolia but me getting laid tonight? Fucking hell. It had never bothered me before but watching all these loved up people was truly nauseating.

First, I had the great misfortune of finding Gray with his tongue in Juvia's mouth at the school gates. I debated intervening. That particular hook up would only end one way. Namely, Juvia waking up alone with Gray MIA. I'd like to think Gray would stick around for a girl so obviously head over heels in love with him but I doubted it. The guy was as cold as ice when it came to serious relationships. I could already imagine the waves this scandal would create in our little band of friends. Still, probably not as shocking as Erza and...

"Will you two get a fucking room!"

Gray came up for air and blinked at me, oblivious to my dark mood. "That's a great idea," he said. They sauntered off in the direction of the dorms, Gray's hands all over Juvia's ass. She looked like she'd just won the fucking lottery. Bitch.

Exasperated, I kept heading in the direction of the gym. I needed a fucking drink. What I got instead was Gajeel and Levy having an argument. Trouble in paradise? Of course not.

"I can walk by myself!" She insisted.

"You said two minutes ago that those heels are hurting you. Stop being so stubborn," he said back.

"I'm wearing a dress."

"It's past one in the morning. No one will see."

"I'm too heavy."

"Now you're just being ridiculous."

I think this fell definitively within the realm of what Millianna would call 'cute'. Gajeel was always doing these stupid little things for Levy that didn't suit his rough and tumble outer appearance at all. They were such opposites and they'd hated each other when he first transferred to Magnolia High. Now look at them. What I wouldn't give to have these kind of couple moments with...

"For fucks sake! Just let him fucking carry you!"

They both looked up in surprise at my sudden outburst. Gajeel recovered first, "That's what I've been saying all along." Levy gathered up the shimmery fabric of her dress and used a hair tie to secure it in a loose knot just above her knees. Gajeel knelt down and she climbed onto his back. I couldn't help thinking that I used to give Erza piggyback rides like that all the time when we were kids.

"I'm heavy right?"

"Not at all."

"Did I flash you Jellal?"

"No," I lied. I had thought it was impossible for things to get any worse but being beaten up by Gajeel tonight would definitely be defined as 'worse'.

"See you later," they said, perfectly in sync. _What the hell? Who the fuck does that? _Oh right, Erza and I used to, literally all the time. They left, Gajeel humming tunelessly, Levy's head resting on his shoulder. Yet another happy couple thanks to my marriage counselling. I should start charging.

Fuck. I really needed that drink.

In the gym the Macarena was playing. It was so hot and sweaty, I almost turned around and walked straight back out but I hadn't come this far to leave empty handed. I crossed the darkened room, dodging waving arms and shaking hips to grab a glass of punch. Which was promptly knocked out of my hand by an over-enthusiastic Natsu.

"Jellal! Where the hell have you been? Is this not the best night ever?" He yelled over the music and people chanting 'Aaay Macarena!'. Lucy appeared at his side, all giggly and excited. I stood there, punch dripping all over my hand, as they threw their arms around each other like they hadn't seen one another in a hundred years.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people! This is the worse fucking night of my entire fucking life and every single one of you is fucking pissing me the fuck off!"

Natsu stared at me. "Dude. Relax. Going for the world record on using the f-word in a single sentence or something?"

"Are you okay, Jellal?" Lucy asked, her arms still draped around Natsu's neck. "Did you have another fight with Erza?"

Something in me snapped. It was probably for the best that the torrent of emotions I felt at that moment rendered me speechless. I was PMS-ing worse than any girl. My mental state swinging wildly between angry and depressed so fast I could hardly keep up with myself. I needed to get away from them, from everyone, from the world, from life. I could not deal with this shit. And the one person who could understand how I felt right now was doing heaven only knows what with that bastard Simon. _Oh god_, why was I back to thinking about that? Fuck my fucking life...

* * *

><p>All things considered the police were really understanding and perhaps a little impressed. Since it was prom night they didn't drag Simon and me down to the station for statements. They recorded the basics of what happened and asked us to come in on Monday to submit a proper report. Even so, it was still a good forty five minutes before we were finally back in Simon's car.<p>

"Do you want to go back to the party?" he asked.

"No. It's practically over anyway and I'm dead tired. I'm sorry about your phone."

"Don't worry about it. I've got insurance. Should I take you home?"

"If you don't mind."

The easy listening radio station was back on. Some teenage girl was bemoaning the fact that her crush didn't reciprocate her feelings. I listened as the low, smooth voice of the commentator told her she was still young and had plenty of time to find 'the one'. I hoped he was right. If I was giving up on Jellal that meant there was someone out there who'd be perfect for me in a way that he wasn't. I couldn't quite believe that yet.

Simon stopped the car outside the dorm and insisted on walking me up the stairs, onto the porch and right to the front door. We stood there now, my keys jangling in my hand. It felt like that awkward moment in movies when the guy leans in for a kiss. Weird. "Thanks again for tonight," I said.

"It's certainly been memorable. I'll see you around," he said, "And Erza..."

"Yeah?" I had my hand on the door handle, key poised and ready.

"I'm happy I got this one night with you. But what you and Jellal have is really special. Don't let it go."

I let out an exasperated sigh, "There is nothing special about my relationship with Jellal! We're friends. Give us a break please!"

Simon put his hands in his pockets and I turned to face him. We needed to settle this once and for all.

"So you're really not dating?" He scuffed one foot against the wooden decking.

"No."

"Have never dated?"

"No and we never will." _Ouch._ Slight twinge of pain but I'd get over it. I didn't have any other choice.

"Then... Do you like anyone?"

"No." The lie came easily. I figured if I said it enough, eventually it would come true.

"What about me?"

"What?" I was genuinely shocked. That question was completely out of the blue. I thought I'd made in obvious earlier that I didn't return his feelings. But I hadn't said it explicitly, had I?

Simon looked intently into my eyes, "Well, do you dislike me?"

A trick question. "Uh no. I don't dislike you but you know umm..." I stuttered. I was obviously wandering into some kind of intricate trap but I wasn't sure how to steer this conversation into safer territory.

Simon was back to looking at his feet. "Ah hell. This is way out of line and I know you don't want to date me but I've liked you for a long time Erza. Taking you to prom was the best thing to ever happen to me. If you really don't like anyone and you don't hate me then is it okay for me to kiss you?"

_Oh shit._

* * *

><p>I felt like shit. Since abandoning the party, I'd been aimlessly wandering. No destination or purpose in mind. Walking simply to walk. If Magnolia had been a more dangerous city I might have run into some trouble. Maybe I'd been subconsciously looking for trouble. Sensei would have a fit if he thought I was intentionally going out of my way to use my skills to beat up unsuspecting bad guys but no enemies of justice appeared. They were all busy accosting someone else I guess. So I walked and walked. Eventually my feet took me home but I was restless and somehow they led me here. Outside the girls dorm. Which was pointless. Erza wasn't here. She was most likely curled up next to Simon in post-coital bliss. <em>Don't think about it Jellal. Just don't.<em>

I leaned back against the banister that surrounded the porch. I don't know what I was expecting. To sit here and wait until she came home in the morning? If I was the first person she saw maybe she'd want to tell me all about it. A full retelling of her first time. It was the kind of thing a girl would tell her best friend. And it would double up as proof that she was over me. That our love was dead and her relationship with Simon just beginning.

I let my head fall back and sighed deep. I wondered... Had it been like this with her all these long weeks? I hoped not. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. _What to do, what to do?_ There was no obvious answer. I couldn't deal with Erza dating Simon but I had no confidence that I could get her back after I'd screwed up so badly. Could a person die of a broken heart? Probably not but I'd sure put the theory to the test. Fuck. This was so depressing.

A car pulled up and the lights swung over me. One of the girls coming home. I checked my watch. Ten past two. How I'd made it through the last hour, I had no idea. How I would face the next few hours, never mind the coming days and weeks without Erza was beyond me. It hit me then that I was bone tired, exhausted right to my very core. Maybe whoever had come home wouldn't mind letting me crash on the couch in the living room. Now that Erza was presumably happy dating Simon none of the girls had any reason to keep hating me. I dragged myself onto my feet and made my way sullenly to the front of the house.

* * *

><p><em>Say what?<em> _Kiss me? _I opened my mouth for an immediate negative response. I didn't feel that way about Simon. But the way he stood there, looking down at his feet, hands in his pockets, hopeful but hesitant made the knee-jerk rejection die in my throat. Of course I wasn't in love with him but I didn't hate him either and, judging by the way he phrased the question, he knew it would be a simple kiss and nothing else. He only wanted that little bit of happiness. Hell, didn't we all? How many times had I hoped for a kiss from Jellal before I finally got one worth remembering?

And no matter how much I wanted to forget this whole phase that one kiss had made all the pain worth it. I could move on, become content with being just friends with Jellal, eventually fall in love with somebody else and make a million new memories but that kiss would always be special. Mainly because it had made me happier than I'd ever thought possible, if only for that moment.

"Okay," I heard myself say.

"Seriously?" Simon's head snapped up and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Yeah. It's just one kiss. You won't get any funny ideas right?"

"No, never. Not a single funny idea. I know it will just be a one off thing." Even as he said the words his whole face lit up. That was what I was talking about. That singular moment of happiness that a person could look back on later and say 'it didn't work out but we did share one hell of a kiss'. It was written all over his face. Simon was a good friend. I could at least give him this.

I stepped towards him and rested my hands on his shoulders. It was more than a little weird but whatever. This was just an innocent kiss right? Simon hadn't moved so I tiptoed and leaned into him. It was just a kiss. His arms came around me. Just a kiss. He closed his eyes. A kiss...

My heart balked, screamed at me that this was ludicrous, that I shouldn't do it, but he was leaning down to meet me and it was too late to back out now. I squeezed my eyes shut and Jellal was right there, my heart and head so full of him that there was no room for anyone else. It felt like I was cheating on him. I tried not to tense up in Simon's arms and hoped it'd be over fast.

* * *

><p>Silent as a lonely ghost I climbed the steps up to the front door. Looked up. Counted the seconds it took me to take in the scene.<p>

One... A moonlit night.

Two... A couple holding each other close.

Three... A single tear rolling slowly down Erza's cheek.

Four... I punched Simon in the face. There was a sickening crunch of breaking cartilage. He stumbled backwards, blood trickling from his nose. Serves him right. It took years for me to bring Erza to tears and he'd managed it in one fucking night. Bastard. He was going to pay for this.

As soon as I managed to get up.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god!" <em>What the hell had just happened?<em> I had Simon on my right, leaning against the front door, most likely with a broken nose from the sound of things, and Jellal pinned beneath me. Because I'd decked him. Obviously not on purpose! I don't know. The run in with the muggers had me on high alert and Jellal had appeared so suddenly... I reacted without thinking. At least I'd recognized him almost immediately and switched to a less painful aikido move. Still, our skill levels were more or less equal so he should have been able to counter it. But he was so tensed up I doubted he'd even thought of it.

"How many times tonight am I going to have to do this?" I looked up and directed the question at the sky. This had to be the most bizarre prom night ever.

"Get off me now so I can kill that bastard," Jellal growled.

"Uh... No. Why did you do that anyway?" Not that I wasn't grateful. I really hadn't wanted to kiss Simon. I didn't really want him to end up with a broken nose either. In any case it was good to see Jellal but wasn't a knight in shining armour supposed to be, I don't know, kind of suave about these sort of rescues?

"You're crying. I swear, if he hurt you in anyway Erza I'll-" He tried to get up and I had to use all my upper body strength to keep him on the ground.

"Relax, Jellal. He didn't hurt me but you definitely hurt him. Are you okay Simon?"

"I guess. I suppose I deserved that," he mumbled with a look at me that said clear as day _'like hell you're not dating'. _

I blushed, "I'm so sorry Simon. I don't know why he did that. Why did you do that?" I asked for the second time because the first answer had been so ludicrous.

"Erza. I saw you crying. Don't tell me you weren't. He deserves everything he gets just for that."

I twisted his arm a bit and he winced. While he was distracted I raised one hand to my face and wiped my cheek. I guess I had been crying. The realisation made me hate myself a little bit more. I was so deep in love with Jellal that I couldn't even kiss another guy. Stupid, silly girl. I really had to find a way to let go of all this weakness.

"I wasn't crying," Mavis, I was tuning into a compulsive liar. "I'm going to let you up now. Simon hasn't done anything to me tonight that I didn't want him to do. So chill okay?"

His whole body tensed up at my words, then relaxed and when I shifted away from him he didn't move. So I shuffled across the deck and had a look at Simon.

* * *

><p>That was a lie. She had been crying. I know what I saw and I hadn't like it. Not one bit. I sat up slowly and tried to control my temper. As long as Erza was here I'd have to be content with sending Simon death threats with my eyes. This would have been so much easier if she was the kind of girl that stood to one side and squealed <em>'Ah stop! Don't fight over me!'<em> whilst secretly loving it. But she wasn't like that. I'd never heard Erza squeal in my entire life. And she wouldn't let anyone fight her battles for her. Erza was independent and feisty and a complete handful but that's why I loved her so much. I wouldn't change a damn thing about her... except what she was doing right now.

She was on her knees in front of Simon, her hands cradling his face while she examined his nose. It was definitely broken. I couldn't help but feel smug about that even as my own hand throbbed from the impact. She leaned towards him and I panicked, thinking she was about to try and kiss him again. I scrambled across the wooden decking and yanked her backwards. She tumbled into my lap with a little gasp. Her hair had been pulled up into this elaborate bun but it tumbled down, cascading down her back and over my shoulder, a multitude of pins falling onto the porch with soft tinkling sounds. I wrapped my arms around her and held on tightly. Breathed deep and all I could smell was her coconut shampoo. Fuck giving up. Erza was mine. "We need to talk," I muttered into the back of her neck.

* * *

><p>Did we ever. What the hell was Jellal up to? He was clinging all over me like I was a lifeline. Not that I was complaining. His warm breath tickled my neck and his strong arms around my waist felt good. I relaxed for a moment against his chest. We hadn't seen each other all day, although it felt more like a lifetime, and we certainly hadn't been this comfortable around each other in a long time. It would be good to go back to being close friends. I missed him hugging me and playing with my hair and being normal around me. Now if only I could get my heart to slow down things would be exactly as they had been before.<p>

"I should go," said Simon abruptly. Or at least I think that's what he said. His voice was all warped and funny sounding because of his injury.

"Yes, you should," said Jellal and I elbowed him. There was no need for him to use that nasty tone of voice.

Simon got to his feet and I struggled to get out of Jellal's grasp but his grip on me only tightened. "Don't go Simon. You need to ice that right away. Let go Jellal."

"No," he said, as petulant as a spoiled child. Geez, what was with him?

"Fine then don't. But can we at least all go to the kitchen? I'll get some ice for your hand too." This seemed to appease him because the vice-like hold on me lessened and we stood up together. Jellal kept his hands on my waist as I opened the front door. And walked through the lobby. And down the hall. And into the kitchen. "Okay. You really need to let go now." I was certain my face must be beet red and it was nearly impossible to move around with him holding me so close. "Come on, Jellal. Just sit here okay?" I peeled his hands off me and forced him onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar.

Jellal sat there sulkily, his eyes tracking my every step as I moved around the kitchen. I wrapped a bag of frozen peas in a tea towel and handed it to Simon who was sat cautiously on another stool leaving four empty spaces between him and Jellal. He looked like he expected Jellal to pounce on him any minute. "He won't hurt you. It was a mistake and he's very sorry. Aren't you Jellal?" I prompted him.

"I might. It wasn't and I'm not."

I glared at him. "You broke his nose. The least you can do is apologise."

"He deserved it Erza. He's damn lucky you're here or I'd pound him into oblivion."

* * *

><p>She sighed and placed a wrapped bag of frozen carrots on my hand. "I don't understand Jellal. What's going on with you today? You rang Simon like a million times and then when you finally see him you punch him in the face straight off the bat."<p>

"I was looking for you, not this idiot and he should have answered his damn phone," I scowled at Simon. It was wasted though, because there was no way he could see me with that bag of peas held to his face.

"We were kind of busy," Simon mumbled and I stood up so fast that the stool clattered onto the kitchen tiles. This guy was fucking asking to die tonight saying things like that.

Erza jumped between us, one hand on my chest. "Sit down. Now. I'm not even joking Jellal. I've had the most crazy night as it is. Stop being so aggressive."

"He started it," I picked up the stool and sat. I knew Erza well enough to know that if I didn't, she would make me.

"I'm going to go before I get hit again." Simon said, "I'm sorry Jellal. What I did was out of line. But seriously, you two need to sort your shit out. Then things like this wouldn't happen."

"I told you Simon. We're not-"

"Whatever Erza. You obviously are. If you're going to use me to make your boyfriend jealous it'd be nice to know ahead of time so I could decide not to be involved in your little games."

_Whoa. What?_ _Fucking_ _what?_ The reality hit me hard. Erza fucking lost her virginity to this guy for no fucking reason whatsoever other than to piss me off. If she was in love with Simon then that was one thing, if she was trying to get over me then fine, but going out of her way to do this just to make me jealous?

Oh fuck no.

"You did all this to make me jealous? I cannot believe you! This is... " Words failed me as I struggled to come to terms with this new revelation. I was beginning to see that this was some devious plot, probably engineered by all of Erza's little girlfriends, to teach me a lesson. No fucking way did she come up with a bullshit idea like this on her own. Fuck, why did it have to be this? The stunt with the shorts was fair play but this? Fucking this?

"This is fucking unbelievable! Couldn't you wait like two fucking minutes for me to find you tonight!" I yelled at Erza. I'd been so close to finding her and confessing that I loved her. All she had to do was stay outside the gym for two more fucking minutes and everything would have been perfect. Fucking perfect. We could have been so happy together. Instead she gave up so easily what should have been mine for such a stupid, petty reason. She wanted jealous? I hoped she was prepared for fucking angry as hell.

"And you!" I whirled on Simon. "If you had just answered your damn phone none of this would have happened. You turned my girlfriend into a fucking whore!"

"I said I'm sorry! And nothing even happened!" Simon held his hands up and stepped back. He was going to have to step into another country to feel safe from me even if it seemed he was an unknowing participant in whatever the hell was going on. Nothing would ever change the fact that he'd fucked my girl.

I turned back to Erza, "How could you do this to me? How could you? You think this is some kind of game? How the fuck am I supposed to look at you now after what you've done?" I was screaming at her. It honestly felt like she'd cheated on me.

* * *

><p>"Jellal, don't be so angry. Nothing happened." <em>What the fuck was going on?<em> I'd never seen him so angry before. He'd called me his girlfriend and a whore all in the same sentence. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad but I was definitely confused. Had Jellal really fallen in love with me? That was the only reason I could think of for why he'd be so upset. He was still overreacting though. Simon and I hadn't even kissed but he was behaving like I'd slept with the guy.

"Don't fucking lie to me! I heard you on the phone! I can't believe this." He was pacing up and down, the fury emanating from him almost palpable.

_On the phone? _Okay, I was even more confused. "With those other guys?"

His eyes went dark, "Others? There were others? How many? Oh my fucking god! Who are you? Just who the fuck are you? I don't even know you!"

* * *

><p>Zeref help me. This girl really had turned into a whore. Was this my fault? Had I really made her do this? Fuck. This was the worst day of my entire life. I was right back on the street outside Simon's house and I could hear my heart breaking all over again with each and every damning word that came out of Erza's mouth.<p>

"I think you're misunderstanding something. It wasn't like that," she said.

Simon lowered the bag of peas and managed a smile, "It was pretty amazing to watch actually."

_He watched? _That was the final straw. Fuck playing nice. This bastard was going down. I crossed the room in a matter of seconds and lashed out at him.

Simon must have a guardian angel riding on his shoulder tonight because instead of breaking his jaw like I wanted to, my fist collided with the bag of peas he held out. The bag exploded outwards, frozen green orbs bouncing all over the kitchen and tiny crystal flakes of ice dusting through the air like a snow globe. Yeah well, let's see if this bastard's luck held out.

"Wait, just wait, Jellal. Can't we talk about this? It wasn't a big deal!" Simon dropped the remaining plastic tatters of the bag and backed away from me but I was done talking.

* * *

><p>This, whatever <em>this <em>was, had escalated totally out of control. I knew better that anyone exactly what Jellal was capable of and if I didn't do something Simon would end up with way worse than a broken nose. I kicked my heels off and stepped between Jellal and Simon. I didn't think about it, just reacted, because no matter how angry he was, Jellal would never hurt me.

Simon, for his part, seemed to realise that if he valued his life then leaving was probably for the best and scrambled out the kitchen door. Jellal stalked towards me. He was furious. I could see it blazing in his eyes as he carefully calculated how to get me out of his way. A million different moves went through my mind and I discarded them all in seconds. I knew instinctively that none of them would work. There was only one thing I could think to do. Well then, let's see him counter this.

He reached for me and I stepped effortlessly within his guard so my body pressed up against his, slid my hands up his chest and around his neck, pulled him down until our lips met. It wasn't a kiss. More like a crash collision. There were no pretty fireworks, only a roaring, burning, all consuming fire that flared instantly between us. He tasted bitter and angry and desperate. His right hand gripped the back of my neck. It was freezing cold from the ice treatment. I gasped and his tongue was in my mouth. Insistent, demanding. No question who was dominating this. His left hand raced up my leg, pulling me towards him. I took the hint. With a tiny jump I wrapped my legs around his waist. Even with the slit up one side of my dress I heard the fabric tear. He spun us around and my back slammed into the fridge. The impact knocked the cereal boxes over but I was in no position to care about the mess. He forced my head to the side and bit down hard on the side of my neck. I winced but only clung to him tighter. I could feel his need for me, raw and dangerous. No way was I going to complain if he left a few bruises on my skin.

Jellal tugged on the front of my dress and the clasp at the back of my neck gave way. Layers of purple silk glided down to pool around my waist, exposing my strapless lace bra. The back of his hand trailed down my chest, cold fingers making me flinch away from him. They persisted on their trail to hook into the centre of my bra. Jellal leaned back and looked me right in the eyes. The cold anger was still there, mingled with lust. I knew then that he was doing this to punish me for whatever it was he thought I had done to him. He ripped the black band off me. My breasts tumbled free. All I could do was gasp again. Everything was happening so fast. He was being deliberately rough and there was no way for me to control what was happening. I'd unleashed something within him and it was running away from both of us.

Jellal hoisted me higher and stepped to the side to rest me down on the marble countertop. The moment he didn't have to support my weight his hands were kneading my breasts, one still colder than the other, sending both shivers and sparks through me. His head moved lower till his mouth, warm and wet, sucked on the top of my chest, right where the soft curve of my breast started, leaving yet another bruising love bite. My hands tangled in his hair. I could hear my own raspy breaths as his tongue raced down to circle around one pink nipple. I arched into him even as my mind raced. _Should I let him do this?_ My entire body was longing for his touch, craving more, more, more. There was no denying I liked what he was doing but it still managed to feel slightly wrong.

His hands were on my thighs now, edging higher and higher, reaching for my panties. My resolved wavered. I had only wanted to distract him, not lose my virginity on the kitchen counter. Especially not when he was acting as though he hated me. I finally identified what was off about this moment. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. I wanted to be like this with him but I always imagined our first time being filled with love and gentleness not the simmering rage I could feel from him. "Jellal-"

"Shut up!" He hissed, low and dark in my ear, "I'm so angry at you right now. Did you really think this would work? You thought I'd be happy to be just another notch in your bedpost?"

"What? No. I didn't do this to make you jealous." My mind struggled to keep up with him. Did he really think I'd staged the whole almost kiss thing with Simon? If that was the problem then we weren't even reading from different pages, we were reading entirely different books. "Jellal, please, you don't understand."

He grabbed my dress and yanked it back over my breasts. "You're right. I don't. I never thought you'd do something like this. I hurt you. I know that. But that was me genuinely not knowing how things were between us. But this... You did this on purpose with the sole intention of hurting me. You want to act like a whore, I'll treat you like one."

It was like he'd reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. It was so clear to me now. He'd fallen in love with me just in time to see what looked like me making out with another guy. I felt the tears well up. "No, Jellal. It wasn't like that. I never, I swear I never would want to hurt you. Please, I love you. I love you so much."

"You want to cry now? Go right ahead." He stepped away from me and used a magnet to stick a piece of paper onto the fridge. "You want to know who I love? The girl who wrote me that. Let me know if she ever stops being such a slut and decides to act like a decent woman again." He whirled away from me and stormed out of the kitchen.

I sat on the countertop, holding the tattered fragments of my dress over my chest. The floor was littered with defrosting peas, crushed cheerios and the broken pieces of my heart. My confession letter on the fridge silently accused me of betraying the greatest love I'd ever have.

Because when you loved the way we did, there really was no such thing as _'just a kiss'_.


	12. Cupid's Love Arrows

_A/N: These two obviously need some help..._

_I do not own Fairy Tail. _

_Chapter Twelve - Cupid's Love Arrows_

I left Erza crying on the kitchen counter. It had to be the hardest thing I'd ever done. My heart was aching. Both broken halves of it. I longed to turn around, take her in my arms and tell her that I forgave her. Then beg for her forgiveness for everything stupid I'd done. Starting with missing the signs that she had fallen in love with me, and I with her, and ending with what I'd just done to her in the kitchen. My behaviour was disgraceful. I'd never treated a woman like that in my entire life. I'd never been this angry with one before either.

How had this happened? Never in a million years would I have pegged my best friend as the kind of girl who would stoop this low. She wrote all those pretty words about finally feeling ready to sleep with me and then fell into bed with that fucking bastard so easily. Not to mention these other guys. I couldn't even think about that. Fuck my life. Even so, after everything she'd done, I was still in love with Erza. The passion I'd felt for her in the kitchen might have come out all wrong but it hadn't been faked. I could feel that heat for her burning even now. And everything wasn't wholly her fault. I was as much, if not more, to blame for the failures in the relationship we hadn't quite managed to get into.

Out in the lobby a flash of blue caught my eye on the way to the door. There, curled up on the window seat that overlooked the front of the dormitory, was Wendy. Ah damn. She was still clutching her phone. Poor sweet girl had probably sat here, waiting to see when somebody came home so she could call me back and tell me, but she'd fallen asleep instead. I checked my anger, slowed down to a walk and nudged her gently, "Wendy. Wendy, you can go back to bed now." She stirred slightly, yawned and then promptly fell back asleep. My lips twitched but I couldn't quite manage a smile. I was all torn up inside but Wendy had nothing to do with that and I couldn't just leave her here. "Come on," I pulled her up so she was sitting and teased the phone out of her grip. She woke up a bit and rubbed her eyes with one tiny fist, "Onii-san?"

"Put your arms around my neck." She obeyed automatically, still half asleep, and I lifted her easily.

"Onii-san, I fell asleep. Gomenasai."

"You've got nothing to be sorry about." Unlike me. My list of sins was growing longer by the minute.

Wendy snuggled against me as I carried her upstairs to her room. I left her phone on the bedside table, tucked her in and smoothed the hair off her face. She breathed slow and deep, sound asleep and dreaming. She looked so innocent, still too young to know what it was like to love someone to the point of pain. Good. I hoped she stayed innocent for a long time to come. I sat there for a few minutes, watching her sleep, a million thoughts spiralling through my mind.

I'd hurt Erza and she'd hurt me. I loved Erza and I guess, in some twisted way, her trying to make me jealous this way meant she still loved me. We were the epitome of love to the point of pain. My anger at what Erza had done simmered on but was already fading slightly, tempered by the fact that I never could stay mad at her for long and a growing sense of shame at my own actions.

I had no right to put my hands on her like that. For any reason. I wasn't her boyfriend. Erza could sleep with whoever she felt like. She owed me nothing. Everything was playing back through my mind and I was starting to feel physically sick at the horrifying memories. _What the hell had I just done? _I could've just talked to her. Explained I'd only read the letter tonight. Tried to convince her that she'd be so much happier dating me. And even if she had said no, I could have been a good friend, loving her from afar. But I'd fucked up. Big time. She must hate me. And she had every right to. The full consequences of my impulsive actions were catching up to me and I felt like the lowest kind of despicable monster.

Why was this happening to us? The words in Erza's confession were a promise that I would be the one. I could've been the one. But, for who knows what reason, we kept missing each other. Her letter had been so close to me for weeks and I hadn't found it till it was too late. Then when I'd tried to find her tonight, she had slipped through my fingers by a matter of minutes. This had to be fate. There was no other way to explain how everything could become so twisted. It wasn't meant to be. The love, the passion, whatever it was that was bursting to life between Erza and I was destined to fail. _Romeo & Juliet _indeed. We would never be together. And if the last few weeks were fate then tonight was divine retribution. Punishment for trying to push our relationship in a direction it wasn't supposed to go in.

I rested my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands. Somehow the 'few minutes' sitting on the edge of Wendy's bed had stretched into nearly a quarter of an hour. At least I'd come to some conclusions, depressing though they may be. I would take some time away from Erza. A lot of time. Maybe the whole summer. Calm down. Get my head straight. Come to terms with things and then maybe we could rebuild our friendship. If she let me. I wouldn't blame her if she never wanted to see me ever again. That intense ache was back in my chest. I better get used to it, I had a feeling it would be around for a long time to come.

I promised myself then, that if we could put these events behind us and move on, I'd never look at Erza as anything more than a friend again. Okay, that was lie. I would love her more than anyone but that was the problem. I loved her too much. It made me do stupid, irresponsible things. Sanity, common decency, chivalry. It had all disappeared in a heartbeat tonight. Never again. I couldn't stop loving Erza but I could at least protect her from this darkness I seemed to hold within. If she needed me, I'd be there for her but no way was I letting myself get too close. Nothing should taint her radiant light.

I sighed. My mind was made up but _what was I doing still sitting here?_ Loitering around the girls dorm like an unhappy spirit, that's what. I made sure to close Wendy's door very softly as I left. Outside of Erza's door, I paused and placed the two things I brought for her on the floor. It'd be the last thing I ever did for her in a romantic kind of way. She'd know what they meant. Back out in the lobby the grandfather clock softly chimed quarter to three. The kitchen light was still on and I hesitated for a moment.

_No_, I should just go. Everything was still too raw. I could apologise another time. One last longing look down the hall and I let myself out.

* * *

><p>I let myself cry for maybe two minutes then I tied a knot in my broken dress straps to keep it up and started cleaning the kitchen. Broom, sweep, dustpan, bin. I didn't think of anything but that careful routine. I collected up the scattered peas that had rolled everywhere, returned the cereal boxes to their rightful place on top of the fridge. After that I wiped down the already spotless counters, put fresh water in the flower vase by the sink, unloaded the dishwasher, I even moped the floor. Before I knew it there was nothing left to do except face what I had been avoiding.<p>

I crossed the damp floor and pulled my confession letter down off the fridge. No need to read it, every line was engraved in my mind, on my heart. I'd spent hours writing and re-writing it, making sure each line perfectly conveyed everything I felt in my heart for Jellal. He hadn't reacted to it the way I hoped he would so I'd tried to rush things, force him to see me how I wanted him to. It had taken me months to sort through my emotions, figure out that I loved him and work up the courage to confess. Had I really expected him to fall in love with me after one letter? Like it would be straightforward for him to change the way he saw me. From childhood friend to girlfriend as easy as flipping on a light switch. It wasn't that simple. I knew that, but disappointed by his initial rejection I'd done the unthinkable.

I had tried to give up on us.

He'd said he was jealous. Kissed me like the world was ending. And I'd written both things off with hardly a thought for what they really meant. His feelings for me had probably been changing all this last month as he slowly got use to the idea. But stupid, selfish girl that I was, I'd been too caught up in dealing with my own emotions to even notice.

Slowly all the puzzle pieces were forming an ugly picture of the bitter truth. Of course Jellal was putting space between us. I'd chosen another guy as my prom date. Could I blame Jellal for thinking I'd changed my mind about us? Still, his eyes had been on me all night. Until I disappeared. On prom night. Alone with a guy. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he thought we'd been doing. The calls, the texts, even Simon acknowledged that Jellal had been desperately looking for me because he thought we were up to no good. I don't know what Jellal had heard on the phone after I dropped it, probably nothing more than a bunch of indistinct sounds, but that paired with seeing the almost kiss had been enough to convince him of the worst.

I replayed the fight with Jellal over and over in my head. _'How could you do this to me?' _he had yelled. Hurt and pain written all over his face. _Oh god_. He really did think I was a whore this time. Panic rushed through me. I had to set all this confusion and misunderstandings straight. No way could I leave things like this.

* * *

><p>Outside the stars shone brightly and the moon was full, lighting my way. Not that I needed any light to identify the couple weaving their way up the hill towards me. Cana and Bacchus. Drunk as anything and singing some bawdy song. One day these two would be in Alcoholics Anonymous together for sure. I wasn't in the mood to deal with them so I tried to hurry past but Cana grabbed me anyway. As usual she was surprisingly lucid.<p>

"Did you bring Erza home? None of us could find her."

"She came home with...someone else," I couldn't even say that bastard's name. My emotions were raw and I felt so drained. I really wasn't in the right frame of mind for polite conversation. I tried to shake Cana loose but she wobbled dangerously and I had to keep hold of her.

"Simon? Oh my god! He just tried to kill us, didn't he?" she addressed Bacchus.

"The guy cannot drive to save his soul. Definitely not a man," he said.

"Whatever. Can you two make it to the dorm?" It would only make me feel worse if they passed out before they got there. Plus I felt the need to atone for my earlier bad behaviour in any way I possibly could.

"Sure. We aren't drunk you know!" Cana pushed Bacchus ahead of her and made a shooing motion with her hand. He wandered off in vaguely the right direction.

"Jellal," she used my tie to tug me down so we were eye to eye, "Jellal, about the other day. I'm sorry I was mean to you. I want us to get along since you and Erza are dating now."

I tensed, "We're not dating."

"But you kissed her. I thought it was all but settled," she looked confused.

I suddenly felt like telling her everything. Cana was the only person I'd run into tonight who seemed to give a damn that my life was falling to pieces. Gray and Juvia were so wrapped up in lust for each other that they didn't care. Ditto for Gajeel and Levy albeit they were wrapped up in love which was bad enough. Natsu and Lucy had only made me feel worse with their stupid questions. "She slept with... With Simon."

Cana's face went completely blank and then she burst out laughing. I scowled back at her and, to give her credit, she did try to stop. "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard! How much have you had to drink tonight to believe that?"

"I'm not in the mood, Cana. She fucking did okay. I'm surprised you weren't one of the ones who put her up to it."

"Hey now, no need to get nasty. The only guy I've ever told Erza to jump is you, and look how that turned out."

She had a point there. "You really didn't know about this?"

"There's nothing to know about. Erza didn't sleep with Simon. I don't know where you got that idea but you're wrong." Her face was serious.

"I heard-"

"You heard wrong." She shifted her weight to one foot and put her hands on her hips. "Did you see them having sex?"

"No but-"

"Did she or he tell you they did?" she persisted.

"No. They said-"

"Did they say 'we had sex' in those exact words."

"No. The point is-"

"The point is," she interrupted me again in a way that was beginning to become annoying, "Erza has been holding onto her v-card and it damn well isn't because she's planning on joining a nunnery. She would never randomly fall into bed with Simon tonight or any other night. She's saving herself for you and she'll wait as long as it takes even if you are an idiot who took forever to figure out you're in love with her."

I was silent. Could I have heard wrong? No, that was just me being hopeful. But she'd been crying when he tried to kiss her goodnight so... she regretted it? They had both denied anything had happened. Maybe she wanted to pretend like it hadn't. Then... she didn't plan on me finding out about it at all. She wasn't going to flaunt it in my face to make me jealous. I wasn't even meant to be at the girls' dorm tonight so I should never have found out. Was she planning on lying to me about still being a virgin? Erza would never do that. Fuck this was confusing.

"Okay, I can practically hear your brain about to implode. Start at the beginning and tell me what happened. Jeez, I'm like you two's god damn cupid with all my letter delivering and advice and shit."

"You what?"

* * *

><p>I rushed to the front of the dorm but Jellal was long gone. My phone! Where was my phone? I hadn't taken my clutch into the kitchen, that meant it was still outside on the porch where I must have dropped it. I flung the door open and fell to my knees, found my phone, dropped it, retrieved it, tried desperately to turn it on. No battery. Of course.<p>

I ran up the stairs and fumbled with my keys at my door. Of all times to suddenly become clumsy! I finally got my door open and promptly tripped over something. Fate was so against me tonight. I ignored the pain in my knee and whatever it was that had tripped me. Grabbed my charger off my desk. My phone started slowly loading. _Oh dear god!_ I thrummed my fingers on the desk. Come on, come on, come on...

There was nothing I could do to make it start up any faster. The loading bar didn't even seem to be moving. "Hurry up!" I growled but it was taking its sweet time to do absolutely nothing while I went fucking crazy. After an eternity the screen finally came up. One missed call from Jellal. Four text messages.

Gray (1:12) _Hey, Jellal seems really down. You should call him._

Levy (1:15) _Where have you disappeared to? Jellal is upset about something and in a really bad mood. I think you should talk to him x_

Lucy (1:22) _Where are you? Something is wrong with Jellal. He's totally tripping. Did you two have another fight? Because he looks like the world just ended xoxo_

Natsu (1:24) I know y_ou told me not to get involved but... you've got Jellal so whipped it's embarrassing. You're both happiest together. Stop fighting already!_

Oh no. I'd hurt him so much and everyone had noticed. I dialled his number. It rang and rang. Voicemail. I tried again and again. After seven attempts it was time to face the facts.

He was ignoring me. He hated me.

I'd ruined everything.

* * *

><p>The sound Cana's hand made when it connected with my face echoed through the silent night. I'd seen the slap coming. I could have moved to avoid it but of course I didn't. She pulled her hand back again, I saw the realisation that I wasn't going to stop her flicker across her face and she let her hand drop.<p>

"How dare you? How dare you do that to her?" Cana was not yelling. Her voice was low, barely audible. Her shoulders trembled like her body was barely managing to contain all her rage.

I hadn't withheld a single detail of what had happened tonight. I hoped Cana would hit me again. I deserved it. "I'm not going to make any excuses to you or to her. What I will do is apologise to both her and Simon and then stay out of their way."

She hit me again. "Are you an idiot?" Cana grabbed a fistful of my shirt with her left hand, "Forget what you heard. Forget what you saw. Don't even think right now. Just look me in the eyes and tell me that you feel it here," Cana's right hand landed flat against my chest, right over my heart, "Tell me you feel it here that Erza would do something that idiotic. Tell me that you, who know her better than any of us, really think in your heart of hearts that Erza is... Is a..."

_Whore_. That particular word had a horrible way of hanging unspoken between people. It also had a way of flying out of my mouth when I knew it wasn't true.

Because it wasn't.

_I think you're misunderstanding something. It wasn't like that. _Her words. A misunderstanding like practically everything else that had been going on between us these last few weeks.

_I never thought you'd do something like this. _My words. Based on years of knowing Erza. I'd have to add memory loss and selective hearing to the list of things that had happened to me tonight. My stomach rolled. "I've ruined everything."

* * *

><p>I crumpled to the floor. My relationship with Jellal was completely beyond saving. He didn't even want to talk to me. My shoulders shook and my chest heaved with the effort of trying to hold back my sobs. I clapped my hands over my mouth but I couldn't seem to stop tiny crying noises from escaping. The door to my bedroom was wedged open. Any second now someone would hear me and come find out what was wrong. I couldn't have that. All I wanted was to climb under my covers, curl up into a tiny ball and die. This had to be the biggest fuck up of my entire life.<p>

On my hands and knees, I crawled across my carpet. Immediately wished I hadn't. Two things were keeping the door from closing and they would be my undoing. I dragged them both out of the way and let the door click close. It was obvious which item I'd tripped over. I gingerly picked up the crushed clear box. Inside rested a purple lisianthus and an ivory rose. A simple white ribbon bound the two together. I only had my small table light on but I knew the purple matched my prom dress perfectly. This was my corsage. The one Jellal had brought for me when he thought I would be his date for prom. Battered and bruised, it was still beautiful and classic. I loved it instantly, even if it only made me cry harder.

The second item was, on the surface, more mysterious. It was an opaque glass jar, the kind that jam normally came in. It rattled as I picked it up. I twisted the screw top off and tipped the contents gently into my hand. Buttons. Small ones, big ones. All different types and colours. A jar of buttons. But of course they weren't just any buttons. These had to be second top buttons, the ones closest to your heart. From the sheer number they had to have been ripped from every shirt, jacket and coat Jellal owned. In my confession letter I'd asked for one button on graduation day and instead he'd delivered them all to me a week early. That's how much he loved me. Or had loved me.

It was too much. Even I had a limit and he'd smashed right through it with these unbearable displays of affection. I couldn't take it. My life was unravelling at the seams and there was nothing I could do about it. I left the buttons scattered all over my bedroom floor and retreated to my bathroom. Turned the shower on full blast and got in, still wearing my clothes. I didn't care. All that mattered was that behind two closed doors and masked by the sound of the falling water, no one would hear me cry.

* * *

><p>"Okay. You need to take that look off your face because I'm almost starting to feel sorry for you."<p>

I barely registered Cana's words. This was the biggest fuck up of my life. Several times tonight I thought I'd hit rock bottom but with each new twist and turn I kept falling further and further. This pit I was tumbling down must lead straight to hell. In fact, this was probably it now. Surely things could not get any worse than this."I'm going."

"Where?"

To find a hole and crawl in it. "Home."

"Just like that. She's crying because of your stupidity and you're just going to leave."

Everything that was beautiful and perfect about my relationship with Erza was gone. Smashed to bits by my own hands. It felt like death."It's over."

"Fine then. Go. If this is all that she means to you then leave."

"What else can I do?"

"Why am I doing this?" It seemed like she was talking to herself so I didn't reply. "The facts are this," Cana said and used her fingers to count down the specifics, "You only read the letter tonight. Which I suppose is partially my fault. In any case, that gap when you didn't have a chance to read it explains a lot but Erza doesn't know that yet. You thought you heard her having sex with Simon. But as we both know, now that you've stopped being so god damn hysterical and actually thought about it, there is no way Erza would let anyone but you pop her cherry. Anyway that's now and this was then. You broke Simon's nose for something he didn't do, got revenge on an innocuous bag of peas which definitely did not deserve a beating, ripped my best friend's clothes off in a fit of passionate rage and called her a whore. For the second time in as many days. As of right now she's probably in our kitchen crying her little heart out. Of course she'll deny said tears to her dying breath. And now you're sulking off home feeling like an ass for the way you treated her. I assume you're thinking that you can rock up in a few days with strawberry cake or flowers and a whole lot of begging so that the two of you might be able to stay friends like two days ago. Is that about right?"

When Cana put it like that this whole situation seemed even more ridiculous. Obviously, not everything she said was right. No amount of strawberry cake would fix this. I had no illusions that Erza and I would stay friends after tonight. I was exhausted and sick of talking especially when the topic was impossibilities. The only thing I wanted was to go home and confirm once and for all if I really would die of this broken heart so I reluctantly nodded.

Cana's hand formed a fist and whacked me lightly, "You're both fucked as hell."

"Is that supposed to be helpful?"

"Nope, but this is." She grabbed my arm and started dragging me back up the hill.

I hesitated, "I really think Erza and I need some space."

"I think she needs a new love interest but since I already know that's not going to happen, I can't let you leave and fuck this up any more than you already have. Plus I already had to live with a miserable Juliet and a month of 'space'. You need to sort this out as soon as possible. Like tonight Romeo. It's dragged on too long as it is."

"What am I suppose to say? I don't even know where to start." I felt completely out of my depth.

"You're going to apologise for the whore thing straight away and for treating her like she's some kind of doxy. And for the record, you ever do something like that again and I will annihilate you." She pinched me and I had to bite my lip to hold back a yelp. "I'm not forgiving you because the whole 'oh my god the love of my life cheated on me and I can't take it so I'll go all psycho, jealous, almost boyfriend having a temporary mental breakdown' thing is not a passable excuse. Nothing is. But it's not up to me. Erza will decide what she wants to do. Whether she forgives you or not you're still going to make it up to her this week. With strawberry cake _and_ flowers _and_ whatever else she wants. Full proper grovelling. For tonight a heartfelt apology will have to be enough."

I nodded. It wouldn't work but I could at least do that.

"Next, you're going to clear up the misunderstanding with the letter and apologize for the month of torture you've put her through."

"Hold on. Should I be taking notes?" It seemed like this list of do's and don'ts was going to be quite long.

"Don't get smart with me Fernandes. I'm saving your future happiness here!"

My future happiness. Cana seemed so sure but I already knew exactly what my future held and it was anything but happy. "Okay, sorry. Apologize, remember to grovel later, apologize more, and then what?" If anyone had told me two days ago I'd be getting relationship advice from Cana I'd have died laughing but she was offering me a rope to climb out of this pit I'd dug for myself and I was literally hanging on her every word.

"For your own piece of mind, you will ask her what really happened with Simon and these mystery guys tonight. She'll explain that it was perfectly innocent and put your paranoid mind at ease by confirming that she's still as pure as snow."

"Got it. Innocent and pure. What do I say next?"

"Nothing. You're done talking."

"And then...?"

She sighed, "I don't know. It depends what she says but I strongly suggest that you shut up and just listen."

* * *

><p>I slowly peeled my soaking wet prom dress off my skin. Ran a hand over my chest. Jellal's love bite was already forming into a dark purple bruise. I could only imagine what the side of my neck looked like. I shivered under the cold stream of water. A little bit of water torture as punishment for my catalogue of errors. My head was starting to ache so I laid it against the slick, cool tiles. I had cried a lifetime worth of tears in the past five minutes and come to a few conclusions. I would go to Jellal's house first thing tomorrow and explain everything. I would write a million letters. I would do whatever it took to make him understand that I wasn't an easy whore, that I was still the same girl he'd fallen in love with. I'd given up too soon before. I would not make that mistake again.<p>

The tips of my fingers were turning blue. I stopped the shower and stepped out. Wrapped one towel around my body and deposited my ruined prom dress in the sink. I was towelling my hair dry when I heard it. A low buzzing. My phone vibrating against the desk. I was out the bathroom in a heartbeat. I didn't even check the caller id, just gasped out a panicked, "Hello?", hoping against hope that it was Jellal.

"Hey, I tried knocking but you didn't answer. Are you okay?"

Not Jellal. I felt a wave a sadness wash over me, "Cana, help me. I fucked up."

"_You_ did? Don't you mean _he_ did?"

"What?"

"I bumped into Jellal on the way here. He told me what happened."Cana's initial soft tone was still there but underneath it I could hear how angry she was.

"It was nothing," I said automatically.

"Oh really? Cause I found a dozen sparkly hair pins that belong to you on the front porch along with your abandoned clutch. Then I found one pair of heels in your size and a bra under the kitchen table that also most definitely belongs to you. I take it you have the ruined prom dress."

"It's not ruined. Well it wasn't before I got in the shower. Before that the clasp was bent out of shape, that's all. Cana, Jellal hates me and it hurts. It hurts so bad," my voice caught in my throat and it felt like my heart was trapped in a vice.

"Please don't start crying. You're killing me. That said, I'm getting the bizarre impression that you're not the least bit angry about all this."

"Angry? I don't care about a stupid dress. I just want him to understand. Jellal thinks I-"

"I know. He told me. I'm sure once you calm down, you'll feel angry about what happened. Maybe this was a bad idea..."

"Cana, what are you talking about?"

"Okay. So I thought you two should talk this thing out because you know, it's been dragging on for awhile and as it turns out he's misunderstood a lot more than you probably think. Then there's the whole issue with the misplaced letter and Mira's party which you don't understand. Basically, everything has been one big confused mess. Anyway, I told him to talk to you but I think maybe now is a bad time. You're not yourself."

"What misplaced letter? Jellal left that with me. It doesn't even matter. I tried ringing him but he won't answer. Cana, please help me. I have to get him back."

"Calm down. Are you even listening to half of what I'm saying? I knew you'd react this way. Is there anything this boy can do to make you hate him?"

"No." There was literally nothing I could think of that would make me stop loving Jellal.

Cana sighed, "Like I thought. You're both fucked as hell. Anyway, I rescued your bad boy Prince not so Charming and talked him down from the metaphorical cliff he was about to leap off. I've also managed to convince him you're not what he thought. Please tell me you didn't sleep with Simon tonight."

"No! I didn't but Jellal thinks-"

"I know! I'm getting to that. Where was I? Right, I helped him figure out that you haven't cashed in your v-card just yet. Slapped him, twice, so I guess that's once from me and once for you. I cajoled him, threatened him and literally dragged him back here. Signed, sealed and delivered, he's fucking yours courtesy of me waving my magic wand. And how do you repay me for my hard work and selfless deeds of devotion?"

Were we even speaking the same language? Too much had happened tonight. I didn't need any more confusion. "Cana, just say it!"

"You refuse to open the door! We were knocking and knocking. In the end I just left him there so I could try and call you without him hearing every word. The poor boy has been standing outside in the hallway for the last five minutes looking like hell but wanting to say the most pretty things he can think of to you, thanks to a little priming from me. Except there is no you. Look girl, I might have magicked a miserable pumpkin into a glittering carriage but that's not much good if you refuse to go to the ball."

Silence. I tried to process what she was saying to me using fairy tale references and lines out of old love songs. "Jellal's here?"

"Yes."

"Outside my door?"

"Yes. Isn't that what I've been saying? Love arrows aren't cheap. You've got to help me out here! If you want to see him, all you've got to do is open the damn door."

* * *

><p>I had tried knocking gently. Tried apologizing. Tried telling her I still loved her. Either she was ignoring me or she was asleep. Forget that. She was definitely ignoring me. No way could she have fallen asleep so quickly after having a fight like that with me. I sat on the floor and leaned against her door to wait. Erza had to come out sometime. In the meantime I went over Cana's advice. Apologize, apologize more, ask about Simon and then...<p>

The door opened and I tumbled backwards onto her floor. I noticed first that she'd been crying, her eyes still red. Right after that I felt an extra stirring of guilt about the bruise I'd left on her neck.

I had no right to ask but I did anyway.

"Can we talk?"


	13. Promise Me

_A/N: __Suggested listening for this chapter is 'Every Heart' by BoA. Inuyasha fans will probably recognise it._

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Thirteen – Promise Me_

"Can we talk?"

When I nodded Jellal let out a soft sigh and closed his eyes. To be honest if I hadn't been expecting to see him, he probably would have scared me to death, falling into my room like that. I knelt by his side, laid one hand on his chest and let the other rest on his forehead. He looked so pale, maybe he was getting sick. "What are you doing here?"

"I can leave if you-"

"No. No, I didn't mean it like that." _Way to go Erza._ _Just push him away as soon as he gets here. _I was fucking this up already. There was so much I wanted to say but different things were warring to get out first and I couldn't even think of where to start.

Jellal's eyes flickered open and he laid his hand on top of mine with a frown, "Why are you so cold?"

I pulled away from him, "Sorry. I... uh... took a shower." It was the truth, omitting the depressing reason of course.

Jellal slowly sat up and his eyes ran over my figure making me blush. "You're not wearing... much and your hair is still wet." He stood and helped me to my feet. We faced each other, hand in hand and there it was. Another heart stopping moment where I wondered if he would kiss me or not. Of course he didn't. But for a change I didn't feel that sinking sense of disappointment. Thanks to Cana, Jellal was here with me, when I could be crying alone. I wasn't going to waste the precious chance she'd given me.

The door clicked shut and there was a minute of awkward silence. With a small start, Jellal dropped my hand, almost as if he hadn't realised he'd been holding it. He looked at me then quickly away. Self-conscious, I crossed my arms over my chest acutely aware that I was standing here in nothing but a towel.

"You got my buttons," he said quietly.

"Yes, I did." My carpet was still scattered with them. Feeling curious, I suppressed my embarrassment, uncrossed my arms and reached for the knot of his tie. The soft fabric gave way easily. I let it fall with a soft whisper to the ground. Jellal stared down after it. I ran my hands up his chest over the buttons, tapped the empty space. "Even this one."

Jellal swallowed hard and pushed my hands away. He still wasn't looking at me. Ladies first, I guess.

"Jellal, I-"

"Erza, about-"

I blushed. Or maybe not. "You can go ahead."

"I... I really think you should dry off and get dressed before you catch a cold."

* * *

><p>"Oh. Right," she said and walked across the room to pick up another towel.<p>

I felt like face palming myself. That was _not _what I wanted to say. But it needed to be said. The moment she opened the door I felt bad about making her cry and guilty about being so angry over something she hadn't actually done. Perversely, about two milliseconds after feeling all that I'd also been hit with a pretty strong dose of lust. She was wearing a white towel. _Only_ a towel. It barely skimmed the tops of her thighs and she was essentially naked. Her hair looked a few shades darker, still wet from jumping straight out of the shower.

As was becoming normal for me, my mind and my body were completely out of step with each other. I was here to apologize not stare at her legs but I couldn't seem to stop myself. She had some kind of twisted power over me. Show a little skin and every dirty fantasy I'd ever had of Erza was crowding in on me begging to be made into a reality. I took a slow breath in and out. She always had me struggling, trying desperately to restore some kind of inner balance. Damn if I didn't still want her. Erza needed to put some clothes on. Like now. Didn't she know what she was doing to me? She had me so fucking tongue tied.

I kicked off my shoes, walked over to her and took the towel out of her hands. "Sit. I'll do it." I almost sighed with relief when she sat down and I could casually inch the chair forward so that her legs were hidden under the desk. With everything else going on I felt sure that this girl would be the death of me tonight. I ran the towel over her hair and tried to remember what Cana had told me to say. One glance down reminded me.

* * *

><p>Jellal ran his fingers lightly over the bruise on my neck and I had to fight to repress the shiver that went down my spine. It was bad enough that he could probably feel my pulse racing under his touch. "I'm sorry about this, Erza. I don't know what came over me." He paused, "Okay, I do know. Look, can we agree not to lie to each other anymore? Starting right now can we be completely honest with each other? About what we think and how we feel."<p>

I chewed on my bottom lip, "That sounds good, Jellal. Really good."

He released a breath. "Me first then. Erza, I... I thought I would die tonight thinking about you being with Simon."

I had been a little nervous about what he was going to say. Half of me expected more angry words and accusations but I hadn't imagined him saying that.

"When I heard you on the phone tonight, it was like you ripped my heart out. I'd only just read your letter and I wanted to find you so desperately to tell you... to tell you how I felt. I mean hell, ever since I kissed you the other day I've been fighting with these crazy intense emotions but I suppose you know all about those. I honestly don't know how you made it through a whole month feeling that way. You've got to be the strongest person I've ever met."

"Wait. I don't understand. You just read my letter? Like tonight?" My mind was spinning trying to make sense of all these new ideas. I had so many questions.

"Yes. Literally only a few hours ago. I swear to you, I never saw it before then."

My mouth dropped open. "So that day when I was so mad at you for ignoring it...?"

"I hadn't read it."

"And when we went to Mira's party?"

"Still hadn't read it. That night I thought you... Never mind what I thought. For someone who supposedly knows you so well I've been making a lot of errors reading your intentions lately. I don't know why. Maybe I was trying to convince myself you weren't serious to hide the fact that deep down I really wished you were. I've been an idiot. Walking away from you then was undoubtedly one of the stupidest things I've ever done or will ever do. Not a single day has gone by that I didn't regret not making love to you. I've been having these dreams about us like you wouldn't believe."

I'd been so depressed this whole month thinking he couldn't accept or return my feelings when all along he hadn't known about them at all. That was crazy. "You've been..." I almost said _wanting to make love to me _but caught myself just in time_ "_dreaming about me?"

* * *

><p>She thought I didn't notice her hesitation but I did. I needed to change the subject. If we kept on this particular line of conversation I wouldn't be able to keep ignoring her current state of undress. What didn't help was the dawning impression I was getting that she wasn't angry with me. She seemed curious more than anything, like she was trying to figure everything out.<p>

"I told you, like you wouldn't believe. Anyway, I read your letter tonight. And then I heard you..."

"Jellal, I-" Erza started to say but I interrupted her.

"You don't need to explain. Let me finish."

"I need to tell you-"

"I obviously heard wrong. What else is there to say?"

"I want to tell you. Absolutely nothing happened between Simon and me tonight. I lost my bag and there were these stupid guys-"

I placed my hand lightly over her mouth for an instant, just long enough to be sure she wouldn't speak. "Please, please don't. I'm the one who needs to explain. I think I've been falling slowly for years but in the last few weeks it's like the floodgates broke. I've been high and low. Fighting with myself and you and all our friends. Trying to sort through so many things. And then I got the letter and everything clicked into place for me but after that misheard conversation... Thinking that you... With Simon... I'm not going to lie. I was a wreck. I didn't know what to do. I was just wandering around, feeling so lost and I ended up here. I don't even remember how. Then I saw you kissing Simon and-"

"We didn't kiss. Thankfully. It was close but your timing was perfect."

I had to pause at that. "I shouldn't have hit him."

"That's true. He's a good guy and he didn't deserve a broken nose but at that moment I was so relieved to see you. Kissing Simon would have been a big mistake."

I couldn't agree more. "So you were crying."

She blushed, "Maybe a little. It was a stupid idea. I regretted it before it even happened. You rescued me anyway." Erza tilted her head back and smiled at me. My heart thumped painfully. "Like a knight in a story."

"If you say so. That will have to be the highlight of the night since it only went downhill from there." What the hell was going on? Erza smiling was making me feel ten times worse than I already did. I'd prefer it if she hated me. "It's not good enough but I'll apologize to him first chance I get. I've behaved so badly. That conversation in the kitchen-"

"Only made the misunderstanding worse."

"Exactly. I just lost it. I was angry at him for touching you and angry at you for letting him. Wishing it was me. My whole world was collapsing and the two of you seemed so casual about it. Of course now I know we were talking about completely different things. Before though, when you kissed me, I was furious because I thought you'd done all that to make me jealous. And it worked. I was beyond jealous. I don't even think there's a word for how I felt. I've never felt anything like it before. I hope I never do again. How I acted was horrible. All my frustration and pain came pouring out, aimed at you." My fingers skimmed down her neck and over the bruise again, "I even hurt you. I won't ask you to forgive me. You're completely innocent in all this. I just wanted to talk to you."

I sighed. Thinking about everything I'd done tonight had put an end to that temporary spark of desire I'd felt for Erza. I was back to feeling immensely depressed. Even if she did forgive me, I'd never forgive myself.

"You kissed me too."

I stared down at her, surprised at her tone. She spun around in the chair and her hair slipped through my fingers. I don't even remember when I'd dropped the towel and started simply playing with it. She looked straight back up at me.

"Whenever you feel jealous, you kiss me and call me a whore. You've done it twice now."

She floored me. "I, uh..." All I could do was stand there gaping at her.

* * *

><p>It was so clear to me now. Just as I suspected, he had mistakenly thought I slept with Simon tonight and that's why he had reacted so badly. Cana was right. At first I'd just been happy to see him but I was calming down, putting all the pieces together and starting to feel angry. "You. You... Ugh. I cannot even find the words." I stood up and moved past him. Paced up and down my room then whirled around and jabbed a finger at his chest. "I told you like a billion times that you were misunderstanding something and you just didn't listen to me!"<p>

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Sorry? You're sorry! Simon said he watched. He _watched. _And you still thought he was talking about _that. _Exactly what kind of girl do you take me for?" This was unbelievable. This stupid, stupid boy...

"I-"

"You're such an idiot! A fucking idiot! How could you even think that?"

"I don't know Erza. I guess I wasn't really thinking. It seems ridiculous to me too. Now."

"I am sick of you calling me names when I haven't even done anything! And this isn't the middle ages! I can sleep with whoever I want without you judging me!" I was getting really angry. And way off the point. Any second this conversation was going to descend from being centred on us into a lecture on the modern age and the advent of feminism in general.

"I know. It was stupid. I don't have an excuse."

"That's because there isn't one! Since when can a girl not go out and have a little fun?"

"Since it was you."

"What?" I stopped mid-tirade.

"Since it was you, Erza. You're not any girl." Jellal leaned against my desk and jammed his hands in his pockets. "It's different. You're special. When I think of you being with anyone... I can't, okay. I just can't deal. I don't even know what I'm going to do when you get a boyfriend. I promised myself I'd be a good friend to you, if you let me after tonight, but being realistic I don't think it will work." He looked at me and I couldn't believe he'd just said that. When I got a boyfriend? What the fuck? He couldn't possibly be thinking it'd be anyone but him. The anger filling me was fading into something much closer to dread. Didn't he want me?

"I've fucked up everything," Jellal said and his expression was so sad, "Our relationship won't ever be the way it was before and that's on me. I'm sorry for not trusting you and not listening to you. I'm sorry for thinking all those negative things about you. I'm sorry for fucking up prom night. I'm sorry for ripping your dress and being so aggressive and treating you that way. I was way out of line. I'm sorry for everything I said that was hurtful and inappropriate. I'm sorry that the last month has been so messed up. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm just sorry for... for everything. I'll hate myself forever for this."

* * *

><p>We stood there in silence. I don't know what she was thinking. I had probably missed a shed load of things out of my apology but I don't think adding any more words would make a difference. I'd even put it out there that I hoped we might be friends after all this just to see what she'd say. But she wasn't saying anything. Cana had told me to listen and this silence said a million things, loud and clear. I know what I expected to happen when I came here tonight. It was what it was. I sighed and eased off her desk. "I understand. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to."<p>

So this was how it would end. Erza and I, best friends for the last ten years, would graduate high school not even speaking to each other. We'd spend the summer apart and when our paths crossed at college she'd walk right by me like she didn't even know me. One day I'd see her, laughing, smiling, happy with some other guy and it'd be a knife straight through my heart but it was only what I deserved. I brushed by her and she didn't move, didn't even look at me. At least I'd reached a point where I'd moved past feeling pain. All I felt was numb. I picked up my shoes, shoved them under my arm and rested my hand on her door handle, "I just want you to be happy Erza."

"How can I be? How can I, when you're doing one of the things I hate the most right now? Look at me."

I couldn't. I was listening but what I could hear in her voice shouldn't be there. The anger was gone, replaced by an emotion I most definitely didn't deserve. If I turned around I'd be lost for sure.

"Why? Why would you say all that? Do you have any idea how it feels when I have to watch your back as you walk away from me again and again? If you do it one more time it'll break me. Don't go."

"Erza, I can't stay. I'll only keep hurting you."

"You're hurting me now," her voice wavered and if it'd been possible I would have hated myself more. "Didn't you read my letter? Didn't you hear what I said tonight? How can you stand there and say you want us to be friends but it won't work? _Friends. _You're right. That would never work. You say things won't be like they were before but they already changed for me. Weeks ago. Months ago. Maybe even years ago. I could never, will never, think of you as just a friend. And you obviously don't think of me that way either. I don't understand why you're doing this."

* * *

><p>Jellal had said a lot of things to me tonight. I understood that the last month was a big misunderstanding and tonight an even worse one. He'd fucked up, but underneath all the drama and the bad choices was a simple truth. The mere thought of me being with anyone else drove him completely over the edge. There was only one way to explain it. Jellal kept throwing out all these little hints about how he felt for me but he hadn't actually said it. Instead he was pushing me away. Putting space between us when there shouldn't be any. It didn't matter how angry or upset I was, he couldn't just walk away and pretend like these feelings weren't here between us. This conversation was far from over. "Why won't you look at me? You haven't even replied to my letter."<p>

He turned around very slowly, "I don't think that's a good idea Erza."

"Why not? I confessed. I wrote, _I'm waiting for you to reply and every second without knowing your answer will be agony for me." _I quoted the exact words from memory and from the way his eyes widened I know he remembered them too."I've waited a whole month. Don't you think it's time I had a proper answer?"

"Please don't ask me to do this. You deserve so much better. After the way I treated you tonight I don't have the right to say anything like that to you."

"It was a misunderstanding. We both agree you're an idiot but right now I need to hear you say it." He had to tell me, he just had to. How long had I been waiting to hear those three little words from him? It felt like my entire life.

"I can't. Not after I hurt you that way."

"These?" I said and ran a hand over my neck and down my chest to the other love bite. The towel slipped a bit and Jellal flinched. I thought for a moment. He'd been rough and aggressive, consumed with anger and passion for me. I couldn't lie and say I hated having his hands on my body because I didn't hate it. I wanted Jellal to want me. What I didn't like was that it'd been done in anger. And now these stupid things were the reason he felt like he couldn't be with me.

"If it bothers you that much you should make it up to me."

"I will. Anything you want."

"Anything?"

* * *

><p>"Yes," I said automatically. As I thought, the moment I turned around she had me. I would damn well do anything for this beautiful girl. Unbelievably, it seemed like she was still in love with me. Still wanted to be with me. I couldn't let that happen. I had to put her off somehow. Didn't Erza understand that the way I felt about her was downright dangerous? Our love was like a flame, burning fast and bright. It would consume us both if I let it. Better to let it die even if the embers kept smouldering on for who knows how long. Probably the rest of my life.<p>

Erza walked over to me, "I want three wishes. That's how all the fairy tales go right?"

"You can have as many as you want."

"Fine. This is a promise so don't change your mind about that later. I want three right now."

I nodded. It was the middle of the night. What could she possibly want me to do?

"Kiss me."

I'd been right. This girl was out to slay me tonight and she's just delivered a mortal blow.

"No. Never. No fucking way Erza."

"Oh. I guess you don't feel that bad about it after all. I mean you only slammed me up against a fridge and torn my clothes off and called me a slut. All that's not worth one measly kiss." Erza was not normally sarcastic so the words paired with her tone cut deep.

I barely suppressed a groan, "Don't say it like that. You know I can't. I won't."

"You promised me anything. Either you want to make it up to me or you don't."

"I do. Of course I do but I don't see how that will help anything."

She stepped closer to me, invading my personal space, trapping me between her body and the door. "I don't want my memory of our last kiss to be that one. You won't admit that you love me. I'm guessing you want me to move on. Find someone worthy because you're not good enough. Great. Fine. I will. But you should accept your punishment like a man. Because that's what it about right? Punishment for your sins. Think of me as your judge, jury and executioner. Until I say it's enough, you've got to do what I say. You already promised me."

Erza had me literally backed into a corner. "I... This is nonsense."

"Are you going to do it or not?"

My body was screaming yes but my mind insisted no. The last time I ignored my body it lead to the most unnecessarily awkward month of my life. But I couldn't do this. I shouldn't do this. _Right?_

* * *

><p>I was taking a huge leap of faith. Trusting in the fact that he loved me as much as I loved him even if he wanted to deny it. No way would he walk away from me now. I saw the resignation flicker across his face. He leaned down and very gently kissed the corner of my mouth. I raised an eyebrow at him. "That was terrible. This is the last kiss we'll ever have and you want it to be like that?"<p>

Of course it wasn't our last. It was the first of many. He wanted to be punished? I'd punish him for the rest of our lives to shower me with love and affection. Jellal had no clue what he was getting into. He'd be mine until the day he stopped loving me. He would have to stop because no way was my love for him ever fading away.

"Erza, please. I can't."

"It's not difficult. You managed fine the other day. Here, I'll even help you." I tugged the shoes out from under his arm and dropped them to the floor. Grabbed his hands and guided them to my waist. Reached up and twined my arms around his neck. He was breathing shallow and fast.

"Kiss me, Jellal. Like you mean it." I closed my eyes, tilted my head back and waited.

I didn't have to wait long. Jellal's hands moved, sliding over my back, gathering me into his arms. My heart jumped and a million butterflies exploded into life in my belly. His cheek rested against mine and he whispered in my ear, "Forgive me." Then our lips met and it was everything yet nothing like before.

Our first kiss, that night on Mira's bed, we'd both been a little drunk, our hearts out of sync and it hadn't ended well. Our second kiss, in this room, barely over a day ago although it felt much longer, had been such a surprise. I'd more or less been a passenger, along for the ride, as he swept me away. It'd been stunning but confusing. Our third kiss, in the kitchen tonight, if I was even going to count that clash of wills as a kiss and I wasn't sure I would. It'd been full anger and desperation, coated in a darkness that shouldn't be between us. One thing remained true. Whenever we kissed, Jellal's feelings came across so strongly to me. Like now.

He was sad, so sad it made my heart ache. I could taste his sorrow like salty tears coating my skin. I'd cried so much tonight maybe he could taste them on me too. His lips moved gently over mine, not demanding, not asking anything, just giving of himself to me. I was so used to him dominating our kisses so the sensation of him letting me be in control was novel. It didn't take long for me to discover that I liked it.

* * *

><p>Erza's lips were soft but cold. I wanted to pull her closer to try and warm her up but I didn't want her to feel like I was trapping her. She could move away from me any time she wanted. Except she didn't seem to want to stop. She deepened the kiss and I let her even though I knew this whole thing was a terrible idea. If all her wishes were like this then I was in serious trouble. Each passing moment tied me closer and closer to her. I tried not to let my anxiety show. She wanted a real kiss so I'd give her one. The kind of kiss I'd only ever dreamed of with her.<p>

When I finally pulled away from her she didn't move. Just stayed there in my arms, head tilted back, eyes closed. She bit her lower lip in a way that had me wanting to kiss her again even though I knew I shouldn't so I ran my thumb over her lip. "Please don't do that."

Erza blinked slowly like she was waking from a dream, "I like when you kiss me like that."

What could I say? This was ludicrous. I shrugged out of my jacket, "Here. Put this on."

She frowned at me, "Why?"

"You're cold."

She shook her head. "I'm okay."

"No, you're not."

"I'm fine."

She was practically shivering right in front of me. I told myself this sense of protectiveness was normal, friendly in its connotation but that was a blatant lie. "May I touch you?"

She looked surprised, "Well yeah."

I swept her up in my arms, carried her across the room and placed her in the middle of the bed. Her hair fanned out over the pillows and I instantly wanted to bed her. She was so beautiful. My heart was thumping painfully again. How could I want to touch something so perfect? "If you won't get dressed, at least get under the covers."

Erza propped herself up on her elbows, "I want my second wish."

"What is it?" I asked and prayed it wasn't more kissing.

"Stay here with me tonight."

Oh fuck. I hesitated and she instantly said, "You promised anything."

Famous last words. I really wanted to put some space between us but she was already pushing down the covers and waiting expectantly. I made a new prayer. _Please let this girl remember a man has limits. _I couldn't sleep with her. No way. Not tonight, not ever. I wanted to keep my promise to her but there were some things she couldn't ask me to do.

"I can't do that, Erza."

"I'm cold and I'm tired. It's been a long night. You're not going to walk all the way home are you? So sleep here."

Oh, actual sleeping. I blamed my teenage hormones for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Climbing into bed with Erza I pulled the covers over us both. I could feel how cold she truly was and there were indeed tiny shivers running through her body. This girl was always so damn stubborn. Erza rolled towards me and buried her face into my chest so I brought my arms around her and started making long, soothing strokes down her back. Kissed the top of her head. "Is that better?"

"Mmm. You're so warm."

* * *

><p>I could hear Jellal's heart. One steady beat after another, a little fast which made me realise he was probably as unsure about everything as I was. But my wishes had played out perfectly. "Turn off the light. Please."<p>

"Are you sure about this?" he asked and I loved the way I could feel his voice rumbling.

"Most definitely."

He sighed for the millionth time tonight but rolled over and switched off the lamp. When he rolled back to me I tugged his shirt out of his waistband and started undoing the buttons.

"Erza?"

I undid the last one and placed my cold hands right on his chest. He gasped but didn't move away from me. Feeling a little brave I wedged one of my legs between his and pressed closer to him. He responded immediately, holding me even tighter. We were all wrapped up in each other and I'd never felt safer. Jellal was crazy if he thought I would let him walk back out of my life. I would hold on to him, on to this feeling, this moment, forever. I'd never let him go ever again.

"You have to do whatever I want."

"If I can I will."

We were whispering in the darkness like kids at a sleepover, "Then promise me you'll be here when I wake up."

"I promise."


	14. The Punishment Game (Entrapment)

_A/N: __I do not own Fairy Tail._

Chapter Fourteen – The Punishment Game

Part 1 - Entrapment

I slept like a baby. I had thought I would be up half the night, thinking about everything, freaking out lying next to Erza, but I must have dropped off within minutes from sheer exhaustion. When I woke up the first thing I saw was scarlet. Erza had rolled over in her sleep so she was lying on her side, facing away from me, random strands of her hair tickling my face. Which was fine. Less fine was the fact that I had my arm thrown over her waist, holding her against me, and there was no sign of that stupid towel. Just her bare back pressed against my chest, my hand flat on her stomach. She breathed slow and deep, still asleep. I eased away, propped myself up on my elbow and watched her for a bit. Her expression was oddly similar to Wendy's last night. Maybe all girls looked like this when they were asleep. Unguarded, innocent, sweet. I felt a compulsive urge to kiss her. A definite sign that it was time to leave. I lifted my hand away and tried to inch further away from her. She stirred almost immediately, "Jell?"

I released a slow breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. "Yeah?"

"You promised."

"I'm still here." Even though I felt like bolting.

"I thought you were leaving," Erza grabbed my hand and put it back on her stomach much higher than where it was before. She took a deep breath and when she let it out the bottom curve of her breasts brushed my fingers.

Fucking hell.

I thought quick, desperate for an escape route, "I was just going to get you some clothes."

She was quiet for a moment, "Okay. We have to go to the dojo later but we've probably got a few hours. What time is it?"

Success. I've never been so grateful to wear a watch in my entire life. I pulled my hand back off her warm skin and out from under the covers to check the time. To make it seem less suspicious I wrapped my arm back around her but on top of the covers. Much better. "It's just after eleven so we don't have that much time."

* * *

><p>Barely time for lunch if we were going to be at the dojo for one o'clock. I didn't realise it was that late. I turned over to face Jellal and couldn't help laughing.<p>

"What?"

"Your face. What have you got on your face?" I ran my thumb under his eye. "Oh my god. Is this make up?"

Jellal scowled and flopped onto his back, "I forgot about that. Millianna said I couldn't have a black eye in the prom photos so she covered it for me."

I leaned in closer, "No way! I didn't even notice until just now. Wow. Your skin tone matches hers really well."

"She had to blend two shades... Ah hell, I learned way more than I wanted to about foundations and concealers yesterday."

I tried to suppress fresh peals of laughter, "We'll have to get her to do it again for graduation. Maybe she can do mine too." As soon as I said it I regretted it. Jellal had been smiling and it'd felt so natural to wake up with him and be laughing and joking but the smile dropped with the mention of that stupid love bite.

"Don't feel bad about it," I said, my index finger tracing a slow figure eight over his chest. Of course he had to feel a little bad about what happened but not so much that it kept us from being together. I was so ready to move on and get back to being happy but that wouldn't happen if he kept beating himself up over this.

"Bad is not the word for how I feel about it. You shouldn't forgive me."

"I haven't." I had but he wasn't ready to hear that yet, "You owe me. Starting today with breakfast." That deep sadness was back in Jellal's expression, haunting his eyes even as he tried to hide it.

"Breakfast? Do you want food poisoning? You know I can't cook anything half decent."

I laughed again at his forced grimace but my heart twisted recognizing all the little things he wasn't saying out loud. The last thing I wanted was to be a source of pain to him. I hoped these bruises faded fast.

There was a sharp knock on my door. "Come in!" I yelled.

* * *

><p>Erza was half lying on me. She didn't seem bothered at all that her towel had slipped off to god knows where. She was so happy and carefree. I couldn't understand it. I'd felt alright when I woke up but I could feel that clawing black guilt pulling me down. All the memories of last night crashing down on me. Why had I ever agreed to stay here last night?<p>

Cana poked her head around the door. "Well, look at this. I take it you guys talked everything out. Or did more than talking?" She raised her eyebrows at us and I could only imagine how we looked, Erza draped all over me.

"Kind of. I mean no, but it's fixed. In a way," Erza said.

"Sounds complicated, but I'm not getting involved any more. You guys up for brunch? Everyone is just waking up and Ruchio is making a million pancakes."

"We're so in," Erza said automatically. Pancakes obviously sounded awesome to her.

"I think I'll have to give those a miss," I said. I needed to get out of here. Think about things. Decide how I was going to keep Erza away from me.

"No you won't. I said breakfast and I meant breakfast. At least now you don't have to burn something," Erza pinched my cheek and smiled at me.

"Wow. Got him cooking for you and everything. Somebody is whipped," Cana smirked at me, "See you both in around twenty minutes."

I couldn't even find the strength to argue with them but two minutes later I definitely wished I had.

* * *

><p>Once Cana left I sat up, tucking the covers around me. "I need clothes." I couldn't miss the look of relief that went across Jellal's face. Poor thing. He had no idea what I had planned for him. I would make him my boyfriend no matter what.<p>

"I really should go home," Jellal said as he climbed out of the bed. He tugged on his hopelessly wrinkled shirt, "I can't go to the dojo in this."

He was so hot. Half-dressed, his clothes all rumpled, his hair messy. I felt like glomping him. "Its fine. I've got some of your stuff here."

"Really?"

"Yeah, in that bottom drawer."

'Some' was a bit of a relative term. Jellal was always leaving things in weird places and I inevitably ended up picking them up for him. Over the years I'd amassed quite a collection of his clothes from trips to the pool, training sessions and I can hardly think where else.

"I've been looking for this," Jellal said kneeling on the floor to pull a black t-shirt out of the drawer. "Have you been hoarding my clothes?"

I blushed, "You're the one that leaves them everywhere! I was going to return them. I just never got around to it." I loved wearing his hoodie to bed in the winter but I wasn't going to tell him that. He tugged his shirt off and his broad shoulders were too much to resist.

* * *

><p>"What. Are. You. Doing?" I managed to get out.<p>

"Glomping you," Erza said like it was perfectly normal for her to launch out of bed and wrap herself around me. Naked. Did I mention that little fact? Her arms were around my neck, her breasts pressed against my back as she squeezed me tightly. "I'm so happy you're still here."

"Uh huh." One particular part of my body was getting very happy that she was happy but Mavis help me this girl needed clothes and fast. "Here, you wear this one." I tossed the black shirt over my shoulder and hoped she'd take the hint.

"I need a bra and some panties first, silly. Or do you want me to wander around commando? The guys at the dojo would love that. Can you imagine? Me sparing without a bra on? Oh my god."

Oh hell. Seriously bad mental image paired with a instant hatred of the fact that the guys at the dojo would indeed love it. I would fucking love it. I patted Erza's arms where they rested around my neck, "That would be bad so you go right ahead and put those on. I'm going to take a quick shower if that's alright with you." A cold shower. Really cold.

"Nope. You said you were going to dress me. So dress me. Bras are in top drawer on the left."

"You cannot be serious!" I exploded. This girl was crazy. Absolutely crazy. Maybe she'd hit her head last night or something? I don't remember doing that...

* * *

><p>I nearly laughed. He was so cute with his eyes squeezed shut, hands on my forearms trying to push me off him. "You don't want too? I thought you were going to make it up to me?"<p>

He froze, "What?"

"You slammed me into a fridge. My back hurts so I need you to help dress me." I didn't even try to make the lie believable.

"Bullshit. You're making that up."

"Maybe. I've hit the tatami mats harder than that before. I've also had bruises worse than this before but I don't see the people who caused those whining that they're going to hate themselves forever over it."

Jellal sighed and said softly, "This is different and you know it."

"Is it? You were angry, you fucked up, you apologized, but I... I can sense it Jell." It was there in his eyes from the moment I'd first referenced the bruise. He was going to walk away from me again, unless I used his guilt against him to make him stay with me. It was playing dirty but I'd do it if it meant I could keep him. "You said you'd do anything for me. It's another wish. For your punishment."

"Another wish?" I'd thought the kissing was bad enough. "Erza, I-"

"Please, Jellal."

It was the 'please' that did it. She said it was a punishment but she was still asking me, like it was favour. Erza stood up and stepped away from me, waiting. I pulled open the top left drawer and was assaulted with different colours and fabrics. How could one girl need so much lingerie? And for a virgin some of this stuff was damn sexy. Bows and ribbons and lace in red, black, white, blue, every possible colour. On a hunch I opened the right hand drawer and sure enough it was filled with panties. This was going to add a whole new dimension to all my fantasies about Erza. Shit. I should just get this over with quickly. I pulled on one bra strap and held it up. Pale blue with a black ruffles around the edges, a black bow in the middle and two more bows, one on each strap.

"That one is part of a set." Erza reached over my shoulder and rumbled around in the other drawer. "Ah, here it is."

More black ruffles and bows and the back was virtually see-through. Fuck me.

"You wear this stuff? Like out. To school and stuff?" I was slightly in awe. It was all so... girly.

"Yeah. Why?"

"I just thought..." I don't know what I thought probably because I'd never spent a lot of time contemplating the subject of what Erza was wearing under her uniform. If I'd known she was rocking up to school wearing matching lingerie sets that student council room fantasy would have gone down weeks ago. Erza laughed, light and breathy next to my ear, "I can't really wear that one to the dojo but maybe I could model it for you."

I jerked away from her, trying to ignore the way all my stomach muscles clenched at the suggestion. I dropped the bra back in the drawer. "I can't do this."

"You haven't even started yet."

She was teasing me. I could tell from her playful tone. I hadn't forgotten that she was standing behind me with not a stitch of clothing on. "Can you wish something else?" _Please, before you kill me. _

"Hmm. No. I'll help you though. Try the back corner."

I ran a hand over my face. She was going to be the death of me. In the back corner was a neat stack of sports bras. The top one was a bright, vivid lime green. "That'll do. There should be some cute boy shorts I could wear with that," Erza said. I scanned the other drawer, discounting anything lacy or delicate looking until I found a plain gray pair that should do. "Now that wasn't too bad was it?"

For her maybe. What the hell was that one with the million ruffles on the back? I bet her ass looked great in that. Or that plain black thong. "What is this thing?" It was pink and sheer and way too much fabric for a pair of panties.

"A baby doll. It shouldn't be in that drawer actually."

I held it up, twisting it until it was the right way round. It was... fucking sexy. I'd be able to see right through this if she wore it. "Why do you have this stuff? I mean nobody sees it. Right?" A tiny ripple of concern went through me. I was so possessive over this girl, it was damn well indecent. Hadn't we just established that she wasn't sleeping around and yet I still needed to hear her say that no one had ever seen her in any of these. _She's not yours. Stop it!_

"Girls don't just buy underwear for guys to see. It's pretty and it makes me feel good. Plus it's like a secret that only you know when you wear it."

And now I knew. I'd never be able to look at her ever again without wondering. "This is going to drive me crazy," I muttered under my breath.

* * *

><p>I was trying very hard to keep the smirk off my face. He'd never get through a day without wondering what I was wearing under my clothes from now on. "I've never worn that though. That one is definitely for someone to see. You sure you don't want a private show?"<p>

Jellal shook his head, closed the drawers and tried to hand me the bra and the boy shorts. "I think I've seen enough."

"Shame. Wearing that for the first time for you could've been fun. I've been thinking a lot of first times with you might be fun." I watched his shoulders tense up then leaned over him, letting my body rub against his back, "I told you to dress me. You're slacking if you think you can just hand me those."

"Erza. Don't. If I do this will you stop?"

"Stop what?" I asked sweetly, loving the way I would hear the effect I was having on him reflected in his voice.

"This. Whatever it is you think you're doing."

"Depends how well you do dressing me."

He was silent for a moment, "Fine but I'm keeping my eyes closed." Jellal shuffled around on his knees and leaned back on his heels so I rested my right foot on his thigh. He held up the boy shorts, "Are these the right way around?"

I laughed, "You're seriously keeping your eyes closed?" I leaned in close to him but he didn't pull away so he couldn't be faking it.

"Yes. No compromises."

"Even if I wish them open?"

"Even if you beg me."

"I'll let you off this once. You have to turn them around," I said and he complied, lifting my right foot to slide sliding them on. Enjoying the show, I didn't help but let him fumble around for a bit getting them over my left foot. Then he started sliding them up my legs and the game I was playing got real.

* * *

><p>Erza obviously thought this was some kind of game. She might be innocent but she wasn't stupid. There was no way she could miss the fact that this whole lingerie thing was turning me on. My resolve wavered. If she wanted to play, we could play.<p>

* * *

><p>Jellal's fingers stroked my calves and upwards slowly bringing the soft material higher and higher. He leaned forward slightly and I felt his warm breath on my thighs, sparking off a tendril of heat in my belly. His hands slide over my hips, tugging the boy shorts into place. He paused there for a moment then his hands circled my hips and ran down over my ass to grip the back of my thighs. "How'd I do?"<p>

I nodded before I remembered he couldn't see me, "Acceptable."

"Acceptable? That's not very good. Maybe I need practice."

"Practice?"

"How about a test drive?"

"Well, if you insist," I tried and failed to sound completely nonchalant. My heart was trying to hammer its way out of my chest. Where was he going with this?

* * *

><p>I let my hands wander back down her legs and ignored that now familiar flash of heat that urged me to sweep her up onto the bed. I wasn't going to fuck her but if she wanted to tease me we'd see how she liked getting teased back. I ran my palms up and down her calves. "I wasn't adequately prepared last time but I think I know what the problem was."<p>

"Really?"

"I didn't accurately mark out my course. A rookie error. No one ever won a rally race without good pacenotes."

"Jellal Fernades. Are you comparing me to a motor sport? I'm not sure I like that comparison."

"Do you like this?" I lifted Erza's leg and ran my tongue from her ankle right up to her knee. The motion left her off balance and she grabbed my shoulders to steady herself. I let her find her balance then kissed my way around her knee, tilting her leg outwards to gently kiss her inner thigh.

Erza took in a shaky breath, "I'm not sure if I like it. Perhaps a little more would help me decide?"

What could I say? The girl was good. I was more than happy to oblige, so I kept kissing my way up her thigh, letting my tongue trace a path over her soft skin.

* * *

><p>"How am I doing?" Jellal asked me again. He licked along the bottom edge of the boy shorts then blew out a short breath over the same spot. The feeling had me struggling to find enough air to reply.<p>

"G-good."

"You've gone kind of quiet."

I swallowed hard, "I'm fine." In fact, I was having some kind of intimate, personal melt down. Jellal "dressing me", if we could call it that, was even more sexy than I imagined him undressing me would be. That little tendril of heat had unfurled into something much stronger as I looked down at the boy on his knees before me. I loved having his hands on my body, his tongue on my skin. Warmth erupted everywhere he touched me.

Jellal's hands slipped back down my leg and set my foot back on the floor. I couldn't help the wishing he'd do the same with my other leg but instead he felt around on the floor until he found the sports bra. "Come down here with me."

Mildly disappointed but curious to see if he planned to 'map' out a route to get my bra on, I settled onto my knees in front of him and watched him try to figure out which way it went with his eyes still closed. He had a cute frown on that made me want to kiss him.

So I did.

* * *

><p>I'd known this would happen as soon as she told me to dress her. Putting those boy shorts on her I'd literally felt the moment the energy changed between us. The air charged with all those pent up emotions and desires. I told myself I wasn't going to kiss her back but of course that was just wishful thinking. I'd already placed a hundred kisses all over her skin, of course I couldn't stop now. When her lips touched mine I pulled her to me right away, craving her, and she came to me willingly. Something about kissing Erza always felt right, even when I knew it was wrong. Her tongue played along my lower lip, seeking entrance but I knew we had to stop so I pulled away from her.<p>

"Jellal-"

"No, Erza. Just no, okay."

"I want you."

Her words only intensified the throbbing sensation in my groin and made my heart twist. I couldn't have her. I shouldn't be touching her. I had to stop encouraging her to keep playing this stupid game. I grabbed a pillow off the bed and pushed it against her chest. "Please re-think your wishes. I can't do this with you." Then before I could change my mind I got up and locked myself in her bathroom. It was beyond time for that cold shower.

* * *

><p>This was going to take more time and more work than I initially anticipated. I was 99.9% sure that Jellal was as much in love with me as I was with him. Which meant him cracking was only a matter of time and dealing with the small problem of all this guilt he was carrying around. To my mind at least, once I got him to sleep with me that was it. Jellal wouldn't take my virginity and then keep on insisting that he couldn't date me. Entrapment? Maybe but it was for a good cause. We'd be so happy together. I just knew it.<p>

He was worth it, so I could wait, but not for long. It'd already been over a month since all this started and several years since I'd first fallen in love with him. I was done wasting time. I'd spend a few days, if it even took that long, teasing him with these wishes until he couldn't resist me any more. That was the plan anyway. Problem was, I wasn't so sure who was teasing who any more.

I was actively trying to seduce him yet here I was the one left feeling frustrated. I squeezed the pillow tightly against my chest trying to squash down that dull ache in my belly and bring my heart rate back under control. He had so much more experience with these sorts of things than me and he'd turned the tables so quickly. Thinking back, I hadn't even come up with the whole 'dress me' thing. That'd been an idea he'd given me himself. I obviously had to up my game plan if I wanted to win this little thing that had started between us.

I chucked the pillow back on the bed and finished getting dressed. I'd have to think about this.

* * *

><p>What the hell was I thinking? Erza was making all these ridiculous wishes and I was going along with it. <em>Like a lamb to the slaughter,<em> I couldn't help thinking as I borrowed the least feminine smelling of all her soaps. Women. They always had so much stuff. Soap, makeup, shoes... black lace thongs. I forced my mind back onto the problem at hand. She was setting up this elaborate trap and I was falling right into it. Seriously? I was kissing my way up her leg two minutes ago. That kind of bullshit needed to stop. I had to put some space between us for her own good. That pink baby doll with the black thong, that'd look good. I pinched myself. First chance I got I was putting as much physical space as possible between Erza and I. My subconscious thoughts and body would betray my will power the first chance they got and I couldn't risk it. I had to deal with them first though.

My hand skimmed down to grasp the engorged length of my erection. It'd taken me probably two milliseconds to figure out that a cold shower wasn't going to cut it. Erza had me way too worked up. That pink baby doll with the black thong... under her school uniform. In the student council room against that large, old wooden desk. Hell yes. I let the fantasy unfold, adding all the details of what I wanted to do to her. I imagined the way she would feel, warm and tight around me. How she'd look when she came, sweat glistening on her skin with a look in her eyes only I would ever see. I imagined telling Erza I loved her, again and again and again. I bit back a moan. I wanted to tell her that more than anything but that thought, like all the others, was infinitely better off remaining unfulfilled. The water ran over me, swirling down the drain, taking the evidence of my actions with it. I let those thoughts trickle away and hoped I'd be able to stay in control of them.

When I stepped out of the bathroom the first thing that struck me was the amazing smell in her bedroom. It was whatever she normally wore but so much stronger, I guess because she'd just put it on. I was dying to know what it was. Erza was sat in the middle of her made up bed wearing red shorts and my black t-shirt, her hair in one long braid over her shoulder. She was so cute."Ready to eat?" she asked.

_Sure, if I could have a bite of you._

"Yeah," was what I actually said. So much for suppressing those thoughts. I had to get away before Erza caught me in her web too tightly. Though, if I was being honest, she already had.


	15. The Punishment Game (Pushing Limits)

_A/N: 'The Punishment Game' is a mini arc within the main story. Apologizes if you feel this story is a tease... _

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Fifteen - The Punishment Game_

_Part Two - Pushing Limits_

Downstairs, the kitchen was full of hung-over seniors. A lot of people who didn't even live at the dorms were here. Ruchio looked up from the stove, "For the record this is the _girls _dorm."

A chorus of male 'sorry's was heard but when she turned back to the stove she was smiling so I knew she wasn't that mad with us. I grabbed two plates and she loaded them up with fresh pancakes. "Finally made up with Jellal?"

I blushed, "How can you tell?"

"That braid might fool other people but a mother always knows these things. I see that love bite you're trying to hide."

"Oh."

"Don't worry. It's not that noticeable and I'm happy for you," Ruchio smiled at me and winked over my shoulder at Jellal.

I glanced back at him but he looked vaguely confused so I assumed he hadn't heard what she said. I hoped it really was hidden. I didn't think Jellal would take it well if a lot of people started mentioning the bruise. I led the way over to the dining table, snagging recently vacated seats opposite Gajeel and Levy. She gave me a meaningful look and I shot one back then joined in their conversation about the last big outing that was being planned for later this week before we all graduated.

Mid-sentence Levy paused and frowned, "Oh no."

"What?"

"It's Juvia."

I twisted around to see what she was meant but nothing seemed odd to me, "She seems fine so why the mega upset face?"

"Take a better look. She came home with Gray last night."

"Get out," I said my fork freezing halfway to my mouth. I'd completely forgotten about seeing them together last night.

"I'm serious. We saw them," Levy said and Gajeel nodded to confirm it.

"I saw them too. She must be pretty upset," Jellal added.

I took another look at our friend and finally saw what they were talking about. Juvia seemed her normal self but her plate was piled high with way more pancakes then she could possible hope to eat.

"Comfort eating. The poor thing," said Levy.

"If that idiot disappeared before she woke up I'll kill him," I growled. I stood up and waved across the crowded room, "Juvia, over here!"

She waved back and zigzagged over to us. "Morning!"

Up close the plate of food seemed even more gigantic. "Are you okay? Do you want to sit with us? We'll make some space."

"It's okay. Juvia will just go back to her room."

That stripping bastard was so dead. I turned a blind eye to most of his fiascos but this was crossing the line. He knew Juvia properly loved him, unlike all those other girls who were only out to have a good time. "I know you're upset but this," I pointed at the plate, "Is not how to deal with it."

"Upset? Juvia isn't upset and how else would you deal with it?" Her face was completely blank.

"Do you... Do you want to talk about last night?" Levy asked. I could see Jellal and Gajeel all but ready to bolt if any tears started.

"It was great! But Juvia thinks maybe she wore Gray-sama out so she thought some food would help."

We all just stared at her. Gajeel clocked on first and started laughing that quirky laugh of his, "That bastard is still here?"

Levy's mouth dropped open and she elbowed him, "Gajeel!"

"And you wore him out?" Gajeel laughed louder ignoring the 'Please shut up now' looks Levy was giving him. "That's fucking priceless!"

"Juvia feels very bad about it and Juvia will try her best to help Gray-sama recover so please don't laugh Gajeel-kun. Juvia probably won't see you all later so have a good day," she said and was gone in a sparkle of happiness.

I put my fork down, "Okay. What the fuck just happened?"

* * *

><p>Obviously it'd been a weird prom night for more than just Erza, Simon and I. Simon. I was going to have to talk to him today and apologise. Definetly not looking forward to that. I sighed.<p>

"You alright, Jellal? You were acting a bit off last night and you're really quiet this morning," Levy said.

Erza placed her hand on the back of my neck and played with the short hairs there. It felt really nice but I knew it was the kind of intimate gesture that would immediately make people think our relationship status had changed. Sure enough Levy's eyes lit up as she watched us and if that wasn't bad enough what Erza said next clinched it.

"He's just tired. Last night was... kind of eventful."

Levy's smile was dazzling, "Oh. My. God. You finally hooked up." She reached across the table and grasped Erza's other hand in both of hers, "This is awesome. I'm so happy for you."

Hold up, hold up, _hold up_ a damn minute. Typical girl going from A to Z without pausing in between to check the facts. To make things worse, Erza wasn't even denying it. "We're not hooking up or dating or anything like that," I said, reaching across to separate their clasped hands as if to illustrate the point.

"Nani?" Levy looked from Erza to me and back again then she blurted out, "Why the hell not?"

Well, that was an unusual outburst for her. Levy blushed and pressed her hands to her pink tinged cheeks, "That came out wrong. I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Erza turned to look at me, "We don't have to lie to our friends, _honey_."

_Honey? _What the fuck? I plastered a smile on my face to match the sugary one she was aiming at me, leaned towards her and hissed between my teeth, "What are you saying?..._Dearest._"

"I know we agreed not to make a big deal out of it, _honey, _but people are going to find out anyway and surely its better coming from us than through the grapevine."

"Find out what?" Levy breathed, hanging on every word. This whole conversation was getting ridiculous because the Erza I knew couldn't act to save her soul so I don't know where this Oscar award winning performance was coming from. Erza let her arm fall loosely across my shoulders and then tugged on her braid just slightly. It took me a few seconds to match up Levy's gasp with the already re-hidden away love bite.

"Lucy is going to _die_ when she finds out she wasn't the first to hear about this," Levy sent an admonishing look my way. "You _are _dating!"

Gajeel raised his glass of orange juice to me in a mock salute, "Nice. Not subtle, but nice."

I grabbed Erza's arm and hauled her to her feet, "Can I talk to you a minute? In private, _dearest."_

* * *

><p>I let Jellal guide me out of the dining room and onto the back porch. We went down the steps into the garden and behind the gnarly old oak tree, out of sight from the house windows.<p>

"What the devil are you doing?" He said pacing back and forth in front of me as I leaned against the tree.

"Nothing. I just thought that if people are going to see it anyway..."

"So your great plan was to lie about it!"

"It's not a lie! You did give it to me. How else am I supposed to explain it? A vampire?" Talking to Ruchio and Juvia had made me realise two things. Firstly, people were going to notice and comment if they saw the love bite. Secondly, what happened between Jellal and I verged on the unbelievable but even stranger things had happened last night. Juvia and Gray were a case in point. A single hickey was hardly going to be noticed with all the other gossip of who got with who especially since the vast majority of people already thought Jellal and I were fucking. To them we were old news unless we did something scandalous in public. Unfortunately that wouldn't fly with our close friends who knew better than to assume that Jellal sucking on my neck was a regular occurrence. It was obvious they'd all believe we had finally gotten together. Jellal denying it and acting guilty like he'd tried to murder me would only lead to awkward questions. "Can't you see it's better this way?"

"I'm not your boyfriend!"

"Yes, I think we've established that," I said dryly, refusing to show how much his words hurt me. "But I can't walk around with this on my neck without some kind of story. All our friends will say 'It's great you guys _finally _got together' or some variation of that. Now we can nod and say 'Thanks' or we can deny it and get more unexpected 'What the fuck?' faces and outbursts like Levy's. Your choice but I know what I'm going for."

* * *

><p>"You really did hit your head, didn't you?" I was, for not the first time or I suspect the last in this twenty four hour period, stunned at Erza's thought process.<p>

"What do you mean?"

"You cannot seriously believe we can let everyone think we're going out and then "break up" once that bruise fades."

"Who said anything about breaking up?"

All I could do was stare. Erza pushed off the tree and walked over to me. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes against the glare of the morning sun, "I wish you would kiss me."

"I wish I'd never agreed to all these damn wishes."

"Well you did. We agree you're not my boyfriend so there's no need for us to have some big theatrical break up. We'll just act the same way we always did, I mean before I confessed. Everyone thought we were a couple even then and it never bothered you."

The temptation to have our relationship go back to how it was hung before me. We could be friends again and to hell with what other people thought of us. But... "You don't have to cover for me Erza."

"You're my best friend. You'd lie for me wouldn't you?"

"Of course. You know I'd do anything for you."

"Then it's settled. Now kiss me."

She leaned into me and I had to catch her to stop us both from falling over. "What does any of this have to do with me kissing you?"

"Nothing. It's part of your punishment. Anything I wish for you have to give me."

"I know, but you told me that kiss yesterday was the last one." Never mind our impromptu make out session in her bedroom earlier. That was... a mistake. "And I also told you to rethink your wishes. Ones like 'kiss me' are... Not good for me."

"Did I say that yesterday? I don't remember. And the whole point of a punishment is that it's not something convenient for you. Its recompense to me for everything and if I wish for a kiss I expect you to just give me one."

I felt my heart thump as I gazed down at her upturned face. She was so hot when she was bossy. I glanced towards the house but I doubted anyone could see us so I pulled her into a soft kiss. "I won't lie to our friends, Erza," I said when I finally managed to force myself to pull away. This sure as hell didn't feel like punishment to me.

"It's not a lie. You gave me a love bite."

"I hurt you."

"Not nearly as much as the thought that you didn't want me."

I looked down at her in surprise.

"Last night you said you'd die thinking about me being with Simon. Well I thought I would die thinking you didn't love me. But you do, so everything is okay now. With or without a few stupid bruises."

I knew I should deny it. The whole love thing. But looking at her the words stuck in my throat. I did love Erza. More than she could possibly know. Those words had no trouble finding their way onto my tongue and almost out my mouth. "I... I can't let you go around calling me 'honey'. It's weird. And if anyone asks me straight out, I'm definitely going to tell them the truth."

* * *

><p>I forced all my bubbling excitement down. I'd all but convinced him to be my 'fake' boyfriend. I wanted to jump up and down with joy. That would be a dead giveaway though. I was just so happy that all this emotion risked spilling out. Jellal must be crazy in love with me to be duped into this so easily. I grinned up at him, "Deal. I won't call you honey or flaunt it in anyway. You can tell people what you like but me... I think I'll tell them you took me to bed and made passionate love to me all night long."<p>

His face went pale and his grip on me tightened, "You wouldn't."

"I might," I wiggled out of his arms.

"You can't."

I backed away from him, raised an eyebrow and put my hands on my hips, "Maybe I wont... if you can catch me." I wasn't sure if he would give in and chase me but when I heard his feet hit the wooden decking a few seconds after mine I couldn't help smiling. I circled the picnic table, carefully keeping it between us. He pointed at me, "If I catch you, you're swearing to not tell anybody that."

"Yeah... but that's a pretty big if. I hope you're ready for me to tell Lucy all about how much of a fantastic lover you are."

Jellal shook his head at me, "No way, Erza. No fucking way."

"I'll tell her you placed soft kisses from my ankle to my-" I cut off in a small scream as he placed a hand in the centre of the table and leapt over it at me.

* * *

><p>Erza was a great athlete. In most things we were pretty evenly matched but being several inches taller than her, and with a longer stride to match, the advantage in this little game of tag we were playing was definitely all mine. Still I found myself holding back, not chasing her that hard as she peeked around trees and jumped over flower beds. She was smiling, laughing, every time she looked back at me. When was the last time we'd had fun together like this? Sure it was childish but I was loving every minute of it.<p>

We rounded the corner of the dorms and Erza was looking over her shoulder, not watching where she was going. So there was no way for her to see Laki walking down the front steps. "Watch out!" I yelled and put on a burst of speed to catch up to her.

* * *

><p>I turned back around just in time to see Laki step off the bottom step in front of me. Her eyes widened in surprise but I was going way too fast to stop. I braced myself for the collision. Jellal's hand land on my hip, pulling me to the side then my feet were off the ground, his arms were around my waist and we were spinning around and around. I had a sudden understanding of exactly how that mystery girl had felt last night when her boyfriend spun her around on the playing fields. Completely euphoric.<p>

Laki was squealing as the breeze created by Jellal and I rushing past sent her skirt fluttering up. He spun me one more time then we were falling into a dizzy heap on the grass, both of us laughing and trying to catch our breath.

"Got you," he said, "Now swear it."

"Doesn't count. There was game interference," I placed a hand on my chest and felt my heart racing, not just from that little bit of exercise.

Jellal abruptly sat up and his hands skimmed over my sides, tickling me. "Don't! Stop! Jellal, please!" I begged, trying to twist away from him.

"Swear you won't tell!"

"Okay, okay!" I gasped. I couldn't even breathe properly.

"What?"

"I won't tell! I swear it!" I screamed and he finally relented. Jellal looked at me, laughing, then he leaned down, cupped my face in his hands and kissed me. Right there on the grass with not the whisper of a requesting wish from me.

"Oi! Lovebirds. Save some of that energy for later."

At the sound of Gajeel's voice Jellal jerked away from me. It amused me no end to see the blush that spread across his face. He was so damn cute. "What's happening later?"

* * *

><p>It was typical and sweet of Erza, not to get the blatant sex reference from Gajeel. I could feel my face heating up. That kiss had just come out of nowhere. It was another prime example of why I needed to put some space between us. I could barely control myself around her.<p>

Gajeel waved his phone at us, "Text message from Sensei. We're conditioning today."

Next to me Erza groaned but I felt my face grow even hotter. Why had I jumped to the conclusion that Gajeel was talking about me and Erza having sex? I obviously had the thought on my mind. Damn.

"Can we skip it? Doesn't he know it was Prom last night?" Erza asked.

"I think he's doing it _because _it was Prom last night. He said to meet him at the park instead of the dojo. Anyone who doesn't show has a hundred suicides first practice they're back," Gajeel said.

"A hundred? No one could possibly live through a hundred," I said, standing up. Erza extended her hands to me and I pulled her up.

"I'm not going to risk it. Are you?"

"Nope. We are so ready for practice. Jellal helped me get ready this morning, didn't you?" Erza sent me a wicked grin and I fought to keep my face neutral to avoid giving away to Gajeel any hint about what she meant. Still my palms tingled, remembering the way it felt to stroke up her thighs.

"I'm sure he did," Gajeel said in a tone that let me know my poker face wasn't fooling anyone. "Levy sent me to tell you that the pancakes are going cold. I think that's 'You haven't told me everything yet' in girl code."

"I completely forgot about them and I was kind of mid-story," Erza said and bounded cheerfully up the front steps, "Sorry for scaring you Laki."

"It's okay. I'm glad neither of us were hurt," she smoothed down her skirt and continued down the path leaving Gajeel and I alone at the bottom of the steps.

"Look. Nothing happened-"

"She has a love bite the size of a golf ball on her neck. None of us were born yesterday. You don't have to go all CIA Secrets Act on us."

"I did not sleep with Erza," I said firmly. I know that Erza and I had agreed to avoid the true details of last night but I really didn't want people getting too much of the wrong idea.

"Maybe you did and maybe you didn't. Still if you really didn't, I said it before and I'm saying it now. That last sentence of yours is missing a word off it. 'Yet'." He clapped a hand on my shoulder, "She wanted you a month ago and she still wants you now. Stop being such a pussy and hit that."

"We're friends-" I started protesting.

"Whatever man. Ain't nobody going to believe that shit anymore."

* * *

><p>I slide back into my seat opposite Levy and she immediately asked me, "So what happened last night?"<p>

"Oh this and that," I replied. In all honesty, I didn't really want to lie to our friends either but I figured some things were better left unsaid.

"Okay that answer is not going to satisfy Lucy at all. You better practice your story on me because she is going to demand to know every single detail."

I looked around the crowded room, and Levy caught my gaze. "Maybe we should have this conversation somewhere else. Let's go to my room."

I nodded, grabbed my plate and followed her up to her room. As usual, books covered every surface. I stood back as she shifted a pile of them off the window seat then joined her. She pulled a pillow to her chest, "Spill."

"There's not much to say. We just kissed a little."

"A little? If Gajeel was _just _kissing me hard enough to leave a bruise like that no way would things have stopped there. Why didn't you go all the way?"

"Losing your virginity on Prom night is such a cliché. Anyway we had a big fight last night as well." It was half the truth.

"About Simon, obviously." Levy leaned forward and started fussing with my hair, pulling bits of grass from it. "It was insanely weird to see you at prom with the wrong guy. Jellal looked so down. I think it really hit him hard, not being the one with you. At least it finally made him realise how he feels about you. He's been acting a bit dense lately."

"More like he didn't know what was going on. There was a mishap with the letter and it snowballed from there into one huge misunderstanding but we talked it out."

"Why do I feel like I'm missing half the story? What went wrong with the letter?"

"It's a long story."

"Isn't it always?" We both laughed. "You look so happy, Erza."

"I am happy. Really, really happy." I was walking on cloud nine. Everything with Jellal felt so right. Today was going to be amazing. I just knew it.

"Erza? Erza?" Levy and I both looked towards the door at the sound of Jellal's voice.

"In here," we yelled in sync and he inched the door open.

"Unless you have my running shoes in that drawer of yours, I'll have to go home and get some."

"Wait! I'll come with you."

* * *

><p>Erza's good mood was infectious. All those negative thoughts I'd been having seemed to fade further and further away with every minute I spent with her. By the time we got to the park it was like the last month hadn't even happened.<p>

"I should put the words 'one hundred' and 'suicides' together more often," Sensei mused, as we all milled around on the grass in the afternoon sunshine. "Line up! Fifty jumping jacks. I want to hear everyone counting or you start again. Any lazy arms and you start again. And if I see any phones from this point onwards guess what? You're starting again. Go!"

We settled into the familiar warm up exercises but it wasn't long before the weirdest sensation crept over me. Like someone was watching me. Not totally untrue seeing as we were a load of teenagers doing drills in the park. That alone drew peoples attention. This felt different though. More specifically focused on me. I could feel goosebumps forming on my arms because of it.

* * *

><p>The automatic nature of our standard warm up left my brain with nothing to do but think as my body went through the motions. I was insanely happy to be back on friendly terms with Jellal but Levy's comments had me wondering how long it would be before we went all the way. Tonight? Tomorrow? Next week? I thought it over. Jellal obviously had pretty good self-control. By his own admission, he'd already wanted me for a month, been thinking about me for a month and yet here I was practically having to beg him for every single kiss. It didn't help that I kept forgetting that I <em>needed<em> to beg. Being around Jellal for the first time in weeks meant I was falling into my old habits of friendly comfortableness with him. Which was nice because it obviously helped him forget last night but I didn't want to get stuck back in the friend zone. Not when I wanted him as my boyfriend.

I had to be clever about this. Playing tag in the garden was fun but it wouldn't get us into bed together. And, after this morning, the sooner we got there the better.

My thoughts wandered. Jellal's hands on my skin, his tongue tracing a path that left fire in its wake. I felt that same hollow ache stirring to life again as I watched him stretch in the line ahead of me and just to the left. This amazing guy had been on his knees before me less than two hours ago doing things that made me blush at the memory. Was he thinking about it too?

"Stop! Erza's not counting. Lunge jumps from zero."

* * *

><p>That was extremely unusual. In fact it was beyond unusual. It was downright impossible. Sensei absolutely had to have that wrong. To say Erza always took training seriously was a massive understatement. The kids at school thought they knew 'Titania' when she was in student president mode, scoping the halls for bad behaviour or chewing some poor kid out over something he probably didn't even realise he'd done. They had no fucking idea. The minute she crossed the threshold of the dojo shit got real. I don't even know how to describe it. She just took the word 'badass' and owned it. That and everyone she sparred with. If I relaxed for two seconds she'd have me at her feet too and no way was I taking that every week. Erza tended to push herself and in doing so pushed everyone else to be better too, myself included. Erza not taking training seriously was as likely as the sun deciding not to rise tomorrow.<p>

"Stop! Am I going to be doing this all afternoon with you seniors? Wake up over there Jellal. We moved on to tuck jumps while you're busy daydreaming. All of you start again. Knees to your chest. Go."

* * *

><p>So he was thinking about me. Nice to know I wasn't the only one distracted by those thoughts but this was the wrong time and place. I tried to focus on the little things like my breathing or the pull of muscles when I stretched. I was trying to find that calm, focused zone I was usually in when we trained. It worked for awhile until Sensei sent us jogging around the park. We started in one big group but by lap two we'd divided up into smaller clusters. I was with Jellal, Meredy and Natsu. We were jogging, not going all out, because Natsu was hungover and Meredy was in the mood to talk.<p>

"I'm going to be sick," Natsu moaned and not for the first time.

"Stop saying that and do it. I guarantee you'll feel better afterwards. I could punch you, if it would help."

"Oh god, Erza. Has anyone ever told you that you're a Spartan?"

"I don't think so." I wasn't entirely sure but I decided to take it as a compliment. "I'm only trying to help you."

"Then never let me drink again. Ever."

"When I drink, I know my limits," Meredy twisted around and smirked. Natsu turned an unusual shade of green and disappeared into the trees that lined the path.

"When you what?" Jellal asked sharply as we slowed to an almost walk to give Natsu time to catch up to us.

"I said when, like when I do, you know, not like now, like future when," Meredy stumbled over the words and if her face wasn't already red from the running I would have said she was blushing. So typical of Jellal to go all big brother mode on her. I'm pretty sure we had more than a few sneaky drinks when we were fifteen.

"Meredy, you're not-"

"Let's not make this about me! Onii-san didn't come home last night. Getting down with our favourite redhead?" She waggled her eyebrows at us and I couldn't help grinning back.

Jellal nudged me, "What are you smiling at? Don't give her any weird thoughts."

"Jelly finally got a proper girlfriend! Ah, I wish I had a boyfriend...but you scare them all off," she sent a glare in Jellal's direction and he tugged playfully on her ponytail.

"You're too young. What do I always tell you?"

"Guys only ever want one thing. I know," she rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out. "Wait until you go to college, I'm going to rebel and go boy crazy."

I watched them trade insults and sarcastic remarks. The two of them and Ultear were so close it was easy to forget that they weren't actually siblings. Above us the sunlight filtered through the trees, creating dappled patches of light and shadow. It was such a beautiful day. Maybe I could convince Jellal to go for some ice cream later. The thought sent a shiver down my spine. Lucy had a pretty good story about the kinds of fun you could have with a handful of strawberries and a tub of ice cream...

* * *

><p>Erza was off somewhere. Meredy waved a hand slowly in front of Erza's face. "Wow. Does she do this often?"<p>

"Never." Maybe Sensei was right and Erza hadn't been focussing earlier. "Hey, Erza. Erza. Erza?" I stroked her arm and she snapped out of it. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine. I wasn't thinking about you. Or strawberries. Or ice cream. Where the hell is Natsu?" She jogged back down the path, calling Natsu's name.

"Well damn, Jell. You and strawberries with ice cream and that dreamy look on her face. Someone's got a hot date later. Please remember I'm too young to be an auntie."

"Shut up, Meredy. That's not funny." Was that really what Erza was thinking about? Me and her and... Sometimes I hated my imagination. It so easily combined ice cream with the memories from earlier. All I'd be able to think about now was licking ice cream off Erza's thighs. Fuck.

* * *

><p>It was in my head now. Going around and around. I found Natsu and glared at him.<p>

"You're right. I do feel better. Why are you looking at me like that?"

"This is your fault!"

"Huh?"

"Stop doing _things_ with Lucy! She talks too much!"

"Umm... I'm sorry. I think. What kind of things?"

Frustrated and annoyed at myself, I left him there and started properly running. I breezed right by Jellal and Meredy even though they both called out to me. Whoever said exercise was supposed to help with these kinds of feelings was a liar. Raw desire for Jellal was pounding through my veins with every beat of my heart. The more I tried to ignore it the stronger it seemed to become. Back in the middle of the park I rested my hands on my knees and tried to breathe. _Get a grip girl._

"Way to ditch us, Erza." Meredy said and I glanced up. She might have been pouting at me. I don't know. All I could see was Jellal tugging the edge of his t-shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face. It gave me a perfect view of his abs. To hell with it. I marched over to him. "I know my next wish."

He looked wary, "What is it?"

"I wish you would buy me ice cream."

"Sure. I could do that," he still looked a little apprehensive but just to be sure he wasn't getting the wrong idea I decided to be more direct.

"What's your favourite flavour?"

"Mine? Vanilla, I guess."

I yanked his t-shirt back down then grabbed a fistful of it to pull him down to my level. I whispered in his ear, "Better start working up an appetite Jellal because for my next wish I want you to buy vanilla ice cream, then lick it off every single inch of my body. Every inch. Oh, and no keeping your eyes closed this time. You got that?"

He swallowed hard but he couldn't disguise that look in his eyes or the breathlessness in his voice that didn't have a damn thing to do with our recent run, "That's not happening."

"Are you guys tired? Too bad. Line up. I'm going to push you to your limits today. Shoulder taps till I tell you to stop," Sensei said.

"I'm curious Jell, where exactly is your limit? I bet I can find it and when I do," I licked his ear, "All my wishes will come true."


	16. The PG (The Battle But Not The War)

_A/N: Cue ominous background music... _

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Sixteen - The Punishment Game_

_Part Three - The Battle But Not The War_

Contrary to what the last few days might have suggested. I'm not an idiot. Usually.

Erza had taken it upon herself to come on to me. Again. And this time round she was being anything but subtle. Then again stripping off in Mira's bedroom wasn't exactly the same as the flirty 'come-hither' smiles most girls would have tried first. But that's so Erza, to skip all the non-essentials and go straight for the jugular. Maybe that's why I'd been left reeling by her seemingly impromptu actions. Looking back on our relationship it wasn't all that sudden. This thing between us had been a long time in the making. In any case, I was getting the hint, loud and clear, that despite everything, she still wanted to be with me. Specifically _in bed_ with me as soon as was reasonably practical. Which unfortunately wasn't right now.

God, I wished it was right now.

Because I was officially in hell. There was no other way to describe it. This was agony. And that was without taking Sensei's crazy conditioning into account. Erza was gazing at me, with _that _look in her eyes and _that _little half-smile on her face. Mavis help me if she got the chance to stand close enough to whisper things to me between reps. This girl had _ideas. _Like, on par with any fantasy I could come up with, type of ideas. Which was saying something, especially since I knew what the hell I was thinking about and she was a virgin. I think. No, I knew, but damn if she wasn't making that hard to believe. Where was she getting this stuff from? Never mind the fact that she didn't actually have to _do_ anything to get my attention. A thousand pretty girls could have paraded past me and I'd still have had only eyes for her. Erza actually putting effort into flirting with me was... immensely distracting.

And distracted was not something you wanted to be in Sensei's training sessions. He pushed us hard and picked up on any signs of laziness, any lack of effort and punished you for it. So of course, he had it in for me today, but I could only blame myself for my lack of focus. Erza was promising the world to me with every glance she sent my way. I should have been able to ignore it and block her out but I was hyper-aware of everything she did. I kept gravitating towards her, like I couldn't help myself. And I really couldn't. I knew I was perpetuating this stupid cycle of wishes we'd fallen into. That ice cream wish was a deliberate invitation. Erza couldn't possibly think that we could do that and not end up having sex. Zeref, I wanted her so bad just thinking about it.

I couldn't though. I shouldn't. Maybe..._ No. Don't even think it_. But I was thinking it. I was thinking about it a lot.

I'd never been more grateful than when Sensei finally stopped demanding push ups and suicide runs, and moved on to katas. Cold showers and exercise might have failed but it was impossible to be distracted when doing katas. Each movement sharp and precise, flowing effortlessly into the next. My mind cleared without any real conscious effort until I wasn't thinking about anything at all.

* * *

><p>Nothing focuses the mind quite like katas. By the time we settled into the final stance and bowed to Sensei a deep sense of calm had filled me. Today was the day. No more waiting, no more fighting, no more confusion. Just Jellal and I as we should be. Together.<p>

"Good job everyone. Stretch well and you can leave," Sensei said and all around me people dropped gratefully onto the grass with little sighs of exhaustion. Natsu still looked green and even Gajeel seemed tired. Personally, I didn't think the training had been that bad.

In the shade of the trees I sipped on a bottle of lukewarm water, watching Jellal. He was doing that thing again. Lifting the edge of his t-shirt to swipe at the sweat on his forehead. Lust, hot and strong, swirled in my stomach, imaging his body over mine. Today. It had to be today. His gaze met mine and I didn't bother hiding how I was feeling. I wanted him to know.

Jellal walked over to me, "Can I have some of that?" I handed him the bottle, not too sure if the water was all he was talking about, and felt the almost familiar spark of electicity when our fingers brushed. Hoped he felt it to. "Are you tired?" I asked.

"Of course, aren't you?"

"Hmm, not so much. I was thinking-"

"Erza. Jellal. Come here a minute please," Sensei said, neatly interrupting me. He led us away from the others. "One of you want to tell me what's going on?"

* * *

><p>One look. One loaded 'wait till I get you home' look from Erza and the focus of the katas deserted me. Was I stupid? No. Whipped? Most definitely. I told myself to ignore it. I'd drifted over to her anyway. It was cliched, but resistance really was futile. I felt the ever-present hunger for her gnawing at me even as I remind myself that I couldn't touch her. Wouldn't touch her. Probably. Maybe. Fuck, I was so screwed.<p>

I looked at Erza and then back at Sensei who was still waiting for one of us to answer. But what could I say? He sighed, "What you do in your private life is your business but when you bring it to practice it becomes my business. Your lack of focus today was unacceptable, especially you Jellal, but don't think I didn't notice you half-assing things, Erza. It's not like either of you to be this way. Whatever it is sort it out. Come to my dojo with this kind of attitude and you're both out. Do we understand each other?"

"I'm sorry, Sensei. It won't happen again," Erza said and I mirrored her bow with one of my own.

"Good. Two more things. I know it's your senior summer and you want to have fun but I could really use some help with the younger students. I thought you two would make good teachers, when you're focused of course. How about it?"

Erza's response was immediate, "We don't mind, right Jellal?"

I hesitated. My plan for the summer was to put some much needed space between us. "I don't know."

* * *

><p>His hesitation riled me. Everything he thought was so transparent to me. He didn't want to agree to spending more time together even if it was only at the dojo. Why was he trying so hard to put space between us? A little of the anger I'd felt last night returned. I was in love with an idiot. I hoped there was a cure for temporary idiot-ism. I wasn't going to keep putting up with this.<p>

"Think about it and let me know. Last thing. Extra lap of the park for thinking you can goof off in my training session. Go."

* * *

><p>If I hadn't known better I would have said that Erza was angry at me. Flirty to angry in sixty seconds. Women are so fucking complicated. We kept pace with each other in silence but I could sense the tension, those slightly dangerous vibes coming from her. "What's wrong?" I asked when I couldn't take it anymore.<p>

"Nothing."

Well that was a bad sign. "It's obviously something. I thought we said we were going to be honest with each other from now on."

She stopped. "Honest? You want to talk about honesty?"

_Oh no..._

"How about we start with your total incapacity for admitting how you feel about me when it's so obvious."

Why did I open my big mouth? "Erza..."

"Or maybe we can talk about why the hell you keep trying to put space between us?"

"Isn't _that _obvious?"

"No! No it isn't! You need to stop. Stop running from me and the way you feel. It's infuriating."

I looked away from her and sighed, "You don't get it. The last few days have been so crazy. I'm trying to find some kind of balance here Erza but you keep knocking me down every time I think I'm getting somewhere." In fact, I was starting to believe that balance didn't exist. I wasn't sure how much more time I could spend around her before we crossed the line. Maybe it'd already been crossed.

"The balance of what? Some thin line between best friend and boyfriend? How's that going for you? Because it's not working too well for me."

It was like she'd read my mind. It wasn't going well. It wasn't going well at all. She was angry with me. Glaring at me. And all I wanted was to undo that braid and let her hair free, lay her down on the soft grass and... and...

* * *

><p>I was annoyed and frustrated and suddenly it was all too much. "It's just helping out at the dojo. It's our senior summer. It's you and me and if you don't kiss me right now I think I'll go crazy."<p>

It was a pointless demand. He was already reaching for me, pulling me against his body. We fell into each other. It was so natural. Like breathing. How many kisses was this? I don't know, I don't care. I only wanted a million more exactly like it.

"You don't know what you've been doing to me this afternoon," Jellal murmured. His fingers were in my hair, loosening the braid with deft tugs.

"I do know."

"You're teasing me."

"Yes."

"I wish you wouldn't."

"I think the wishes are meant to be coming from me."

That made him laugh. "You're such a handful. Seriously though, I can't give you what you want Erza." His fingers left my hair to skim over the bruise, "We're meant to be going back to normal. No matter what other people may think or what we let them think. You and I are friends. Best friends. I get that you're not angry, well at least not angry about the things you should be angry about, but to make this new thing work, I need some space from you."

"You kiss all your best friends this way?"

"Only you and I'm trying very hard to stop."

"Even if I don't want you to?"

"Even then. Sorry."

* * *

><p>I had Erza in my arms, saying no with each word that left my mouth but meaning yes with each kiss, each gentle touch. It was such a contradiction. I knew what I wanted. I also knew I should try and squash these feelings but they kept leaching out of me into actions that only kept the cycle spinning. Every little battle I lost with myself took me one step closer to losing the war. I eased away from her. "Sensei's going to wonder what's taking us so long."<p>

"Work at the dojo with me this summer."

"Are you asking me? Or telling me?"

She intertwined her fingers with mine, "Both."

I'd never held hands with Erza before. It was comfortable but strange all at the same time and before I could censor myself the reply was out. "Okay."

She smiled and my heart ached. If only I could always make her this happy with a single word.

"By the way," she said, "You still owe me ice cream."

And my heart went from aching to stopping in a fraction of a second.

* * *

><p>Jellal was watching me so carefully as we walked away from the park. It was kind of amusing. I mean, it's not like I was going to jump him right here in the middle of the street. I wanted to at least take a shower first. I debated the odds of me convincing him we should have one together and decided that with the way he was caving in to practically everything I'd suggested so far today, it was worth a try.<p>

But one step at a time. It'd taken a lot of insistent 'wishing' to convince him to walk me back to the dorms after we'd finished stretching. He knew where this was going and regarded my every action, every word with increasing suspicion. Reluctance was written all over his face. He couldn't keep his desire for me from his eyes though.

I didn't push the issue. All my hints and suggestions from earlier must already be playing through his mind. That was enough for now, so I backed off. Walked home like I wasn't planning a thing. Pure innocence here.

* * *

><p>Erza was humming to herself as we walked. As if the air between us wasn't alive with suppressed tension and intense attraction and that clawing, near overwhelming sense of need. I was on autopilot. Barely registering where in town we were. All I could think was that I shouldn't be doing this and that her hair was pretty and how I loved her so much and how wrong that was and that I was only walking her home. Not planning on sleeping with her at all. Not thinking about matching lingerie sets and the taste of her on my tongue and making her mine forever. And ice cream. Sweet vanilla ice cream melting over her curves.<p>

I was not thinking about my best friend that way.

_Walk her home then walk away_. I repeated that to myself over and over. Willing it to be true. I suspected it might not be. I was so lost in thought, warring with myself, that I didn't notice which road we were on until a girl appeared right in front of me.

* * *

><p>Kagura would've knocked me down if I hadn't seen her coming and stepped out of her way. As student council president of Mermaid Heel, her path occasionally crossed mine in a far less literal sense. She had a reputation not so dissimilar to mine and people often noticed that despite the nearly two year age difference between us. She was efficient and practical so our meetings always went smoothly. You'd have thought we would have been friends but our interactions outside of required school meetings were always a bit off. She was always quietly calm and never showed much emotion. Still it was hard to miss the simmering sense of dislike she had for Jellal. I never really understood why.<p>

"You broke my brother's nose!"

I guess she had a reason to dislike him now. Jellal looked surprised, like she'd just ripped him out of his thoughts and then instantly remorseful. "I'm sorry Kagura. Is he home? I would like to apologise to him."

I realised then that we had been passing outside of their house.

"You're sorry? I'll show you sorry," she snapped, her eyes blazing. Her intention to slap him was so obvious. I knew Jellal would let her too. I reached out to intercept her but I needn't have bothered.

"Sorry about my sister. She's still a little upset," Simon said as he grabbed both her wrists and pulled her to his side.

* * *

><p>"Nii-san, why are <em>you <em>apologising. This is all their fault!" Kagura's indignant wrath swirled around me bringing the reality of yesterday crashing into the present. What the fuck had I been doing all this time? Playing happy couple with Erza, forgetting all the important things that had led us to where we were now.

Simon's face was a mess. His nose still swollen, dark bruises under both his eyes. I remember feeling glad yesterday at the crunching sound his nose made as I broke it. Simon smiled at me, "Not come to finish the job have you?" He said it lightly, as a joke, but I remembered wanting to break his jaw, wanting so badly to hurt him, thinking the most vile thoughts about this guy because of what I thought he'd done with Erza. When he hadn't done anything but love her, same as I did. Maybe better than I did. I thought of the bruises marring Erza's skin and didn't think maybe.

The guilt came back with such a vengeance it took my breath away.

* * *

><p>Jellal looked like he'd just been hit by a ten ton truck. All the light disappeared from his eyes and I could feel him pulling away from me even though he didn't move an inch. "Jellal-"<p>

"And you!" Kagura yanked an arm free and pointed at me, "Aren't you a nasty piece of work. Acting like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth. I _hate _women like you."

It was my turn to be surprised. "What?"

"You think you're so fucking wonderful. Yeah well, beauty is only skin deep on you. I can't believe you would-"

"Stop." The tone of Jellal's voice brought Kagura up short. "Say whatever you want about me but don't you dare say anything else about Erza. None of this is her fault. None of it. You can hate me. You can yell. I'll let you hit me if it will make you feel better but don't talk bad about Erza. I mean it, Kagura."

There was a short silence, all of us looking at each other, no one really wanting to say anything.

"Do you want to come in?" asked Simon, always so polite and Kagura just lost it.

"Nii-san! What the hell is wrong with you? This little bitch plays you like a fool. Takes complete advantage of you. Gets you beaten up by her idiotic boyfriend. Who, in case you don't remember, _broke your nose!_ And you invite them into our house? Oh my god. I know love is blind but wake up already! She used you!"

Ah. The 'women like you' phrase was making sense now. "I wasn't using your brother."

"Whatever. You had a fight with your boyfriend so picked up a spare date for prom. Never mind how that person might feel about it. My brother loves you!"

"Kagura! Shut up!" hissed Simon but she was on a bit of a roll.

"You know, I used to respect you. I could see why Simon liked you so much. Always thought you had terrible taste in men to choose Jellal over Nii-san but I never thought you were cruel and deceitful and-"

"I told you to stop," snapped Jellal.

"Or what? You'll break my nose too?"

Her sarcasm sliced through him. The venom in her voice making us both wince. "You can't-"

Simon placed a hand over her mouth. "I apologise for my sister. She's very upset. I think maybe you should leave."

"I'm so sorry Simon. More than I can say. I shouldn't have hit you," Jellal bowed very deep to both of them and walked away.

"I wasn't using you, Simon. I swear it," I said but he only smiled softly at me.

"It's obvious who you should be with Erza. It was obvious way before yesterday. I think it's about time we all realised that. Go on. I'll see you both at graduation."

I left, feeling horrible, wondering how many other people saw me at prom with Simon and thought I was being intentionally cruel. Questioning why I hadn't noticed sooner how Simon felt about me because it was evident now that accepting his prom invitation had probably given him pain and pleasure in equal measures. Although the last part of prom night had overwhelmingly been filled with pain alone. Simon was an even better man than I already thought, to still be smiling and kind after everything that had happened. I trailed behind Jellal, watching his slumped shoulders. If I felt horrible, how much worse must he feel? What the hell was I supposed to say to him?

* * *

><p>I felt strangely empty. Drained of all feeling and thought. There was only darkness. My own, from within me. Everything Kagura had said about Erza made me angry because it was completely untrue. She'd barely said anything about me, doubtless she thought Erza had led me into it. The slighted girlfriend plotting revenge on her boyfriend by using another guy to make him jealous. Fuck, even I'd had a moment last night when I'd believed that to be true. Any hate I felt for myself before faded in comparison to what came over me now. Anyone who didn't hear the whole story of last night would feel sorry for Simon. And for me. Everyone would think Erza was a heartless bitch. That thought cut deeper than anything.<p>

"Jellal..." Erza's voice was a soft whisper by my shoulder.

"Go home."

"What? Why? You know she's wrong."

"Is she?"

I took her by surprise and she stopped walking for a moment before catching up to me. "What the hell do you mean by that?"

"Everyone will think that, Erza. Absolutely everyone who hears anything about last night will think exactly that way about you. I thought that. I know you best right? But even I thought it."

"I don't care what people think. We know it's not true. It's a misunderstanding."

"I care, Erza. I care a lot. I've done the one thing I never wanted to do."

"Listen to the foolish words of an upset teenage girl who I suspect might have a tiny brother complex?"

* * *

><p>He didn't laugh. "I've tainted you. Ruined your beautiful light." He started walking faster, "Stay away from me."<p>

I grabbed his arm, "Don't be ridiculous. Why are you putting me up on some kind of pedestal? My light? I don't fucking know what you're talking about. I hate when you walk away from me Jellal. I really hate it."

"You don't get it, do you? You never have and you never will. I _want_ to get away from you. I can't be anywhere near you. I'm... so tired of hurting you."

He looked so desperately sad. "Please don't look like that. You're breaking my heart. This isn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault."

"I want you to stay away from me Erza."

"No. Not for this stupid reason."

He whirled around, "You want a better reason?" Jellal grabbed me by the shoulders and looked straight in my eyes. "I don't love you. I'll never love you."

"You're lying," I said, hating the tears that welled up in my eyes, the flicker of pain that shot through my heart.

Jellal let go of me. "Think what you want just leave me alone."

I forced myself to let him walk away. He obviously needed a little space, a little time. Didn't those words sound disgustingly familiar?

* * *

><p>I'd hurt her again. The pain that echoed around my own heart made me wonder if I was doing the right thing but I didn't look back. What could I have been thinking? Playing this stupid game with Erza. Giving in to all her punishment wishes that didn't involve any kind of punishment at all. Holding her and touching her and kissing her, over and over because it felt good. Because it made me happy to have her in my arms.<p>

I didn't deserve happy.

A major fuck up. That's what today had been. Reality check duly noted, I was more determined than ever to keep Erza away from me. I'd been fighting the wrong kind of war and losing all day. No more. Enough. This weakness that kept drawing me towards Erza had to go. I couldn't stop loving her, clearly couldn't convince her to leave some space between us for more than two hot minutes but maybe I could make her hate me.

"Jellal?"

I looked up at the familiar voice. First, fate, then divine retribution, and now this. Whoever was up there sure loved playing games with me. She hadn't changed at all. The same pretty face, long dark hair and amazing body. I didn't feel anything looking at the person who two years ago had driven sixteen year old me completely crazy. No, the love or lust or whatever it had been back then was definitely gone but she'd do.

"Hey, are you back in town for the summer again?"

"Yeah. Want to catch up?"

Maybe the battle but never the war. "I'd like that..."


	17. The Punishment Game (Tactical Advantage)

_A/N: Just who is this mystery girl? Thanks so much for continuing to support my story but I have to say absolutely no one guessed her identity right in the reviews this week, but there is a massive hint in this chapter so try again before the big reveal and let me know what you think. _

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Seventeen - The Punishment Game_

_Part Four - Tactical Advantage_

It took me a few minutes to internalize the pain. The problem with knowing someone really well was that they knew exactly how to hurt you. Jellal was lying. He loved me. I was sure of that. His words still hurt like hell though. It was more salt rubbed over the already exposed soft areas of my heart. It had to stop soon. Surely, Jellal and I must have hit rock bottom. The only way left for our relationship to go was up.

"Erza," Simon said from behind me. He was a little breathless from coming down the street to find me but I suppose being unable to breathe properly through your nose might have that affect. "Glad I caught you. Here. I think it's Jellal's." He handed me a phone. I ran a thumb over the screen and even though the battery was flashing red the background picture came up. Jellal and I on New Years Day. Both of us smiling, his arm thrown casually over my shoulders as we stood at the bottom of the steps that led up to the shrine. He'd told me my kimono was pretty. Later, I'd peeked at him from beneath my lashes, wondering what he'd prayed for. I'd asked for the courage to confess.

"Thank you," I hesitated then continued, "I really wasn't messing with you, Simon. Jellal and I... It's kind of complicated but we're not together. Not really."

He laughed softly, "You've been together so long you don't even realise it anymore. Just forget it Erza. My little sister can be a bit overdramatic."

"I'm so sorry. Truly I am." And I was. All this mess was partially my fault. Simon flashed me another quick smile and then he was gone, giving a casual wave over his shoulder.

I walked home, turning Jellal's phone over and over in my hands. Two small steps forward, one massive leap back seemed to be the story of my life. I wasn't watching where I was going and managed to bump into Cana in the hallway. She took one look at my face and said, "What's the idiot done now?"

* * *

><p>She talked about university, her part-time job and all the things she'd been up to in the last few years. She'd travelled a bit, been in and out of a few relationships, got a new tattoo. I asked where and she laughed, light and airy. Told me maybe, if I was lucky, I'd find out later.<p>

I didn't feel lucky.

She asked if all my friends still hated her. Looked quietly amused when I said they probably did. "And you Jell, do you hate me?"

I couldn't really say much other than, "No, I didn't see it the way they did."

"No, I suppose you didn't," she said letting her eyes run over me, "You've changed."

I shrugged, "Two years is a long time."

"You're taller. And stronger," she linked arms with me and squeezed my bicep. "So mature as well. It's... Intriguing. Still running around with that little redhead?"

I couldn't help tensing and she laughed again, "Oh I _see_."

And the thing was, I think she did see. She was always that way. So calm and composed and she just _got_ things. I'd always assumed it was because she was older than me but it seemed like it was another facet of her personality. She was the kind of girl that got inside your head, under your skin. I'd been more or less obsessed with her. In, an admittedly, not entirely healthy way. I'd gotten over what happened. My friends, not so much.

They'd kill me if they saw us together. I hoped someone did. I needed to push Erza away so we could both move on with our lives. This would undoubtedly make her hate me once and for all. It'd probably make all of them hate me.

* * *

><p>"He said what? Wait till I get my hands on that stupid, stupid boy. After that lecture I gave him and everything!" Cana growled.<p>

"Can you take your anger out on something other than my skin?" I winced as she scrubbed at my back.

"Shit. Sorry."

Cana relaxed a bit and went back to using softer strokes. The warm steam of the dorm bath swirled around us. Sometimes it was really busy here but this afternoon it was deserted apart from the two of us. It hadn't been my intention to offload everything onto Cana but she was the only person who knew the full story about prom night and she seemed to be tangled up in everything that happened between Jellal and I, whether it be delivering my letter to Jellal last month or delivering him to me late last night.

"I don't know what to do Cana. I'm kind of angry at him for always saying and doing these stupid things but I feel bad for him too. It's like something broke inside him and I can't help but want to fix it."

She sighed, "Don't take this the wrong way but I think you're doing it wrong."

I blushed, "The wishes, right? I kind of thought they were working."

"Sure, if you think Jellal is only after your body. But he's not. That should have been obvious after he turned you down the first time. The problem is, he doesn't think he deserves you and quite frankly I'm starting to think that too."

"Please, Cana. You're the only one who knows about us. If you don't help me, who will?"

"I know, I know. He's 'the one' and all that bullshit. Let me think for a minute."

* * *

><p>"What the fuck is this?"<p>

Quite surprisingly, we hadn't been seen by anyone on the walk to my house but now, at the top of the stairs, Meredy was glaring at me. No better place to start, I guess.

"You know I hate it when you swear."

"What is she doing here?" Meredy ground the question out from between her teeth.

"She's back for the summer."

"But what is that whore doing in this house? Does Erza know about this?"

"Whore? Wow. I've been upgraded from 'bitch'. I don't remember your little sister being this fiesty. Where's the other one?"

"Oh you're still a bitch and since Ultear's not here I'll speak for both of us when I say, number one, you're not welcome in this house and number two, keep your nasty hands off our brother. Now get out."

"She's here because I want her here. Shut up, Meredy."

"No, I will not! Jellal has a girlfriend and they're in love. He doesn't need a cougar like you getting in-between them."

"Ah, his little redhead. I suspect they're probably a lot less in love than you think and cougar is a bit harsh. It's only a two year gap."

"He was sixteen! And you we're in fucking college! That's like, barely legal! And they are in love. I'm calling Erza. I'm calling her right now!"

I shrugged, "Go ahead."

Meredy stared at me, unblinking. "Did something happen?" She asked slowly, her eyes searching my face for some kind of sign. I don't know what she saw but in an instant she had her arms wrapped around me. "Don't do this Jell," she whispered next to my ear, "Whatever it was, I'm sure Erza and you can fix it. Please. I just saw you guys in the park flirting like crazy and now you've come home with the wrong girl. I know you brush it off but this girl seriously fucked you up that summer. Not this summer. Not again. Please."

"You were thirteen. You don't even know what you're talking about. And stop swearing," I peeled her arms off me and pushed her away. A whole host of emotions flickered across her face before it settled down into an impassive mask.

"You can leave too. I'm not having it, Jell. You want to fuck up everything wonderful about your relationship with Erza then you can damn well do it somewhere else. Get out. Both of you."

If my ex had anything to say about me chucking some clothes in a bag with the clear intention of spending the night with her, she was wise enough not to say anything about it. Five minutes later we were back on the street. She didn't pull away when I reached for her hand and linked her fingers with mine. It felt strange, not at all familiar and nothing like holding hands with Erza.

But I suppose that was the point.

* * *

><p>I raised my hand and watched the warm water trickle down my arm. Hard to believe Jellal and I had been holding hands earlier, even if it'd only been for a minute. I missed him already.<p>

"Okay, I got it. You just need to stop," Cana said.

I sunk down lower in the bath, "I told you, I can't stop loving him. There's nothing he could ever do that'd make me stop loving him. You can't say 'stop' like it's that easy."

Cana rolled her eyes at me, "Yeah, I got that. I meant stop with the nice wishes."

"I can't do that either. His promise to fulfil my wishes is the only thing keeping him with me."

"Exactly. He told you to stay away from him right? But you can wish for him to stay with you and he probably will. But you need to drop all the kiss me, touch me, flirty stuff. It's counter-productive."

I frowned, "That's the best part of the wishes. He was coming home with me. We were going to, well I thought we were going to..." I trailed off, feeling that familiar heat lighting up my body.

"Get down and dirty with a tub of ice cream? Lucy's corrupted you. No one does that their first time."

I hesitated, wondering how to word it. "I don't think I _can _stop."

"Want him bad huh? I'm afraid this is only going to make it worse. Guys like to chase girls. You are putting way too much effort into this. I would say its like Juvia with Gray but overnight that's turned into a bit of a bad example. Can you believe he's still here? Anyway, the next time you see each other Jellal is going to be all wound up expecting you to jump him-"

"He acts like that already!"

"Well there you go. So do the unexpected. Don't jump him. Don't even suggest it. There's nothing wrong with your sexual chemistry. This guilt thing is something he needs to get over for himself. There's nothing you can do, nothing you can say. He has to decide for himself that he wants to be with you. Adding sex into the mix is going to complicate it way too much. You don't want him to wake up in bed with you and feel like he's made a mistake right?"

"No," I chewed on my bottom lip, "Are you sure about this?"

"Trust me. I can see it already. Him completely freaking out about taking your virginity when he doesn't deserve it and blah, blah, blah, even through you practically begged him to do it. Let him sort his shit out first. Then jump him."

"So what do I do now?"

"He wants to be punished, so punish him."

* * *

><p>She'd always hated this house. Her parents shipped her off here whenever they thought she was getting out of hand. I never understood why they or she thought a summer in Magnolia was punishment. I could definitely understand why they would think she was getting out of hand. She liked to have fun. She liked trouble even more and it damn well loved her. I got the impression that the friends she had back home were all equally addicted to life in the fast lane. So a summer with her grandparents was meant to curb her behaviour a little bit. It didn't really work. She just caused trouble here and probably pushed her poor grandparents towards an early grave with her antics.<p>

Fresh out of the shower, I sat in their living room and pretended to watch some show on the television. If asked, I'd have been completely unable to tell anyone what it was about. Erza was swirling around my head like a hurricane. I'd never felt so miserable in my entire life.

"You look like someone died." There was plenty of space on the couch but she sat down on my lap anyway. I slouched down and wrapped my arms around her waist. Erza. In the car to Mira's party. Damn these stupid memories.

"No one died."

"You fought with your girlfriend?"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Funny. I didn't get that impression." She turned her face towards me and her breath fluttered across my cheek. I closed my eyes but the kiss I expected, and half-dreaded, didn't come. "Why are you here, Jellal?"

I let my head fall back against the couch, "Now that I'm here, I don't really know." My head was such a jumble of feelings and thoughts all about Erza.

"You're not here for me. I mean damn, I'm wearing shorts. Every man on the walk here took a second glance," she pressed a hand over my eyes. "What colour are my shorts?"

I took a wild guess that they would probably be denim. Oh god. The way Erza looked in her shorts. It occurred to me then that a gorgeous girl was sitting on my lap and I didn't feel a damn thing for her but one thought of Erza was like a kick in my stomach. "Blue."

She took her hand away. I glanced down. A red skirt. She sighed, "I know when I'm beat. What's the deal with you and this little redhead?"

"Does it matter? I'm not with her. I'm here with you," I said, feeling a little hard done by. Why the hell were all the women in my life so good at seeing right through me?

"You know I've got a soft spot for you but I'm going to get pissed off if you start lying to me. What's the story with you and this girl."

"It's kind of complicated."

"You got somewhere to be? Because I'm good right here," she said and spun around on my lap, her head on my shoulder, long legs stretched out along the couch.

So I told her and when I was finished she looked less than impressed. "You want to use me to get this girl to fuck off?"

I felt my face burn, "It seems stupid now."

"Oh god Jellal. I think you've won the stupidity contest from now until the end of time. At least one thing is obvious. You don't love this girl."

"I don't? Haven't you been listening to me?"

"I heard you. You're not in love," she reached over and grabbed her phone off the coffee table, "If you were you wouldn't hurt her this way."

The words hurt but they rang true. I thought about all the tears Erza must have cried about me. Even today when I told her I didn't love her she'd looked close to crying. I'd done that. I'd hurt her that way. "Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am. Take your shirt off."

"What?"

She got off my lap and gave me a look, one eyebrow neatly arched, "You want to make her hate you. I can do that. Take your shirt off."

I pulled my t-shirt over my head. When I looked up she was tossing her shirt aside too. I instantly found the floorboards very interesting. She laughed, "You can't even look at me. Relax. You've seen me naked before." Her bra hit the floor right where I was looking so I shut my eyes. I know this had been the plan but here and now it only felt wrong.

She settled onto my lap again, straddling me, warm, soft flesh pressing against my chest. Fucking hell. I had no idea what to do with my hands now that her clothes were off.

"Hands on my hips. You're going to have to open your eyes for this to work. If you can't look at me, at least look left."

"I was thinking, maybe, we should just be seen together..."

"Oh we will be. Smile for the camera."

I opened my eyes in surprise and the flash went off in my face.

She had a glance at her phone, "No good. You look too surprised and my boobs aren't in the shot."

"A picture?"

"Worth a thousand words," she held her phone out, aiming for another selfie, "Tilt your head up a bit. Try to look like you're enjoying having a topless girl on your lap. You're starting to make me feel unsexy."

A topless girl on my lap. Erza in my varsity jacket and those shorts. Moonlight on her skin as I noticed her beautiful curves for what felt like the first time. The flash went off again.

"Much better, but I suspect that look isn't from thinking about me." She got off my lap and I automatically closed my eyes again.

A few moments later she landed on the couch next to me, "You can open your eyes. I'm dressed. Jeez, no one would ever guess you'd lost your virginity to me."

I pulled my t-shirt back on, "Sorry."

"Whatever," she said but I could tell she was annoyed. "What's this girl's number?"

I felt the blood drain from my face, "You're going to send that to Erza?"

"Yup. Instant hatred. You freaked thinking she'd banged some other guy. She'll lose it seeing you with me. Job done. You can fuck off after this too because when I strip I expect a guy to get hard and you just failed big time."

I ignored her last comment. "I don't know about this." Erza would probably cry. Again.

"You're right. Sending it only to her is way too tame. I should post it on Facebook. That way everyone will know her boyfriend cheated on her." Her finger slid smoothly across the surface of her touch screen phone.

That horrible, aching feeling in my chest was back. Suddenly it felt like I wasn't getting enough air.

"None of your friends are my friends but I'll make it public and tag you. Someone will see it. Nearly there. One last confirmation..."

I knocked the phone out of her hand and it spun across the wooden floor. I scrambled after it, praying I hadn't been too late. Her Facebook was on the screen, a new status _'Magnolia is so boring, somebody save me'_. That's it. No new photo. I could have died from the overwhelming sense of relief.

She pulled the phone from me, "If you're going to write a demon story there shouldn't be any mercy. Cut her loose. But if you're going to write a fairy tale there shouldn't be any pain. Stop hurting her. Make up your mind, Jellal. If you want to be with her then be with her. If you don't then stop dragging it out and just finish it. Is your number still the same?"

All I could do was nod, still in a haze of disbelief. That had been so unbelievably close. But surely it was what I wanted? Or was it? Evidently not, going by my gut reaction to that picture ending up on Facebook.

"I sent it to you. And look," she held the phone in front of me and I watched her delete both photos, "Now you're the only person in the world with that picture. You want to send it to her, fine, or you can delete it yourself. Your choice. Charity time is over. Now, without sounding too much like someone's irate sister, get out."

I was standing in front of her house before I remembered my phone was probably still lying in the street outside of Simon's house.

* * *

><p>Our phones weren't the same model but they were the same make. I plugged Jellal's phone in and left it to charge on my desk. As I made my way to the kitchen, I was thinking that the dorm was a lot quieter than it had been this morning until I heard someone screaming my name. Seconds later Lucy had her arms around me, squeezing me tight.<p>

"I can't decide if I'm mad at you or happy for you! You have to tell me the whole story! Like oh my god, why didn't you text me?"

"What's with all the screaming?" Levy asked as she came down the stairs.

"Erza's going to tell us her sexy first time story!"

"Wait. No. We didn't," I said, trying to disentangle myself from her bear hug.

"I'm surprised it took you this long to get here," Levy leaned against the banister.

Lucy pouted, "I was super hungover and then Natsu came back from training and was moaning so I gave him a massage and we all know where that led. Anyway, I'm here now and I want my story!"

"Sorry but they haven't done it yet."

"What? Why not? I was so excited."

"But they are totally in love and dating. You should have seen them in the garden this morning, it was so cute!"

"What happened in the garden? Why did no one text me?"

"Stop," I said using the tone I usually reserved for Natsu and Gray when their fighting started pissing me off. They both fell silent and I felt a little bad but I wasn't in the best of moods. Jellal was nowhere near me but my body was craving his. It was probably because Cana said I shouldn't have sex with him that made me want him even more. I was going to go crazy between this intense feeling and these explicit thoughts in my head. "I need strawberry cheesecake. Then, maybe, if you stop with the hysterics, we can talk."

* * *

><p>It was kind of hard to find something when you couldn't actually look where it was. The last thing I wanted was another run in with Kagura so I scoped out the front of the Mikazuchi house from behind their neighbours fence.<p>

"Young man, do you have some kind of problem?"

Damn. The nosey neighbour. Well, I guess I was peering over her fence like some kind of creepy stalker. "Sorry, I'm looking for something."

"I hate to break this to you but I'm quite certain Simon does not swing your particular way."

"What? No. I'm not looking for him!" This lady was nuts. "I am not interested in Simon or any guy in that way."

"No need to deny it. Your teenage years can be full of very complicated emotions. Why I remember when I was your age-"

"Thanks. I'll be going now."

* * *

><p>I took my time, savouring each bite. I could practically hear Lucy buzzing with barely suppressed excitement but I ignored it. If I followed Cana's advice, the feeling of strawberry cake on my tongue was as close as I'd get to an orgasm for a while. When I was finished, I did feel a little better. I took a moment, decided what to cull from my story then told Lucy and Levy the abbreviated version of prom night.<p>

Levy eyes were wide, "All that happened?"

Lucy sighed, "I love it when Natsu gets possessive over me."

"It wasn't that fun for me. I think I'll pass on the drama and try to have a normal relationship with Jellal." Eventually. Hopefully. Someday.

"It's just so complicated and confusing. Like him hearing you with Simon on the phone. I mean, damn. You couldn't make that stuff up," Levy said.

"I know. We've been really unlucky, the way we keep misunderstanding each other."

"I wonder what the other text messages and his voicemails to Simon said. Natsu would lose it if he thought I was in bed with someone else."

I shrugged, "I guess I'll never- Oh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, go on," Lucy prodded me gently.

"Simon gave me Jellal's phone. He must have dropped it in their garden."

Lucy's eyes lit up, "Oh we are so reading those messages!"

"No way. I can't do that," I said but Lucy was already on her feet, pulling Levy and me with her.

"It will be fun. Don't you want to know what passionate things he said about you?"

"No." _Yes. _"I can't snoop through his phone."

"But you were going to read them anyway right? On Simon's phone. It's no different."

"I think it's really different," said Levy, "You should at least ask him first. The messages are _about _you, not _to _you."

We clustered into my bedroom and Lucy picked up Jellal's phone. I sat on my bed, "It doesn't matter if we should or not. I'm sure he locks his phone with a code."

"Got it," Lucy said.

"That fast?"

"His password is 'E.R.Z.A' obviously."

I blushed, "Wait. Just wait. I'm still not sure about this."

"Oh come on. I bet it's super sweet. It's not like you're trolling his phone looking for texts from other girls. We'll only look at the ones to Simon."

Levy was shaking her head, "It feels wrong though. I'd never do this to Gajeel."

That decided it for me. Levy and Gajeel's relationship was rock solid for a reason. "No. Just forget it."

"Alright. Suit yourself," Lucy said and put the phone back on my desk. It started vibrating before she'd fully put it down. "It's Meredy. Should we tell her we've got Jellal's phone? He's probably looking for it."

"I'll tell her. Hello?"

"Erza? Oh thank God. You're with Jellal. That is such a huge relief."

"I'm not actually with him. I've just got his phone. I'll give it back to him tomorrow." There was a long silence. "Meredy? Is everything okay? Did you need Jellal for something?"

"I don't know what to do," her voice was quiet.

"Hold on. I can't hear you," I left Lucy and Levy in my room and went to sit on the window seat that overlooked the front of the house. "What's wrong?"

"I've been sitting here, wondering if I should tell you. I know I probably should but it kind of felt like he wanted me to. For the wrong reasons."

"What are you talking about?"

"Jellal. Did you two have a fight?"

"Kind of," Had he been talking to her about me?

"Do you love him?"

I was surprised but answered immediately, "Yes."

"No matter what he might do?"

"Yes. Meredy, what is this about?"

She sighed, "There's no easy way to say this and I hate to be the one to cause problems between the two of you but I saw him today with- Jellal?"

There was a lot of muffled noise then Meredy said, "Forget everything. I'll call you back." And hung up.

That was weird. Jellal's phone was flashing at me. Texts, missed calls, Facebook updates, a ton of other apps demanding his attention. The temptation was there and knowing what was going on inside Jellal's head would be helpful. Mavis knew, I didn't have a clue about how he really felt or thought or why he was doing these stupid things. For a moment I wavered. Some kind of tactical advantage would be nice but this was the wrong one to have. I switched his phone off. We'd be seeing each other soon enough.

* * *

><p>It was a great dream. About Erza of course. I was a bit annoyed to be woken up from it until I realised it was my dream girl in the flesh. "Erza." I grabbed her wrist and pulled her across my body, rolling us over so we were all wrapped up in my covers like a cocoon.<p>

I buried my face into the side of her neck and breathed deep. Yesterday had been a bit of a revelation for me. My ex was right. I couldn't keep Erza trapped in this no man's land where one moment we were on the verge of having amazing sex and the next moment we were crashing and burning in a blur of hurtful words. After I came home yesterday and convinced Meredy that no, she did not need to have me admitted for psychotic evaluation and no, I wasn't cheating on my 'girlfriend', I'd thought long hard about what I really wanted. There was only one answer.

I wanted Erza.

Zeref knows, I was completely incapable of staying away from her and if I really did love her, I had to stop acting like such a dick. Half the time neither of us knew if we were coming or going or what we wanted from each other and it had to stop.

I didn't deserve her. There was nothing I could do that would ever make me worthy of her love but Erza didn't seem to care about that. I thought about how I felt when I'd thought she'd slept with Simon. Angry and hurt. I'd still loved her though. If Erza cared for me as much as she seemed to then her reaction to that photo would probably be the same. It'd cause her a world of pain but underneath it all she'd still love me and what was the point of that? It had been a ridiculous idea. At least I didn't have to worry about her seeing it now. The originals were deleted and my phone was probably in the hands of a stranger who thought their luck was in to have picked up a misplaced phone for free.

I still had to deal with what happened with Simon but that was my problem and nothing I should take out on her. I felt so guilty about the last few days but I decided to try something new. I didn't know where this thing with Erza was going. Maybe one day we'd wake up and the love would be gone. Maybe we'd stay friends or maybe we'd decide that enough was enough and go our separate ways. But right here, right now, I wanted to be with Erza more than anything. So for as long as she'd let me, I'd try my best to make her happy.

"I am so, so sorry."

* * *

><p>Okay. What the hell? I'd geared myself up to have a massive fight with Jellal to get him to hang out with me today and here he was smothering my neck with tiny kisses and apologising to me. I was so confused. Not to mention his weight pressing me down into his mattress was giving me all sorts of different ideas, worlds away from the original plan for today.<p>

"Umm, I thought we could go out today," I said, still trying to adjust to the abrupt change.

"Is this a wish?"

"Yes," I said firmly, "I want you to take me out." I blushed, "Oh, not like _that_. I meant like out, like together, like oh god I'm going to shut up now."

Jellal laughed and I felt the vibration rumble through me, "You're adorable when you get flustered. I'll take you out." He brushed my hair out of my face and kissed my forehead, then my nose and finally placed a sweet kiss right on my lips. "Everything is going to be different from now on, Erza. I'll show you that today. Nothing else will come between us, if that's still okay with you."

A shadow of doubt crept across his face as he watched for my reaction. "Let me up," I said. He rolled us back over, unravelling the sheets from around us.

"Sorry. That was presumptuous of me. You're angry. Of course you're angry. You probably don't want-"

I silenced him with a kiss, "Less talking, more kissing."

He looked surprised then pulled me to him, his hands sliding under my shirt to stroke my back.

The door swung open, "Jellal, I swear I just heard a funny noise downstairs. Oh my god. Sorry!" Meredy stood in the doorway gaping at us.

"That was me. I hope you don't mind I let myself in with the spare key," I said.

She beamed at me, "I don't mind. You've made up?"

"If she was here to kill me, I'd be dead by now."

"Very funny, Jellal. It's barely ten past six. Why the hell are you awake?"

I smiled at Jellal, "I thought you could go with me to the market." Well I'd planned on dragging him there with me. Kicking and screaming if necessary. Not having to use force was just a bonus.

He grinned back at me, "Your wish is my command."

Okay. So we'd had a minor setback and yesterday had been kind of shit but today was off to a good start. I wonder what had made Jellal change his mind about us. He squeezed me gently and I leaned in for another kiss.

"That's kind of cute but kind of disgusting. I'm so out of here," Meredy shut the door behind her.

Jellal's hands slid down my sides and then he was pushing me away, "We keep this up and I can't guarantee that we'll make it out of this bed."

"We could stay here," I said, a little too quickly.

"I want to take you out today Erza... But we could always come back here later."

"Later," I rolled the word and the promise it held off my tongue.

Cana's advice could go to hell.

"Later is good."


	18. The Punishment Game (The Change Up)

_A/N: This chapter was 10,000+ words so I've halved it. On a cliffhanger of course..._

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Eighteen - The Punishment Game_

_Part Five - The Change Up_

I watched Erza as she studied her list, ticking off items one by one. "I never knew this about you."

"Hmm?" She wasn't paying any attention to me so I pulled her into a gap between the market stalls and wrapped my arms around her waist. That got her attention.

"I never knew you did this every week."

"Oh. The shopping for the dorm? Hilda-obaasan used to do it and sometimes I went with her. After she died and Ruchio took over I volunteered to keep doing it for a few weeks. A few weeks turned into a few months and now I do it every time. You'd be surprised how much food a house full of girls gets through in a week."

I ran my hands up and down the contours of her back, "I suppose, but don't you think it's crazy that we've known each other for so long and we still don't know everything about each other?"

She smiled at me, "I've never thought I knew everything about you."

"Really?"

"You're so complicated."

That took me by surprise. I'd always thought she was the complicated one. "Is that a bad thing?"

"Sometimes. Now let go. I'm not done yet."

"I don't want to," I said and hugged her closer. I never wanted to let her go. It felt like I was catching up on a months' worth of casual touches. She relaxed into me and the world slowed down to revolve around us. I nuzzled her hair, breathing in the smell of her shampoo, enjoying the way she fit so well against me. It was a little surreal to know she was happy with me. Then the moment was over and she was back to being independent, no nonsense Erza.

I couldn't keep my eyes off her as she slid out of my reach. There was something inherently sexy about Erza when she took charge of things. At school, at the dojo, here with the different market vendors. She was an incredible woman.

"Stop staring at me," she said without even looking up.

"Sorry, I'm in awe of you. You're amazing."

She blushed, which I thought was really cute, and went off to argue about the price of apples this week. I trailed behind her, more than happy to simply be with her.

* * *

><p>It was kind of like the old days when Jellal and I used to hang out as friends. There were a few major differences. He was watching me so closely and he kept touching me. It wasn't the hugs that had my heart racing. It was the little strokes down my arms, the feel of his hand resting on the small of my back, the way he stood that tiny bit too close to me. I don't think Jellal even noticed he was doing it.<p>

I noticed.

I was so aware of his presence behind me like a second, weightier shadow. It was distracting. Focussing on my list seemed to help but all too soon everything was ordered, ready for delivery first thing tomorrow morning. "What do you want to do now?" I had no clue where this new thing between us was going.

"Let's go to that store you like."

"Which one?" It could be the bakery, the book store...

"Your favourite one. Makes all that custom girly stuff."

"Heart Kruez. Why do you want to go there?"

He shrugged, "I need a gift for Wendy."

I ran a quick mental check, "I haven't forgotten her birthday, have I?"

"Nope. Don't ask, you'll only get mad about it," Jellal cringed and I felt like pushing him for the answer but I didn't want to be mad today. I was too busy being happy. Jellal's hand found mine and I couldn't suppress the thrill of knowing he wouldn't pull away from me ever again.

* * *

><p>Heart Kruez was a treasure trove of just about anything one could ever wish to buy. I ran my eyes over all the knick-knacks and trinkets but I already had an idea for what Wendy would really love so I switched to present hunting for Erza.<p>

"Need any help?" The shop assistant asked with a polite smile.

"Yeah. I want to buy a graduation present for my girlfriend."

* * *

><p>I searched the bookshelves, fingers crossed, for the book I'd seen a few weeks ago. I'd been brooding over it, trying to make up my mind. The spine of the book with its elaborate gold writing poked out from one of the higher shelves. I risked a glance over my shoulder but Jellal was deep in conversation with one of the shop assistants so I stood on tiptoe and pulled the book down.<p>

It was thick and heavy, each page edged with gold, the cover made of some kind of dark blue material that was soft to the touch. A real gem to admire on any bookshelf but it was the contents that I knew Jellal would love. I opened it at random. A two page glossy spread of the Whirlpool Galaxy with a little blurb explaining about it at the bottom. I flicked through the next few pages. More galaxies and stars and planet systems I'd never even heard of all displayed in vivid colours.

This was definitely a good gift for Jellal. He hadn't said anything yet but I strongly suspected that when it came time to choose a major his would be something like physics, with astronomy as a minor. I contemplated the odds of being able to buy it now without him noticing. Probably not good.

"Do you want me to put it aside? You can collect it later when he's not here." Ruby, one of the regular store assistants, said to me with a shy smile.

"Thank you. That would be wonderful," I said.

"Erza-san you never told me your boyfriend was so cute!" She whispered as I passed the book to her.

"My boyfriend is cute, isn't he?

It felt amazing to say that.

* * *

><p>With a little help from Elie, who seemed to have a mental list of everything Erza had ever liked but not actually brought from Heart Kruez, I was feeling pretty pleased with the presents. Presents because in the end I couldn't decide between two very different things so I got both. Elie was even okay with me collecting them later.<p>

It was getting close to twelve and we'd both been up early so I took Erza to lunch at this small, out of the way restaurant we both liked. Then we went to see a movie, although we spent more time kissing than actually watching the film. After that, since it was a beautiful day, we ended up strolling through the park, hand in hand.

She stopped under the shade of one of Magnolia's famous rainbow sakura and gave me a questioning look, "Is this a date?"

* * *

><p>Jellal wiggled his fingers in mine and said, as if it should have been obvious, "Yes."<p>

"Oh." A slow spreading warmth filled me. Today wasn't much different from hundreds of days I'd spent with Jellal, apart from the kissing of course, but now it felt extra special.

"Are you okay with that?" He frowned and turned to take my other hand.

"It's way better than okay." It was, by all accounts, a perfect first date.

"Good. Hey, listen, I haven't forgotten about all the stupid stuff I did this weekend or even before this weekend. I never want to hurt you, Erza. Not again. I can't make it up to you but I promise that from now on I'll take good care of you."

"Take care of me?" It was sweet but I couldn't help laughing. I leaned into him. "I'll let you 'take care' of me if you'll let me take care of you."

His slow smile was an answer of itself, "Sorry. You know what I meant."

"Such sexism. Unbelievable."

"I guess this means I can't call you baby."

"What?" As usual I might have started off teasing him but he turned the tables on me so quickly.

"Or maybe I will, just to see your ears turn red like they are now."

I clapped my hands over my ears, "They are not red!"

"They most certainly are. Don't worry. I won't if you don't like it."

* * *

><p>She looked away from me, "Its okay."<p>

"Seriously?" I'd only been teasing her.

"I don't really mind. You can call me...that, if you want to."

Her face had gone nearly the same shade of red as her hair. "Baby, you are so cute."

"Never mind! Forget it!" She said and marched away from me.

I caught up to her and slid my arm around her waist, "Don't be mad. I won't say it any more."

"I'm not mad. Its embarrassing so maybe only call me that when we're alone."

When we're alone. Thoughts I'd been successfully suppressing all day surged to the front of my mind. If I wanted to take her home now would she let me? I didn't want it to seem like I was in a rush to get her into bed with me but... I kind of was.

* * *

><p>My whole face felt like it was on fire. He wanted to call me <em>baby<em>? That wasn't me at all. Still, I liked when he said it. It was actually one of many things that I had liked about today. Dating Jellal was like finally winning the lottery after playing religiously, week after week, for years.

Thinking about today, he'd paid for lunch and for the movie, and I'd dragged him out of bed early with not the best intentions. I impulsively felt like doing something in return for him. "Come back to the dorm, I'll make you dinner."

"You'll cook for me?"

"Yeah. Whatever you want."

"Okay. Cool. I'll buy us some desert on the way back."

"Cake?" I asked hopefully.

"Actually," he said with a wink, "I was thinking ice cream."

* * *

><p>As luck would have it things didn't turn out quite the way I thought they would. When we got back some of the girls were in the kitchen making home-made pizza and Erza got sucked into all their girlishness. One thing lead to another and I ended up watching some stupid romantic comedy with what seemed like half the population of the dorm. By the time we got through the requisite sequel Erza was fast asleep on my shoulder.<p>

Fucking fantastic.

Not that I was annoyed with her. It was just frustrating that we never quite got there. _Tomorrow, definitely tomorrow_, I thought as I pulled the covers over us.

I wasn't surprised at all that I dreamed of her that night. It was the same old student council room fantasy made that little bit more unrealistic by Erza wearing thigh high socks. I woke up, reached for her, but she wasn't there. Story of my life.

A note on her desk said she'd gone to the police station and not to forget we had a meeting at school today to hand over the last of our duties to the juniors. The second part I understood but police station? What the hell?

I went downstairs and found Gray sitting on one of the kitchen stools. "Hey, where the hell have you been?" I racked my brain but I was certain I hadn't seen him since prom night.

"No where," he said and sighed.

"Something wrong?"

"I've been here since prom night."

"You haven't been home all weekend?"

"I can't. Juvia."

"Oh." I hesitated, he looked like the world had ended. "Is she... Being clingy?" I'd secretly thought it was too good to be true. Their two ways of thinking were completely incompatible. Gray was always adamant that he would never date Juvia and Juvia would equally never let Gray go once she thought she had him. Still keeping Gray trapped at the girls dorm was a bit much, even for her.

"No. She's all right. I don't seem able to make myself leave."

Interesting. I grabbed a bowl of cereal, sat down next to him and waited. Sure enough he started talking.

"Jellal, I'm screwed. I don't know what to do."

"You have to let her down gently. I don't know why you even fucked her. You know how she feels about you."

He shook his head, "I know. The thing is I was kind of drunk that night and a few things have happened between us the last few weeks which kind of made me see her differently... And then... Shit."

"Full sentences. So you like her?"

"What? No. Not really. Not like that. Probably."

"You sound kind of unsure." I was not expecting that kind of hesitant response from Gray.

"Its just... It was the best sex of my entire life. By a long way. That's all we've done all weekend. Sleep together. But its her. Why does it have to be her? What do I do? I keep telling myself to leave but I can't stay out of her bed."

That was pretty impressive coming from Gray. He'd probably slept with more girls than Natsu, Gajeel and I combined. He never had any problems walking away from a girl before. The irony of it being Juvia who had him caught was almost laughable. "She thinks you're a couple now because you keep sleeping with her."

"That's the worst part. She doesn't! She told me she knows its just sex and she's cool with it."

"Which makes you feel like a bastard."

"Exactly."

"You've got all the sex and no girlfriend. I've got a girlfriend and no sex. That's messed up."

"You and Erza are old news. I don't know why you didn't hit that years ago, like fuck all you two do is flirt around with each other. But Juvia... She's sweet when she isn't annoying the hell out of me. I don't want to hurt her."

That seemed like an impossible task to me. He really shouldn't have slept with her at all but his expression said he already knew that so I didn't repeat the sentiment.

Cana came in the kitchen door and frowned at us, "Don't you guys have your own homes?"

"Sorry. Do you know why Erza's at the police station this morning?" Cana and I had a bit of an unofficial, uneasy truce at the moment. She made it pretty obvious that, whilst my presence was tolerated, I was still on thin ice with her.

"You don't know? Oh my god you're an even worse boyfriend than I thought."

* * *

><p>"Thank you, senpai!"<p>

"No problem. Be good when I'm not here," I handed the pen and yearbook back to the beaming freshman. From the moment I stepped through the school gates I'd been bombarded with people wanting me to sign their yearbooks. Some of them were friends but a lot of them were younger girls I'd never even met before. Apparently I was quite popular with them.

Lunch was almost over and the hallways were emptying out as students headed for their next class. I hurried the last few stragglers along and climbed the stairs to the third floor. The first thing I noticed when I walked in the student council room was the tense atmosphere. Jellal was wearing a frown and thrumming his fingers on the table. Everyone else sat in a studied silence. Jellal looked up as I came in, "You're late."

I checked the clock on the wall. One minute past the scheduled meeting time. Something was obviously bothering Jellal but now wasn't the time or place. I took my seat, "My apologies. Let's get started."

* * *

><p>It consistently baffled me how I could be annoyed with and attracted to Erza at the same time. The meeting dragged on for what seemed like forever but was really only an hour. I was fairly confident that the school wouldn't fall into chaos after we left. The juniors were all good students and the next president had been following Erza around soaking up advice like a sponge. I signed a few yearbooks, then the juniors left and Erza was alone with me.<p>

I was trying to glare at her but she ignored me so I got up, pulled her out of her chair and sat back down with her on my lap. "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to be mad at you when you're wearing these?" My hands skimmed her thighs, running over the top of her black socks. Thigh highs like in my latest dream. Anger and lust was a dangerous combination for me at the best of times. Fortunately, on this occasion, lust seemed to be winning the day.

* * *

><p>"Why are you mad?"<p>

"Because I shouldn't be the last to know when you've been assaulted in the street."

I leaned back into him. "I was hardly assaulted. I almost made that guy cry." Now seemed like a bad time to mention that I _had _tried to tell him on prom night but he wouldn't let me.

"Of course. Wouldn't expect anything else, but you should have told me. Why do I have to find out three days later from Cana?"

Jellal's fingers were zigzagging between my skin and my socks and back again. "I forgot about it. A lot has been going on." _With you_, I almost added but decided against it.

"Tell me stuff like that from now on. Why are you wearing these?"

"The photography club wants pictures for the school brochure. They asked me and a few others to pose for them. Said we had to wear them. And I tell you practically everything." His hands were making it hard for me to concentrate on anything other than that heat he always sparked in me.

* * *

><p>I shook my head. Girls these days were so gullible. Well done to the guys in the photography club for pulling it off though. "Practically everything is not the same as everything. You look hot."<p>

"Thanks. I said I'm sorry. Are you still mad?"

I kissed the side of her neck, once, twice. She tasted like more. "Not really. I dreamed about you last night. Wearing those. In this room. On that desk actually."

"Oh. Umm. Okay."

Flustered Erza. Cute as always. I pulled her school ribbon free, let it fall to the floor and went to work on the buttons of her blouse. "I woke up and you weren't there. I was lonely." _And desperate to touch you_. I let her shirt fall open, revealing all that lovely smooth skin and a pink bra which was very nice on but would be even better off.

"Sorry. Jellal, could you stop? We're at school," Erza said but she did nothing to slow my progress when I tugged her bra strap down and started kissing her bare shoulder.

"It's fine. Everyone's in class." Ice cream fantasy, school fantasy. I didn't really care which one came first as long as I could have her. We could have made love this morning if she hadn't disappeared before I woke up. I skimmed a hand up her back, searching for the clasp to her bra, but there was nothing, only soft fabric and the warmth of her skin.

"It does up in the front."

"Where? This?" I tapped the silver butterfly nestled between her breasts.

* * *

><p>"Yeah. It splits into two halves." Why was I helping him? We were sat in my usual chair which faced the door into the corridor. The door which didn't lock. This was crazy. The third floor may be deserted but anyone could walk in on us. Jellal undid my bra, letting it slid down while his fingers stroked over my skin with the lightest of touches and the potential consequences didn't matter any more. I wanted him that much. "What happened in your dream?"<p>

"I was touching you, like this."

* * *

><p>I cupped her breasts, squeezing them gently then rubbed my thumbs over her nipples. Erza let her head fall back onto my shoulder and sighed.<p>

I loved the feel of her skin against mine, the way she smelled like vanilla and something I never could name, how her gorgeous hair felt softer than silk as it tickled my face. Everything and anything about Erza was loved by me. "You want to know what happened next?"

She made a low humming sound which I took as a yes. I let my hand drop into her lap, edging her grey skirt up higher to see more of her flawless skin. "You asked me to touch you." Erza tensed slightly as she caught my meaning then she did the sexiest thing I've ever seen outside of a dream.

* * *

><p>Jellal's hands never stopped moving. One moment a gentle, loving caress, the next firm, possessive strokes that made me want to completely let go and surrender my body to him. Still, something inside me hesitated at what he was suggesting. We were at <em>school<em>. This had to break some kind of school regulation but I couldn't think of which one. I don't think the student handbook covered illicit meetings in the student council room. Then again it might have been in there somewhere but I couldn't think of anything right now except the way Jellal's hands felt on my skin. His hand left my thigh and toyed with my pink bra but that's not what I wanted.

I let my thighs slide open, twisted slightly to catch Jellal's lips in a searing kiss and guided his hand back to my inner thigh. "Touch me. Please."

* * *

><p>How could she combine something so erotic with something as polite as the word 'please'? This girl had me completely undone. I kissed her again, mutual desire adding intensity to the moment. My heart was thumping a million beats a minute thinking about all the things I wanted to do with Erza. All the things I <em>could<em> do with her now that we were finally together. Now that she was mine. I'd make it good for her. Show her how much she was loved.

I touched her, through her pale pink panties, and she broke off the kiss with a tiny gasp. I murmured in her ear, "I'm barely touching you."

"I know. Don't stop." Her voice was breathy and sexy and quiet enough that I heard the footsteps outside the door seconds before it opened.

* * *

><p>I didn't notice anything was wrong until Jellal pushed off the desk and spun the chair around. It had to be only a second before the door swung open and a bright, cheerful voice spoke into the afternoon air, "I thought they'd still be here."<p>

I held my breath, willing the girl to leave but she took one quick step, then another and I felt a sickening moment of panic that she'd find us. Jellal must have thought so too because he shifted behind me to peer around the back of the chair. "Coco, are you looking for Erza and me?"

"You are here! Makarov-sensei wants to see you both before you go home."

Jellal's arms tightened around my waist holding me in place and I sat very still hoping she wouldn't see me. "Okay. We'll stop by his office. What did we tell you about running in the halls?"

"Sorry. I can't help myself."

"Try a little harder to slow down. It'd be bad if you got hurt or bumped into someone and caused an accident. You can go back to class."

The door clicked shut and I remembered how to breathe. That could have been bad, really bad. What was I thinking? I tugged my bra straps back up and snapped the butterfly clasp together. My hands shook slightly as I fumbled with the buttons on my shirt. I didn't know if it was because I was angry at myself for being so stupid or if it was possibly caused by the embarrassment of almost being caught.

Jellal caught my hands in his, "Erza."

I laughed nervously, "That was close." I jerked out of his hold but he grabbed me again.

"Calm down. You're doing it wrong."

I fisted the fabric of my skirt to still my hands and let Jellal undo the misaligned buttons and do them back up the right way. He kissed the back of my neck, "Sorry. That was my fault." He hesitated for a moment, stroking my hair, "Fuck it. I'm just going to say this. Come home with me. I want you in my bed."

* * *

><p>I knew she would say yes. It was obvious we both wanted the same thing. I was in such a rush to have her that where and when almost didn't matter as long as it was soon. Even now I couldn't stop my hands from wandering through her hair, over her chest, across her thighs. I wanted more. I wanted all of her. "Come home with me," I repeated, not a question, a simple statement of intent.<p>

Erza stood up, tucked her shirt back in, smoothed her skirt and her hair before replying, "The dorms are closer."

And full of distractions in the form of well meaning girls with too much time on their hands. Two seconds in the door and I was certain someone would be asking us if we wanted to join in on the monopoly marathon or the bake off or whatever. Thanks but no thanks.

I reached out and took her hand, brought it to my lips for a soft kiss. "I want you to myself." Ultear was away, Meredy would still be at school for the next couple of hours. The whole house to ourselves.

* * *

><p>Jellal went from kissing my hand, to my wrist, up my arm, then, with a firm tug, I was back in his lap and fixing my clothes proved to have been a waste of time. He had my shirt untucked in moments, fingers running over my stomach, edging under my bra, exploring the curves of my body, producing sparks everywhere he touched.<p>

We kissed like it was our last one. Greedy and hungry for more of each other lest the world end before we'd had our fill. My arms came around his neck and I longed to be closer to him. Somewhere right under his skin might just be good enough.

"Yes," I said when I got the chance. Although I was certain he could already tell what my answer would be. "I'll run and see Makarov-sensei first. Are you coming too? He wanted to see both of us."

He groaned, "Why can't we just leave? Whatever it is can wait."

"It might be important. We shouldn't be selfish. It's our responsibility to-"

* * *

><p>I kissed her into silence. "Fine. Fine." Her diligence didn't annoy me because it was part of what made Erza such an amazing self-driven person. It amounted to yet another facet of her personality for me to appreciate and love. "You sort it out. I'll meet you at the school gates in ten, no fifteen minutes. Don't be late."<p>

I gave her ass a squeeze as she moved away from me and she shot me that half-irritated, half-pleased look girls always wore when they liked the fact that you were attracted to them but wanted you to know not to take those intimate touches for granted. Women. So fucking complicated.

Our paths diverged in the hallway on the second floor but not before I pulled her into another oxygen depriving kiss. I couldn't get enough of her. I ran down the flight of stairs, my body feeling lighter than air, revelling in the thought of finally sleeping with Erza. It was all I'd been dreaming about for weeks, the sudden reality of it was making my head spin. After a quick detour, I changed my shoes in the entrance hall and even pulled Erza's out to hasten our escape. At the school gates I shifted anxiously, anticipation making me twitchy and impatient. My entire body ached for her.

When she ran out the doors, I reached out my hand for hers but she ignored it and launched herself into my arms. A foggy, distant part of my brain remembered seeing Juvia and Gray in nearly this exact same position a few nights ago. Maybe Erza wouldn't be leaving my house for days. I'd like that and Meredy wouldn't mind. That was the last thing I consciously thought about before giving in to the sweet taste of Erza.

* * *

><p>The walk to Jellal's house was a bit of a blur. He kept a tight hold on me, his arm around my waist, and we must have stopped a dozen times or more to make out for a while. It felt like I would go crazy waiting to get him alone. The front door wasn't even fully shut and I was tugging on his tie while his hands were on the buttons of my shirt. I backed him into the wall and the picture frames rattled. Jellal griped my hips, pulling me against him, urgent, asking, wanting. In the quiet of the empty house the sound of our hurried breaths echoed. The whisper of material against skin, book-bags hitting the floor, footsteps on wood then carpet, a private soundtrack playing under the racing of my heart.<p>

We dropped the clothes where they fell. A tie in the front hall, both our shirts strewn up the stairs, my skirt on the landing, a breadcrumb trail of uniform leading to his bedroom door. Jellal kicked his trousers off, hands occupied with my bra. We barely made it onto his bed.

"I've wanted you so much," he said, covering my face and neck with kisses before moving downwards.

I wanted to say that I'd felt the same but his mouth covered my nipple and the words dissolved into a moan. My fingers tangled in his hair, wanting more of this feeling, more of him. One of his hands slipped between my legs, rubbing against me, the fabric damp with my own desire. "Jell, please."

* * *

><p>Erza squirmed beneath me. The warmth of her skin pressed against mine was enough to drive me over the edge, never mind her using that breathless, pleading tone. Downstairs, the doorbell was going off. Needless to say I had no intention of answering the door.<p>

My hand trailed across her body and I felt Erza tremble. "Please. Just do it. I can't take this," she said, lifting her hips to remove one of the last barriers between us. I found myself helping her, even though I knew we were rushing things. I should have been taking my time, savouring every one of her curves but if she couldn't wait, I sure as hell couldn't.

I tugged her pink panties off her foot and flung them across my room. Her hands were on my boxers, pulling them down. She wasn't shy or self-conscious about her body or mine. I found that confidence combined with knowing I'd be her first intoxicating. When Erza ran her fingers down the length of my erection I couldn't suppress the shudder that ran through me. I pushed her down onto the bed.

* * *

><p>"This might hurt," Jellal said, rolling on a condom he'd retrieved from his bedside table. "If it's too much, tell me and I'll stop."<p>

I nodded, too caught up in admiring his body to give a proper answer. I think I was supposed to be nervous but I wasn't. I'd been ready for this for a long time. The bed sighed softly under our combined weight as Jellal shifted over me. Out in the hallway the home phone that had been ringing fell silent and the answering machine kicked in. Meredy's preppy voice informed the caller that no one was home but they could leave a message after the beep if they wanted to. Jellal kissed me for the millionth or maybe the first time. The number no longer mattered. I was his and he was mine for as long as we chose to hold onto each other. For me that would be forever and judging by this sweet and gentle kiss he probably felt the same. A surge of love for him, so strong it was almost painful, burst from my heart. "I love you. I love you so much Jellal."

* * *

><p>"Oh baby," I murmured against her ear. Her words forced me to pull my scattered self-control together. I wasn't going to hurt her by going too fast. Erza's legs came around my waist, holding me close and I eased into her, an inch, maybe two. For the first time those three little words were about to roll off my tongue and no way was I going to stop them, "Erza, I-"<p>

"I guess some things never change."

The absolute last voice I wanted to hear right now was playing through the answering machine. I saw the confusion flitter over Erza's face as the message went on but surely her expression must mirror my own.

"You still have that annoying habit of leaving your clothes everywhere," my ex said sounding annoyed. "How many times have I told you that my grandparents hate finding evidence of guys around the house? At least a dozen times. Anyway I'm out of here. Kyouka said I can crash with her for the summer. I'm leaving your shirt on the front porch swing. By the way," she added, her tone shifting to one I remembered all too well from the summer we'd spent together, "If that text doesn't get your little redhead to fuck off and you still want out, call me. I'm sure Kyouka won't mind you hiding out at her place for the summer. At least with me you won't have to deal with all that emotional bullshit your little friend has been throwing at you. I'll even let you have a do-over of Saturday. As many times as you want." Her breathy little laugh at the end of that sentence was verbal seduction at its best. "Bye Jell. Tell your little sister I said hi."

The poignant click as she hung up marked the beginning of the end.


	19. The Punishment Game (Three Heartbeats)

_A/N: Admittedly, Jellal and this girl have no interaction in the canon but the first time I saw her in the manga I thought she was drawn beautifully. I made Ultear one of Jellal's 'sisters' in this story, and I think Minerva is too much of a bitch/direct rival to Erza so not really appropriate for what I wanted. All things considered this girl was the obvious choice to be Jellal's super pretty, slightly bitchy ex._

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Nineteen - The Punishment Game_

_Part Six - Three Heartbeats_

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Three heartbeats but two years passed taking me back to that summer.

_"Are you lost?" Jellal asked. It had taken awhile to get my massive suitcase off the train so the platform was deserted apart from us and one other passenger. _

_The dark haired girl looked up from the printed map, pulling one earphone free, "Isn't everyone?"_

_A cryptic answer that sounded like something straight out of a psychology textbook. Jellal laughed, "I suppose. Are you more lost than usual then?"_

_"I suppose I am," She drew the words out, extending the vowels in a way that reminded me of an old western film we'd seen once._

_"I'm Jellal and this is Erza. Are you visiting Magnolia? We live here so we could probably give you some directions."_

_Jellal was in a helpful mood and I was too tired from our day trip to Crocus to put much effort into conversation so I let them talk. Her name was Sayla and she was a psychology and literature major. Go figure. She was also astoundingly pretty, her dark hair perfectly straight, wearing, as far as I could tell no make-up, and still looking flawless, the soft floaty dress she had on skimmed over a body most girls would kill for. _

_Outside the station she looked around, "Is this it?"_

_"I guess it's not as exciting as the city but there's lots to do here. Right, Erza?"_

_I fought back a sigh, "Yes. Magnolia is very pretty in summer with the lake and the canals and-"_

_"How old are you?" Sayla interrupted._

_"I'm-"_

_"Not you. _You_," she said looking at Jellal._

_"Sixteen. Erza's almost sixteen too. I know we're a bit younger than you but until you meet some new people we don't mind showing you around." He was blushing. I barely resisted rolling my eyes at his reaction to this girl._

_"Sixteen. Cute. Wheel my bag for me, would you."_

_I think that was meant to be a question but she said it in such a way that implied she expected him to. And of course he did. I felt like pointing out my bag was three times larger than hers but held my tongue. I didn't need a man to fetch and carry for me._

_They walked and talked. I trailed behind them, hauling on my oversized suitcase which was stuffed with all the new ingredients I wanted to try, wishing we could just go home already. At her grandparents house they swapped numbers. She didn't ask for mine and I didn't offer it._

_"Why are you mooning over that girl?" I asked later, when we were alone._

_"She's pretty and really nice. I was being friendly."_

_"You mean she's got big boobs and you think it'd be nice to be friends with those."_

_"I did not say that." His eyes slid away from mine and there was that blush again._

_"Yeah, well, you sure kept staring at them." I felt vaguely irritated by that. I don't know why._

_"Whatever Erza. You wouldn't understand." _

_I did roll my eyes this time. Oh I understood. She wasn't simply hot. She was an _older_ woman. I knew what guys my age thought of that. He'd probably go tell all his friends he'd scored it big with a college girl even if Sayla only thought he was cute in an 'Aw what an adorable puppy' kind of way. "She won't be interested in you."_

_"Did I ask for your opinion? What's got into you?" He snapped at me._

_"Nothing. Just telling it how it is."_

_But that wasn't how it was._

_She called him. Asked him to show her around. And he did. I didn't worry about it, at first. It was only when he stopped returning my calls, when whole days would go by without us speaking to each, when we would agree to met and he'd leave me waiting for him for hours before finally sending a short text to say he wasn't going to make it because he was 'hanging out' with Sayla, that was when I started getting annoyed._

_I finally cornered him after practice at the dojo two weeks after she arrived. "I haven't seen you in forever. What's going on?"_

_He grinned at me, "I'm dating Sayla."_

_"No, you're not," I laughed._

_"Yeah, I am. Why don't you believe me?" He looked a little deflated by my obvious disbelief so I tried to backtrack a little bit._

_"Sorry. I'm surprised, that's all." No way was she interested in Jellal. He was pretty popular with the girls our age and even I could admit he'd gotten kind of hot over the last year or so but a college girl? Really? No. But if he wanted to indulge in the delusion that something serious would happen between them then that was his choice._

_"She's amazing Erza. She's been so many places and done so many things. You and her both like books. I think you would get along. You should hang out with us tonight." He was back to being eager, excited. _

_I missed seeing him so I said yes. But Sayla and the various disreputable people she'd managed to meet surprisingly quickly had a very twisted idea of what was fun. At the party we went to Sayla and her friends singled this one poor girl out with subtle barbs and ugly off hand comments until she left in tears. Jellal laughed with the rest of them like it was funny._

_I pulled him aside, "How can you be laughing? She humiliated that girl in front of all these people. That's not cool Jellal."_

_"Relax Erza. It's harmless fun."_

_"Harmless fun? Wasn't that girl in the paper a few months ago speaking out against eating disorders in teenage girls? She used to be bulimic. She got help for it and tries to use her experience to help others now that she's finally healthy again and you think a room full of people ganging up on her about her weight is harmless fun?" I was livid. In another two seconds I was going to be making a scene of a whole other kind to the one I'd had the misfortune to witness. Sayla was lucky I'd only caught the tail end of the bullying or she and I would have had more than a few words._

_Jellal shrugged, "She is fat now though." _

_"What?" I exploded, "She is hardly any bigger than me! How can you be so cruel? What's happening to you Jell?"_

_"Jell, there you are," Sayla crossed the darkened room and wrapped her arms around Jellal's neck. She kissed him, putting her tongue in his mouth. My stomach rolled. I was standing literally_ right there _but it was as if I didn't even exist the way they were going at it. I couldn't help but notice Jellal's hands gliding up her thighs, right under her skirt, their bodies pressed up tight against each other. It was disgusting. I pulled a face and looked away._

_"Come back to the party," she said when they finally pulled apart._

_"We're leaving," I said, "I want to talk to you, Jellal."_

_Sayla ran a hand through Jellal's hair. "You can say it in front of me. Right, Jell."_

_Again with the questions that weren't questions at all. I was starting to dislike this girl. I stared at Sayla and she stared back. It was pretty obvious neither of us were the type to back down. I switched my gaze to Jellal, "Well?"_

_"If she's leaving I should really walk her home," he sounded reluctant, even to me. What the hell?_

_"She'll be fine. I thought she was a black belt or something tomboyish like that. Or she could try killing with her eyes. Those glares she likes to give me might work on lesser mortals," Sayla threw her head back and laughed then leaned her head on Jellal's shoulder. "Stay with me."_

_"Erza..."_

_"Whatever Jellal."_

_"I'll call you," he shouted after me._

_"No. You won't," I muttered to myself as I left. I felt a weird prickling in my eyes but I wasn't going to cry. Not over this._

_Eight days later it was a little harder not to. "I'm sure he'll be here," Cana said to me for the hundredth time._

_I bit my lip, gazing out at the darkening sky, "If he was coming he'd already be here. I don't care." I did though. It was one thing for him to stand me up for a day out in town. It was quite another for my best friend to be a no-show at my sixteenth birthday party._

_I opened my presents. I ate three huge slices of strawberry cake. I danced till my feet ached. But I couldn't forget that he wasn't here. It hurt more than I would ever admit. _

_In the middle of the night, with the boys booted out and girls in pyjamas strewn all over the living room, the t.v playing a muted movie we hadn't quite managed to stay up through, he called me._

_"Hey, let me in."_

_So he had remembered. Of course he had. Jellal wouldn't forget my birthday. I'd been silly to think that could ever happen. I opened the front door and he stepped in, dripping wet from the rain. "I'll get you a towel," I said, leading the way up the stairs to my bedroom._

_"Thanks. Here. Happy Birthday. I know it's late."_

_He dropped something into the palm of my hand. "A... Phone charm?" I tried not to be disappointed._

_"Yeah. It's got your name and your birthstone. Obviously not a real birthstone but it's the thought that counts." He bounced onto his toes then rocked back onto his heels, nervous energy pouring from him much like the droplets of water streaming off his jacket onto my carpet. "I've got to talk to you."_

_The thought that counted most was clearly not about me. I was officially beyond disappointed but I told him thanks anyway and pulled a towel out for him. He stripped off his jacket and shirt then collapsed backwards onto my bed. I sat down next to him, curling my feet up underneath me. "What is it?"_

_"I think, maybe, I'm in love."_

What? _I was_ _stunned. "But you've only known Sayla for three weeks."_

_"I know, I know but," he got off the bed and started pacing in front of me, "There's something about her."_

_There was something about her all right but I sure as hell didn't think it was love. "What makes you think you love her?"_

_He hesitated and for the first time since we'd met eight years ago I got the distinct impression that he was intentionally holding something back from me. "You wouldn't understand. You're just a girl."_

_That pushed all kinds of wrong buttons for me. A million hasty replies came to me but one thought stilled my tongue. There was only one thing I could think of that would make Jellal feel like a man in a serious relationship with a woman while I remained 'just a girl'._

_"You're sleeping with her."_

_Jellal stopped pacing. He stood there, my towel slung carelessly around his shoulders, the muted light of my desk lamp creating shadows over his face. He didn't deny it. There was a weird twisting feeling in my stomach and I didn't trust myself to speak. Why did knowing that feel so bad?_

_Outside the raindrops pattered on my window filling the silence between us. I doubted this growing space between us would be so easy to fill. Jellal held a hand out to me. I stared at it for a heartbeat before sliding my hand into his. He pulled me to my feet and then, just like that, we were dancing. One of his arms snaked around my waist as he moved us in a slow circle. "Jell?" I asked, confused._

_"This is what it's like, when I'm with her. Try to understand, Erza. You're my best friend. I want you to be happy for me."_

_But I wasn't her. It wasn't Sayla he was drawing closer, it was me. Something even weirder than the twisting in my stomach was going on with my heart. Every fibre of my body was aware of him. Jellal's warmth through my thin pyjamas, his hands, one holding my hand, the other pressed against my lower back, our legs bumping against each others as our feet shuffled us around. My room felt hot and stuffy all of a sudden. Why couldn't I breathe?_

_"It's like that, only so much better," he said and released me._

_All I could do was dumbly nod for a few seconds until the bizarre sensation went away. I collected my thoughts and spoke cautiously, "I think it's great Jell, that you found someone you think is special, but... I don't like the person you've become since you met her." I saw his expression shift and let the rest of the words rush out before I changed my mind, "You're different. Colder. Some of the things you do and say aren't right. I don't think love should make you into a meaner person."_

_He frowned, then sighed, "Sayla said you would be this way. You don't have to be jealous. I know we haven't hung out lately but we're still friends."_

_"Jealous? I am not jealous!"_

_"You obviously are. We can't be joined at the hip forever."_

_I took a deep breath and pushed the anger down, "I'm worried about you, Jellal. That girl is twisting you into the kind of person I don't want to be friends with. Hate to rain on your parade but when summer is over she'll break your heart and I know it will be me picking up the pieces. If there's any good in you left to find."_

_His face contorted into a scowl, "Sayla said not to tell you. You're being a bitch Erza."_

_"Did she tell you that too? It takes one to know one."_

_"Wait. Are you calling my girlfriend a bitch?"_

_"Yes. Yes, I am because she damn well is one."_

_Things only got worse from there. It was a bad fight. We spent the rest of the summer on barely speaking terms. I couldn't hide my dislike for Sayla and for the things Jellal was getting involved in. And he was, I don't know, blinded by love? Six weeks later she packed her bags and left. I think it took him a full week to realise she wasn't going to answer his calls or texts any more. He was a summer fling and long distance relationships weren't her style. _

_We were awkward for awhile. Fitting Jellal back into our group of friends wasn't an overnight thing since he'd managed to screw each one of us over at least once that summer but by some unspoken agreement none of us really talked about it. By the time the first snow started falling it was like it had never happened._

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Three heartbeats. One for each week it took for Jellal to fall in love with Sayla. Or one for each month it took for him to get over her.

Three heartbeats. So much had changed in just three heartbeats.

There was something unravelling inside of me. Something I'd always believed to be unbreakable was twisting, morphing, threatening to fall apart. If it snapped, I would no longer be myself.

My nails dug into Jellal's skin, "Get off of me."

* * *

><p>Erza was crying. Huge, fat tears escaping from her eyes to run down the sides of her face and onto my pillow. That stupid message made everything sound so much worse than it was. All I could think about was my own reaction to hearing Erza on the phone with Simon. I had to fix this before it spiralled beyond my control. Because she asked me, I pulled away from her, propping myself up on my elbows, our faces inches apart, "I didn't sleep with her, Erza. I swear it. I've thought of nothing but you for weeks."<p>

"Get off me." Her voice wavered and I wanted nothing more than to hold her, to protect her from this pain but it was too late. The damage was done.

"Erza-"

"Please. Don't touch me. Not after her. Anyone but her."

"I didn't touch that girl. I promise you." I kissed her tears away but more fell, "Listen to me. I saw Sayla on Saturday. We talked, that's it. Please believe me."

"You told her about me. Said I was bothering you. Emotional bullshit." She bit her lip and I could see her hating herself for the tears.

"No. Never. I was confused and she helped me see that I really do lov-"

"How can you say that now? Just get off of me."

She was going to leave. She probably wouldn't come back. I would die. Really and truly die if she walked away from me right now. Desperate to keep her with me, a flood of words I couldn't control ran from my mouth, "I saw her for an hour. Okay, I admit I probably left a shirt at her house. It was after conditioning so I took a shower. All we did was talk. I'll swear that on anything you like. You were on the phone to Meredy when I got home so you know I didn't spend the night with her. I haven't spoken to Sayla or seen her since. I've been with you the whole time. I don't even have my phone. I would never sleep with her or anyone else when I feel this way about you." The fact that, technically, we'd only started dating yesterday so me being with Sayla on Saturday wasn't cheating was, quite frankly, completely irrelevant. What mattered was that I'd promised not to hurt her anymore and here we were again. Erza upset over something I'd done or at least something she thought I'd done which speaking from personal experience was the same thing.

Erza dragged a hand over her eyes, "Bring me my school bag. And my clothes."

"Don't go like this. Please, Erza. I will do anything, literally anything, if you'll just stay here with me. Please."

"I want to put my clothes on."

"Stay. We need to talk about this. It's a misunderstanding, like all of the others. Please. I'm begging you."

* * *

><p>I almost believed him. I wanted to believe him. He seemed so sincere and I don't even know why it mattered. Saturday was before our first official date. I tried to rationalise that thought yet the tears wouldn't stop. I realised it was because it was Sayla. It could have been anyone else and I might have been able to shrug it off. After all, Sayla might have been Jellal's only serious ex but I was pretty certain he'd slept with other girls since then. Gray had a different girl in his bed every weekend. I didn't think Jellal was that bad but there must have been others. So why her? Why was it always Sayla? She fucked up my sixteenth birthday. She fucked up an entire summer for most of us and now she was fucking up this without even being here.<p>

Three heartbeats. The pain was so intense I wondered how I'd make it through the next three. Jellal had told her about me. Probably said I kept throwing myself at him. I could imagine them laughing about it.

"Baby, please don't cry. You're killing me." Tender kisses at the corners of my eyes. This Jellal and the Jellal from two years ago were so different. The question was really how fast he could switch between the two. One day with his ex, the next with me? Would he do that?

I ran back over Sayla's message. She had his shirt. I had plenty of Jellal's shirts and we'd never had- I stopped that thought. I didn't want to think about that when I was lying here naked on his bed with his skin still pressed against mine. He took a shower at her house. I could live with that. They talked about me. I didn't like that but whatever had been said it'd sent Jellal on a date with me the next day. Surely that was a sign that he didn't want 'out'. It was the laugh at the end of the message that did it. That flirty tone that hinted at so much with so few words.

"A do-over of what?" I had to know for sure.

* * *

><p>My phone and the photo were gone. Erza was upset enough as it was. The last thing I wanted to do right now was say something stupid like "I let Sayla sit on my lap. Topless."<p>

So I abbreviated the truth.

"We bumped into each other. Purely by chance. I told her everything. You can be mad about that. I needed someone to talk to who wasn't one of our friends and she was there. I didn't feel anything when I saw her. Nothing. She was pissed about that because I didn't check her out at all. She told me to stop messing you around and then she kicked me out. And she was right. I want to be with you Erza. Only you. Enough of this. Aren't you sick of this? Be with me. No matter what anyone does or says, be with me. I love you. I've always loved you." We were inevitably so close yet still so far. I couldn't deal with it. "Please. I can't be without you any more."

I held my breath, watching her struggle to control hers, "Nothing happened?"

"Nothing."

"It's like me with Simon?"

"Exactly like it."

"You love me?" Her voice was quiet, hopeful.

I leapt at that tiny glimmer, "Yes. More and more every day. I will love you for the rest of our lives, if you'll let me."

She took another deep shaky breath, "Let's start with just today."

"Okay. Great. Today." It was better than her leaving. "Tell me how to fix this Erza. I'll do whatever you want." On impulse I kissed her. For a moment she hesitated then she kissed me back. I was so relieved.

* * *

><p>"I think we're going too fast. Can we try to be normal for awhile?" I was beginning to see the benefit of Cana's no sex rule. Our relationship was so unstable at the moment. We seemed to crash from one crisis to the next. I almost wondered what horrific thing would happen next.<p>

Jellal caught my meaning immediately, "You're right. We can slow it down. Wait here. You're staying right? You won't leave me?" He managed to look both immensely relieved and mildly panicked at the same time. I shook my head, "We can hangout for awhile." I wasn't sure my legs would hold me up if I tried to go anywhere. It felt like I'd been wrung out, drained of everything.

"Okay. I love you. Don't move. I'm getting your clothes. Don't go anywhere. Please," he tugged on his boxers and left the room.

* * *

><p>My heart was all but ready to burst out of my chest. We'd walked to the edge, stared into the abyss and only narrowly avoided falling in. I gathered up our scattered clothing, folding it over one arm so I could hold our book bags in my free hand. I took a few moments to stand at the bottom of the stairs and breathe.<p>

I'd almost lost her.

I had to lean against the wall to keep from falling over. Erza had become so important to me that a life without her wouldn't be living at all. This had to be it. I wasn't going to let anything else fuck up my relationship with her. We'd start from zero. Re-build our friendship, our trust in each other. I'd wait as long as it took for her to feel ready. No more impatient rushing.

Back in my bedroom, Erza had my covers pulled up over her. She made a face, "I can't find my underwear."

"I'll find it," I said trying to remember which direction I'd thrown it in. I searched over the floor, my desk, the corners of the room but I could only find her bra hiding at the end of my bed. "You can wear some of my boxers."

The corner of her mouth twitched, then she was laughing and I was laughing and I knew everything was going to be okay. I climbed on the bed and hugged her, "I'm sorry Erza. For everything."

"Me too. I feel stupid. Overreacting to the same kind of thing you overreacted to."

"I know the feeling. I guess you and I are a pair of fools."

Erza snuggled into me, "I guess we are."

I held her for a few minutes, stroking her hair, confirming to myself that she was still here. "I want to delete that message. Is that okay with you?"

She nodded and I made a snap decision, "Don't go home tonight. Stay here. We can make dinner later and hang out with Meredy and talk till two am. I'll sleep better if I know you'll be beside me when I wake up." I didn't want to let her out of my sight.

"Just sleeping?"

"Yes," I said firmly. Those extra condoms I'd swiped from the school infirmary before I met Erza at the school gates would be staying in the bottom of my bag. At least until we were comfortable around each other again.

"All right. Can I wear your pyjamas?"

"Why not? You'll be rocking my boxers anyway."

She laughed and the sound was pure bliss. I kissed her, sweet and gentle, "I'll be right back."

* * *

><p>Jellal's drawers were messy and disorganised. There didn't seem to be any definitive order. I guess he squeezed things in wherever they fit. He also didn't seem to have what I would consider pyjamas so I picked a white t-shirt and a pair of navy blue sweatpants. Paired with his boxers the entire outfit was oddly comfortable.<p>

I settled back onto Jellal's bed with my bag on my lap. All the crying had given me a tension headache. I routed around in the bottom of my bag, trying to find the pain relief tablets I knew were in there somewhere, but like my pink panties they seemed to have disappeared. I started pulling items out. My phone, my yearbook, my notes from the student council meeting, another phone...

Jellal's phone. I kept forgetting to return it to him. I rested it on my thigh but something tickled at the back of my mind, making me pause. Sayla had mentioned a text. His phone flashed at me. That blinking red light teasing me.

I keyed in his password.

It wasn't that I didn't believe Jellal. I did. If he said nothing happened, then nothing happened. Going through his phone was the kind of thing a paranoid girlfriend would do. I knew that, but I wasn't being paranoid. I just had to see for myself.

In his list of text messages there was only one conversation that came up as a number without a name. It pleased me to know he hadn't kept Sayla's details in his contact list. Her message, one of two, said simply - _You left your shirt. Come get it because I'm leaving_. That's it. Nothing suggestive, nothing to indicate anything was going on between them at all. I started feeling guilty for looking. The first message was probably - _Hey, this is Sayla_ - or something like that. I scrolled up to the previous message. A fuzzy image. It took a few seconds to load, growing slowly clearer. Indistinct pixels forming into an arm, a smile and-

The cracks in my fragile bond to Jellal were one too many. Everything fractured.

* * *

><p>I deleted the message. Erasing forever the last stumbling block between Erza and me. Everything was going to be okay now.<p>

I milled around in the kitchen, trying to give Erza enough time to get dressed and finally settled on making a smoothie. Strawberries, blueberries, orange juice and vanilla yogurt whizzed around in the blender. I opened the cupboard and pulled out a two tall glasses. As I placed them down there was a tiny crunching noise. I picked up the glass. A tiny hairline crack had appeared from the base of the glass, spliting it neatly into two. It was a good thing I wasn't superstitious or that would have been a bad sign.

* * *

><p>I was staring at the picture but no matter how much I willed it to, it didn't change. There was Sayla, confident, sexy, half-naked, looking exactly like a professional pin-up model. You couldn't buy that look. You either had it or you didn't. And Sayla had it in spades.<p>

She looked straight at the camera, a tiny smile playing on her lips. The angle was just right to catch all the important details. Her red skirt bunched up around her hips. A tattoo on her stomach. The arch of her back that pushed her breasts up. Only this girl could make a selfie look like a professional photo shoot.

Of course she wasn't the only one in the picture.

Was it weird that my first thought had been that they looked good together? They'd always looked like they'd been cut out of a fashion magazine.

He wore dark blue jeans but no shirt. Hard to imagine that was the same muscled chest I'd been admiring only a few minutes ago. His hands were on her waist. They'd been on me so many times since this picture was taken. There was one thing that ruined the image. It was also the thing that made everything so much worse.

Like Sayla, his head was turned towards the camera but unlike Sayla he wasn't looking at it. No, his eyes were unfocused, thoughts turned inwards. Thinking not of this picture but of what would come next. What they'd do together next. It was all over his expression. He wanted her.

He looked at me like that sometimes.

Jellal and Sayla.

Jellal with Sayla.

Jellal fucking Sayla.

Jellal lying about fucking Sayla.

I felt sick.

* * *

><p>I climbed the stairs carefully. I'd gotten a bit carried away in the kitchen and now balanced a tray loaded with not just the smoothies but more fresh fruit, cookies and chocolate. Comfort food. I figured she'd want some.<p>

Nudging my door open, I crossed the room and set the tray down. "I made you a smoothie and brought some snacks. Are you hungry?"

No answer.

"Erza?" I stopped fussing with the tray and turned to look at her. A lump of ice formed in my heart.

She was sitting on my bed with her knees drawn up to her chest, head down, arms wrapped around her legs. The contents of her book bag were strewn all over my bed. A notebook, a pencil case, the new yearbook, her phone...

No, not her phone. Erza's phone had a charm on it. I knew because I'd brought it for her.

I told myself not to panic. I told myself hundreds, probably thousands, of people had the same phone as me. I told myself there was no way this could be happening.

I told myself lies.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

_"So what's this girl like?"_

_I shrugged, "She's hot. Probably a high nine. Really intelligent too. Reads a ton of books."_

_"A nine out of ten? Do girls like that even exist off the movie screen?"_

_I smiled but didn't say anything. Of course, Gray would clock on to the fact that Sayla was hot and not give a damn about her brain. All he seemed to think about lately was girls. Too be fair I wasn't that much different._

_I'd met Sayla a week ago and we'd been hanging out everyday since then. The only word that really summed her up was... Interesting. She was pretty and confident and didn't seem to want to play petty games like all the girls I knew did with the guys they liked. It was probably because she was more mature. I'd known she was hot from the first moment we met and it'd only taken that first short conversation to know there was a lot going on behind those pretty eyes._

_I liked her._

_A lot._

_And she seemed to like me. She'd let me kiss_ _her last night. I'd been so damn nervous but it ended up being amazing. I wish I could see her again tonight. Maybe she'd let me..._

_"What time are we going out tonight?" Gray cut into my thoughts._

_"Around eight-ish. The movie starts a little before nine." Erza had been going on about this new movie for weeks now and the reviews had sounded good so we were all going to see it._

_"Are you guys going to laze around playing FIFA all day?" Ultear asked, bringing the vacuum into the living room._

_Gray and I exchanged looks and replied in unison, "Yes."_

_"I think not. It may be summer vacation but that means you have no more excuses for not helping out with the chores."_

_"Umm, I'm a guest," said Gray._

_Ultear raised an eyebrow._

_"Never mind. I guess living here once is enough to get my name put on the chore rota indefinitely."_

_"You lived here for seven years! Don't think I've forgotten you running around here calling me onee-san."_

_Ultear put her hands on her hips and Gray threw up his arms in mock surrender, "I yield to you oh great and wonderful master!"_

_She punched his shoulder, "Hang up the laundry. Both of you." _

_Out in the garden, I held the basket of clothes whilst Gray pegged them on the line. __"Sometimes," he said hanging up a black pair of shorts, "I miss living here. With Ul and Lyon."_

_I didn't have a chance to comment on his sudden nostalgia. _

_"A domesticated man. How quaint."_

_"Sayla!" I almost dropped the basket. She stood at the garden gate, just tall enough to peer over it. My heart rate shot up. She was so beautiful._

_"Are you going to let me in?"_

_I shoved the basket into Gray's arms and crossed the garden to undo the latch. She hugged me and she was so soft and curvy._

_"Come out with me tonight," she said. Sayla had a habit of never properly asking for things. Probably based on a lifetime of always getting her way. I should have found it annoying but it was kind of sexy._

_"Sure," I said and Gray coughed overly loudly behind us. "Oh. Shit. Sorry, I can't. I'm going with my friends to see a movie tonight. You could come with." I could already imagine the jealous faces if I turned up with Sayla. A hot college girl! I was so fucking lucky._

_Sayla looked behind me and winked at Gray. "I'm going to borrow Jellal for five minutes." She pulled me away, out of earshot, "I met this guy. He has a friend who knows people. And I got you an ID so you can come clubbing with me. It'll be fun."_

_I stared at her for a moment, "You got me a fake ID?" _

_"Yeah. I'm awesome, I know. So you're coming, right."_

_She sensed my hesitation. "Please Jellal. I don't want to go with a bunch of virtual strangers. You know me. And we could have so much fun together." She trailed her fingertips lightly up my arms. It was the merest of touches but it sent a shiver down my spine. _

_"Okay." The word was out before I'd even properly thought things through._

_"Great. Be at my house by ten." Her arms came around my neck and we were kissing. I completely forgot about everything but the way she felt. Sayla could turn me on so easily._

_"Damn." Gray said after she had left, "A real life nine."_

_"I know. You've got to cover for me. Tell Erza I'm sick or something and then I need you to tell Ultear I'm staying with you tonight."_

_Gray raised an eyebrow at me in an expression I was sure he'd picked up from Ultear. "You staying with her tonight?"_

_I grinned, "I sure hope so."_

_Gray mulled it over, "Fine but if she has any hot friends looking for a toy boy over summer my name is the first one you mention, got it?"_

_We bumped fists. "Thanks. Ultear won't find out."_

_Of course, when one night turned into four it was inevitable that Ultear did find out. To say she didn't approve was an understatement. She yelled at me. All this bullshit about her being my 'legal guardian' and responsible for me and why the hell do you smell like cigarettes and you're grounded. I stayed grounded for about two minutes. No way was I going to stop seeing Sayla. Anyway, half the things Ultear thought I was doing weren't even true. I was trying to make varsity next year, no way would I be smoking. Drinking yeah, but so was everyone else and as for the other things... Whatever. __Even Erza didn't understand. I hadn't seen her in a few days. I kind of missed seeing her everyday but being with Sayla made up for that._

_We lay in her bed one evening. Some drama was on and Sayla was watching it but I couldn't give a damn so I rested my head in her lap, closed my eyes and was close to falling asleep. __"You have to go home soon," she said._

_"Hmm," Sayla's fingers playing with my hair felt so good._

_"You're sister is going to be mad."_

_"She's always mad lately. I'm not a child."_

_"Really? I wonder about that."_

_I frowned, "Not you too."_

_She laughed, "Most guys are trying to talk me into bed with them from the moment we meet but you haven't tried at all. Didn't you turn sixteen a few months ago."_

_"Yes," I didn't see why that mattered._

_"What your little redhead didn't want to put out?"_

_Oh. "Erza and I aren't like that." Sayla wasn't the first person to assume I'd lost my virginity on my birthday with Erza. It was such a popular rumour that most people considered it a fact. "Why do you keep calling her my little redhead?"_

_Sayla shifted and my head slid off her lap. I opened my eyes and met her gaze. "Everybody belongs to somebody," she said._

_That didn't explain why Erza was supposedly mine but then we were kissing and it wasn't important anyway. "Let's play a game," she said when we were both breathless and my hands were itching to touch her more. "Let's pretend it's your birthday."_

_As belated birthday gifts go, sex with Sayla had to top the list._

_As the days rolled by Sayla became like a drug that I couldn't get enough of._ _If I wasn't with her then I was thinking about her, dreaming about her, wanting her. Some part of me knew I was neglecting my friendships with other people but I was starting to think this thing I had with her was way more than a simple crush. I'd never felt this way before and with Ultear throwing the rule book at me every time we talked, I asked the person I trusted most in the world._

_"Hey, let me in."_

_It was her birthday. Well a day late since it was past midnight. I'd planned on coming to her party but Sayla could be very persuasive when she wanted to. Erza wouldn't be upset. She knew I would never forget something this important. She opened the front door and I stepped in, clothes damp from the rain. _

_"I'll get you a towel," she said, as we went up the stairs to her bedroom avoiding the squeaky sixth step._

_"Thanks. Here. Happy Birthday. I know it's late." I dropped her gift into her hand. I'd meant to wrap it but it had only arrived this morning._

_"A... Phone charm?"_

_"Yeah. It's got your name and your birthstone. Obviously not a real birthstone but it's the thought that counts." I'd wanted to buy her a real one but Ultear wouldn't let me use any of the money in my trust fund. Some bullshit about us being too young to be buying serious gifts for each other and that I had my whole life to buy diamonds for Erza. Whatever that I meant. It wasn't even a diamond. Ultear made it sound like I was asking to buy an engagement ring. Why did everyone think Erza and I were like that? In any case, I'd brought the charm for her online. It had to be special ordered. 'Erza' wasn't a name you could simple pick out from the racks of pre-made gifts in most stores. _

_"I've got to talk to you." In her room I stripped off my wet jacket and shirt then collapsed backwards onto her bed. She sat down next to me, "What is it?"_

_No point beating around the bush, "I think, maybe, I'm in love."_

_I could feel her surprise, "But you've only known Sayla for three weeks."_

_"I know, I know but," I got off the bed, completely unable to stay still, "There's something about her." I didn't know what love felt like but maybe this was it._

_"What makes you think you love her?"_

_I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell Erza everything. It was a weird sensation. I'd always told her everything before. "You wouldn't understand. You're just a girl."_

_"You're sleeping with her." Of course she would know. She knew everything about me. Sometimes I wondered if Erza could read my mind._

_Outside the raindrops pattered on the window. I wanted to show her. I wanted Erza to know what it was like. I held out a hand to her. She stared at it for a heartbeat before sliding her hand into mine. I pulled her to her feet and then, just like that, she was in my arms and we were slow dancing._

_"Jell?" she asked, confused._

_"This is what it's like, when I'm with her. Try to understand, Erza. You're my best friend. I want you to be happy for me." __I don't know what it was. The rain on the windowpane? The muted light? The smell of Erza's shampoo? _This is Erza, _I tried to tell myself but... my heart was racing. Almost without any conscious thought I pulled her to me. Erza fit against me in a way that reminded me so much of Sayla. It was bizarre that I'd never noticed before that Erza wasn't the same little girl I'd always known. She had curves like a real woman. I could feel my body reacting to hers._

_Because I didn't want to, I forced myself to let her go, "It's like that," I hastily added, "Only so much better." What the hell was that about? Weird._

_"I think it's great Jell, that you found someone you think is special, but... I don't like the person you've become since you met her."_

_That feeling was gone, replaced with annoyance. Why was everyone always being so down on Sayla and me?_

_"You're different. Colder. Some of the things you do and say aren't right. I don't think love should make you into a meaner person."_

_I frowned, "Sayla said you would be this way. You don't have to be jealous. I know we haven't hung out lately but we're still friends." Sayla didn't think it was possible for a guy and a girl to be 'just friends' the way Erza and I were._

_"Jealous? I am not jealous!"_

_"You obviously are. We can't be joined at the hip forever," as much as I cared for Erza she'd have to accept me being closer to any girlfriend I had than I would be with her._

_I could see her getting angry. "I'm worried about you, Jellal. That girl is twisting you into the kind of person I don't want to be friends with. Hate to rain on your parade but when summer is over she'll break your heart and I know it will be me picking up the pieces. If there's any good in you left to find."_

_For fucks sake. Why couldn't anyone just be happy for me? "Sayla said not to tell you. You're being a bitch Erza."_

_"Did she tell you that too? It takes one to know one."_

_It took a few seconds for that to compute, "Wait. Are you calling my girlfriend a bitch?"_

_"Yes. Yes, I am because she damn well is one."_

_She crossed the line with that one. It was the first serious fight we'd ever had that wasn't resolved the same day. Or week. Or month. Erza hated Sayla. I don't think Sayla gave a damn about any of my friends. But I could hardly call them friends. Our paths had diverged somewhere. Their disapproval becoming the noose choking our friendship to death. __Then September came and Sayla left. I told her I'd call her. I remember her laughing, pressing a hand to my cheek, "You're so sweet. I had fun, Jellal." One last kiss and she was gone. She never did answer my calls. Once she was gone, things kind of sucked for a while. I missed her and I was beginning to realise I'd been a dick to my friends. In fact there were a lot of things I was regretting from the summer. Some of the things I'd said and done that had seemed fine at the time..._

_I didn't blame Sayla. I was responsible for my own actions after all. I shrugged off my melancholy and apologised to my friends or tried to. Most of them were like 'Whatever. It's done.' Erza simply nodded and asked if I would be her sparing practice partner for nationals. That was it. I was secretly grateful that they didn't make it a big deal._

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Sayla had not been my first love.

I'd thought she was but I was wrong. That stupid summer fling was exactly that. A fling. A meaningless relationship that amounted to nothing. Three heartbeats and I knew the truth. I'd always had only one true love.

"Erza."

No answer.

"Erza?"

I sat on the bed next to her and wrapped my arm around her hunched shoulders. She didn't move a muscle. Didn't respond to me at all. I kissed her hair and murmured the only thing I could think of to say.

"I'm so, so sorry."

* * *

><p>Sorry.<p>

It didn't make it better.

Sorry.

The word was meaningless now.

Sorry.

The part of me that never gave up, never gave in, I felt it bend.

But it didn't break. I'd tried so long to form a wall to keep Jellal out. Now it was easy. I thought _adamantine heart _and my armour was there, protecting me. I couldn't cry. Wouldn't cry. Three heartbeats and I was done.

For good.


	20. The Punishment Game (Playing For Keeps)

_A/N: Firstly - Thanks for all the lovely reviews of the last chapter!_

_Secondly _- I'm sorry this chapter is late. I decided to edit some things out, very last minute, then I got struck by a moment of inspiration, re-wrote the whole ending and despite bumping some events to the next chapter this one is still pushing 8,000 words. Gomenasai!__

_Finally - _I Carry Your Heart With Me _is a beautiful poem by _E. E. Cummings. _Read the whole thing, if you can._

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Twenty - The Punishment Game_

_Part 7 - Playing For Keeps_

Sometimes an apology isn't enough, no matter how heartfelt it may be. This was definitely one of those times. Even worse than that, I couldn't think of anything that would salvage this situation. As Sayla had said, a picture was worth a thousand words. The one on my phone sure lived up to that.

It said - I lied to you. I cheated on you. Don't trust me.

And what was I meant to say back? I didn't think you'd find out. Why have you got my phone? Or the classic, it's not what it looks like...

I was fucked no matter what I said. Every response sounded so hollow. A thin excuse for the simple fact that I'd looked Erza right in the eye and lied to her. But I still had to try.

I squeezed her shoulders, "Erza, I didn't sleep with her. Can I explain to you, please?"

No answer. Perhaps I should accept that I wasn't going to get one. It was off-putting but I kept talking anyway.

"Sayla and I talked. I told her that I couldn't be with you. I said I wanted you to hate me. This was after we saw Simon, remember?" Of course she remembered but I was still hoping for some kind of sign that she was listening to me.

I didn't get one.

"I wanted you to stay away from me so much I was willing to do anything. Even pose for a stupid picture. That's what it was. A pose. Nothing in it is real. I couldn't look at her. I didn't know where to put my hands. It was beyond awkward. I don't feel anything for that girl anymore. All I could think of was you. So when she wanted to post it on Facebook, I couldn't let that happen. I knew it would hurt you and the thought of that was worse than me getting love from you that I knew I didn't deserve. Sayla deleted it. She sent it to me first, but I promise I watched her delete it." I kissed her hair, "I lost my phone on prom night. I thought it was gone forever. You shouldn't have seen that Erza. I'm sorry. I thought... Fuck. I didn't mean to lie to you. I'm really sorry. Please say something. Anything."

* * *

><p>There wasn't anything to say.<p>

I felt curiously numb. This time more than any other I should have been crying but my eyes were dry. Maybe I had no more tears left. At least not for him.

He'd lied to me. Looked me right in the eye and lied to me. I'd given him everything, put my heart out there and all I'd gotten back was pain.

Enough. This last revelation had been a lucky escape. It'd been close to the breaking point but I guess I was stronger than I thought. Still, there was one thing I was certain of. Any more would break me.

I loved Jellal. I loved him more than anyone. Then, now, maybe forever but it wasn't worth it if I ended up destroying myself.

I was done.

* * *

><p>An anger filled 'I hate you,' would have been better than this silence.<p>

"Please, Erza. I know you're angry but at least talk to me. Please," I was pleading with her, desperate now for some kind of answer. "I fucked up. I know. Let me try to make it up to you." How I was supposed to do that was anyone's guess. "I love you."

* * *

><p>He kept talking at me.<p>

All these meaningless words.

Some of them I'd waited so long to hear.

My heart didn't want to listen to any more lies.

* * *

><p>God knows how long we sat there. It felt like forever. The doorbell went off, once, twice and then I guess the person simply leaned against the button because the chime repeated over and over again. I had no choice but to go downstairs and open the door.<p>

Cana.

Of course.

The girl was fucking psychic or something.

She ran her eyes over me and I remembered I was only wearing my boxers. "I already want to kill you so I suggest you don't speak and just let me in," she said, her tone brokering no argument.

I stepped back and nudged the door open. I didn't have a death wish. For the moment. I suspected I might later on. Cana breezed by me and up the stairs, not even bothering with her shoes, which was a sure sign that she'd probably come to rescue Erza from the evil monster's lair and depart post-haste. I really didn't want that. I couldn't let Erza leave when things were like this between us.

I stepped outside and grabbed the shirt Sayla had left neatly folded on the porch swing. It smelled fresh and clean as I pulled it over my head so she must have washed it. I wouldn't be thanking her. I had no intention of ever speaking to her again, if only because I knew Erza hated it. Semi-dressed, I walked slowly back up the stairs. Hovering outside of the bedroom door, I felt like a trespasser, unable to open my own damn door.

* * *

><p>Cana, I decided, would be a really good mother someday.<p>

She fussed over me, removing Jellal's clothes, redressing me in things I recognised as my own. My text had been brief and to the point but those few words seemed to have been enough.

She didn't ask me anything or fill the air with useless chatter. I felt my heart twist, not for him, but for her because she was such a wonderful friend. "Thank you," I whispered and she only nodded.

I watched her fold up my school uniform and re-organise my bag. "Wait here," she said, even though I'd scarcely moved a muscle except when I had to put my clothes on.

* * *

><p>Cana came out the door and shut it gently behind her. We stared at each other across the hallway. One minute before three at the O.K. Corral. The seconds ticked by then the shootout was on.<p>

"What the fuck have you done to her?"

"I didn't mean to hurt her."

"Where have I heard that before? Why are you such a bastard? Why?"

"I don't know. Shit like this seems to happen to us a lot."

"A lot? Every damn day I'm trying to sort out your bullshit. I think you should know I can't fix this. She's spaced out like a fucking zombie."

"I know. Did she say anything to you? She won't talk to me."

Cana pursed her lips and looked away from me, "What happened?"

So I wasn't the only one getting the silent treatment. Unfortunately, that was probably a bad thing. I was quiet for a moment, trying to organise my thoughts. If Erza hadn't told Cana then maybe she didn't want her friends to know. She hadn't told them the details of what happened at Mira's party and this was so much worse. Maybe I shouldn't say anything.

"If neither of you say anything I'm going to assume the worse. Just so you know all I'm going on right now is a text from my best friend saying she's at your house and can I please bring her some underwear," she paused, "Do you have any idea how bad that sounds? I get here and you're in boxers and she's not dressed in the clothes she left the dorm in this morning and practically comatose and... Do I need to call my dad?"

Whoa. Cana never asked her dad for anything unless it was his credit card. I was pretty sure she'd asked for that when she was twelve and then decided to keep it indefinitely. Basically, nothing short of a nuclear disaster would get this kind of reaction from Cana. I felt a cold shiver and tried to keep my voice flat when I replied, "What exactly do you think happened?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm fucking asking. Erza's been playing this stupid seduction game with you, even though I told her not to, and maybe... I don't know. Please tell me this isn't about sex because I won't actually know what to do."

I was stunned, "You think I-" I couldn't even finish the sentence.

Cana let out a breath, "Okay, good. It's obviously not that. So what did you do?"

"Hold on. Why would you even think that? I'd never, ever, in a million years... Fuck, Cana!" This girl always managed to piss me off. "I love Erza. I wouldn't hurt her."

"You have a funny way of showing it and you obviously did hurt her so excuse me for re-evaluating exactly what it is that I think you would or wouldn't do to her."

"You are so fucking annoying. Nothing like that would ever happen. Erza saw a photo of me and," I lowered my voice, "Sayla. Together."

Cana blinked, "So? That was years ago. Or maybe not."

I guess my expression had given me away, "It was Saturday. It's kind of complicated but nothing happened! I swear it. It's just a stupid, fake photo and then she called before that and everything is fucked up."

"I really don't give a damn about your excuses. Why you want to fuck around with that hot mess after she screwed you over the first time is your business. I'm taking Erza home so I can figure out how to detox her from you."

"I need to talk to her. I have to explain it so she understands."

"I think it's pretty obvious that she's done talking and I really hope she's done with you. I tried, you know. I tried so hard to make things work between you two because I knew that deep down you've both been crazy about each other for years. But after this weekend? Oh my god. One moment I think I've fixed everything cause you're in bed together, then you're fighting, then you're kissing in the garden, then you're running off to play cameraman and god knows what else with your ex, then you're back in bed with each other and Erza is just being jerked around like a yo-yo. FYI, your life shouldn't be a fucking soap opera! I don't know why I bother. I should have let you wallow in despair on prom night." She looked like she wanted to continue but my bedroom door opened and Erza stepped out.

* * *

><p>There was that sudden silence that falls whenever you walk into a situation where people are talking about you but don't want you to know. The quiet was just as well, I didn't want to have to repeat myself.<p>

"I think we should be friends."

* * *

><p>Cana was nodding her head sagely like that was a brilliant idea.<p>

Erza was finally speaking to me yet I only had one reply, "No."

* * *

><p>No. Such a simple word. I was having trouble understanding it though. My brain felt like it was filled with molasses. It'd taken me awhile to sort out exactly what it was that I wanted to do next. It hadn't really occurred to me that Jellal might have other ideas. I kept my eyes aimed at the carpet, not trusting myself to look up at him, "Then, I guess this is goodbye."<p>

* * *

><p>Her monotonous tone was killing me. How did I fix this? I shook my head, "You think it's that easy? I won't let you do this Erza. You can't expect me to give up. I love you and I know you love me. I fucked up but-"<p>

"It won't hurt anymore? This was the last time? You're sorry? I've heard it all before and I don't care any more. I just don't," she shrugged and looked at Cana. "I want to go home."

"Then we're leaving. Now."

"Erza, please."

"Shut up, Jellal. She said what she wanted to say and that's that."

I took a deep breath. I obviously wasn't going to win this one, "Fine. You can leave if you want to but can we talk about this? Please. You mean a lot to me Erza. I don't want you to be unhappy and I still want to be with you. I want us to be together."

* * *

><p>He sounded serious. I'd been serious about making him mine and that'd lasted all of three days.<p>

He'd get over it.

We'd both get over it.

* * *

><p>I wanted to hold her. I wanted to tell her a million things, most of them apologies for everything stupid I'd ever done, every way I'd hurt her. I wanted a lot of things. A time machine, a second, or was it third, chance to make things right, a way, any way, to get back to being young and in love. Erza had her arms wrapped around herself like she was trying to hold herself together. It was horrible, knowing I was the one that made her feel this way.<p>

All at once, every negative thought and emotion I had tried to move on from crashed down on me. When I tried to push Erza away, I hurt her. When I tried to make things work between us, I hurt her.

We were star-crossed lovers in every sense of the term.

"I'm sorry, Erza. So sorry for everything. I don't know why things always end up this way between us."

"Maybe it's just not meant to be," she said after a short pause.

"Does seem that way."

It went quiet again. The three of us standing on the landing, no one wanting to break the fragile balance we'd found.

"Why don't you guys spend some time apart?" Cana said softly.

That was the obvious thing to do but it felt wrong to leave it like this. "I didn't sleep with that girl, Erza. And I never meant to lie to you."

"Okay."

That's all she said but I don't think my life could get any further from 'okay' than it was right now. Erza turned to leave and I had to fight the urge to grab hold of her and make her stay with me. I was such a twisted mass of emotion. I wanted her with me but I wanted her to be happy and the two thoughts just wouldn't mesh.

"Can I come see you? Tomorrow?"

* * *

><p>Cana sighed and answered for me, "No. She'll call you. Eventually."<p>

"But-"

"I said no." Her hand landed on my back, guiding me down the stairs. Some of the numbness was wearing off and the sadness was starting to hit me. I'd never felt so tired in my entire life.

At the bottom of the stairs I bent down and retrieved my school ribbon but had to hunt around for one of my shoes. In our rush to get undressed and upstairs, I'd simply kicked them off. Jellal found it for me, wedged under the small table they kept by the door to put the post on. He knelt before me and I had nowhere to look but at his bowed head as he slid my shoe on. I waited for that feeling, the tingling rush I always got when I saw him.

It wasn't there.

Maybe it was easier to fall out of love than I thought.

He stood up and I looked away before our eyes could meet. Which was why I was totally unprepared for him hugging me.

* * *

><p>I couldn't help it. She looked so fragile, completely unlike herself. I wanted to fix this. Everything else may have changed but Erza felt the same in my arms. I held her tightly, afraid that if my grip was too loose it'd be all too obvious that she wasn't hugging me back. I buried my face into the side of her neck and all I could think was, <em>Please don't let this be the last time.<em>

* * *

><p>It was still there. Faint, because of all the other emotions swamping it, but that feeling that made my heart skip a beat when Jellal was nearby still lingered inside me. I don't know how I felt about that.<p>

Cana was peeling Jellal's arms from around me. "I think that's enough," she said, "Come on Erza, we're leaving."

"I'll call you," he said. I didn't know how I felt about that either.

* * *

><p>Mistakenly believing that Erza slept with Simon had been an undeniable low in my life. The theoretical rock bottom of anything that could possibly happen to me. The memories of that night were still fresh in my mind. I could distinctly recall Erza saying how much it hurt to watch my back as I walked away.<p>

She was right. It hurt more than anything to see her leave. It was all I could do not to run down the porch steps and chase after them. I'd told myself so many times that things couldn't possibly get any worse and yet they always did. Cana thought my life was a soap opera. It was probably a daytime television remake of _Romeo & Juliet _with unkind words as our poison and an inappropriate selfie as the dagger of choice to end it all. The most unfortunate part of all was that with the script we were working with there was absolutely no chance of a sequel.

I shut the door and sat down on the bottom step. One of the pictures on the wall was slightly crooked. I think I remember bumping into it when all I wanted was to get Erza out of her clothes as fast as possible. Ironically, it was a photo of us by the lake last year and Erza was wearing only her favourite yellow bikini. She'd worn it all summer until it caught on something and frayed to pieces. I'd had to lend her my t-shirt so she wasn't walking around naked. Awkward and embarrassed, she'd still managed to smile at me and even laugh about it.

What I wouldn't give for a smile from Erza now.

* * *

><p>I was smiling. Well, not literally. I'm not sure my face muscles remembered how to pull that particular expression yet but in the photo on the wall of Cana's bedroom we were all smiling. Cana, Jellal, Natsu, Gray and me at our middle school graduation. We all looked so happy and ridiculously young. I rolled over on her bed so I wouldn't have to see it.<p>

I ran my hand over the soft cream sheets. Cana's bed was so huge even stretching full-out I couldn't reach the other side. You wouldn't fit a bed this big in her room at the dorm. It was nice but I understood why she stayed at the dorm instead of this family home all the time. Her father was always away and this house was too big for her to stay here by herself. Still, we all crashed here sometimes for pizza and wine and general girly-ness or in this case, to escape the hustle and bustle of a house full of girls. Being here was probably for the best. I didn't really want to see anybody.

Cana's feet didn't make any noise on the plush carpet but I felt when she sat down on the mattress. Her fingers played with my hair, "Ready to talk about it?"

I sighed, "Why is my life like this?" I wasn't big on self-pity usually. Tomorrow, I'd bounce back and be my usual self but today would have to be an exception.

"I don't know sweet pea. What happened?"

I hugged a pillow to my chest, "It all went wrong."

* * *

><p>I didn't sleep that night. I lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to settle down. My heart was torn in two different directions. I missed Erza and I wanted her here with me. But I couldn't justify that desire with either of us being happy, or staying happy, without all the associated drama that seemed to follow us around.<p>

Maybe I should let it die.

But I hated watching Erza give up on us. It was so unlike her. I'm certain I'd never seen her quit at anything. Ever. I didn't want the first thing to be us. So for the second time in three days I was up before the sun and down at the market. At the dorm I hesitated to knock. After all, it was still early. I was saved from lingering on the doorstep by a half asleep Bisca dressed in sportswear and running shoes who took one look at me and said, "I thought she was with you."

Right. Awkward when you've lost your girlfriend. Almost girlfriend. I hoped Erza would still accept that title. Yet standing outside Cana's house I wasn't so optimistic.

* * *

><p>"Why are you up so early?"<p>

I looked up from stirring the contents of the mixing bowl, "I felt like making something."

"It looks like a god damn bakery in here," Cana said snagging one of the blueberry muffins off the rack where they were cooling.

I suppose I might have gotten a _little _carried away yet for a house that was hardly lived in, it was packed full of great ingredients. "Hey, umm, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Are you feeling better?"

"Hmm. I am but..." I was feeling more and more myself by the moment. Nothing could ever really hold me down. I wasn't the kind of person to dwell on the negative. Jellal and I hadn't worked out. It sucked big time but I wasn't going to throw away ten years of friendship with him. I'd already locked away the part of my heart that ached for him and the things he'd done. Still, this one thing had been playing on my mind and was the reason why I'd climbed out of bed so early, unable to lie still next to Cana.

"What, Erza?"

Bizarrely, I felt myself blushing even though it was only us here. "Just wondering... Do you think... I mean I don't really know... Never mind."

"No, you can ask me." She set the half-eaten muffin down and leaned on the kitchen counter, her head propped up on one hand.

The words stumbled out, "It's just, after yesterday, with him, because we kind of-"

"For goodness sake, just ask!"

"Do you think I'm still a virgin?"

* * *

><p>Cana opened the door and her face told me in five seconds everything I needed to know. This girl hated my guts. At least some things didn't change. "I came to see Erza. She's here, right?"<p>

She leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms. "No."

"Come on Cana, please." I'd already tried ringing Erza's phone, several times, but it always went straight to voice-mail.

"A dozen roses? That's so cliché and after what she told me last night, never mind what she asked me this morning, it's nowhere near enough."

I looked at the bunch of flowers in my hand. Picked out this morning and hand wrapped with a white ribbon. "It's not a dozen."

Suspicion flickered over Cana's face but she bent forward to have a closer look, "Ten."

"One for every year that I've loved her."

"Oh my god. You're unbelievable. You accuse Erza of cheating when the two of you weren't even together then fuck around with your ex the same damn weekend, much faster than either of us can say 'double standards' by the way, and still have the audacity to insist that you love her? Get the hell off my property and don't come back. We'll see you at graduation and act civil but don't get it twisted. She's done with you."

I shook my head, "I'm sorry. I fucked up. No one needs to tell me that, but I do love Erza and I want to make things right. Did she say she didn't want to see me?"

"Of course she doesn't want to see you! I just spent the last ten minutes trying to convince her not to count yesterday as her first-"

"Morning Jellal, how are you today?"

Ah, the woman in question herself. Erza looked cute in pyjamas that must be Cana's, a blue and white chequered apron and a smudge of flour on one cheek. And she didn't seem at all disinclined to see me. In fact she seemed downright jolly. It threw me off a bit to be honest.

* * *

><p>I deliberately kept my tone light and cheerful. Jellal looked like he hadn't slept last night, faint dark circles under his eyes and... flowers? "Are these for me?"<p>

"What? Oh yes. Here." He held them out and blushed.

I accepted them, breathing in the heady scent, "They're beautiful, Jell." I'd never received flowers from a guy before.

"Erza. What the hell are you doing? Forgiveness is great but this is ridiculous," Cana snapped at me. She didn't really understand. It wasn't about forgiving Jellal. It was more like protecting what was most important to me and my relationship with Jellal was one of those things.

"Can I talk to you, Erza? Alone. Please."

"Why don't we all have breakfast?" was my only response. I walked back into the house to find a vase. I could hear Jellal and Cana having a hasty, whispered argument behind my back but I ignored them.

* * *

><p>Erza kept up a steady stream of conversation about everything and anything but us. I threw in the odd comment here and there but between her deliberate avoidance of the one thing we had to talk about and the stony glares of death Cana was aiming at me it was an intensely uncomfortable breakfast. Still, my roses were on the kitchen table and I figured even being in the same room as Erza was an improvement on yesterday. I thought I might get a chance to talk to her after we finished eating but she put me to work washing the dishes, then insisted she needed my muscles to knead some bread dough. "Are you planning on feeding the entire town?"<p>

She laughed. Actually laughed. My heart skipped a beat, hearing the sound. Erza was happy. Even after everything, she was still happy. I relaxed. No way was I going to ruin this good mood. We could talk later.

* * *

><p>Keeping the peace between Jellal and Cana took some subtle work but I managed it. The morning passed and at the end of it I had several boxes of cakes and cookies, muffins and bread. Taking the last tray of chocolate chip cookies out of the oven I felt like I'd accomplished a lot. Sure, I'd baked a ton, but the real triumph was living through four hours in the same room as Jellal without having some kind of melt down. Progress, indeed.<p>

"I'm going to get fat," Cana complained.

"I'll take most of them back to the dorm and share them around. And Jellal can take some home too." Cana scowled and Jellal smiled. I took a cookie off the tray, blew on it and broke a piece off. It was warm and sticky in my mouth. "Try some," I handed a piece to Cana who grumbled another half-hearted complaint but took it anyway. "Want some, Jell?"

"Sure."

I held a piece out to him but he didn't take it with his hand. He leaned over and ate it right out of my hand then kissed the melting chocolate off my fingers. I stood there frozen. I'd more or less convinced myself that I was fine. That Jellal being here was okay. I'd wrapped my heart in armour and made up my mind to only be friends with him. No matter what Cana thought this was no big deal. I was over it. Now Jellal was taking my hand, kissing the centre of my palm, pulling me towards him and there it was again. A tiny sliver of what I used to feel for him. I tried to force it down but I needn't have worried about it. As soon as his hands landed on my hips _that _image popped into my head. His hands touching her, Jellal sleeping with her. I stepped back, "Don't."

* * *

><p>For some stupid reason I'd convinced myself that she was okay. Of course she wasn't okay. Erza might be smiling at me, laughing with me, feeding me cookies, but that didn't undo everything that had happened. "Erza-"<p>

"I said stop. You can't touch me like that any more Jellal. I'm not okay with it."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I love you so much I almost can't help it. We're going slow right? We haven't really talked about it so I don't know where I stand with you."

"Oh boy," Cana murmured under her breath.

"We're friends. I told you already. I only want to be friends with you."

I took a deep breath. "And I said no. We can't be friends. There's no such thing as 'just friends'. I hurt you and you have every right to be angry at me but I thought about this all night. I can't stay away from you. Can you honestly say that you feel nothing for me?"

She walked away from me and started taking the rest of the cookies off the baking tray. "I assure you. You successfully killed any romantic inclination I might have had towards you."

Ouch. Her monotonous, _I don't give a damn, _tone was back. "So that's it. You don't feel that way any more. Just like that." Love wasn't something you switched on and off. She must still feel something for me.

"Well yeah. What's wrong with you Jell? Isn't this what you wanted? It was your idea first. I mean, damn, that's why you went to see that wh-" Erza cut off abruptly but I didn't need any help to figure out that the rest of that word was _whore_. She laid the spatula down on the counter, "I think you should go. I don't want to argue about this and I don't want to talk about it or even think about it. We tried. It didn't work. Game over."

"It's not over for me and it's not a game. I told you. I did not sleep with Sayla." She flinched and I instantly regretted saying that name out loud. "Erza, I don't know how to fix this but I'm trying. Can we please try this one more time?"

"Or the one millionth time," was the snarky comment from the other side of the kitchen.

"Shut the fuck up Cana!"

"Don't speak to my friend like that!"

"Okay. I'm sorry. I apologise." They were both glaring at me. Great. I always managed to put my foot in it. "I'll apologise as many times as it takes. I'll carve my heart out with a spoon and give it to you on a silver platter if that's what it takes. Baby, I will do anything to be with you."

* * *

><p><em>Baby. <em>Oh god, why was my heart doing that stupid twisty thing? I was done with those emotions. I grabbed a couple of food filled containers and thrust them at Jellal. "Please go. I'll come to your house tomorrow."

"Seriously? Do you mean that?"

I didn't have the heart to tell him why I was coming over. Not when he looked so damn hopeful. He'd find out soon enough. "Yeah, but you have to go now."

"Can you answer your phone when I call? I want to talk to you," he said even as I nudged him out the kitchen door.

"Sorry but I've got her phone and I'm not giving it back," Cana opened the front door, "Thanks for stopping by. Don't do it again."

"Wait. I-" She shut the door in his face. "I absolutely forbid you from seeing that idiot tomorrow."

I would have agreed but my heart had already settled down and I knew this was something I had to do. Jellal wouldn't have any delusions of us getting back together after tomorrow. I finished sorting out all my baked treats and walked a load of them over to dorm. Of course everyone wanted to know what was going on with me and my 'boyfriend'. I gave vague answers and got out of there as fast as I could. Thank the stars, Lucy didn't live at the dorms or she would have tried to pry every single detail out of me.

When I got back to Cana's house there were more roses on the front step. A little card said _For the next ten. _"Did Jellal say anything about those roses? The first lot," I asked Cana as I filled a second vase with water.

She sighed, "Some bullshit about one rose for every year he's loved you." Cana rolled her eyes, "A man will say anything to get you back after he's fucked up."

I gently ran my hand over the petals of one rose. The last ten years and the next ten. It was kind of sweet. "You're not getting any weird ideas, right?" Cana asked me.

"Of course not," I said. It'd take more than twenty roses to get me to fall back in love with Jellal. "Has he really been calling my phone?"

"Like crazy. And he's sent you a gazillion texts. _I'm sorry. Forgive me. I love you. She doesn't mean a thing to me. I never meant to lie to you. _Blah blah blah. I've been deleting them."

"Oh." Cana went on, listing the horrors of men and how I would be so much happier now. She was right. I'd never had all this grief back when Jellal and I really had been friends. Still, I couldn't deny I smiled a little bit when I opened the front door on Wednesday morning and there were ten more blood-red roses.

_...And the ten years after that..._

* * *

><p>Erza was back in my bedroom. Quite frankly, under these circumstances, I wished she wasn't.<p>

"You aren't really going to sit here and do that?" This was ridiculous.

"Yes, I am," she replied and kept sewing. My buttons. Back onto my shirts.

"I want you to keep them," I said, feeling slightly desperate. "I gave them to you for a reason."

"Don't be silly. There's not a single shirt in your room that has all its buttons. What are you supposed to wear to graduation?" Erza had somehow mastered Ultear's _'lets be reasonable'_ tone of voice she always used when she decided to be less of an older sister and more of a mother figure to me. Which was weird because Ultear wasn't even ten years older than me. It didn't work when Ultear used it and it sure as hell didn't work now.

"I don't care. You can't give back a second top button. It's against the rules."

"Rules? What rules?" She sounded amused now, like I was child making up silly excuses to avoid going to bed on time.

"The rules of life! You just can't," I sounded petulant, even to myself. "Why don't you do one and then I'll wear that one to graduation and give the button right back to you."

She looked up and said simply, "I'm sorry Jellal, but I don't want them."

It was like a punch in the stomach. No way. "But... I thought... Are you sure?"

"Quite sure."

I sat there and watched her moving the needle back and forth, pinning all my love back on me. Returning my unwanted display of affection with about as much emotion as an automated machine.

Fuck.

* * *

><p>"I'm going out. I need to think about this," he said and left. I felt kind of bad for upsetting him. I kept sewing though, making sure each button was securely attached onto the correct shirt. This would end it, once and for all. I'd intentionally sat at his desk and not on his bed but being alone in Jellal's bedroom for hours on end was making me restless. I laid the second to last shirt down and wandered through the house. There were so many pictures of us on the walls from way back when we'd first met up until sports day this year. I'd gone from avoiding photos of Jellal to craving them. Driven by the photos, I almost unconsciously ended up in my favourite room of the whole house.<p>

Dark wood, floor to ceiling bookshelves, the curtains always slightly drawn to keep the damaging effects of too much light to a minimum, this room was consistently quiet and peaceful. It hadn't always looked like this but when Jellal moved in he'd brought all his parents books with him and Ultear had converted the room. I think it resembled, as far as Jellal could remember, exactly how the original room had looked. I curled up on the oversized chair and pulled out a photo album at random. Baby Jellal. He was so cute and chubby, I couldn't help but smile. I don't even know why I was looking at these. Nostalgia was one thing, but we hadn't met till we were seven anyway. I guess it was because I wanted to remember a time before all this craziness. I turned the pages carefully, watching Jellal grow from a sweet-faced baby into a smiley toddler and then a young, bright-eyed boy. Of course the abrupt end to the photos was always a little heartbreaking.

I didn't often think about the fact that myself and my friends, for the most part, were all orphans because of the same tragic accident but it made me sad now. I wondered what advice my mother would give me if she could see me with Jellal. Musing over that I must have drifted off because the next thing I knew Jellal was calling me.

"Erza. Erza, wake up," I woke up in the semi-darkness of the study and stretched. The photo album slid off my lap. Jellal was kneeling by the chair and caught it easily. "Hey baby, come with me."

* * *

><p>She was drowsy and not really awake but Erza followed me without question which was all I really wanted. I helped her into my varsity jacket and bundled her outside. A light misty rain had started falling so I had an excuse to wrap my arm around her waist and hold her close to make sure we both stayed under the umbrella. It was testament to the fact that she wasn't quite alert when she rested her head on my shoulder as we set off down the street. It wasn't until we got to the train station that she questioned where we were going.<p>

"It's a surprise," I said, "It's not far. Two stops."

"Two stops." I held my breath, thinking she'd figured it out but she only shrugged, "Alright."

On the train she gazed out the window, watching the scenery go by. I was watching her.

"Can you stop that?"

"You're beautiful."

She blushed, "You don't have to stare."

But I did. I was drinking her in. Intoxicated by her. "I love you."

Erza sighed and didn't reply. That was okay. I had found a sense of peace and I no longer needed constant reassurances from her to know that this was the right thing to do.

* * *

><p>By the time I figured out where Jellal was taking me it was too late to resist. <em>Two stops. <em>Why the hell hadn't I noticed sooner. At the gates to the graveyard I hesitated. It'd be really disrespectful to come all this way and leave at the gates but... "Why are we here? Now?"

Jellal took my hand and I couldn't pull away, "I wanted to bring you."

That didn't really answer my question. He was tugging on my hand, leading the way and all I could do was follow. The first thing I noticed was that grave was recently cleaned. Of course. Jellal had done it today after leaving the house. I wanted to ask him a dozen questions but he started talking and it wasn't to me.

"So this is her. What do you think? I told you she was beautiful. And kind and strong and the most amazing person I've ever met. Sorry I haven't brought her to meet you before now but I was kind of an idiot. About a lot of things. Sometimes you're too close to something to see it properly and that's definitely true about Erza and me. All these years she's been by my side, my very best friend, we've been practically inseparable but I didn't know I loved her until... I guess it was a week ago now. I kissed her, not for the first time but I don't know, it sure felt like the first time. It was like... a nuclear explosion and the aftermath was just as hard to deal with. I made a lot of mistakes and I handled my feelings badly and everything that could go wrong went wrong. I messed up. But I already talked about all of that with you. So you know why she's mad at me right now. I wish I could tell you she's my girlfriend but I can't. I can tell you she's the first and last woman I'll ever bring here. Next year we can visit you as a proper couple. That's not a maybe, that's something I know for sure because I'm not letting her get away from me. She's the one."

Speechless didn't even come close to how I felt. He'd brought me to his parents grave to introduce me to them. A storm of emotion overcame me, "Jellal, I-"

He kissed me.

* * *

><p>I probably shouldn't be kissing Erza in front of my parents but I thought they would understand. I'd spent half the day talking to them about her. Quite frankly it had been a much better choice than the last person I'd told this story to. I'd done a lot of things with Sayla but it had never crossed my mind for even a second to bring her here. This was a special place for me and the girl I loved.<p>

"Erza, I'm sorry if that kiss was out of line. I'm sorry that I made you feel unloved that night at Mira's party. I'm sorry I was such a jerk that whole month and for being unkind when we were decorating the hall for prom. I'm sorry for being a jealous idiot and hurting you on prom night. I'm sorry I tried to push you away. I'm sorry for going to see that girl and then lying about it. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you," I squeezed her hand and ever so slightly she squeezed my back, "I love you and I hope you know how special you are to me. I know you think this 'game' is over but I've never been more serious about anything in my life and I want you to know I'm not playing for the day or the week or the month. I'm playing for keeps."

* * *

><p>I stood there dumbly, completely flabbergasted by this abrupt turn of events. I pulled my hand free from his and raised it to my lips. His kiss hadn't been unpleasant or unduly forceful, just unexpected. It lingered on my lips, a ghost of a kiss. I tried to think of something to say, maybe <em>'What part of just friends<em> _do you not understand?' _but that was hardly appropriate and didn't cover half of what I felt.

Annoyed that he wouldn't give up.

Pleased that he wouldn't give up.

Put upon because he'd brought me here.

Honoured because he'd brought me here.

Sad that neither my parents or his could give us any advice on what to do when love was pain and pain was never ending. "I need a minute."

* * *

><p>I let her go. I knew Erza wouldn't underestimate the importance of my decision to bring her here. I only hoped it was enough to get past the wall that'd been put up between us. I bowed to my parents and made my way back to the main gates. Erza would find me here, waiting for her, ready to show how serious I was about my love for her.<p>

I didn't have to wait long. After twenty minutes she was back, looking pensive and unsure. She didn't say anything and neither did I. The train ride back to Magnolia was silent. By the time we got back the light rain had become a torrential downpour, complete with the faint rumbling of distant thunder. No lightning as of yet but surely it was only a matter of time. I opened the umbrella and stepped out into the rain, waiting, the first test.

She left me there for a long, agonizing heartbeat, raindrops pattering everywhere, then joined me. My arm slid around her shoulders and she didn't lean into me but she didn't pull away either. We were halfway back to Cana's house before she spoke, "I'm still upset and... I don't really know how I feel about you Jellal but... thank you, for taking me there. I know they mean a lot to you."

"You mean a lot to me. You mean everything to me. Baby,-"

"Don't call me that! I forget everything when you say that and right now, I really want to think about things without you confusing me." I watched her bite her lip and look away from me.

"I'm not trying to confuse you Erza."

"You're always throwing my life upside down. Every five minutes it's something new. This is like some horrible rollercoaster."

"I know. I'm sorry." She didn't reply and I stayed silent until I could leave her safe and dry at Cana's house.

Erza picked up the roses on the front step, "More?" She rubbed her thumb along the edge of the card, "For the ten years after the ten years after all the other decades?"

"I figured that was implied so I wrote something else."

She frowned and flipped the card over and read out loud, slowly, "_I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart..._"

"_I am never without it, anywhere I go you go, my dear._" Thunder rolled, closer, louder. "It's part of a poem. Tell me Erza, do you think I could carry your heart in mine, everywhere I go? You're already carrying around my heart and I'd like to have yours. I know it might be hard to believe but I promise I'll take good care of it. Don't answer now but think about it okay? Really think about it." I walked down the path and because I knew how much she hated it, I made sure to turn and wave before the darkness of the storm swallowed us both up.


	21. The PG(The Winner,The Lover &The Friend)

_Poets for this chapter are Emily Dickinson and Lord Byron._

_For all those who keep asking, yes I'm writing a companion fic about Gray & Juvia. It's called Fighting Fate._

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Twenty One - The Punishment Game_

_Part Eight - The Winner, The Lover & The Friend_

It was like a scene out of a movie.

I stood on the front step, his roses in my hand, the lines of that poem floating around my head, the sky crying floods of tears and there he was, at the end of the drive, one hand raised to wave goodbye to me. The thunder rolled, a fork of lightning lit up the sky, illuminating everything as clear as day. I knew in that instant why Jellal was stood there.

So I wouldn't be upset watching him walk away.

I was meant to drop everything and run down the porch stairs. He'd ditch the umbrella and meet me halfway. We'd be hugging and kissing in the middle of the drive, not caring one bit about getting soaked by the rain. He'd tell me how much he loved me. I'd tell him I forgave him for everything. We'd both cry.

But this wasn't a movie.

This was _my_ _fucking life. _So I stayed where I was. I needed to think about this. Like I'd been trying to every second since I'd first realised where Jellal was taking me. _His parents grave. _I couldn't even take it all in. This was serious stuff. Clearly, Jellal had no intention of giving up. He'd already mentioned taking me back with him next year. As his girlfriend. My heart twisted _again._ Mavis, what the hell was going on with me? I'd decided, made up my mind, but he was always the exception, always the one who managed to get under my skin when no one else could. I couldn't deny it. Jellal had rattled the chains around my heart today.

I raised a hand and waved, ever so slightly, back.

* * *

><p>Erza had me constantly holding my breath. Hoping, wishing, praying for some kind of emotion from her. Anything but that monotonous voice or that uncomfortable silence or the deliberate, enforced friendship she seemed determined to mould our relationship into. I'd obviously surprised her today. To be honest, I'd kind of surprised myself. But she'd let me hold her, kiss her, she'd even waved goodbye to me. We weren't back together but, compared to this morning, my heart felt much lighter.<p>

I left the dripping umbrella on the front porch and went back into what we affectionately called the library. It made the house sound much grander than it was but it contained all the books and photo albums that had belonged to my parents. It was a sweet moment of irony that I'd found Erza here this afternoon. That wasn't who was sitting there now.

"Ultear! I thought you weren't coming home until the weekend."

"I wouldn't miss your graduation," she said with a smile. Her hair looked damp, a towel slung around her neck testament to the fact that she'd probably come in the door only a short while before me. "Now, come over here. I've got something for you."

I crossed the room, expecting a hug and ended up in a headlock. Hadn't seen her in nearly two weeks and this was how she says hello. Typical. "What now?"

"What now? Meredy tells me _everything. _Didn't I tell you not to bring that horrible girl to my house?"

"I'm sorry! Honestly, you have no idea how much I regret that." Ultear ruffled my hair, more affectionate than rough, and I realised I'd missed her. "I'm glad you're back. It's been kind of crazy."

"So I hear," Ultear said, releasing me. She pinched my cheek, "That's for taking Millianna to prom and not Meredy. She's been moaning non-stop about that."

"Milliana is _like _my sister. Meredy basically _is _my sister. Subtle, but makes all the difference between acceptable last minute date and creepy last minute date." I rubbed my cheek, "Are you quite done abusing me? You've been home like five minutes."

"You shouldn't have needed a last minute date," she scolded me and then stood on tiptoe to kiss my other cheek, "And yes, I'm done abusing you. Make sure you bring Erza over for dinner soon and for goodness sake stop fighting. I hadn't been home five seconds and Meredy was screaming at me about that. Apparently you're dating her. Tell me something I didn't already know."

"Jell!" Meredy bounded into the room and threw her arms around both of us, squashing us all closer together. "Ul is home early!"

I laughed at her statement of the obvious and squeezed them back. There was nothing to tie the three of us together but still, we were a family.

* * *

><p>"You sigh one more time," threatened Cana, "and I'm throwing all these flowers in the trash."<p>

"I'm not sighing!" I was though. On the kitchen table rested four vases, forty roses. The house smelled wonderful with the scent of them. I couldn't stop looking at them. "They... they're beautiful," I ventured to say.

"Uh huh. I'm sure he spent a fortune on them too," Cana rolled her eyes, "I cannot believe, even you, the great Titania, is a softie for roses from a stupid boy."

"He is stupid... but it's kind of sweet. With his parents and everything," I hastened to add. The roses were wonderful yet what they stood for was more important and of course our trip today topped everything. Cana made a non-committal sound but I knew she thought it was sweet too. I couldn't resist reaching out to stroke one petal. A lifetime of promises Jellal had given me, with probably another 'twenty years' tomorrow.

"So you're forgiving him. Just like that. I should let Natsu and Gray know. The next time they have a fight and piss you off, all they have to do is buy a few flowers."

"Stop it Cana. This isn't about the damn flowers and we both know it."

It was her time to sigh, "Sorry. I don't want to see you hurt again Erza. I've never seen you so upset before. It was so unlike you. I really, honestly, think that you two need to back it down a bit. You can't keep crashing from one high to a low and back again. As a friend it's exhausting to watch; I can't imagine how it feels to actually be in a relationship like that."

It sucked. I hated it. I couldn't hate Jellal though. Even after everything that had happened. But I couldn't forget it either. "You're right. I'm tired of it too. I really want to be friends with Jellal but we can't be friends if he keeps doing things like this." _I carry your heart with me, I carry it in my heart. _My heart was rubbed raw with the events of the last few days. I'd never in my life thought of myself as fragile but I couldn't trust my heart to Jellal for fear of him breaking it. Again.

Fear. Now there was an alien emotion. I wasn't afraid of _anything_. I felt annoyed at myself for even thinking that way. He was just a stupid boy. No need to get all stressed over roses and poetry and the way he looked waving to me in the rain. I shook my head, trying to clear away all these thoughts. "I'm going back to the dorm once it stops raining. Can you help me carry these?"

* * *

><p>"Woohoo!"<p>

"Calm the fuck down, Natsu. You're giving me a headache and we just fucking got here."

"What the hell is wrong with you Gray?" Natsu took a small run and leaped onto a wooden bench, punching the air as he went, "This is the last time that we, as seniors, will ever get to hang out together and you're being a sulky ice queen."

It was the day before graduation and as per Fiore school tradition Ryuzetsu Land was reserved for all the graduating seniors. Our school was here, the Mermaid Heel girls were here, Lyon, who I hadn't seen in _ages,_ was here with the rest of Lamia Scale, Quatro Cerebus was here. A whole load of people were here. It was going to be a busy, crazy, fun-filled day. For most people.

"We're going to the same fucking college!" Gray snapped.

I thought my love life was stressful but I guess the guilt of fucking Juvia was getting to him. I thought I should intervene before Natsu pushed anymore of his buttons but as usual, Erza was all over it. "Cool it Natsu, before I shut you up myself."

"You guys are no fun. Oi Lucy! Race you to the aquarium," he took off at a sprint. Lucy yelled a protest about the unfairness of his head start and ran off after him. Everyone was heading their different ways. To the water park. To the rollercoasters. To the food court. I hung back waiting to see where Erza would go.

* * *

><p>It was a bizarre parody of the near future. We all started off at the gates together but within moments everyone was splitting up, going in different directions. Tomorrow, after so many years together, that would be us again. All going our separate ways from the moment we left the school gates for the last time. Except some of us were inseparable.<p>

Jellal lingered at the edge of the group of girls I was standing with. Silently watching as we decided where we wanted to go first. _It's all I have to bring today, This, and my heart beside, This, and my heart and all the fields, and all the meadows wide. _Emily Dickinson, the arrow of choice to pierce my heart this morning with ten white roses making a contrast with all the red ones cluttering up my bedroom desk. It had caused quite a stir among the girls when they'd arrived. Everyone trying to guess who they were from and who they were for. Me standing there, all awkward, until I simply had to own up to it. I don't even know how Jellal knew I'd gone back to the dorms.

Levy nudged me playfully, "Lucy is with Natsu. Juvia is, for some unfathomable reason, still with Gray. I'm of course with Gajeel and your spending the day with our resident hopeless romantic. Fifty roses in three days. Damn. If I didn't know you guys only recently got together I'd think he was trying to get you to forgive him for something."

I forced a laugh. What the hell was I supposed to say? We're not together? He _is _trying to get me to forgive him? There will be ten more roses tonight so don't give up counting just yet? It'd been my idea to 'fake' a romantic relationship with Jellal and it was totally blowing up in my face. At the same time it was a good shield to avoid talking about what happened.

Wait. Avoiding things. That was nearly in the same category as 'fear'. What the hell was going on with me? Okay. That made up my mind. I wasn't going to treat today any different from any other. "Why don't we do the rollercoasters first, then after lunch we can do all the games and things. Water park last?"

* * *

><p>I fell into step next to Erza and tried to gauge how she was feeling about me, about us. Things felt like normal between us. She talked to me, smiled and laughed but normal to us was being friends and that was so far from what I wanted us to be. I longed to pull her aside and have a proper conversation about us. Did she like the roses? The poems? Was taking her to my parents too much? She said I confused her...<p>

Right now, she was screaming. Scarlet hair flying everywhere as we rushed around loops and twists and sharp drops. I tried to relax, tried to enjoy the day but my stomach was in knots. I needed some surety that we were back on track. The right track.

* * *

><p>It was harder than I thought. Pretending that being so close to Jellal didn't affect me. I'd pulled it off for a whole month with, I could hardly call it success seeing how practically everyone had noticed the awkwardness between us, but I'd at least convinced myself it was a passable performance. Now, I had two conflicting emotions every time Jellal got too close. That tingling feeling was back. I couldn't help that. I'd thought it might die off but my heart betrayed me, thumping hard, if his body pressed against mine. At the same time I kept feeling little flashes of sadness and sometimes even anger at him. I had to keep catching myself before I blurted out something totally inappropriate to him in front of all our friends.<p>

By lunch I was exhausted. Couldn't I have five minutes away from him and those brown eyes that were constantly on me? "Can you buy me something? Something sweet?" It was a cheap gimmick but it worked. Jellal went off, the dutiful rose buying 'boyfriend', to find me something sweet to eat. I sank down onto the wooden bench next to Juvia and laid my head down on the picnic table.

"Erza-san, are you okay?" she asked.

"Fine," I mumbled. I sat back up and gave her a look, "How are you?" I had to admit it would be a welcome break to think about someone else's life. I was becoming worryingly self-absorbed.

"Juvia is... okay today. Better than yesterday."

"Yesterday was universally horrible. Did you see all the rain and the storm?"

"Sorry," she said, which seemed odd to me. It's not like the bad weather was her fault. "Erza-san is so lucky," she added.

"Me?"

"Yeah. You and Jellal are so in love. It's wonderful."

"Oh." Is that how it looked to other people. Of course that's how it looked to other people. It's how we always looked.

"Why do you two always deny dating?" Juvia played with a carrot stick, creating swirling patterns in hummus I knew she made herself.

"Because we're not dating. We weren't dating," I was getting all confused with what tense to use to describe my relationship with Jellal. I don't know why I didn't simply admit it was over. I could tell him easily enough that we were only friends yet for some reason we both kept pushing this facade that everything was okay between us.

"You kind of are though. Were," Juvia looked confused at what tense to use too and we both laughed. "That was Juvia's first thought when Juvia moved here."

"What?"

"When Juvia saw you with Jellal on the first day of school. Juvia thought he was your boyfriend. Everyone denied it. You, Jellal, everybody! Juvia couldn't understand it but Juvia gets it now."

"Really?" I was curious about what she thought. Juvia wasn't as close to us as the people we'd been friends with for years. Maybe she saw something other people didn't.

"Hmm. Juvia and Gray-sama are friends. Juvia knows Gray-sama cares about her. Even if he doesn't say it or he doesn't want to date Juvia. Juvia is okay with that. Most of the time," she said with a small smile. "We've crossed the line now and Juvia doesn't really know what will happen next but there is no line with you and Jellal. Being friends and being lovers is the same thing. You've always been together without any labels on what you are or might be. Juvia is a little envious. Gray-sama doesn't want to be tied down to anyone. It freaks him out."

_Being friends and being lovers is the same thing. _Was it? Was the line between Jellal and I so thin as to be non-existant? Didn't we bounce back and forth across it all the time? Easily. Without a thought. No labels on what we were. We might not be literal lovers. We might have only had a semi-serious physical relationship for a few days. But for how long had we acted like lovers? I tried to put an actual date on the first time anyone had thought Jellal and I were a couple.

Years ago. Literally years. We might have been twelve. I had vague memories of being teased about it but it wasn't something that ever embarrassed us. That was the way things were. Are. Would always be. Was it even possible for the two of us to be 'just friends'?

It wasn't. That more than anything was where everything fell apart. There was no 'just' in any part of my relationship with Jellal. No 'just' friends. No 'just' a kiss. No 'just' a stupid photo. We were so tied up in each other to try to put any distance between us was a pointless task. No line, no labels. That would be nice if our two hearts beat as one but they didn't.

I felt a moment of despair. What was I meant to do now? How was I meant to cope with the fact that we'd never be free of each other? I'd always love him. He'd always love me. We'd be caught in this unhappy loop forever. "He cheated on me. He fucked his ex and lied about it. This weekend."

Juvia's mouth formed a perfect little circle and her eyes widened. I don't know why I blurted it out like that but now that the truth was out there I couldn't seem to stop. So I told her everything.

* * *

><p>Erza was avoiding me. Strange to say but she somehow managed to be right next to me yet so far away. I could take the hint when she all but ordered me to leave her alone. Too much, too fast seemed to have extended from sex to standing a little too close to her. Her tolerance of me was on a downward spiral. Only so much time with me and no more. So I took my time, wandering past loads of little places selling chocolate and cotton candy. A few times this morning Erza had looked like she wanted to tell me something but held back. It was probably all our friends. My plan for this afternoon was to steal her away. I wanted to talk to her. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something she might like. I wondered if she would take it the wrong way but brought it anyway.<p>

* * *

><p>Juvia listened quietly. Prom night was a drop in the bucket compared to Monday so I skimmed over most of that and got straight to the heart of the matter. Juvia blinked a few times, "So you don't actually know if he slept with this other girl or not."<p>

"No, not really. He says he didn't."

"Has he lied to you before?"

I shook my head. We didn't lie to each other. Before.

"So why don't you believe him?"

"Because, if you saw the photo, you'd know. It's bad. Really bad." I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing I could undo seeing that image. It appeared behind my eyelids anyway.

"But it's still a photo. If he said that's all that happened shouldn't you trust him?"

I didn't have an answer to that. When I opened my eyes, Juvia was gazing past me with a faraway look on her face, "Thinking about Juvia's love rivals makes Juvia angry. Thinking about all the girls Gray-sama has been with makes Juvia very angry but Juvia does not think about them anymore. Gray-sama is with Juvia now. And that is all that matters because that's the way it's going to stay. If Juvia let every girl Gray-sama slept with or flirted with this past year get Juvia down, Juvia would have given up months ago and Juvia wouldn't have Gray-sama now." She laughed, "Gomen, that's a lie. There's nothing Gray-sama could do to make Juvia stop loving him."

_Is there anything this boy can do to make you hate him?_

_No._

I'd been so sure when I'd given Cana that answer less than a week ago. As sure as Juvia was now. She'd dealt with her unrequited love from the moment she'd moved to Magnolia. The entire school year. Her love for Gray had been an instant, first sight type of thing but it'd stood the test of time and we all knew how Gray whored himself around. "How," I hesitated but then went ahead, "How can you stand it?"

Juvia didn't need any clarification about what I was asking, "There are dozens of girls out there who could appear at any moment with some story or some photo of Gray-sama. Everyone has a past. Some people more than others. There are things about me..." She trailed off and looked so sad I was sorry for asking. It occurred me that I knew nothing much about Juvia's life prior to her moving to Magnolia except for the fact that she'd come from a rough school. I watched her shrug off the weight of the memories and continue, "The point is, we all have a choice. Juvia chooses to not hold Gray-sama's past against him because right now is right now and whatever was, is done. He won't cheat on me. If Gray-sama wants to end it, he will but we both know the rules and what we have and don't have. It's not exactly what Juvia wants but it's a start. No matter what happened last weekend, Jellal made a choice and it wasn't that girl. It was you, Erza-san. He chose you. Don't you think that should count for something?"

* * *

><p>When I sat down next to Erza, she wore an expression I found impossible to read. I couldn't resist wrapping an arm around her shoulders. I wanted to ask her if she was okay but she flinched away from my touch and I ended up apologising instead. No matter how many times I told myself that things had changed my body wouldn't get the memo. She wasn't mine to touch. Yet.<p>

"I found some ice cream and, on the way back, Gray " I said, trying to pretend like I hadn't noticed her reaction to me. For her part, Erza didn't bat an eye at the ice cream. Guess that fantasy was well and truly dead.

"Gray-sama, Juvia made a bento."

Gray looked like that was the worst thing a girl had ever said to him and from his point of view maybe it was. I think he was allergic to serious relationships. "For everyone," Juvia added and he visibly relaxed. We could have put a sign up. _Seating Reserved For Dysfunctional Couples. _Lunch was saved by the appearance of Gajeel and Levy who most definitely didn't qualify for this table but sat with us anyway. Levy was hauling around a huge stuffed teddy bear Gajeel had won for her at one of the games which made it so much easier for me to suggest heading over there with Erza later.

She hesitated for a moment when she realised we were essentially alone. I didn't move or say anything. Waited for her to make up her mind if she wanted to continue down this path with me or not. As if on cue a group of guys I didn't know rushed past us. We weren't going to ever be truly alone in a place like this. The moment of tension was broken and we were walking next to each other again.

"Erza..."

"Yes?"

"Is everything okay?"

She gave me a sidelong glance and I realised how stupid a question like that was. "Sorry, can I start again?"

She shrugged. So we were back to the silent treatment. At least she didn't seem quite so broken. We wandered through a section of carnival games in silence. "Did you like the white roses?"

A tiny smile, "All the roses are beautiful. You don't have to keep buying them though. I think one bunch was sufficient."

_Sufficient. _She obviously wasn't getting the point of them. "I think we've still got a few decades left."

"Not counting the first ten, I've got forty plus seventeen which is fifty-seven. I assume I'm getting ten more tonight which will make sixty-seven. It's wishful thinking for you to give me any more than three more bouquets after that. We won't live forever."

"I'll love you forever." The words were easy to say. None the less they were genuine.

She sighed, "Apparently so."

I didn't want that thought to be so depressing to her. This whole conversation felt like an uphill battle. "Shall we play a game?"

Erza looked morosely down the various stalls, "Whatever."

* * *

><p>I wanted to get away from him. Desperately. I was so tangled up inside. What I felt, what I thought, it was all too complicated. My conversation with Juvia had only made things worse. Why couldn't I think when Jellal was around?<p>

What about this one?" Jellal was asking me. I looked at the brightly coloured stall. Goldfish scooping. How many years since we'd last done that? Before I could answer, Jellal was handing over the money for two of the flimsy paper scoops. I accepted the scoop and a bowl, and knelt in front of the tub full of tiny goldfish. Tried to ignore Jellal's presence so close to my side. The memories of a dozen different festivals came rushing back to me. So many times we'd been right here, side by side, chasing some elusive fish that would probably die within a week. I don't know why we bothered but we always did. I felt a pang of nostalgia for the children we used to be. Everything had been so much simpler back then.

* * *

><p>Erza had never played this game very well for one basic reason. She attacked it head on, like any other problem she came across in life, which of course meant the fragile scoop broke within seconds. "Let me help you," I gave her my scoop and placed my hand over hers. "You have to be slow and gentle or it will break again. Which one do you want?"<p>

"You want me to choose one?"

"Yeah, whichever one you want and I'll help you get it."

All at once her face went from passive and stony to something much closer to tearful, "Did you choose me? Over her?"

* * *

><p>Jellal didn't say anything for a long heartbeat. All I could focus on was his hand guiding mine, steady and confident, easily catching two goldfish in one expert flip of his wrist. He'd always been much better at this than me. Jellal took the bowl from me and handed it to the vendor to bag our prize. We stayed crouched where we were and I finally risked looking Jellal in the face. His expression was serious, "No. I didn't."<p>

I stood up sharply. Well there was Juvia's theory out the window. I felt a sharp twinge of pain. Why had I been so hopeful that he had? Stupid, silly girl. It didn't matter. It was over. I was done. Spending time with Jellal was a complete waste of time and borderline torture for me. "Erza..." He was still kneeling at my feet.

"What?" I hated the way my voice sounded. I hated more how direct he'd been with his answer. So much for his supposedly love for me.

"Look at me." Soft and quiet but it was a demand, not a question. I took a deep breath, steadied my nerves and looked down at him. Let him do his worse, I could take it.

Jellal waited until our eyes were locked, "There was no choice. There was only you, only ever you."

_Mavis, help me..._

* * *

><p>It started with that one question. The single pebble that created ripples across the whole pond. We moved from game to game, mostly in silence, but every now and again she'd throw a question at me. I answered as honestly as I could, not with what I thought she wanted to hear, but what I truly felt.<p>

Did I think there was a line between us? Only when we put one there.

How long had I really loved her? All she had to do was count the first ten roses to know.

What happened to the photo? Deleted. Within minutes of her leaving my house.

I told her she could check if she wanted to but Erza only shook her head and said she was done going through other people's phones searching for things she didn't want to find. I couldn't decide if that was a sign of trust or quite the opposite. We talked about our parents for the longest time and the afternoon slipped away from us, taking with it so many of the heavy burdens between us, one answered question at a time.

* * *

><p>"Why did you lie to me?" Of everything I'd asked Jellal today, this question had to be the most important one. Across the pool from us Lucy and Natsu were involved in a fierce water fight successfully drowning out any chance for someone to overhear our conversation.<p>

"I didn't want to hurt you, Erza. I know that's a terrible excuse but it's the truth. After everything we'd been through, you were so close to slipping away from me because of that misleading voice message. I could see it in your face. You wanted to run away from me and never look back. I should have told you what happened but I panicked because I couldn't let you go. In the end I only hurt you ten times worse and pushed you further away from me. I'm such an idiot. I still can't believe I did that." Jellal looked anguished at the thought.

There was nothing I could say that wouldn't come off as a false platitude. I couldn't say 'it's okay' because it wasn't. Maybe it never would be. That had been a definitive moment in our relationship that couldn't be undone or easily forgotten. Thinking about it today when the emotions weren't so overwhelming, I couldn't see how Jellal could have told me about Sayla without me reacting in a similar way. He'd fucked up. That's all there was to it.

* * *

><p>I didn't hold my breath waiting for any forgiveness. That would take much longer than one afternoon. I could wait. A lifetime, if that's what it took, although I hoped it wouldn't be quite that long. The sun was going down over the park and the water was starting to get cold. "Can I take you one more place?"<p>

"Sure."

I got out first, extending a hand to help Erza out, "We'll have to hurry or we'll miss it." I used a little more effort than was strictly necessary and Erza stumbled into me, her free hand landing on my chest. Automatically I wrapped my arms around her, to steady her. A mistake. Didn't I know I couldn't be this close to Erza without wanting to kiss her?

* * *

><p>I felt him drawing me closer, gathering me into his arms. It took me a few seconds to react because I wasn't sure what I wanted. My heart was thumping, that tingling feeling had erupted into a buzz of tangible excitement, fluttering like a million butterflies in my stomach. I forced the physical reaction down. Our mutual attraction was a force onto itself that needed to be harnessed and controlled, not given into every five seconds. I tensed my arms, just a bit and Jellal backed away from me. "Sorry, I really need to stop doing that," he said, handing my towel to me. "Can you get changed fast? I'll meet you on the other side."<p>

He told me to hurry but I took a few minutes in the changing room to steady myself. Slowly, one little piece at a time, Jellal was chipping away at the armour around my heart. It felt strangely inevitable. Like trying to stop the returning tide from washing away a castle built upon the sand. I kept throwing up more walls, digging deeper trenches but the sweetness and the honesty of his affection for me was wearing me down.

Outside, we seemed to be going in the opposite direction of most people. In the end Jellal took my hand and pulled me along, almost at a run. When we arrived at the ride, we were the only ones there. I looked up, the lights were beginning to flicker on around the inner rim, out along the spokes and around the outer rim, "The Ferris wheel?"

* * *

><p>I ushered her into the gently swaying passenger car, carefully arranging our bags in the corner, our newly acquired goldfish swimming circles in their little plastic bag on the top of the pile. "We're just in time."<p>

"For what?"

"You'll see," I stretched out on the seat opposite Erza. There wasn't a great amount of room and our knees bumped against each others. I was feeling kind of jittery. Apparently I had a limit on the amount of time I could spend with Erza too, albeit for a completely different reason. I wanted to touch her so bad.

Erza twisted away from me, looking out over the back of her seat as the ground fell away from us. "Too bad it's getting dark or we'd be able to see the whole park," she said. I held my breath, waiting for it.

* * *

><p>"Oh wow," I breathed, pressing my hands against the glass. The whole park lit up, all the lights coming on in a rush of colour. The rollercoasters blazing red and white, the tea cups swirling blue and green, the bumper cars a psychedelic rainbow mix compared to the relative calm of the golden carousel, spots of darkness for the haunted house and the ghost train ride. From up here it looked... "It's beautiful, Jell."<p>

"Yes, you really are."

I bit my lip, not daring to turn around. He'd be watching me. That look on his face that said he thought the world revolved around me. I could not deal with that right now. Not feeling the way I did. As if any moment my castle of sand would crumble to pieces, my armour would fall apart and I'd tumble into his arms, completely defeated by him.

"The stars are coming out," he said and I tilted my head back but we weren't at the top of the ride yet and the view was partially obscured by the car above us. Jellal shifted restlessly behind me and the car swung in a slow rocking motion. The atmosphere felt weird between us, charged with some kind of energy that made me wish I wasn't trapped up here with him. We needed space and there was none to be found.

* * *

><p>I couldn't stand it. I reached out and caught one of the empty belt loops on the back of her shorts, pulled her backwards onto my lap. The only saving grace that had kept me from doing this much sooner today was that these weren't the same shorts that had so entranced me that day at Mira's party. This girl had no fucking idea how attracted I was to her. All day, trying to fight these feelings, trying to keep my emotions in check. Trying to pretend it didn't hurt like hell when she pulled away from me. I didn't want Erza to think that I was only interested in her body. I wanted Erza to forgive me, I wanted her to trust me again, I wanted her to fall back in love with me and be my girlfriend. Yet, the physical distance between us was crippling. I squeezed her tightly, kissed her neck, "Can I hold you for a minute. Just a minute, Erza please."<p>

* * *

><p>In this tiny space it was impossible to get away from Jellal. He wrapped me up in his warmth. I tried not to give in to it but some part of me ached for him. We reached the top of the Ferris wheel and the stars glowed above us, brighter and more beautiful than the scene below us. Jellal kissed my ear, then my cheek. Pressure on my hip spun me around on his lap and I knew where this was heading and I could have stopped him but I didn't.<p>

The kiss was sweet and gentle. Jellal's hands roamed over my sides before fisting into the fabric of my shirt, almost as if to stop himself from touching me anymore than he already had. The sparks were still there, that buzzing becoming an intense roar, but there were the unfortunate memories to deal with as well. I pulled away from him, "Did you kiss her like this?"

"No, Erza. Never. Not even when I was dating her did I feel like this about her. I've never kissed any one the way I kiss you. You're special. I promise you I did not sleep with that girl. I did not kiss her. Please believe me."

He seemed sincere enough. "Then why does the photo look like that? You look like... like you really want to be with her." It bothered me a lot. That look he wore in that horrible picture. I searched his face now, searching for some kind of tell that would reveal another lie.

"This is going to seem so hard to believe and you might hate me even more for saying this but I promised you the truth. I was thinking about you," Jellal heaved a heavy sigh and his hands skimmed my thighs. "You, in those damn shorts and my varsity jacket. I was with her, thinking about you. She was so pissed off at me because she can't hold a candle to you Erza. No one can."

* * *

><p>What a horrible admission to make to a girl. I really was the very worst kind of boyfriend. I leaned forward and laid my head on Erza's shoulder. "Sorry," I mumbled. All I'd done this week was apologise to her. I doubted it would be enough. I felt overwhelmed with all the things going on between us. Disappointed with my own lack of self-control. Why was I such a colossal fuck up?<p>

"You were thinking about me," Erza repeated slowly.

"Yeah. I know. It's terrible." I leaned back, let my arms fall away from her. I glanced outside. We were almost back to the ground. "You probably don't want to see me right now. Do you want to go home with your friends? I'd still like to walk you to school tomorrow." And then because I couldn't help it, I went ahead and asked, "You hate me, don't you?"

* * *

><p>So much self-loathing was in his voice, "I don't hate you, Jell." I couldn't really decide what I thought about Jellal's answer. If I believed him then that look was meant for me, the whole thing really was staged to get me to give up my foolish punishment game and he hadn't slept with Sayla. The door to the car opened and Jellal practically dumped me off his lap in his haste to get away from me.<p>

"Wait. I want you to walk me home." I wasn't done with him yet. This new thought was whirling around in my head and in a complete 180 of opinion I found I actually wanted to spend more time with Jellal.

Jellal slung his bag over his shoulder, "Are you sure?"

"Yes. You can carry our fish." That got a tiny smile from him. Leaving the Ferris wheel was a lot easier than getting there. We joined the steady flow of students leaving the park. All around us was light and exuberance. It felt like we were in a separate, more sombre bubble from everyone else. How long until it burst, I didn't know.

Jellal was quiet and withdrawn, borderline depressed by his own admissions to me. I was still mulling it over. We couldn't be friends. Going by the chemistry that still simmered nearly uncontrollably between us we seemed destined to be lovers at some point in the future. Was Juvia right? Should we forget the labels, ignore the lines, be whatever it was that we were. "What would you call us?"

"A mess," was his instant reply.

"I think that's a given," I said and we both managed to laugh a little. It wasn't the answer I thought I might get but it neatly summed us up. Not friends. Not lovers. A confusing, convoluted mess. We started the long climb up the hill to the dorm and true to form ten roses graced the front steps. In the darkness, the ivory white of the petals gleamed. I tried to read the inscription but it was too dark. "What does it say?"

* * *

><p>We stood in silence for a moment. I'd been kind of moody on the walk home and that was hardly the way to win a girl over. Having crossed every other boundary today I figured one more couldn't hurt, if she allowed it. I closed the distance between us and handed her the goldfish. Erza's hands were full now, juggling that along with the flowers and her keys. I took her by the shoulders and she tilted her head back. It surprised me a little, how willing she was to accept a goodnight kiss from me. Despite how I felt about myself, maybe we'd made a little bit of progress today. I took my time, let the kiss linger.<p>

* * *

><p>Another meaningful kiss. I let myself sink into this one. That picture still popped into my mind but with a slightly different spin on it now. Maybe it wasn't how it seemed. "What does it say?" I asked again when we finally pulled apart. I wanted to hear him say the words. Jellal cupped the back of my neck and rested his forehead against mine, his voice a low whisper "<em>She walks in beauty, like the night, Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that's best of dark and bright, Meet in her aspect and her eyes." <em>He released me, hands skimming, probably unconsciously, over my curves before he made his way down the front steps, shoving his hands into his pockets as he went, "Goodnight, sleep tight, Erza._"_

"Bye," was all that I could manage, still reeling from the heartfelt words, so beautiful in their own right but extra special coming from Jellal. The front door opened and I turned around to see a most disapproving Cana.

"I knew it," she said.

"What?" I shrugged and brushed past her. She was going to bitch and moan at me about Jellal. Again.

"You're like a drug addict for that boy. I can't even watch anymore."

"You don't understand," I protested weakly.

"Oh I get it. Roses and pretty words and 'but I love him' excuses. I am not picking up the pieces again. Okay? I'm not. How many times do you need to be knocked down before you realise this isn't going to work?" She was following me up the stairs, her voice low but her anger obvious.

"Maybe..."

"There are no 'maybe's Erza! I know you're use to having the upper hand and being in charge and running your life and damn near everybody else's like a well oiled machine but you can't win this one. He will tear down all your defences, wrap your heart around his little finger and own you, body and soul, before you even know it."

As much as I was loath to admit it, Cana was right.

Jellal and I had stood toe to toe, played every round and laid it all out there. At the end of this game there could only be one winner and in the final innings the odds were not in my favour. I wrangled my bedroom door open, edged my way inside and closed it with a hasty 'goodnight' to Cana. The roses spilled over my table and it took some careful rearranging to get the latest bunch to fit on. Goodness knows where I'd find space for a fish bowl.

I tumbled into bed. From under my pillow I pulled a stack of paper. My confession letter followed by all the cards that had accompanied the flowers. Adding the latest one to the pile, I frowned. It didn't say what Jellal had told me. Byron's poem was there, transcribed in all its timeless beauty but there was more written beneath it.

_I know being together is hard, but being apart is so much worse. Us being together is light and darkness and pain and love and every emotion I'll ever feel crammed into a single heartbeat that grows louder and louder until it explodes and I am left half stunned with the glory of loving you. But being apart from you is nothing. An endless void where there is no me, because there is no you, and what remains is worthless. Please, Erza, don't leave me here in this emptiness._

I had thought that I had no more left. Not a single drop remaining for Jellal but as the solitary tear slid down my cheek the truth hit me hard and fast.

The game was over.


	22. Drawing A Line

_A/N: I've tried to wrap everything up in this chapter. If there are any glaring plot holes or 'whatever happened to...?' moments please let me know._

_'When pigs fly' is a figure of speech used to describe an impossibility._

_I do not own Fairy Tail_

_Chapter Twenty Two - Drawing A Line_

Graduation day dawned clear and bright. Sunlight peeked under my curtains as I woke up to the smell of bacon and Ultear's coffee. I rolled onto my back and stared at the empty expanse of white ceiling. As always, Erza was the first thing on my mind. I wondered if she'd read what I wrote for her on the card last night. I wondered what she'd think about today's 'card' which had no words on it at all. Was she thinking of me now? Or still fast asleep and dreaming? She was becoming an all consuming obsession for me but I found myself not caring about that. I'd had moments over the last few weeks when I'd wondered where we'd be on this day. Friends? Lovers? Still trapped in the awkwardness caused by my stupid actions at Mira's party? Not speaking to each other at all? I didn't know where we were at but today was no longer the finish line. The goal post had been moved to some unknown point in the future and until we were together and happy, I'd simply take each day as it came.

One brief knock and my bedroom door opened to let Ultear in. I sat up and something soft smacked into the centre of my chest. "Rise and shine," she said crossing the room with a basketful of clean, folded laundry balanced expertly on one hip. She placed the basket on my desk and hauled the curtains open letting the early morning sun flood the room. Ultear looked down at me bemused, "I would ask what she went home in, but I'm not sure I want to know. Now, get up. Breakfast is ready and there's no being late on your last day."

She left humming and I retrieved what she'd tossed at me, confused at her throw away comment. Small, silky and pink. Definitely not mine. _Hers. _From that day. Of course I hadn't been able to find them if they'd fallen into my laundry basket. I hadn't even thought to look there. I crumpled the delicate panties into a ball. Now I had a whole host of other thoughts about Erza running through my head. She'd been here. Naked on my bed. Loving, trusting, wanting me until I'd ruined everything and left her broken, emotionless, unable to even cry.

So many conflicting memories of just one day. Never again. I wouldn't cause pain like that to her again, not if I could help it. We'd get through this and the next time I had Erza in my bed there would be nothing but love between us.

I got out of bed before that pure thought could be twisted into something more base than an earnest desire to show Erza how much she was loved. Still, it would be pointless to deny that my dreams were still rampant with visions of the erotic things I wanted to do to her. Things that had nothing to do with love and everything to do with lust. I forced the memory of those down. I had to get Erza to fall back in love with me first.

* * *

><p>I was in love with Jellal. Still. No point denying that. I'd tried very hard all week not to love him but the feeling wouldn't be repressed, wouldn't stay dead. It had faded away to almost nothing but now it hummed through my veins. An incessant drumming, alive and real, brought back from the brink of death by his own sweet, endearing words and actions. Maybe Cana was right and I was addicted to him. Maybe he'd always twist my heart around his little finger because there was no cure for what I felt for him.<p>

Maybe I didn't want one.

I ran the soft bristles of the make-up brush over my neck one last time. The bruises had faded away to a greenish hue but seeing as I'd probably be in a ton of photos today I took extra care to make sure it was covered. The dorm had been a buzz of activity this morning. People running up and down the stairs, laughter and loud, excited chatter echoing along the halls. I'd stayed in my room, content to start the day with only my own thoughts for company. I looked myself over in the mirror one last time. Smoothed down my skirt and tried not to feel sad that this was the last time I'd wear this uniform. Stepping into the hallway I was going to head down the stairs when I heard the indistinct rumble of a deep male voice from down the hall. I didn't need the butterflies in my stomach to tell me who it was.

Outside Wendy's door I paused, suddenly shy. He said something again and Wendy giggled in response. But what was I to do? What was I to say when I saw him? This wasn't a game anymore. We'd have to talk and work through our issues. Slowly, very slowly, one moment of trust at a time our relationship would be rebuilt yet we'd get nowhere if I kept standing here, avoiding him. I took a deep breath and nudged the door open.

* * *

><p>"<em>Arigato, onii-san<em>!" Wendy said for the millionth time. I was sitting on her bedroom floor, leaning against her bed, pleased at the reaction my present was getting. She fell into my lap and twined one arm around my neck, "I'll love her forever!"

"Her?" a puzzled voice asked from the doorway.

"Erza! Jellal onii-san brought me a kitten! Look!" Wendy was out of my lap like a bullet, thrusting the tiny ball of white fur at Erza.

"Wow. That's great Wendy," Erza looked like she wanted to say more but the exuberance of Wendy would not be contained.

"I named her Carla and I'm so happy and... and... and... I'm going to show Bisca!" she finally managed to say amidst excited breathes and took off down the hall. Leaving the two of us alone.

For a long moment we watched each other. A raw feeling of longing came over me and I had to swallow back some words I knew Erza would not welcome. Then no other words would come. Thankfully she didn't seem to notice my temporary inability to speak. Erza walked over to me and kneeled on the floor next to me, smoothing her skirt down and brushing her hair back behind one ear in cute habitual movements I recognised, "A kitten?"

"It's a long story," I heard myself say and was glad I'd managed anything at all. Erza looked extra pretty today, her uniform neatly pressed, most of her hair pulled up into one of those ponytails she liked so much and, now that she was so near, the sweet smell of her drifted over to me as well. There was a tightness in my chest just looking at her. "Did you sleep well?" It was not what I really wanted to say.

* * *

><p>"Yes." I tried out a cautious smile, "How about you?"<p>

"Yeah, good. Sad about today?"

"A little." This had to be the most awkward and stilted conversation Jellal and I had ever had. I had more to say to him than ever before yet the words deserted me. We made casual comments about the weather and the other usual small talk topics that would have been commonplace with strangers but was foreign to us. It could only last so long. Silence fell. I picked idly at a loose thread in the carpet willing myself to think of something, _anything_ to say into the emptiness between us.

"I, uh," Jellal paused to clear his throat, "I brought you a present. A few things actually. For graduation. Kind of." He blushed faintly, opened his school bag and handed me two packages. The larger one was flat and soft, bending easily in my hands. I had no idea what it might be. The other, smaller gift had the structure of a box. Without removing the silvery wrapping paper I could guess that it was probably jewellery.

"Thank you. I brought a graduation gift for you too. Hold on. I'll get it," I went to stand up but Jellal caught my wrist and I settled back on to the floor without a word.

* * *

><p>There was something weird going on between us. Some change that I couldn't pin down. A newfound awkwardness that wasn't because of any fight we'd had or mistake I'd made. Under my fingers, Erza's pulse was strong and fast. Thump, thump, thump. Too many heartbeats for me to count. Was it too much to hope that her heart was racing for me? I turned her hand over and brought it to my lips. Placed a gentle kiss in the palm of her hand. She didn't pull away. I raised my eyes to hers, heard the breath catch in her throat. For me. It had to be for me.<p>

I kissed her palm again, next her wrist, then higher, higher, higher, one inch at a time until I reached the soft skin on the inside of her elbow. Only then did I remember that there was so much for me to say before this went any further. I pulled reluctantly away, her wrist still captive in my hand, the pad of my thumb stroking across the pulse that still raced under my touch.

* * *

><p>"I have something else for you." His touch was lighting flames on my skin, creating a warmth that spread up my arm and diffused through every fibre of my body. Jellal's wrapped presents lay abandoned in my lap, all but forgotten, as I hoped beyond hope that this 'something else' was more kisses.<p>

He reached up with his other hand and pulled a bundle of white roses off Wendy's bed. Of course. How could I have forgotten about those? It felt different though. This was the first bouquet he'd ever handed directly to me. I took them from him, carefully rotating my wrist, first one way, then another, searching for the poem or message I knew must be there somewhere. It would have been quicker to use both hands but I didn't want to pull away from him. "Yesterday... You didn't tell me everything the card said."

He looked away from me, "Some words are harder to say aloud than others."

Unbidden, the words of my confession letter came to me and I knew his words to be the undeniable truth. I looked closer but there wasn't anything on these roses. "Is there meant to be a message?" I asked.

"Look closer."

The roses were tied the same as all the others, with a simple ribbon to hold all the stems together. There was definitely no card. I rotated them around slower, a little clumsy, trying to find what it was he wanted me to see. I was about to admit defeat when I saw it. Nestled in the centre of the bow was a single white button.

* * *

><p>Erza laid the flowers gently down and ran a finger around and around the button, almost without thought. She didn't say anything and I was too nervous to look at her face. "Ultear finished sewing on the other one. This was the only one left in the jar. I know you said you didn't want them but it would mean a lot to me if you'd keep this one." That was grossly understated.<p>

It would mean everything. This was the moment of truth. I would find out right here, right now, if anything I'd said or done this week had any effect whatsoever on Erza and her opinion of what our relationship should be. It was graduation day and I was trying, again, to give my second top button to her. If she refused now... I don't even know what I would do. Giving up wasn't an option but rejection today would be a tough blow for me to recover from. I needed her to be okay with this.

Erza stopped playing with the button and pulled her other hand out of mine. My heart dropped. I couldn't even look at her. This was my worst nightmare.

* * *

><p>I needed both hands to undo the ribbon around the roses. They fell across my knees in a ragged line. The pure natural beauty of them contrasted with the glittery wrapping paper but I wasn't interested in any of his gifts. I tugged the ribbon free and flipped it over. As I thought. The stitching holding the button in place was an untidy mess of thread. Obviously Jellal's own handiwork. He was so terrible at anything domestic. I tore the button free and Jellal made this tiny little noise, his body flinching away from me like I'd hit him.<p>

"What is it?"

* * *

><p>"Nothing," I said, a little too fast. It hurt so bad but it wasn't completely unexpected. I'd thought we were getting somewhere. The talking, the kisses, the moments when I could tell she was teetering on the edge, torn between taking the leap and trusting me again or rejecting the pitfalls of love for the relative safety of us being 'just friends'. I'd thought that maybe she still cared about me a little bit. Apparently not.<p>

I still couldn't look directly at her but I watched her hands as she dumped my presents off her lap and tossed my roses back on the bed. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried a deep breath. The vice around my heart only tightened. I shouldn't have come here.

* * *

><p>I hesitated for a moment. Thinking that surely, this was too much of a coincidence. Even so, there was no harm in checking. I leaned over Jellal and ran my hands over his chest. The heat on my skin pooled into my belly at the feel of his muscles, taunt and firm through the light fabric of his shirt. That familiar ache for him sprang to life. I ignored it and flipped his tie over his shoulder and out of the way.<p>

"Huh. That's unbelievable."

Jellal let out a long breath, "I'm sorry, Erza. I knew you probably wouldn't want it, I just thought, maybe-"

"I want it. I'm surprised that's all."

He opened his eyes, a tiny bit, to squint at me, "You want my second top button?"

"Yes. I think it might be fate."

He was staring at me now, "Fate?"

"Well yeah," I held up the button and rolled it between my index finger and thumb. "I sat in your room for _hours_. I sewed buttons back on casual shirts, dressy shirts, jackets, all sorts of clothes. There were only two left and I was halfway though sewing on one. And you show up here today and tell me that of all the buttons that could have been left in that jar the last one just happens to belong on one of your school shirts?" I slipped my fingers through the gap in his shirt, felt a fast heartbeat that rivalled my own, "That's way too much of a coincidence, don't you think?"

* * *

><p>I hugged her hard, clung to her as though she was a lifeline and in some ways she was. Erza was laughing softly, probably thinking I was acting crazy for grabbing her so suddenly but I didn't care. "You'll keep it?"<p>

"Yes, I'll keep it."

Relief, pure and simple, washed over me. Some part of my brain was busy trying to comprehend what, if anything, this might mean. I wanted to ask yet at the same time I was still nervous of what her answer might be. So I let it be and nuzzled the side of her neck instead.

"Stop it," she said, twisting away from me, "You'll rub off all my make-up. We should get going anyway or we'll be late."

We stood up and Erza collected my gifts. Her deft fingers swiftly retying the ribbon around the roses in a matter of seconds. "Thank you. This means a lot to me Erza," I said.

She smiled at me. A genuine smile that had my heart pounding and my arms aching to hold her once more. "Thank you for the presents Jellal. All of them but I really must insist that you don't buy me any more roses. I've got nowhere left to put them. And I... I know what you're trying to say with them and I understand, so no more okay?"

I could tell she was serious so I nodded my assent, "Okay." I walked her to her room and watched her try and fit one more vase on her desk. The task was indeed a lost cause.

* * *

><p>"We don't have time for this," I said after wasting a good five minutes trying to shuffle things around. "I'll have to leave them in the dining room with the fish".<p>

"You know, I wondered about those," Jellal said and I detected the slightest hitch in his voice to suggest that inside he was laughing at me.

"This is entirely your fault," I pointed out but he only shrugged and sent a shy smile my way. He looked like a cute little boy and I was wound around his finger all the more because of it.

Downstairs, the foyer was crowded with girls and book bags as everyone changed shoes, trying to get out the door all at the same time. I felt someone staring at us. Cana. She whirled away and left the dorm without waiting for anyone. I was going to have to talk to her. Smooth things over somehow. She'd been a good friend to me, patiently listening to all my problems and helping me out when I needed it most. I didn't want her to be angry with me or Jellal. I wanted her to be, if not happy, then at least accepting of the fact that we were more or less back together.

Outside, it was a beautiful day and I lingered on the porch feeling the light breeze ruffle my hair. "I can't believe this is the last time we'll ever walk to school together," I said.

"It's a little weird," Jellal said from the bottom of the steps, "Maybe this time we could do it properly though."

"Properly? Is there something wrong with the way I walk?"

"Yes. It's terrible. I should have fixed it months, if not years ago."

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Oh really? What do you suggest to cure me Doctor Fernandez?"

* * *

><p>We'd been teasing each other, our expressions serious but the tones of our voices light and playful. It felt good to be this way with Erza. Better than good. It couldn't be all fun and games though. "This," I said with my normal voice, holding out my hand to her. "Every day we should have walked to school like this."<p>

The smile slid right off Erza's face as she looked at my hand. I was holding my breath. She had accepted my button and now I was going for broke. Not for myself, but for her. Because I wanted to give her everything she'd ever wanted. Everything she'd wished for in her confession letter and so much more. Some things, like taking her prom, I could never do, other things we had plenty of time to do when she was ready, but this really was the last time I could ever hold her hand on the walk to school.

* * *

><p>I hardly had to think about it. My feet felt heavy and slow as I walked down the steps. It seemed to take forever to reach him. Maybe the world had stopped spinning so I had time to memorise every detail of this moment. Jellal, so ridiculously handsome, seemingly confident but with that tiny glimmer of uncertainty in his eyes revealing that some part of him still thought I might refuse his hand.<p>

I wouldn't. I couldn't.

My palm skimmed over his, our fingers intertwining and time finally caught up with me. Jellal was holding my hand. And walking me to school. And what should have felt like the last time, instead felt like the start of something new.

* * *

><p>The graduation ceremony was over with astonishing quickness. In no time at all the diplomas were handed out, Erza gave a beautiful speech that had all the girls and Makarov-sensei in tears, the school song was sung for the last time and just like that I wasn't a high school student anymore. Then there were more yearbooks to sign and an endless amount of posing for photos and Ultear beaming at me with a sense of pride that felt weird and nice all at the same time. I climbed the stairs to the third floor to escape the endless flood of 'congratulations' and, to be honest, I wanted to see my homeroom one last time. Plus I still had to empty that damn locker.<p>

I tossed all the rubbish in the bin and shoved the library book in my bag. Across the hall, no one was in our homeroom. I wandered between the desks. Gray's, Natsu's, Levy's, Cana's, Erza's and mine, all the girls and guys I'd grown up. I sat down at my desk and realised it wasn't really mine. A few short months of summer were all that was between me and the next person to sit here. I wondered if it'd be a guy and if they'd sit here and daydream about the pretty girl who sat at the desk next door. The girl whose long legs were so damn distracting when she crossed them during lessons. Maybe he'd think she was so close yet so far. Or maybe he'd go for it and have a final year completely different from mine.

I was startled out of my thoughts by Scorpio-sensei entering the room. "You're not scrawling your name and Erza's in a love heart on that desk right?"

I couldn't help smiling, "No sensei. I'm just thinking."

"That could be dangerous. Anything I could help you with?"

"Got a time machine?"

"Unfortunately not, but I do have something that belongs to you," he said, rummaging through his desk. He found whatever it was and sat down on the desk in front of me before handing it to me. I ran my hand over the worn cover of _Romeo & Juliet. _

"Oh right. Sorry about whacking you with it on prom night."

"Yes, well, being pummelled with literary classics is not in my job description but if working with teenagers has taught me anything it's to expect the unexpected."

We sat in companionable silence for a minute and I knew he was waiting for me to explain what the hell had happened. I also knew he wouldn't press me for any answers either. All the students tended to moan about his boring responsibility lectures but Scorpio-sensei was actually alright.

"Sensei, do you think two people can be fated?"

"For each other you mean?"

"Or not for each other," I tapped the book on the desk.

"Ah _Romeo & Juliet. _A wonderful tale of bitter family rivalry, passionate young love and the ultimate consequence for miscommunication. There are so many times in that book where things could have turned out so different."

I frowned at that, "They were star-crossed lovers. No matter what it was always going to end that way for them. Fate." There were times I was so sure that Erza and I were meant to be and times I was so sure everything would crash and burn. Sometimes it seemed we'd be trapped in this loop where both opposing things were true.

"It's a fantastic book but that's all it is Jellal. A story. Not yours or Erza's. Someone else's." Sensei gave me a meaningful look, "The last time I checked the masses had spoken and your story had a line about getting married and living happily ever after in it."

I laughed, "Are the yearbook superlatives meant to be a magic eight ball for what the future holds?"

"No. One day you'll look back at those and laugh because they're either spot on or couldn't have been more wrong. Right now you're still growing and changing as person. In fact you'll probably find that college is a great time to really understand who you are without the moulds that high school tries to force you into. The point is, regardless of what anyone thinks, you can write your story with any ending you want. Speaking from experience a couple is only star-crossed if they make it so and the only way to do that is to give up on each other. You and Erza are still young. Don't stress about a fight or two. My wife and I met in college and we still fight all the time."

"You're married?" I was surprised. That was something I hadn't known.

"Have a great summer, Jellal and don't spend so much time thinking about life that you forget to live it," was all he replied before he left.

Scorpio-sensei hadn't really answered my question about fate yet I felt oddly better having talked to him. I took one last look around the classroom then stepped out into the hall. Since I was already on the third floor, I thought I might as well stop by the student council room for a final goodbye.

* * *

><p>I hadn't really needed any help emptying my desk in the student council room but it was a good excuse to get Cana alone to talk to me. Except we weren't really talking anymore. Somewhere along the line it'd turned into a heated argument. I know people thought Cana was completely carefree. No one stopped her from boozing it up every weekend, mostly with boys, because none of us girls could keep up with her, and her father was never around to tell her when enough was enough. Yet, behind the drunk party girl facade she was one of the most responsible, loyal, trustworthy people I had the privilege of being friends with. And right now she was extremely pissed off at me.<p>

"Oh god. I cannot even believe we are having this argument! I need a fucking drink," she said and promptly pulled a bottle out of thin air.

"I get why you're mad but you have to understand where I'm coming from too."

"Yeah, yeah. You're _in love." _She said it like it was some kind of incurable disease. I stayed silent and watched her take another long swig out of the bottle before she heaved a heavy sigh. "I can't tell you what to do Erza. You won't bloody well listen to me anyway. That doesn't mean I'll stop worrying about you though. Have you at least talked to him about what happened?"

"Yes. We spent a lot of time together yesterday. I don't think he lied to me."

She rolled her eyes, "He most definitely _did _lie to you but that fact has been conveniently forgotten. Amongst many other things. Many, _many, _other things. If I had a list for all the ways that stupid boy has wronged you, it'd be a mile long."

"He screwed up. Nobody's denying or forgetting that. I just think we can move on from this. You brought him back to me on prom night-"

"Biggest mistake of my life!"

We were obviously not going to see eye to eye about this. It seemed Jellal had used up his forgiveness quota on prom night and having fucked up his second chance, his name was now indelibly written in Cana's black book. "You'll see. Things will be better this time."

She murmured something about pigs and flying that I chose to ignore. It was time to change the subject. "Do you need me to come over and help set up for the party tonight?" It wasn't an official party. More like a few of us had decided to meet up at Cana's house later to celebrate graduating.

"No, thanks. It's only a few balloons and drinks." She gave me a weird look and added, "For the record, Mira might have been cool with you having sex in her bed but if you and Jellal want to kiss and make-up please don't do it in my house."

My mouth dropped open, "We would _not_ do that!"

"I'm just saying. You read too many romance novels and pay far too much attention to Lucy's antics. Your so called 'relationship' with that stupid boy is fucked up enough as it is. At least try and hold onto your virginity for a few more days."

Oh great. Yet _another _argument for us to have. Cana had been so insist when I'd first asked her what she thought about that. Too insist. I was sure she was telling me I was still a virgin just to make me feel better. Which was totally unnecessary. It wasn't a big deal. "I won't sleep with Jellal and I'm not a virgin."

* * *

><p>Cana and Erza looked surprised when I opened the door, "Sorry. I didn't know anybody was in here."<p>

Cana's eyes narrowed immediately, "It's rude to eavesdrop. How long have you been there?"

Despite me raising a white flag and all but lying down to take her verbal beatings, the war between Cana and I raged on with no obvious ceasefire in sight. "I walked up and opened the door. I haven't been standing here. I have no idea what you've been talking about."

"Whatever." She said with as much derision as she could muster, which happened to be quite a lot. Cana turned her attention back to Erza, "This conversation is far from over but I'm leaving."

I stepped out of her way but Cana still managed to jab me with her elbow as she sailed out the room. I figured she would probably forgive me on the first Friday after _never._ I wouldn't be holding my breath. "Ultear wants you to come over for lunch. Is that okay?"

"Sure," Erza said with a smile.

We walked down the stairs side by side. Our hands brushed then found each other like it was the most the natural thing in the world. Erza was talking and I tried very hard to focus on her words. Tried very hard to pretend that I really hadn't heard that last sentence of hers while I was opening the door. Tried to pretend it didn't matter. I must have managed quite well because she didn't noticed anything off about me.

Inside my head those four words and all they inferred rattled around. Erza was with me but the loop of bad following good still clung to us. It must be fate, and not the good kind. I wish I hadn't overheard that she wasn't a virgin any more. It was a shit way to find out. Prom night might have been a misunderstanding but I couldn't deny it when the words came out of her own mouth. I suppose she'd tell me when she wanted to. Or not. But perhaps it was best if I didn't know the details. Various emotions churned together in my stomach, not least of all my possessive jealously that had me all but convinced that the only one allowed to touch Erza was me. Except it wouldn't only be me. Some bastard had- I curbed the thought. I would only get angry and then I'd want her to tell me who it was and then I'd want to find him and kill him. _God, please don't let it be someone I know. _I told myself it didn't really matter and refused to think about it anymore. It'd only be a big deal if I made it one and I was done fighting with Erza. Following Scorpio-sensei's advice I decided this particular chapter in our story was better off being left as it was. Time for a new start on a blank page.

We went home for lunch. We laughed, we talked and endured Meredy's incessant teasing. Gray and Juvia showed up followed shortly by Lyon who had his own story to tell about the graduation ceremony at his school. Ultear seemed to get a kick out of all of us being in the house at the same time and it was a bit novel. Our patchwork quilt 'family' where none of us were actually related yet our lives seemed to constantly overlap and intertwine. It was funny to watch Gray argue with Lyon over a girl that he supposedly wasn't interested in. Even funnier was the way it went completely over Juvia's head. The girl had the most interesting ideas about the exact nature of the relationship between Gray and Lyon. There were plenty of distractions to fill the afternoon. Plenty of ways to re-direct my thoughts. Yet, the same bitter ones kept coming back to me.

Star-crossed or not, this fate thing was a bitch.

* * *

><p>"Who invited that bitch?" Cana asked incredulously, "As a matter of fact, I don't even know half these people!"<p>

A few balloons and drinks had been the plan but as we squeezed around the group of people taking jello shots at the kitchen table it was to safe to stay things had definitely gotten out of hand. Everyone who was anyone was here and our small party had somehow become _the _place to be tonight. More people were arriving by the minute. "Do you want me to get rid of them?" If Cana wanted these people out of her house we both knew no one could get it done faster than I could. I had that effect on people.

"And have everyone saying I ruined the party of the year?" Cana seemed to consider that thought, shrugged her shoulders and said, "Fuck it. I'm getting drunk."

I laughed because that was so like her. Since arriving tonight I hadn't argued with Cana at all. She didn't mention Jellal and I didn't either, except when people commented on my new earrings. I tilted my head and listened to the jingle the tiny dangling silver stars made when I moved. I suspected the faint sound would probably be annoying after awhile and I'd go back to wearing my usual earrings but that didn't diminish their beauty. It was funny in away. We'd left Jellal's house and gone back to the dorm so I could change clothes before the party. Having finally gotten around to swapping gifts it was immediately obvious I'd brought Jellal a book on the stars and he'd brought me stars to wear. However, the similarities ended there. It'd been easy for me to put these on but I had to drag Jellal to the party tonight because he wanted to read the whole book from the moment he unwrapped it. Which made me think of the other gift he'd brought me. The flat, soft package. Jellal hadn't let me open it. Seemed to regret even giving it to me. So it lay untouched in the bottom of one of my drawers where he'd tucked it. That had only fuelled my suspicion that is was clothing of some kind. So while he laid on my bed and flicked through the pages of the book, I casually suggested wearing it, whatever it was, tonight. His immediate no answer confirmed my suspicion but also made me more curious. Was it lingerie or something? I didn't think he'd buy me that but the thought made me blush.

Now that he was on my mind I realised I hadn't seen him in awhile. Cana had squeezed in with the crowd around the table and was already on jello shot number three. She wouldn't miss me. With so many people here it might take some time but I wanted to find Jellal.

* * *

><p>The music was too loud. Fortunately I'd been to Cana's house a few times, back in the days when she didn't look at me as her greatest adversary, and knew enough of the layout to find a quiet spot. I was miserable and in no mood to party with anyone or answer any stupid questions about why I was feeling this way. Which was why I was sat at the bottom of the garden where the bright lights of the house couldn't reach me and the music was distant enough that I could finally hear myself think. But as sensei had said, thinking too much was a dangerous thing.<p>

This...issue... with Erza had to be my fault. I'd given her a million and one reasons to want to get over me. Still, I couldn't quite get my head around the idea that while I'd been buying roses, trawling through all my parents books for appropriate poems and going crazy missing her, Erza had been in bed with somebody else. I'd seen her every day this week, assumed that when I wasn't there she was with Cana or the other girls. It was incredibly self-centred but I had to admit I'd thought she was spending her time crying over me. At least a little.

I was well aware of the double standard I was applying to Erza. I'd slept with a handful of girls since Sayla but for some reason I couldn't shake the belief that Erza should have waited for me. It was stupid and unfair. Incredibly sexist. A completely unreasonable thought in this modern day and age. Knowing I was being ridiculous was one thing, being able to _stop _thinking that way was a whole other story. I heaved a sigh. Erza and I were 'even' so to speak. If I hadn't been such a fucking idiot this wouldn't have happened anyway. My fault. Time to accept it and move on. Why couldn't I just be happy that she was with me now? I heaved yet another heavy sigh. At least I'd managed not to go mental like on prom night. Perhaps I was getting a hang of this self-control thing.

* * *

><p>I was running out of patience. I couldn't find Jellal anywhere and everyone I asked hadn't seen him. The glass sliding doors that led out on to the patio were wide open. The cool night air tempted me outside. It was a welcome relief from the warmth of too many teenagers crammed into the house. I leaned on the balcony and decided to try a different tactic.<p>

_Where are you?_

The text reply from Jellal was almost instant, _Outside. _I couldn't help feeling frustrated. Why hadn't I text him from the start? That was pure stupidity on my part. I looked around the patio. No Jellal. My phone vibrated in my hands. _I can see you. Come down the stairs into the garden. _I couldn't resist a small smile. I walked down the five steps, then kicked my heels off and walked barefoot over the grass. In the middle of the lawn I hesitated. There was no moon tonight and the lights from the house only reached so far. From the darkness, at the back of the garden, came the dull glow of a phone. I walked towards it and found Jellal sitting under the rose arbour.

* * *

><p>Erza sat down on the stone bench next to me and dropped her heels, "I've been looking everywhere for you."<p>

"Sorry, I didn't know."

"What are you doing out here?"

"It's too loud."

She laughed and the earrings I'd brought chimed, "You sound like a grumpy old man. This is a party."

I couldn't think of a good reply to that. Erza took my hand, "Something is wrong." It wasn't a question.

"I'm with you. How could anything be wrong?"

"Nice try but I know you. What is it?"

There was no way to explain it. "I'm just being stupid."

"You've become quite good at being stupid lately and that usually means bad news for us."

_Us. _Erza and I. Together. As a couple. "Are we okay?"

* * *

><p>The abrupt question surprised me but I quickly got over that. I'd known that we would have this conversation sometime today. We had to. "We will be. I think," I told him softly and squeezed his hand.<p>

His grip tightened in response, "That's good Erza." He took a deep breath and I stayed silent because he'd obviously been sat out here thinking about what he wanted to say. "I think we should draw a line under everything that happened before today. I don't want you to be mad or upset about anything I've done and... I won't be mad or upset about anything you've done. Anything. " There was a little pause like he expected me to say something.

"Alright. I think it's a good idea for us to move forward and accept that those things are in the past." It was a lot to forgive but I thought we could do it.

"That's exactly what I've been thinking. Just so there's no more confusion I want to tell you one more time that nothing happened between Sayla and I."

"I believe you, Jellal, because I still trust you." He wouldn't lie to me. I know Cana thought he'd say just about anything to get back on my good side but in this instance Juvia was right. Years of being best friends with Jellal and building up all that honesty and trust shouldn't be obliterated because he messed up once. He'd been caught in a lie and come clean about it. I could accept that.

* * *

><p>"Is there...anything... you want to tell me about?"<p>

"I don't want you to lie to me again. Even if you think it will protect me. I want us to be honest to each other. Always. Don't give me any reason to regret trusting you Jellal."

"I won't. I don't want to lose you Erza. You mean everything to me." I'd been half hoping, half dreading a confession from her. I don't know how I felt about her decision not to tell me. I had been deliberately vague with the question. Maybe I should flat out ask her. But I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted to know. Hearing her talk about it would make it real. Right now it was just a sick feeling in my stomach and a half formed image of her with some shadow man that I couldn't put a name or a face to. I could imagine it'd been shit. That she'd hated every moment of it and had spent the entire time, all three or four minutes of it, wishing it was me. I could be uncharitable and think the worse of this guy. If she told me otherwise... If she said he kissed her tenderly and treated her body like the beautiful work of art it was... I wouldn't be able to take it.

* * *

><p>Jellal released my hand and grabbed my shoulders with both hands. The sudden movement startled me, "Jellal?"<p>

Even in the darkness I could feel the intensity of his gaze, "You can lie to me."

"What?" He was joking right?

"I will always be one hundred percent honest with you Erza but I'm begging you. If something happened this week that you don't want to tell me about then just lie to me because quite frankly, I'd rather not know."

What the devil was he talking about? "Jellal, I-"

"Please Erza. We're drawing a line. It doesn't matter. We don't have to talk about it. Ever."

Up at the house the music abruptly cut off. It'd been overwhelmed before but now the sounds of the night took over. Crickets chirping, a soft breeze ruffling through the climbing roses that meandered their way up the arbour, the fountain burbling in the background and the out of place sound of Jellal breathing, harsh and fast like he was freaking out about something.

There was nothing for him to be this worried about. "Jellal, I think-"

He pulled me to him, crushing his lips against mine and silencing my protest that really we should still be able to talk about what had happened. His arms slide around my back, hands coasting along my spine, urging me closer and closer to him. My fingers found their way into his hair. How could I have ever thought he'd kiss someone else like this?

* * *

><p>I'd only wanted to stop her from telling me details my heart wasn't ready to hear. Of course, there were other ways to get a girl to keep quiet but none were as sweet as this. My teeth grazed Erza's lower lip and she welcomed me in, as eager for me as I was for her. The chemistry between us was so crazy. I really don't know where it could have been hiding all these years that we'd been friends.<p>

From the house came the awful twang of feedback as someone plugged in an amp. There were a few discordant guitar chords, a moment of quiet and then a song I vaguely recognized started playing. Erza pulled away from me, "This is that song. From prom night. The lyrics made me think of you."

I remembered now. I'd watched Erza dance with Simon to this song and thought that the lyrics were mocking me. They sounded different tonight. "Dance with me."

* * *

><p><em>You make my world go round,<em>

_Flip it upside down,_

_There's no middle ground,_

_But I can't live without,_

_You can draw the line wherever you want..._

* * *

><p>Jellal stood up and pulled me with him. In the middle of the garden, he held me close and moved us in a slow circle. We were slow dancing to a muted rock song that was going much too fast but neither of us really cared. Under a moonless sky, with the soft grass tickling the bottom of my bare feet, I was in the arms of the man I loved and there was no place I'd rather be.<p>

* * *

><p><em>You keep on drawing the line,<em>

_Just a little bigger every time,_

_And I must be losing my mind,_

'_Cause I know I want you in my life..._

* * *

><p>I made a decision then. No matter who she'd been with or who I'd been with, this feeling, what we had right now between us, had to be special. From this moment onwards I'd imprint myself so deeply on Erza that she'd forget there had ever been anyone before me and, in time, I'd forget too. I kissed Erza once more and held her tighter. "I love you Erza. If you forget everything else, always remember that."<p>

"I love you too Jellal," the words were hardly a whisper in the dark but I heard it loud and clear. A message from her heart straight to mine.

My hand stroked along her back, "Let's try and keep it that way."


	23. The Space Between You & I

_A/N: Warning! Younger readers should read this chapter with caution..._

_Chapter Twenty Three - The Space Between You & I_

"Congratulations Erza!"

"Thank you," I said and forced myself to smile.

"Can I have your autograph? I just love you!"

"Sure." I reached for the pen and paper the overexcited girl offered to me and tried to ignore the way my arm muscles screamed in protest from even that simple movement. "There. Train hard and you'll be as good as me in no time."

"I don't think I'll ever be as good as you. I didn't even make regionals this year, never mind nationals. Can I hold the trophy?"

"Sorry but we're in a hurry. Maybe another time," Jellal cut in smoothly, completely ignoring the girl's disappointed face. He corralled me into the elevator and pressed the button to shut the doors. Finally, we were alone and I could drop the act that I was okay. I wrapped my arms around his waist, buried my face into his chest and bit back a moan as the elevator swept upwards.

Jellal hugged me awkwardly with one arm, his other hand holding the trophy I'd won as national champion. "Are you alright?" He murmured into my hair. I shook my head and he held me more firmly to his chest. I let my weight rest on him, more than happy for his strength to be the only thing keeping me on my feet. "You should have let me carry you," his low tone was soothing but his words ignited that part of me that didn't believe in taking the easy path.

"And let that bitch have the pleasure of knowing she hurt me? No, thanks."

"Oh baby... I don't understand how they let her come back and compete every year. She fights dirty."

"She shouldn't bother. I beat her every time anyway."

Jellal laughed. A low rumble I felt right down to my toes. Three weeks we'd been dating and the tiniest things about him were still fascinating to me. This new level of closeness we shared as a couple had made me hyper-aware of his body. Like right now, we were standing so close to each other, his legs framing mine, the steady pressure of his arm at my back nestling me into his chest. I could almost fall asleep. The elevator came to a sudden stop forcing me to put weight on my ankle. I gasped, forced abruptly into wakefulness. The pain was so intense my vision blurred. Jellal wasn't laughing anymore. He pushed the trophy into my hands and swept me up into his arms. I put up a half-hearted struggle, more for my own pride than from any real desire for him to release me, "I can walk."

"We're in our hotel. On our floor. The only people who could possibly see us now will be from our dojo and none of them will think anything of me carrying you. We all saw what Minerva did and we all know it must hurt. It's killing me to watch you like this Erza. Let me take care of you."

I could have protested, normally would have, but after a long day of successive elimination matches and a brutal final against Minerva, I didn't have the energy left to fight anyone, lest of all my boyfriend. I clung to the golden trophy and let Jellal carry me down the hall to my room.

* * *

><p>"Meredy, it's Jellal. Open the door." There was the soft whisper of feet on the carpet and then the door swung open. Meredy stepped back and held the door so I could carry Erza through.<p>

"I'll get ice," she said, reading my mind before I could ask her anything.

"Thanks. Be careful," I called after her. She'd been knocked out of the tournament earlier today with a badly sprained wrist. I didn't want her struggling back with an ice bucket that was too heavy. I set Erza down on her bed and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "I think you should ice your ankle and then go straight to sleep."

She made a face at me, "Shouldn't we be celebrating? It's still early."

"That doesn't change the fact that your dead tired," I could see it in her face. The exhaustion and the thinly veiled pain. It'd been bad enough having to watch her fight a vicious girl like Minerva but it was what happened afterwards that really pissed me off. It was obvious she was hurting but they'd still went through with the stupid award ceremony and then half a dozen journalists had swamped her all wanting an interview with the girl who'd won nationals four years in a row. Idiots, all of them. And yet Erza had put on a brave face through all of it. "I know you're superwoman but you've got to rest sometime. We can celebrate tomorrow."

Erza managed a weary smile for me and settled back onto the pillows, "Maybe I'll take a tiny nap."

She was fast asleep in moments. The back of my hand grazed her flushed cheek, the twin spots of colour only serving to draw attention to just how pale she was. I couldn't help sighing. Everyone thought she was unbreakable. I knew better. Erza would never admit it but today had taken a lot out of her. I set about easing her out of her uniform. I untied her belt, freed one arm, then another. She barely stirred, even when I slid the top out from under her body. She woke up a little when I raised her head to undo her hair tie but a quick kiss and some whispered reassurance and she was out again. I sat on the bed next to her and let my fingers stroke through her hair. Under the summer sun it had acquired all these subtle highlights, creating a blend of scarlet and crimson shades that was uniquely hers. Hardly a moment a went by when I wasn't longing to touch it.

"Erza was amazing today," Meredy whispered to me when she returned.

"Yeah, she was." I lifted Erza's leg, eased a spare pillow under her ankle then rested some ice wrapped in a towel on top. Erza shifted in her sleep but didn't wake up again. "Look after her for me." I wished I could stay with her but I still had to compete tomorrow which meant an early night.

"Uh... about that..."

I gave Meredy a hard look and realised she was dressed up to go out. "Where are you going?"

"Out with some friends," Meredy held up her hands, "Don't freak out. They're all girls. You know what it's like. We're in Crocus, our competition is over, it's Saturday night, so we want to have fun. I only see some of these people once a year because we live so far apart. Anyway, I know I'm Erza's roommate this year but you're her boyfriend and my favourite brother so I thought you wouldn't mind a change in plans."

"Favourite brother? I'm your only brother."

Meredy stuck her tongue out at me, "And my favourite."

"Get to the point," I said, exasperated but charmed nonetheless.

"Well, I thought I'd give you my room key and you can come back and stay with Erza once you're finished training tonight and I'll crash with one of my friends. Please, Jellal. I know you really want to be with Erza and I promise I won't get into any trouble. We're literally going to dinner, then a movie, then gossiping in someone's hotel room all night. The worse thing we could do might be ordering overpriced room service at three in the morning when we get hungry."

I frowned and mulled it over. Nationals was the only time so many of us with similar interests from around the country got together like this. Once the winner had been decided, rivals became friends and the social scene burst into life. "No boys?"

Meredy made a cross over her heart with her finger, "Cross my heart and hope to die. No boys."

"Alright. Don't you dare get into any trouble."

"Yes father," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Now get going. Sensei will be mad if you're late. Don't worry about Erza. She'll probably be out for a while."

I looked down at Erza. She was breathing slow and deep, her trophy still tucked under one arm. I'd tried, unsuccessfully, to prise it from her but there was no real harm in her sleeping with it. In sleep her expression was finally clear of the pain that was so evident when she was awake. "Can you stay here for twenty minutes and then take the ice off?"

"Sure."

I kissed Erza's forehead, drew one last handful of silken hair through my fingers, pocketed Meredy's key card and left for my training session.

* * *

><p>When I woke up the room was lit only by the small table lamp and I was alone. I sat up slowly, all my muscles still aching. Someone, either Meredy or Jellal, had placed my trophy on the coffee table across the room. They'd also been kind enough to leave some food and a bottle of water for me. I ate, downed a couple of pain killers, then decided on a bath.<p>

That was rather more difficult than it should have been.

I had to hobble around the room, favouring my bad ankle, and when I finally made it to the bath it was hell trying to get in. I couldn't put any weight on that leg so a task as simple as removing my clothes was overly complicated. When I finally sunk into the deep water it was with a relieved sigh. It was somewhat doubtful if I'd be able to get out by myself but that didn't matter. Meredy should be coming back soon and I could soak until she returned.

* * *

><p>The lights were dimmed when I let myself back into Erza and Meredy's room. Sensei had gone easy on us. No one really wanted to get injured right before the biggest competition of the year and our sparring matches had been little more than going through the motions. It was more mental training, settling nerves before tomorrow, katas, that kind of thing. For most of us that is. Natsu was psyched, raring to go. I think he was actually looking forward to competing against Gajeel and me more than he was against anyone else. I shut the door to their room gently, thinking Erza was still asleep but when I turned around the bed was empty. I nearly swore. If Erza had wandered off somewhere on that ankle I'd be so annoyed with her. She was independent to the point of recklessness.<p>

"Meredy?" Erza's voice and the sound of water sloshing about from the other room.

Ah, not gone walkabout. Just in the bath. "Hey, it's me. Meredy's gone out." I walked across the room to where soft light spilled out from the ajar door. I hesitated on the threshold, tried not to think about Erza on the other side of this door. Naked. I'd lost count of how many weeks it'd been since I last thought of Erza innocently as my best friend. Too many. Officially, we had another week until our relationship hit the one month mark but Zeref if it didn't feel like forever since she'd become the focus of every fantasy that popped into my mind.

"Oh. Hey," the tone of her voice completely changed, sounding tired but bright, "This bath is really deep. I don't think I can get out without someone to help me. Would you mind...?"

_Did I mind? _Fuck no. Would I be able to pull her warm, wet body out of the bath then simply walk away? Hell no.

"Jellal?"

I took a deep breath. Patience. In the grand scheme of things, three weeks was nothing. I'd told Erza I would wait and I fully intended to keep my word. Even if she drove me insane in the process. "Sure. Call me when you want to get out." I flopped down on Meredy's bed, found the remote, flicked through the limited channels until I gave up and settled on a movie I'd already seen a dozen times. I tried to ignore the sound of Erza in the bath and the mental images my brain was all too willing to produce for my enjoyment. Or my torment.

* * *

><p>I lifted my hand and let the warm water trickle between my fingers and down my arm. I was caught in a bit of a dilemma now. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I contemplated how to best get out of this bath without revealing every inch of my body to Jellal. I wasn't usually self-conscious but with Jellal everything was different. Not least of all because I seemed to have such a strong effect on him. He was always watching me, his eyes saying without words things that made me blush. When we kissed his hands would skim over my body, moulding me to him, his desire for me unmistakable. The slow burn between us was constantly on the verge of bursting into flames yet he was always the one to pull away. He'd kiss me until I was unable to think of anything but him then leave me. It was infuriating and intoxicating all at once.<p>

I'd been the one to suggest we take things slow. It had seemed sensible at the time and was a piece of Cana's advice I'd ignored last time with disastrous results. Yet... I was beginning to regret that decision. I'd been wrong to assume that dating Jellal would be like being friends, only better. It was completely different. We'd grown closer to each other in more ways than I could have ever imagined. The last three weeks had been nothing short of magical. It seemed like every day I fell further and further in love with him. Lying on his bed while he kissed me and touched me and whispered sweet words to me was beautiful. Yet this one space between us remained. Every time Jellal pulled away from me I had to bite my lip to stop myself from demanding that he continue because I knew where things would end if we didn't stop. How much time was enough? How long until it'd been long enough? I knew he found it difficult but he never pushed for more and that endeared me all the more to him. So I had been thinking maybe next week, once we'd hit the one month mark. That seemed like a good amount of time to me.

Except sometimes it felt like we were balancing on a knife edge. As if one more kiss, one heated glance, one touch that lingered too long was all that was between us throwing restraint away and loving each other the way we both wanted to. I'd wake up sometimes, tucked under his arm, his warm, steady breaths tickling the short hairs at the back of my neck. I'd wiggle backwards, closer to the warmth of his body. Jellal would stir but not wake up, his hands gliding under my pyjama top to find my breasts and I'd lie very still, not wanting to break the spell. I'd just enjoy the way it felt. His hands stroking possessively over my skin, a kiss on my neck, my name murmured in his sleep, the hard length of him pressing against my ass. He'd wake up, roll away from me and always ask the same thing, "_Why didn't you wake me?" _I'd shrug and say I didn't mind even as my face turned beet red. He'd stumble from bed, still not fully awake, an apology on his lips. Sometimes I'd see him wince and I'd wonder did it hurt? Was it painful to be that turned on and not go all the way? He never complained about it but I think sometimes it was. I'd watch him head for the bathroom and the words would be on the tip of my tongue, "_Come back to bed. Make love to me." _I never quite managed to say it. I was notorious for being fearless yet I couldn't bring myself to ask my boyfriend to sleep with me.

"_Because you're still a virgin," _Cana had insisted to me and I had to yield to the fact that, like always, she was right. I'd definitely felt him but we hadn't gone far enough that day for it to really count as my first time. I was glad I'd only talked to Cana about that. No need for everyone to know I was beyond innocent when it came to sex. All the books in the world couldn't replace my lack of experience. I held my breath and sunk down into the bath until I was completely submerged. Jellal was going to see me naked. It didn't matter how fast I was with a towel, he'd still see all of me and without any further encouragement he would want me. I'd see that hungry look in his eyes and I'd want him too. And still nothing would happen between us. Unless...

I seduced him. Again. Made it more obvious that I didn't want him to stop. Should be easy enough since I already had all my clothes off. After all, what was the point of us waiting yet another week for some obligatory date when it was no secret that we'd wanted each other for months? Our relationship felt stable and even Cana had stopped referring to Jellal as _'that stupid boy'._ She still gave him evils all the time but some improvement was better than no improvement. Anyway, I was national champion, why should I be tucked up alone in bed when everyone else was out celebrating my success?

I came up for air and blinked the water out of my eyes. A low ache had appeared in my belly from all these thoughts. I ran my hands over my breasts and stomach, between my thighs. The temptation was there to ease that ache myself but I was craving Jellal and he was only a room away so I kept running my hands down to my ankle. It was swollen but if I didn't move it the pain wasn't too bad, the pain killers and hot bath having done their job. For a moment I felt the same flicker of nervousness I'd had standing topless before Jellal at Mira's party. Things would be different this time. I knew the game I had tried to play with Jellal was done but who said we couldn't have a rematch?

"Jellal?"

* * *

><p>"Jellal?" Erza called me softly and I went to her. Like in the bedroom, Erza hadn't bothered with the overhead light. Instead the bathroom was lit only by the soft, muted glow of the small light over the mirror. Good. The less I could see the better. I told myself the plan again. Help her out the bath. Wrap her in a towel. Get the hell out. Above all, avoid fucking her senseless on the bathroom floor. As is often the case with plans, things went awry almost immediately.<p>

The low light combined with the deepness of the tub meant the water was almost opaque. That only made Erza's fair skin stand out even more. Her hair was piled up on top of her head revealing a smooth expanse of skin I loved to kiss at the best of times. Unlike those times there was no shirt, no bra, no physical boundary to stop my gaze from drifting lower to her shoulders, the dip above her collarbone, the soft, round swell of her breasts, not fully submerged in the water.

I couldn't do this. Could not imagine myself touching her wet skin and not wanting to explore every inch of her body. I turned away from Erza and grabbed a towel off the rack. Commanded myself to breathe. There was nothing I could do about the tightening in my groin. "How's your ankle?"

"It's okay. I feel much better already." Typical Erza. Her recovery time was ridiculous.

"That's great," I unfolded the towel with more concentration than was strictly necessary. From behind me there was a loud splash. I glanced back and froze. My brain spent half a second on the thought that I'd been duped, Erza clearly _didn't _need my help to get out of the bath. The thought probably deserved more consideration but it wasn't going to get it. Water was streaming off her body, tiny rivulets racing between her breasts, over her waist and hips, down her thighs on their journey back into the tub. Forget breathing. Forget waiting. Forget space. Forget everything but this moment in time and the way she looked right now.

Erza stepped out of the bath. There was no sign of her ankle hurting at all. She pulled her hair down and it clung damply to her skin. Lack of oxygen was making me feel light headed. All the blood in my body rushing in one direction didn't help either. Erza stepped towards me, leaving tiny puddles on the tiles. She tugged the towel from my slack grasp and the spell broke. I slid my hands around her slim waist. Her skin was warm and slick under my touch. Beautiful. She was so fucking beautiful. Our bodies collided with a thump and we were kissing. My t-shirt was soaked through in seconds. I couldn't have cared less. "Erza." Everything I wanted to ask was contained in that one word.

She stepped back from me, just enough to peel my t-shirt off and then we were kissing again, skin pressed against skin. That was all the answer I needed. I lifted her easily and her legs locked around my hips. I barely suppressed a groan. I'd wanted this since forever. A matter of a few steps and we were falling onto the softness of the bed. I kissed her neck, ran my hands over her thighs, felt the fullness of her breasts. I leaned back to remove what remained of my clothes, took a minute to enjoy the view. Erza looked back at me, no embarrassment, only love and trust in her eyes. This was going to be amazing.

It was the pillows that gave it away.

I rolled onto my stomach and buried my face into the cream pillows on the hotel bed. The pillows Erza laid on in my dream had been blue and white, like on my bed at home. Frustration and need clawed at me. Lately my dreams had been so realistic I had a hard time separating them from reality. It was only when I woke up that I remembered. I couldn't touch my girlfriend. Couldn't ease this ache that threatened to overwhelm me. All I could do was wait.

* * *

><p>"Are you finally awake?"<p>

Jellal's muffled voice drifted over to me from Meredy's bed, "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Something in his voice made me hesitated, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Fine. You managed to get out of the bath without me."

I laughed, "Well it wasn't pretty and was far from graceful but without sleepyhead to help me I just did my best." It had been a little painful actually and very awkward. I'd waited for him to respond after I called his name but there'd been only silence. I guess it worked out in the end. With Jellal knocked out I could hobble around the room without looking completely unsexy, text Meredy to find out she wasn't coming back to the room tonight anyway and be carefully propped up in my bed looking flawlessly beautiful as if I hadn't spent the last hour lavishing attention on my hair and skin.

It was also plenty of time for me to start feeling nervous. Our history for this kind of thing was hardly a track record to instil confidence. Tonight would probably go horrifically wrong any second now. _Stop_. I was trying not to think that way. Still, that familiar ache was nearly overwhelmed by all the butterflies filling my stomach.

* * *

><p>I squeezed the pillow, wishing my face was buried in Erza's breasts instead. It was easy to say we hadn't been dating that long but Erza and I had been incredibly close for years. Add to that the fact I'd been lusting after her ever since that night in Mira's room and there was a perfect recipe for disaster. For more than two months thoughts of her had tortured me. I'd been literally going crazy for her hips, her breasts, her thighs, all her curves, every beautiful, <em>untouchable<em> inch of her. I dreamed of her every time I closed my eyes. Being awake and with her was only worse. I managed, barely, to curb my desire for her with the knowledge that I'd very nearly lost her and most definitely didn't deserve her. I was lucky to have her as my girlfriend. I knew that, so I'd tried to be good to her, make amends for all the bad things I'd done to her. She seemed happy and it felt like we were closer now than ever before. I didn't want to do anything to fuck up this good thing we had going but this last space between us was going to kill me.

She stretched my self-control like no one else could. I don't think it was intentional. She really didn't have to do anything to turn me on. Unfortunately for me, Erza also happened to be the least self-conscious girl I knew. She didn't think anything of doing the most unbelievably sexy things. She slept at my house and never wore a bra to bed. I'd lie there, within inches of temptation, and she'd press up next to me, not thinking at all that I'd never be able to fall asleep with her so damn close to me. Yet I didn't have the heart, or the strength of will, to tell her she couldn't spend the night. When we kissed she never told me when to stop. Which was dangerous because I never wanted to. I wanted all of her. But more than that I wanted Erza to give herself to me. I didn't want to push her or make her feel like she had to sleep with me. So I always stopped. Even when I was painfully hard and being with her was the only thing on my mind. I stopped because I loved her.

* * *

><p>This wasn't going how I planned. I waited for Jellal to look at me but he didn't. A complete waste of time making sure my hair fell just right. "Are you sure you're okay?"<p>

"Mmm. Just give me a minute."

I chewed on my bottom lip and abandoned the plan. Swinging my legs off the bed, I set them gently on the floor. Holding onto the bedside table for balance I stood up with only the tiniest twinge from my ankle. So far, so good. Two hops and I crossed the gap between the beds. I laid my hand on the back of his neck, "Do you feel sick or something? Is there anything I could do to make you feel better?"

* * *

><p><em>Anything she could do to make me feel better?<em>

If she only knew the thoughts that statement conjured in my mind. Me, sliding inside her while she moaned my name. Fuck. I rolled away from her touch and sat up on the other side of the bed. Probably for the best if I kept some space between us. Fresh from the disappointment of that dream I didn't really trust myself. One deep, steadying breath and I twisted around, ready to suggest we watch a movie or something. The words died in my mouth.

She had her legs out. In fact she had a lot of skin showing. She was wearing a midnight blue robe that contrasted with her scarlet hair and fair skin. It had wide sleeves like a kimono but was so short it barely skimmed the top of her thighs. The way it crossed over in the front, left a triangle of her chest exposed and the whole thing was tied with only a tiny string bow. I felt an impulsive desire to pull on that little string and watch the shimmery fabric slip from her body. But even that wasn't my first thought. No, I recognized that robe immediately. It was the other present I'd brought for her from Heart Kruez, not for graduation, but because she was my girlfriend and I thought she'd look amazing in it. After everything that had gone wrong between buying those gifts and graduation day I hadn't wanted to give it to her. I'd hidden it away in the bottom of one of her drawers, ashamed of giving her such an obviously sexualised gift. It hadn't occurred to me that she wouldn't be able to resist opening it.

I was staring at Erza, slack jawed, from across the bed. The soft silk clung to her every curve, even in this dim half light it hid nothing. She wasn't wearing a bra. Maybe she didn't have _anything_ on underneath it. I swallowed hard, "Why-" I had to stop and clear my throat, "Why are you wearing that?"

* * *

><p>I certainly had his attention now. "I hope you don't mind that I opened it. Thank you, Jellal. It's a really lovely gift." I remember when curiosity had finally got the best of me and I'd pulled the untouched package out from under all my shorts and jeans almost a week ago. Holding the robe up to the light I'd noticed it was shot through with gold thread that formed intricate loops and whirls, the thread so fine you had to look hard to see the pattern. It was incredibly soft against my skin and with the hot summer nights it had quickly become one of my favourite things to wear. Only in my room of course. The robe was beautiful but also extremely short. I couldn't exactly saunter around the dorm with my ass hanging out. No, this item of clothing fell in with my matching lingerie sets and still, as yet, unworn pink baby doll. It was meant to be sexy. To entice and excite. It was doing its job great.<p>

Jellal was looking at me like I was something sweet he wanted to eat. His hands gripped handfuls of the bed covers as his eyes roamed over me. I reached for him but he jerked away from me, leaping off the bed and backing up until he bumped into the wall of the room which fortunately for me was only two steps but for him was probably nowhere near far enough. "You have to change," he said. His voice sounded different, low and raw. "I can't... Erza, please change."

"Don't you like it?" Of course he did. I couldn't help feeling pleased and my confidence returned. With this one move I'd already crossed the line that we'd normally stop at. Jellal could hardly be expected to resist me when I was wearing this. I knew I'd thrown it in my suitcase at the last moment for a reason.

* * *

><p>I loved it. Just as I'd known I would when I picked it out for her, but this wasn't something for Erza to casually throw on when we chilled around the house. Sure, it looked good on but the whole point was that I got to take it off. Someone help me. I so desperately wanted to take it off her. "Well Jellal. Do you like it?" she asked again.<p>

"Yes," I heard myself say. I sounded out of breath. It was hard to tell because all I could hear properly was my roaring heartbeat. "Could you take it off?"

Erza laughed, soft and quiet, "Maybe later."

Was that a promise? It sure as hell sounded like one. It was also too good to be true, "This is a dream, isn't it?" I pinched my arm. It hurt but I wasn't totally convinced. I could take being disappointed again but if this was a dream it wasn't following the usual script.

* * *

><p>He looked like a deer caught in the headlights and I felt a wave of sympathy. I wished I could walk over and take his hand but limping over there would ruin the effect. He clearly didn't know what to do. Maybe I should have been more subtle. Too late now. "It's not a dream."<p>

"Oh." He squeezed his eyes shut and said, "If this isn't a dream I strongly suggest you get changed, because God help me Erza if I open my eyes and you're still wearing that damn robe I won't be held responsible for what happens next."

* * *

><p>I kept my eyes shut for what seem like a long time but was probably only two, maybe three minutes at a push. While I was asleep she must have switched off the TV because the room was silent. I would have heard every move she made if she went to her suitcase and got her pyjamas out. There was nothing. Just my racing heart and jagged breaths. I opened my eyes and she was still there. Waiting for me as I'd been patiently waiting for her all these weeks.<p>

I pushed off the wall. I didn't bother walking around the bed. Just climbed right over it and pulled her body against mine. She came to me easily, willingly, all soft curves and smooth skin. I could feel her body heat right through the robe. This, at last, was no dream. Her lips parted to welcome me and my tongue dove into her mouth, taking all that she had to offer me. My self-control deserted me in that instant. All I could think about was getting inside of her, taking her, making her mine. I wanted Erza beyond all reason and this feeling would no longer be denied. Hungry for her body under mine, I placed my hands on her hips and backed her into the bed.

* * *

><p>The back of my ankle smacked into the sideboard of the bed with a thump. I broke of the kiss with an anguished gasp. It hurt so fucking bad. I couldn't help the tears that sprung into my eyes. Jellal swore. He threw back the covers on the bed, forced me to lie down and drew the covers back over me. He crossed the room and when he returned he pulled the covers back just enough to reveal my leg.<p>

"All the ice is melted but this should help," he murmured and wrapped a cold, damp towel around my ankle. "I'm sorry Erza, I'm so sorry."

I was sorry too. Couldn't I seduce this boy even once? My ankle was throbbing, waves of pain radiating up my leg. I chewed on the inside of my cheek, determined not to cry. Jellal sat down on the bed and rested my foot on his right thigh. He kept all his attention on my ankle, his forehead furrowed with concentration but even distracted by the pain, he couldn't deceive me. His left leg jangled up and down restlessly and he was studiously avoiding looking at me. He wanted me before and still did now. "I'm such a fuck up." The voice that had been so filled with passion was loaded down with self-incrimination. "I can't even take care of you when you're in pain. Why do you even stay with me? I hate myself for the things I do to you."

I waited a heartbeat to make sure my voice would be level when I spoke, "It's okay-"

"It's not okay! You always say that when I can't keep my hands off you and it's not true."

As a matter of fact he was really good at keeping his hands off me. Too good. I let that slide for now, "It was an accident, Jellal. Why are you so angry?"

"I don't deserve you. I never have and I never will, but I can't help wanting more of you. You're injured and tired and I'm throwing myself at you. It's disgusting. I'm the worse. A horrible boyfriend. You can dump me whenever you want. I'll still love you but you'd be so much better off with somebody else. Everyone thinks so. Cana tells me all the fucking time."

There was so much hatred and so many untruths that I didn't know where to start. I'd been expecting something to go wrong but not this."I don't want anybody else-"

"Well you should!"

This was not the first time we'd had this conversation. Jellal apologized so often to me I was getting sick of it. I might have forgiven him but it'd be a long while yet before he began to forgive himself. He generally wasn't so upfront about it. I knew he felt this way but it was usually a deeply buried undercurrent of emotion. Tiny things he said about himself or about us as a couple were all that clued me in to this side of him.

"I didn't mean that," Jellal said abruptly, his tone turning pleading, "Please don't break up with me, Erza. I can't deal without you. Please."

"We are not breaking up," I said firmly. I took a deep breath and tried to respond to the things I could remember, "Cana does not tell you that all the time. I think she's starting to like you again. A little. You're not a horrible boyfriend. You're sweet and kind and very loving. You are nowhere close to being a fuck up and I stay with you, and will be staying with you for the foreseeable future, because I love you very much. Yes, I'm tired and yes, my ankle hurts but that's hardly your fault and in all fairness, I started this so I can hardly blame you for wanting to finish it." I blushed, "I'd still like you to finish it actually."

* * *

><p>I felt like a bumbling idiot. I don't know why all those things came tumbling out. I guess it was the horror at knowing I'd managed to hurt Erza yet again. Now that she was covered up I could think and breathe and regain some measure of control. Yet the truth was hard to deal with. I was losing this battle. The slightest provocation and I fell all over myself desperate to bed her. It didn't matter if Erza chose to walk around naked, I shouldn't force myself on her. And now, in the heat of the moment, I'd revealed a whole ton of things that would have been better off being kept to myself. In a bid to backtrack, I decided to ignore most of what I said and deal with only the one main issue, "I'm sorry. I won't touch you."<p>

"Even if I want you to? I've wanted you since-"

"But you don't. You're so naïve, Erza. You have no idea what you do to me."

"Don't tell me what I do or don't want! I think its pretty obvious what we do to each other but you insist on being an idiot. Do I have to spell it out for you? I want you to-"

"You're obviously tired," I interrupted her again but she wasn't having it this time.

"Stop interrupting me! You know what? Forget it. I don't want to fight with you. _Baka!_"

She crossed her arms over her chest and scowled at me. How the hell had things ended up like this? "I think we should wrap this." Erza tossed her hair and didn't answer me. She was angry but I couldn't help thinking that her dark mood was a little cute. I wrapped her ankle, carefully layering the gauze around and around the injury until I could secure the end with a butterfly clasp. It gave me time to calm down, precious moments to think and by the time I was done some of the tension had eased out of the room. I ran my hand over my handiwork and then up to her knee. "I think we just had our first fight."

Erza ignored me. I squeezed her knee, "Do you want me to go?"

She let out a breath like a hiss, "You have to stay. Aren't we supposed to kiss and make up? Even though I don't know what the hell we're fighting over."

I couldn't resist a smile, "I don't really know either."

* * *

><p>He was so exasperating. This whole thing had gone way off track and I was so annoyed with him and myself and the world in general. Wasn't this supposed to be easy? He pulled the covers back over my leg and moved to sit on the other bed. "What are you doing?"<p>

"Sitting here?"

"You're staying right? We sleep in the same bed all the time," I shuffled closer to the edge and sent a pointed look at the space by my side.

A small smile twitched at the corner of his mouth, "I love it when you're bossy."

"Good. I'm in a very bossy mood."

He walked around the bed and sat down gingerly next to me. "Under the covers," I demanded and he acquiesced without a word.

* * *

><p>She was doing it again. Pressing her body up against mine without a thought for how I felt about it. I couldn't see it anymore but as I slid my arm around her waist the robe felt almost non-existent under my fingers. I might as well have been touching her bare skin. That raw desire for her was still there but I had it firmly under control. For now. "I didn't mean to hurt you," I murmured and kissed her forehead.<p>

"You didn't. I don't want you to keep hating yourself. I thought you said we were drawing a line."

"We are. I mean we did," I shrugged. "I can't help it Erza. The things I've done to you, the ways I still hurt you... You've always been there for me, ever since we were kids. You're the most special, the most precious, person in my life but all I seem to do is fuck everything up."

"But it's not all your fault. It's no one's fault that my confession letter went missing or that we kept misunderstanding each other or that I hurt my ankle today. Things are getting better for us. The only way you hurt me is by trying to sabotage our happiness."

"What? I am not trying to do that."

"But that's what you _are _doing," she sighed and tilted her head back to look at me.

"Sorry."

"Stop being sorry."

I couldn't see that happening anytime soon. She wiggled upwards and I lowered my head to kiss her. Soft, gentle, restrained. At least at first. I was still turned on and it didn't take much for that familiar heat that was always present between us to burst into life. My teeth grazed her lower lip and she welcomed me in, eager, wanting. Apparently still as ready for me as I was for her. It took every ounce of self-control I had to stop. It was time I moved us a little further away from lust and more firmly into love.

"Can I tell you something?"

"Anything," she breathed and I kissed her nose gently.

"I know this is a bit late but it's been playing on my mind that I never properly did this. Actually there are so many things I missed out on doing but this is probably the most important."

* * *

><p>"What is it?" He was being mysterious.<p>

"I never answered your confession letter."

I sucked in a sharp breath and released it as nervous laughter, "What are you talking about? You gave me roses and sent poems to me and, and..." The expression on his face coaxed me into silence.

"Please let me finish. This is something I have to say to you. I wish I had a time machine for us. I would change so many things. I would change everything. I would hold hands with you every day on the walk to school. I would let you wear my varsity jacket whenever you wanted to, not only when it's cold, because I think you look incredibly cute in it. I wish I could have been your date to prom. The things that happened that night will always be a big regret for me. As will everything else that happened that weekend, with... You know what I'm talking about. I want you to know I've never been more miserable than I was that week without you or more happy than when you accepted my second top button on graduation day. But even more than all these things I wish I'd realised how I feel about you sooner. I could have avoided hurting you all those few weeks if I'd been more honest with myself back at Mira's party or even long before then. I've had more than my fair share of chances to be with you and blew every single one of them. I could have been the one... The fact that I wasn't is all my own fault. I know I told you to lie to me, and that still stands but I have to say, I'm incredibly jealous of whoever it was."

His voice wavered on that last bit and I was a little confused about what he meant but Jellal wasn't done yet. "All those things are in the past and I can't change them but in the future I want us to be happy together. I would never intentionally sabotage our happiness. I would never intentionally hurt you. This is my confession. Erza, I'm in love with you, have been for a long time even though I didn't realise it for much too long, and every day, every hour, every minute I fall harder and harder for you. Because of that every second that I wait to know your answer will be agony for me."

I couldn't speak. A storm of emotions washed over me. Jellal's confession was like something out of a dream. Maybe he had been right before and this entire evening _was _a dream. Surely this couldn't be real. I was lying in the arms of the man I loved who, having had possession of my confession letter for only a few hours on prom night, still remembered enough of it to answer every point I put in it.

"I know I fucked up. I know I hurt you and probably will again in the future but Erza, please, I am begging you. I need you in my life. If you ever stop loving me I won't be able to deal."

As if I could ever stop loving him. Much to my horror I could feel more tears in my eyes. God, I must have cried half an ocean's worth of tears for Jellal over the last few months. I took a shaky breath and tried to get a grip.

Jellal squeezed me tightly, "Please don't cry. Say you love me."

"I'm not crying!"

"You are and that's only okay if those are happy tears. I am completely in love with you. More than anything in this world I want you to be my girlfriend, stay my girlfriend and one day be my- Oh god, I shouldn't say that. I might not deserve you but I promise to do everything in my power to make you happy. So say you love me. Say you'll always be mine."

I could see the truth in his eyes, feel it in the way he held me. There was nothing that had happened in the last three weeks to convince me of anything but his love for me.

The ill-fated and unintentionally ignored confession letter. Those stupid shorts and my epic seduction fail at Mira's party. Weeks of awkwardness and avoiding each other. One very public falling out, a slightly less public but world-changing kiss and an eventful prom night that started with the wrong date and ended with an uneasy truce. All the little games we played with each other. The message from his ex and that incriminating photo. Angry words, broken hearts, a jar full of buttons and dozens upon dozens of roses. The last few weeks had confessions and confusion everywhere. Yet before any of that, I had spent years learning to love this one boy more and more. We'd been through so much together. We were stronger because of it.

"I love you too Jellal. No matter what, I'll always love you."

* * *

><p>Those three words from Erza were the best thing anyone could ever say to me. I would never get tired of hearing it. "Tell me again."<p>

"I love you."

"Again."

"I _love _you."

"Always?"

"Always and forever."

"Good. Same here."

"Same here?" she laughed which was all I wanted. Things had gotten heavy real fast and I hadn't really intended that. A smile suited Erza so much better than tears. I brought my lips down to hers. I'd meant for it to be another soft, undemanding kiss, a physical confirmation of everything that was special between us but it spiralled away from me, our tongues tangling as heat sparked between us. My plan to guide things away from the physical was failing miserably. Everything I felt for Erza was so intense, it was nearly impossible to control. One of my hands found its way into her hair, the other ran its way down her body to find that ridiculously tiny string on her robe. I toyed with the idea of pulling it free there and then. She had wanted me to and I would have done it if I wasn't so damn clumsy in the way I held her. Erza's hands slipped under my shirt, her nails scoring lightly along my back and I moaned into her mouth. Desire for her hit me hard. I had to have her.

But not tonight.

I pulled away from Erza, carefully disentangling my legs from hers and sat up. _Fuck. _Our sense of place and time was so off. Even if she was ready to sleep with me, I'd already bumped her ankle once tonight and doubtless her entire body was sore from everything she'd been through today. Mavis only knew why Erza had decided on tonight of all nights for this. Maybe she wanted to celebrate winning nationals. I don't know. Girls were too fucking complicated for me. Erza sat up and that damn robe slipped down her arm, revealing the curve of her breast. She was slaying me. Literally slaying me. I reached out and pulled it back in place. How was I suppose to deal with this?

* * *

><p>"What is it?" I could feel him slipping away, trying to put some space between us. The whole incident with the bed and my ankle had been most unfortunate. Very unsexy but it had yielded unexpected results. I smiled thinking of his impromptu 'confession'. I wanted to sleep with him more than ever. I chewed on my bottom lip and waited but his response was irritating with all its sensibility.<p>

"You have no idea how badly I need you Erza, but we really can't do this tonight. You're still sore from today and I already caused you more pain," His fingers stroked along my cheek, "I forgot myself for a minute. Still not an excuse for being so rough with you. You will forgive me, wont you?"

So he was worried about hurting me. "It's already forgiven. It was an accident. It doesn't even hurt that much anymore." The dull pain that remained was not enough to dissuade me from sleeping with Jellal tonight. Not when my heart was so full of love for him. I leaned in for another kiss but he pulled back from me.

"I really think we should wait a few days. Can you put some more clothes on? I don't think I'll be able to stay here with you tonight." He gestured vaguely at my chest, "Not when you're in that."

I could hardly contain my sense of frustration. I wasn't a porcelain doll. If I said it was okay then what was the problem with right here, right now? Jellal wanted me and I wanted him. I sat up straighter knowing exactly what would happen, "No. I won't put anything else on."

Sure enough his eyes darted down to my chest, "What do you mean no? Look, I can't promise not to touch you if you don't at least help me out here. I'm trying not to hurt you."

It was probably going to hurt anyway, whether we waited a few days or not. I'd already been waiting for what seemed like forever for this night. No way was he copping out when I knew we both wanted this.

* * *

><p>I knew that look on her face. I'd seen it a hundred times. Whenever someone said 'It can't be done', Erza would go out and do it anyway because that's who she was. The word impossible simply did not exist her in dictionary. I should have known, right then, what was coming next. Maybe some part of me did know. Even so it was a surprise when she moved to straddle me, her weight on my thighs, the covers pooling behind her. The once overlapping bottom edges of the robe gaped open as she changed position revealing even more of her thighs. A little more, a little further and I'd know exactly what she had on underneath it. If anything… My thoughts took a decidedly sharp turn for the inappropriate. Zeref help me. The things I wanted to do to this girl.<p>

"Erza…" I tried to warn her.

"Shut up, Jellal."

* * *

><p>I leaned forward, my weight shifting and draped my arms over his shoulders. "Fine. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to but I want a taste of you." I didn't wait for a reply just lowered my lips to his skin. Scattered light kisses all over his neck and collarbone that had him gripping my thighs.<p>

"Baby..."

The protest sounded a little half-hearted so I went ahead and made my mark on him. Sucked and licked a spot that mirrored the placement of the love bite he'd left on me all those weeks ago. Jellal's hands crept up to my waist and I felt him trying to push me off him."Erza, _please_, you have no idea what you're doing to me."

But I did know. I reached for his shirt and he didn't resist me. The fabric slid away revealing his toned abs and broad chest. I ran my hands lightly over his body and hooked my fingers into his waistband. He grabbed my hands. "Stop, Erza."

"No. I'm tired of waiting. I don't want to be a virgin anymore. I want to be your lover."

"You- Wait. What?" His face was a picture of complete confusion but surely I couldn't have been more clear.

"I want us to be lovers. Not tomorrow or in a few days. Now. Right now." I was being so forward but it was working because his grip went slack and I seized the opportunity to explore more of his skin.

* * *

><p>Did she just say virgin? I sent a silent prayer to God, Buddha, the saints and the stars, whoever may be out there that I hadn't misheard her. This couldn't possibly be her first time, could it? I felt a flash of hope. I'd overheard the tail end of a conversation between Erza and Cana. I could have easily misinterpreted that like so many other things in our recent history. I should have asked her weeks ago but my own insecurities had held me back. "So I'm… I mean, you didn't…" Her hands were too damn distracting. I grabbed them again.<p>

"Erza. I need to ask-"

She silenced me with a kiss and I fell into it, completely distracted. I forgot about holding her still. All reasonable thoughts emptied my head like water through a sieve. My hands tangled in her hair as I felt my desire for her hit a new high. This was so crazy. How could we want each other so much and do nothing about it? She pulled back from me and we were eye to eye, both of us trying to catch our breath. I knew from her expression that she could feel it. The hard ridge of my erection where it pressed against her inner thigh. A wicked gleam appeared in her eyes and she rolled her hips forward, rubbing against me.

"Oh fuck."

* * *

><p>It was almost laughable. He wanted me so badly. I could practically see his self-control dissolving right in front of my eyes. The sense of protectiveness that was holding him back couldn't compete with his desire for me. His fate was sealed. Jellal wasn't going anywhere tonight, not if I had any say in the matter.<p>

I leaned in for another kiss and he tugged me down so I was lying on top of him. His hands moved along my back, squeezed my ass, slid under the robe, "Are you sure about this?"

"Mhmm." Couldn't we just get on with it already?

"Erza... I... Wait, okay, just wait. I need to ask you something."

That's what he was saying but his hands running over my body told me something different. I sat back up, ran my hands over his chest, "Now? You want to talk about something now. Right this second?"

"Ye- _Oh god_. Will you stop that?"

* * *

><p>She kept moving about, creating friction between us. I couldn't even think with her body so warm and supple over mine. I wanted her to stop. I wanted her to continue. I couldn't make up my mind. My body had of course already made its choice.<p>

I couldn't keep my hands off her. They found their way under her robe to stroke along her back, her thighs, anywhere I could reach. She wasn't wearing a thing under it. That thought alone was enough to drive me crazy. I'd never wanted anyone the way I wanted Erza right now. I wasn't leaving her tonight. Not till I'd eliminated this last space between us. "I take it back. You can't lie to me."

"Oh Jell, I never listened to you when you said that," was all Erza said before she went back to tugging at my clothes.

"Then tell me, have you... Have you done this before?"

She looked confused and I couldn't blame her. I was barely making sense to myself. I couldn't think of a tactful way to ask her without sounding like an idiot. "Come here," I tugged on her arm and she tumbled onto the bed next to me, her quest to strip me of my clothes reluctantly abandoned.

"I want to be with you tonight Jellal. I've waited so long for this," she murmured into my shoulder.

So had I. There was one way to find out if this was her first time or not that required no words. I pulled her to me and kissed her hard.

* * *

><p>I wasn't sure what had happened and Jellal seemed to be changing his mind about tonight with every heartbeat but I wrapped my arms around his neck, ran my fingers through his hair and enjoyed the absolute pleasure that was kissing him. He pulled me against him and I relaxed into his arms. Everything about him was warm and comforting, so familiar yet new and unknown. He kissed me until I was breathless. I hoped he wouldn't stop.<p>

His lips skimmed over my jaw and I tilted my head, let him run his tongue over my ear. He nibbled lightly, then sucked on my earlobe. I shivered as waves of heat raced through me. My heart was pounding as he left a trail of open mouthed kisses down my neck. One of his hands was stroking up and down the back of my thigh, the other squeezed my breast through the thin material of the robe. The feel of the silk gliding across my skin was driving me crazy. His thumb ran over my nipple and I couldn't help one tiny moan.

* * *

><p>"Do you like that?" Her response was a searing kiss so I rolled us over and straddled her. I cupped her soft breasts, loved the way they filled my hands. Kneading gently, my thumbs flicked across the silk robe, right over her nipples and she arched upwards.<p>

"Jellal, please…"

I pulled on that teasing little string tie and her robe slipped open. It clung to her breasts, leaving a narrow strip of exposed skin right down to the apex of her thighs. And I'd thought I couldn't possibly be any more aroused. Erza was blushing, her lips swollen from all our kissing. "Should we turn off the light?"

I could tell she didn't know if I was teasing her or really wanted her tonight. "I want to see you."

"But-"

"You're beautiful, Erza. Relax and let me love you," I crushed my mouth against hers, let my fingers play across her revealed skin until she gasped. Taking advantage, I plundered her open mouth until I felt her melt into me.

* * *

><p>He could make me forget the whole world like there was only me and him and this unbridled passion between us. Nothing else existed or mattered. I struggled to catch my breath but his mouth, his hands, were all over me. Teasing, stroking, licking, everywhere at once, relentless. Open palmed, his hands stroked down my body, brushing the robe completely aside and I couldn't even think to feel embarrassed.<p>

Jellal leaned back and toyed with the tie of my robe, ran it teasingly, light as a feather over my chest, down my belly. That simple piece of silk was instantly transformed into a weapon that had me at his mercy, squirming under him, longing for his hands on my skin.

"Touch me. Jellal, please touch me."

* * *

><p>I decided I liked this robe more and more. Erza tried to grab me but I caught her wrists and pinned her arms over her head. "I thought you liked this?" I let the silk swirl around one hard pink nipple.<p>

"Please. Don't. Don't tease me."

"Actually, I'm kind of enjoying this." I dragged her robe back over her breasts and she made this frustrated little growl that I felt deep down in my groin. I lowered my head and placed kisses all over her chest, found that hard bud and took it into my mouth, silk and all.

"Oh god," she moaned and I felt her legs shifting. "This is... This is... I hate you."

* * *

><p>"What a terrible thing to say. I might have to punish you." He was obviously enjoying teasing me and, as usual, he had turned the tables so quickly. His initial reluctance was completely gone and I found myself out of my depth yet again. We might be near equals in the dojo but in bed there was no doubt who had the upper hand. Jellal switched his attention to my other breast and used his free hand to roll my nipple between his fingers.<p>

"I didn't mean it," I gasped out. The silk was bad enough. Combined with the wet warmth of his mouth the sensation was nearly unbearable. The ache in my belly was getting worse and I rubbed my thighs together trying to ease some of the tension I was feeling but it wasn't enough. His weight was on me and my hands were trapped in one of his. I was totally at his mercy. The worst part was knowing he knew exactly what he was doing to me.

"Tell me again."

"What?" I couldn't even begin to think.

"You what me?"

"I love you! I don't hate you at all! Jellal, please," I was practically whimpering but I no longer cared how I looked or sounded. I just wanted.

* * *

><p>It was as much of a tease for me as it was to her but this wasn't really about me. I had no intention of banging or fucking Erza tonight. I would make love to her. Bring her slowly to ecstasy. Imprint myself on her skin. She could forget every bad thing that had happened over the past few weeks, replace it with memories of tonight. Regardless of what may or may not have happened before tonight this was <em>our<em> first time. I wanted to love her right.

I ran my fingers one last time over the wet spots on her robe, released my grip on her wrists then slid my hands behind her back and pulled her up so she was sitting. Her arms immediately came around me but I tugged them down. "Let me take this off."

She helped me remove the robe and then threw it across the room. "I'm never wearing that torture device again."

"Shame. I really like it."

"Can you please just-"

I caught her face in my hands and kissed her. "I told you. Relax and let me love you. The way I want to. Please."

* * *

><p>The love in his eyes silenced me as effectively as the kiss had. I wondered if my touch would have the same effect on him. I ran my hands down his chest, across his abs and was pleased when his eyes darkened. But it didn't last long because he caught my hands again and pushed me back down onto the bed. Hands on his waist, I pulled him down to me and skin met skin, his muscled chest against my soft curves. We kissed for a long moment. His thigh came between mine, parting my legs and, when his weight settled between my thighs, I could feel him, nudging, sliding, intimately against me. I was shamelessly wet but the subtle friction wasn't enough. I wanted him so much, the burning ache in my belly refused to be denied.<p>

* * *

><p>Lying between her thighs my resolve to make this completely about her was slipping a little. My body was swollen, aching, hard as steel. The friction between us was driving me mad. Another kiss, this one rough and possessive as desire for her drove my actions. I slid one hand across her body to caress her, there.<p>

"I want to be inside you. Here… and deeper…"

She gasped, her breath fluttering out against my face and I felt a burning desire to take her right then. Need demanding that I thrust into her till she screamed my name and I could find release for this pressure building within me. But I wasn't done yet. I was still determined to make this good for her. Plus weeks of fantasies wouldn't let me rush this so easily.

I kissed my way down her body, her hands slipping, feather light, from my waist up over my shoulders in a way that made me shiver. She smelled of vanilla and that something else that I could never name. The familiarity of the combined fragrance made it no less intoxicating. I paused on my journey to swirl my tongue around her belly button and appreciate her firm, flat stomach. My hands wandered to her hips and along her thighs, drawing her knees up. I let one hand skim down to her ankle, "You'll tell me if I hurt you?"

"Yes, Jell, yes. Just, _please_."

I ran my hands back up her thighs and she let them fall open. Just looking at her I had to fight back a groan. My self-control wavered, nearly broke. It was getting to a point where I _needed _to be inside her and her obvious impatience wasn't helping but after all I'd put her through I wanted this to be good for her. So instead of falling on her like a wild animal I glanced up and met her eyes. They were so full of love and trust.

Feeling slightly more in control, I slipped a hand between her thighs and ran the pad of my thumb over the small spot where she was most sensitive. Her hips jerked up and Erza cried out my name. I let her settle back down onto the bed then lowered my head and licked, long and slow.

* * *

><p>It was too much. I think I might have screamed. He didn't stop though. Licking and sucking that most private part of me while I writhed beneath him. My nails scored into his shoulders as he drove me higher and higher.<p>

"Jellal, please. Please," I don't even know what I was begging for. Something only he could give me, barely out of reach, tantalizingly close yet still so far. I whimpered, tightened my grip on his shoulders as the sensation became almost painful and he let up a bit, placed tiny kisses all over my inner thighs. I tried to remember how to breathe. Almost managed but then his mouth was back, pushing me towards oblivion.

"Don't. Please. Jellal, I can't," I cried out desperately.

He pulled back, "Are you okay?"

Was he kidding? I was way better than okay. There was no way I could handle the way he was making me feel though. I took a few deep breaths and he waited patiently, his fingers making soft circles on my thighs. "You make me feel like I'm losing control."

Jellal grinned, "Oh really?"

* * *

><p>I thought I might have hurt her, but Erza losing control was exactly what I was aiming for. I ran a finger over her. She was so wet for me. The urge to bury myself within her was even stronger. I fought the impulse down and eased one finger inside her. Moved steadily in and out. She was making these tiny delicious noises, halfway between a sigh and a moan. I don't even think she knew she was making them. It made me want to devour her. I went back to licking her clit, backing off whenever it sounded like it was getting too intense for her.<p>

When I thought she was ready, I slipped a second finger within her. She moaned a little louder and actually pushed back against my hand. I almost lost it. I wanted to be inside her so badly. I clamped down on the impulse and focused on the way her body was responding to me. She was so close. I wanted to take her right past that breaking point. Fingers pumping faster into her sleek moisture, I shifted position so I could lavish her breasts with the attention they deserved. Her breathy little moans grew louder. "Jellal, Jell-ah!" I loved the sound of her voice crying my name like that. A few more strokes, a twist of my wrist and her body tightened around my fingers.

Erza cried my name again and I watched as she rode the feeling to the edge then shattered. She sank into the bed, sated and relaxed. My own need weighed heavy on me. I couldn't wait any more. I had to be inside her. Absolutely had to. I was moments away from finally getting everything I'd ever wanted. She'd felt so tight around my fingers I was certain Erza was still a virgin. A possessive feeling swept over me as I realised I would be her first. I'd already known I would be her last. Now I fully intended to be her only. Forever. Starting now.

I leaned across her body and rifled around in the drawer of the bedside table. For a moment I was confused then it hit me. This wasn't a dream and we weren't in my bed at home where a foot away I had a few condoms stashed. I was two layers of clothing and one good thrust away from probably one of the best experiences of my life. That is, if I was willing to risk knocking up my seventeen year old girlfriend.

Which I wasn't.

* * *

><p>I sighed softly. Who knew it would be like that? Tonight, after all the chaos and drama, I finally had my fireworks. I was dimly aware of Jellal hovering over me but I was content to slowly drift down from the fantastic place he'd taken me to.<p>

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" his voice slipped through the hazy fog in my mind.

Did he have any idea how beautiful he made me feel? Above me, Jellal sighed, "We're going to have to stop here."

My eyes flashed open, "No." I tightened my hold on him. It'd been good, amazing really, but not enough. I wanted all of him tonight. His mouth opened again but I was done with his excuses. I grabbed his remaining clothes and yanked them down. His erection sprang free from his boxers and I wrapped my hand around its engorged length. I couldn't help feeling a little apprehension at the size of him, but I didn't let that show. "I want you."

Jellal's reaction was swift. His hand grasping mine and pressing our intertwined fingers into the bed. His weight settled back between my legs and I felt the tip brush intimately against me. "Don't imagine for a second that I want to end this." Something desperate flashed across his face, "If I didn't care about you so much, you'd already be mine but I do care. More about you than about anything else." His hand was holding mine tight enough to cause pain and I realised he was serious about this.

* * *

><p>This was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. To be this close and not have Erza... We were most definitely star-crossed but I'd keep fighting that fate until we broke free of it. I tried to convince myself to get off her but every man has his limits and I'd met mine. I still wanted her. Enough to say to hell with the consequences.<p>

"Why?" The question was quiet, a soft whisper past my ear.

"Because your future is my future and as much as I want you now, I love you more," I shrugged helplessly. Disappointed did not even begin to cover how I felt right now. "I don't have anything with me and I won't be irresponsible when it comes to you." When all was said and done, I loved her too much to forget the consequences.

* * *

><p>The room was quiet, filled only with the sound of us breathing. Jellal's weight was heavy on me but I didn't think about asking him to move. I sorted through his words and the reasoning behind them. "Jellal-"<p>

"Don't Erza. Don't say anything and please don't move." His voice twisted, "Why does this always happen to us? When can I have you? _When? _I can't take this."

"Tonight. You can have me tonight."

"No." He drew back from me and cool air replaced the warmth of his skin, "I have to take care of you. Don't make this any harder for me."

"Oh Jell," I reached up and laid my free hand against his cheek. "Thank you for thinking about me but you don't have to take care of me." I laughed softly, "It's not like I didn't know this day was coming. I took care of it."

His jaw worked beneath my hand, "Really?"

"Yeah." Jellal's body was rigid with tension, the effort of holding back an obvious strain on him. I could have went through the whole story of the clinic and the pills they gave me and Cana lecturing me about regularly taking them like she was my mother but now wasn't the time. Instead, I could finally say the words I couldn't before, "Make love to me."

* * *

><p>Erza pulled me down and there was no reason for me to refuse her. I trusted that she knew what she was asking for. Another heart stopping kiss and I was pushing into her. She was so hot and tight, soft flesh resisting me as I pressed into her body. No doubt of her virginity now. She gasped and I knew that despite my best intention I was causing her pain. Keeping the movement slow and controlled I went deeper. She cried out and I paused, closed my eyes, rested my forehead against hers and just breathed. My heart was pounding, I felt dizzy and light headed, lost in the thrill of finally being with her. I couldn't stay still for long. "A little more, okay?" I felt her nod.<p>

I meant to continue my slow progress but the feel of her body gripping mine was too intense. My self-control, stretched so thin over all this time, abandoned me and I thrust forward, stealing what remained of her innocence in one rough motion. My lips found hers, swallowing the sound as she called my name. Her body clamped down around me, holding me in her slick warmth. I groaned, fire racing through my veins. No dream could compare to this one perfect moment. Kissing her face, her neck, anywhere I could reach, I held still and tried to soothe her.

* * *

><p>I was being stretched, filled, possessed by him. The last space between us was gone. I could only take short, gasping breaths as I tried to get use to the feel of him. Jellal kissed me tenderly, whispering soft apologies to me. His body was still tensed and I realised he was holding back, trying to be gentle. Even then it wasn't like any other feeling I'd ever experienced. Jellal didn't move and the initial sharp pain faded into a dull burning ache. "I love you baby," he whispered.<p>

I squeezed his hand. "I love you too," my heart was full to bursting with love for him.

Jellal pulled back slowly and to my surprise I missed the feel of him inside of me. "Is it okay? I can stop. Maybe," he said wryly even as his hips rocked gently backed down against mine.

I doubted that he could really stop now but I also knew that if I asked him to he would try. I wrapped my legs around his waist and held him closer, "Don't stop."

He kept the pace slow, each stroke a mixture of pleasure and pain but it wasn't long before it became easier to take him. I shifted tentatively, bringing my hips up to meet him.

* * *

><p>I felt some of the tightness ease as her body stretched to accept me. When her hips came up to meet mine I groaned with the sheer pleasure of it. I don't know what I would have done if this had been too painful for her to enjoy. I increased the pace and she made that breathy little moan that I loved. We settled into a steady rhythm, two faint shadows blending into one in the lamp light. My body was thrumming with raw energy. I couldn't get enough of Erza. Probably never would. I could feel the pressure growing, urging me on towards my own release.<p>

* * *

><p>That same feeling was back. The tension, the desperate clawing desire for that place just beyond my reach. This time was different. I knew Jellal would take me there.<p>

"Erza. Erza," my name fell from his lips like a mantra, a sacred prayer. "Baby, I need-" The rest of what he wanted to say was lost in a groan but as he thrust harder and faster no words were needed to explain that he wanted the same thing I did. I buried my face into his shoulder and gave myself over to the feeling between us.

* * *

><p>I couldn't hold back now, even if I wanted to. Erza was clinging to me so closely, our bodies slick with sweat, both of us gasping for air as we got closer to climaxing. Her core fluttered around me, muscles clamping tightly along my length. I kissed Erza hard, our tongues tangling together, searching for a taste of her. Her body tightened even more and that was enough. My vision blurred, her name on my lips as pure bliss swept through me. Erza's climax followed mine, the intense tightness of her core drawing my own release out. Amazing. I only managed at the last moment not to collapse onto her.<p>

* * *

><p>Jellal settled slowly on top of me, nuzzling my neck. Our hands were still intertwined on the bed, both of us breathing hard. I'd never felt so loved. "Thank you," he murmured against my skin.<p>

I shook my head, "Don't thank me." He pulled out of me and I missed the feel of him immediately. I grabbed his shoulder not wanting him to leave but he only lay down next to me and I snuggled into his arms. Jellal held me tightly and kissed my forehead, "I want to thank you for waiting and letting me be your first."

Safe in his arms, I felt drowsy, exhausted, worn out by everything I'd been through today. I tried to fight off sleep, "It was always you, Jellal. It never would have been anyone else."

"I'm an idiot for not knowing that before."

"Not... idiot...," was all I could manage. Sleep was swiftly claiming me.

He drew the covers up over us, "Sleep now baby."

"Love..."

"I love you too."


	24. Happy

_A/N: Thank you everyone for reading this story until the end! Especially my loyal reviewers and everyone who made this a favourite or followed this story. Please consider writing a final review for Confession Confusion. I'd love to know what you thought of the story overall._

_I do not own Fairy Tail._

_Chapter Twenty Four - Happy_

_I traced the path of a raindrop as it slid down the window. Under my finger the glass was cool whilst beyond the haze of water the world looked washed out. Everything was gray and dull, the trees bent over, their stripped leaves forming wet mounds in the mud. The whole world seemed caught up in the depths of an autumn storm. I guess the weather had chosen to be suitably depressing to match the occasion._

_"This car is worth more than you know. Don't mark the glass."_

_My hand dropped immediately back into my lap. I tried to sit still but my suit was itchy, the black tie like a noose around my neck. I tugged impatiently at it._

_"Jellal."_

_My name used as a warning, the slightest flash of eyes in the rear view mirror of the car. I sat on my hands. I'd already learned it wasn't worth it to antagonise my guardian. My parents would have understood. My mother would have chosen a raindrop to race mine down the glass. My father would have had his tie dangling loosely around his neck to be fixed into place moments before we left the car and then torn free as soon as we returned from the event. The radio would have been on, our car filled with a warmth that no storm could compete with. My parents would have... but they were not here._

_I banished the thought. There'd been weeks when all I could do was cry for them. Dark days when I missed them chasing me around the park or the sound of their laughter in our kitchen. Lonely moments when I wished they were still here to tuck me in at night or help me with my homework. Then my guardian had decided enough was enough. "They're dead, boy. Your tears won't change that," he bellowed when he tired of my grief. I only cried in secret after that._

_The car made a tight left turn onto a long, smooth drive overshadowed with evenly spaced oak trees. My stomach clenched into knots. This was the last place I wanted to be. A house once linked with sweet memories, now the focus of today's unfortunate event. A memorial service, six months on from the tragic accident that'd taken so many lives and left me an orphan. We emerged from the curtain of trees and the house came into view. With all the solid grey stonework and the tower looming on one corner the building was better described as a gothic mansion than a house but it had been home to me. Not anymore. Nothing would ever be as it was before._

_We pulled up outside the grand oak doors and two men immediately emerged, bearing black umbrellas. I reached for the door handle but a sharp, disapproving cough from the front seat brought me up short. I sat back and waited for the door to be opened for me. It had never occurred to me while my parents were alive that I was any different from anyone else. My mother baked cookies and made my school lunches. My father went to work every day and tossed me in the air when he returned. I knew they went out to nice dinners and parties, all dressed up, diamonds twinkling from my mother's ears and pearls around her neck. I knew no one else at school spent weekends on a yacht or could describe their countryside home as a 'castle' and mean it literally. So what if every September my 'What I did for summer vacation' story was a bit more exciting than the other kids? Who cared? I didn't. As far as I was concerned we were a normal family. I still had to clean my room even if it was full of toys and games my friends envied._

_After my parents died, I'd learned all too quickly that I wasn't like all the other kids. My new guardian insisted that I lived in a way 'befitting of my station'. Which basically seemed to mean letting people bow and scrape over me. I couldn't understand it. Apparently my parents had been quite wealthy and as their only child..._

_"Good morning, young master," the man greeted me as he opened the car door. I nodded once. 'Don't address the servants unless it's to give an order' was one of my guardian's many rules. Why having dead parents suddenly meant I needed servants was beyond me. All this money I'd inherited had once been theirs right? They'd never had a chauffeur or a private chef or a gardener or maids or young men in crisp suits snapping open umbrellas for them. I used to go to a normal school, wear normal clothes, eat normal food, be a normal seven-year-old boy... I used to have a mother and father who loved me._

_I felt a wave of longing for them but once again forced the emotion down. I'd already been lectured on how I was to behave today. Crying was not an option. Escorted up the stone steps we stepped through the door to be greeted by a sea of sombre faces. Kids. Mostly around my age, some younger, some older, maybe ten or twelve in total. All dressed not too dissimilar to me. Smart black suits for the boys and plain black dresses for the girls. Mourning clothes._

_A woman stepped forward and grasped my guardian's hand, "Thank you for coming sir. Now children."_

_On cue they executed a series of bows, "Welcome Brain-sama, Jellal-sama. Thank you for letting us use your home."_

_I couldn't help flinching. Jellal-sama. The title was so unnatural and it wasn't like I'd consciously let them take over our ancestral family home. I'd been dragged away from here on the day of the accident and not allowed to come back. I hadn't even known anyone was living here until this morning. The reality of being back home was beginning to hit me. A combination of homesickness and bittersweet memories swept through me. Brain's hand landed on my shoulder, exerting a sharp pressure and I remembered how I was meant to respond, "You're most welcome." The adults beamed like I'd said something really clever and began herding us along the corridor to the sitting room. Once there I was in for an unpleasant surprise. The room was almost unrecognisable. The leather sofa, my father's oversized arm-chair, the fluffy rug that used to tickle my feet, it was all gone. Instead the room was filled with neat rows of wooden chairs, a plastic table laden with a bowl of fruit punch and various snacks occupied one corner and dotted around in groups of twos and threes were the photos._

_I barely registered that whilst the other kids filled up the first two rows of chairs I was guided to the only comfortable piece of furniture in the room. They had my parents photo. Right there, in black and white, above the fireplace. My heart twisted. It was the same photo they'd used at the funeral. _

_"The others will be arriving soon for the service. Please let me express our gratitude for the generosity of the Fernandez family..." The conversation swirled around me, snatches of it coming to me in fits and starts._

_"Good for the children to get together..."_

_"...poor orphans..."_

_"Shame we couldn't find homes for all of them but having them all housed here is a blessing..."_

_"...so grateful..."_

_"Better than an orphanage..."_

_A woman came over and stuck a sticky label with my name on it across the left side of my chest. Looking across the room I read the names I could see. Angel. Sho. Wally. Millianna. The names all blurred into a meaningless mess. I didn't know any of these kids and they didn't know me but here they were. Living in my house, playing with my toys, reading my parents books... Or were they? I took a look again at the completely changed room, a sinking feeling coming over me. I slipped off the sofa, "May I be excused?" Brain nodded and I walked out the room but the moment I cleared the doorway I was running._

_I jerked open the dining room door. A new table and chairs, laid for way more than three. Nothing I recognised. I tried again and again, slamming each door with increasing frustration. Upstairs, in all the bedrooms, including my own, there was nothing but row after row of standard issue bunk beds. Bathrooms full of unfamiliar toothbrushes. Even the closet didn't contain the boxes I expected to see. Back downstairs, I stood outside the door I had purposefully skipped, chest heaving, hoping against hope that at least this remained untouched. At least this. I closed my eyes and eased the door open. The familiar scent of books was still there. I opened my eyes with relief. What I saw was a slap in the face._

_This used to be the study. A room surrounded on three sides by floor to ceiling bookcases. A window seat where my mother would read to me. An oak desk where my father would write letters. So many lazy days we'd spent here as a family. It'd always been my favourite room. Our favourite room._

_The bookshelves had been removed, slight marks on the wall all that remained to indicate that anything had ever been there. The window seat was crammed with all sorts of junk. Literally piled high with clothes and pillows and fabric that I recognised as the old curtains. The desk, like all of the other furniture in the house, was conspicuously missing. And the books, gone. Just gone. I swallowed down a gasp and walked to the middle of the room to the only thing in an otherwise barren room. A wobbly stack of boxes labelled as 'For Sale'. I lifted the cardboard flap. Keats and Jane Austen wedged in with the more contemporary authors. Science textbooks lumped in with cookbooks. Indiscriminately boxed up to be sold. Then there was the box set to one side labelled 'Trash'. I was wound up, tight as a spring, but I wanted to know what the adults had decided was worthless. _

_Our photo albums. From my parent's wedding photos right through to the candid snaps my father had taken of us in the garden the weekend before the accident._

_Something in me snapped._

_I got in three solid hits before Brain caught my flailing arms and levered me out of the sitting room. There wasn't much he could do about my legs so I kept kicking him and screaming, even as the adults and other kids stared at me like I'd gone mad. Maybe I had. They'd taken my parents from me, everything familiar about my house and now even the photographic memories would be lost. It was too much for me to deal with._

_Brain hauled me through the kitchen and down the three steps into the pantry. He flung open the thick door of the tower and threw me roughly to the floor. The grey flagstones rushed up to meet me and I didn't have a chance to break my fall. Stars exploded behind my eyes as I hit the floor and there was a surge of pain. He yelled something but I wasn't listening. I curled up on the floor and let the pain take me. Hot tears ran down my cheeks. I wanted my mother. I missed my father. I wished they'd taken me with them._

_The crying wore me out but the flagstones were cold and unforgiving, not the best choice for a bed. Eventually I sat up, the world tilting when I tried to open my eyes. My cheek stung and a spot on my left temple was tender to the touch. I'd behaved badly and felt certain that this would not be my only punishment. Brain was not known for his kindness or understanding. I sighed and forced my eyes open._

_One brown eye stared back at me._

_I jumped, flinching away from the stranger._

_"You're that boy."_

_I didn't know if I was or not but lost for words I could only nod. The girl was sitting back on her heels, arms crossed over her knees with her chin propped on top. She didn't seem aware that sitting that way in her black dress meant she was flashing her white underwear to me. In any case, I didn't really care about that, but her face... "What happened?" I blurted out, realising a second too late that it was exactly the type of question my mother would have told me was rude._

_"Oh this?" she asked placing one hand over the square patch that covered her right eye. "The accident."_

_The accident. Not an accident. The accident. There was only one accident that everyone in this house would speak of that needed no further explanation. "You... you were there?" I'd seen the pictures. The adults tried to shelter me from them but I'd seen the wreckage on the television anyway. The twisted hunks of metal, luggage strewn all over the tracks, fire fighters trying to contain the blaze._

_The girl shrugged, "They say so."_

_Okay, this girl was weird. "Either you were on the train or you weren't. Don't you know?"_

_"No. Why are you crying?"_

_I dragged my sleeve over my eyes, embarrassed. "I was not crying!"_

_Her hand stroked over the eye patch, "I gave up crying. It doesn't change anything."_

_There was a moment of silence. Her words were similar to what Brain had said to me before but there was no unkindness in her voice, just acceptance of what was. "Don't you miss them?"_

_"Who?"_

_"Your parents," it was an assumption on my part but a good one. If you were here at this memorial then your parents were almost certainly dead._

_She blinked at me, her solitary eye sombre, and I wondered for a second what her other eye looked like under its patch. Was there even anything there? "I don't know. I guess, in a vague way."_

_What? I missed my parents every day. I was about to say something snarky and more than a bit rude about her attitude when she reached out and laid her hand gently against my cheek. Her palm was cool, soothing, and my bitter words converted into a question. "What's your name?"_

_"Erza."_

_"I'm Jellal."_

_"I know. We all know. This is your house. We're supposed to call you Jellal-sama."_

_I winced again, "I'm just Jellal and there is nothing in this house that I recognize anymore. It's more your home than mine now." The truth of the words weighed heavy on me and I shut my eyes against the sadness. I wasn't going to cry in front of this girl a second time._

_Erza's hand stroked along my cheek. She didn't say anything stupid like 'It'll be okay' or any of the other lies the adults tried to fill my head with. She sat with me quietly and eventually the feeling passed. "Shouldn't you be at the memorial service?" I asked when I'd recovered my voice._

_Erza shrugged, "Yeah, but there's no point. My parents photos aren't there."_

_"Why-" _

_She pressed a finger to my lips, cutting off my question. "Shh! Someone's coming." Sure enough, when I listened, I could hear footsteps coming our way. "Erza?" a woman's voice called and she leapt to her feet. "Come on," Erza grabbed my hand and we started climbing up the winding staircase of the tower._

_"Why are we going up the stairs? This is a dead-end." It wouldn't have been my choice for an escape route but Erza pulled me upwards, determined on her goal._

_"They won't bother us up here. The adults are too lazy to climb all the stairs."_

_The quick succession of tight turns made me dizzy but Erza didn't let go of my hand and we hit the final step together. I was out of breath and bent over with my hands on my knees. Erza collapsed on the floor in the centre of the circular room, her chest heaving from the mad rush up the tower. I watched her make a mock snow angel on a thick rug. The fluffy brown rug that used to be in the sitting room. I dropped to my knees next to her, fisting my hands into the shaggy rug. "What is this doing up here?" I was relieved to see something in this house that I still recognised._

_"I... borrowed it." Erza shrugged, "They were going to throw it away and I didn't think anyone would miss it. So I brought it up here to liven up the Tower of Heaven."_

_I gave her a quizzical look, "The Tower of Heaven?"_

_"Yeah," her arm swept in a large circle that encompassed the room, "that's what we named it because of the stars." She sat up abruptly, blushing. "Sorry. I forgot this is your house. The tower probably has a proper name."_

_"No. We never really called it anything." She nodded and flopped back down on the rug. I hesitated for a heartbeat then joined her. "You like the stars?"_

_"Yeah. They're really pretty."_

_I gazed up at the decorated ceiling, one more thing that hadn't changed. "My dad," I had to pause and swallow the lump that formed in my throat, "my dad and I painted that."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah. My school went on a field trip last year to the planetarium. The big one in the city. I loved it. I begged him again and again to take me back but it's such a long drive. My dad was always really busy with his job and all the charity dinners and things he had to go to. It's not like we could stop by whenever we wanted to. So whenever he had a spare moment we'd come up here. He got this book for me and we looked up all the different constellations. We painted the whole ceiling black one weekend then we used stencils to lay it all out right, one star at a time. That bit took a few months." I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye but Erza didn't say anything. "Do you see that one there, towards the middle and then to the left-"_

_"No, which one? That one?" She pointed._

_"Here," I wrapped my hand over hers, "Like this." I guided our hands through the air, tracing out a connection between the artificial stars above us. "Imagine lines here, and here..."_

_"A person?"_

_"Orion, the hunter. See these three stars in a dead straight line are called Orion's belt. The legend says... You probably think this is boring right?" I let go, suddenly struck with embarrassment at holding this strange girl's hand. I don't know why but she was so comfortable to be around that I found myself talking like we'd always known each other. I'd more than likely bore her to death if I didn't shut up._

_"It's interesting. I never knew the stars made pictures in the sky. Tell me more, Jellal." I hesitated and she took my hand, placing it back over hers, "Show me. Please."_

_So I did. Outside the wind howled around the tower and the rain lashed at the windows while I lay on the floor with this strange new girl, showing her the stars. I don't know how long we were there, talking, but the weight of the day slipped from my shoulders. Erza was easy to talk to, didn't ask stupid questions or make fun of my interests and by the time I'd made it through all of the zodiac constellations we were fast friends._

_"You're so clever, Jellal. You know, like, everything."_

_I rubbed the bridge of my nose, secretly happy at her words. "Not everything. Scientists find new stars, whole galaxies of them, all the time so I don't think anyone knows everything about them."_

_"Still," she said rolling over onto her side to look down at me, "You know a whole lot."_

_"I guess." Her face was a little too close to mine and I couldn't help staring at her eye patch. She bit her lip and I knew she'd noticed._

_"It's ugly, isn't it?"_

_"What? No." I said it a little too quickly for the denial to be believable. It wasn't like she was hideous or anything. In truth, the more time I spent with Erza, the prettier I thought she was but it was so obvious. My mind couldn't help returning to the macabre thought of what may lay beneath that thick white square._

_"It's okay. Everyone thinks so but there's no money to get it fixed. I'm use to it now and the way people stare."_

_"I have money." The words slipped out easily and in that instant a brilliant idea came to me. "I've got loads of money. I'll get Brain to pay for a doctor to fix it for you." The notion grabbed me and stirred me to my feet. "We can ask him now."_

_Erza stayed stretched out on the floor. She looked doubtful. I gestured around the room, "I own a castle. Or close enough. I think I have enough money to pay for a new eye." I spoke with confidence even though I had no idea how much it might cost. My parents had always been big on charity events and giving money away. My parents. "Oh my god. The memorial service." I took off running down the steps. I'd been so caught up in spending time with Erza that I'd completely lost track of time. I heard her call after me but I didn't wait for her._

_The stone steps rushed by in a blur and I flung myself around the final bend only to find myself yet again in a heap on the stone floor. I was not alone this time either. I disentangled myself from the tiny girl I'd collided with. "Sorry! Are you okay?"_

_She brushed the dust off her dress, "I'm okay. Why are you running?"_

_"I don't want to miss the service. Come on," I grabbed her hand to take her with me but she leaned back, resisting my tugging motion._

_"Miss it? It's over. I want Erza. Have you seen her?"_

_My heart sunk, "It's over?"_

_"Yeah. It was okay. Sad. I miss my parents more now than before," she tilted her head and studied me. "Jellal-sama. This is your house."_

_"Yes. No. Please just call me Jellal. Is the service really over?"_

_She nodded and all the emotions I'd forgotten about while I was with Erza came rushing back. I'd never wanted to come to this service, had dragged my feet all morning, but now that I'd missed it I felt guilty. Erza arrived at the bottom of the steps and the new girl immediately hugged her._

_"Are you okay Millianna?" In answer the younger girl started crying. "Hush now. I've got you," Erza said, rocking gently. It was such a motherly gesture I felt all the more that I should have attended the memorial service. Something of what I felt must have shown on my face because Erza shuffled over, edging Millianna backwards until they both bumped into me. Erza reached out and pulled me into the hug. I didn't think about it, I hugged them back, my fingertips barely resting on the rough fabric of the back Erza's black dress. Sandwiched between us, Millianna's sobs became softer and softer until she said with a sniffle, "This is nice, warm. Are you going to stay here Jellal-sama? I mean, Jellal."_

_"I... I can't." I wished I could. The kids at my new boarding school were, different, to put it nicely. We didn't get along so well. All the rules seemed stupid to me, the favouritism of the teachers was hard to understand and everyone was so snobby. I hated it. I hated weekends with Brain even more. I was always doing something wrong, picking the wrong fork for the wrong course at dinner, wearing shoes that squeaked on the polished floors, crying too loudly for my parents. Between school and 'home' the last six months had been horrible. Yet here, with complete strangers, I'd spent most of the day if not happy then at least not constantly thinking of how life used to be. More than anything else I knew they got it. No words were needed. We'd all been through the same horrible thing. Maybe the adults idea to force us all together wasn't so stupid after all._

_"I'm sorry you missed the service Jellal. It was my fault," Erza said softly. She raised a hand to smooth down Millianna's hair and I reluctantly released them._

_"Why not?" demanded Millianna at the same time. "We can play house. I'll let you wear my cat ears."_

_From the significant emphasis in her voice, I guessed that was the best bribe she could come up with. It was surprising how quickly she'd taken to me. I'd tried for months to fit in at my new school and somehow I'd stumbled across two friends on what should have been one of the bleakest days. "It wasn't your fault Erza. We both lost track of time. Maybe I'll be able to visit you some other time."_

_"Erza, make him stay! I like him," Millianna gave me a gap toothed smile._

_"I like him too."_

_My ears grew warm. Erza was even prettier when she smiled. I changed the subject, "I want to take my family photo albums home but I know Brain won't let me. Could you hide them for me?" It was the least I could do to try and remember my parents._

_Erza nodded, "We'll put them in the tower. Where are they?"_

_I led the way back to the study. It took both of us, each holding one side of the box with Millianna more in the way than actually helping, but we managed to carry the box up the tower. With the box on the floor Millianna immediately started rifling through the albums._

_"Don't do that. Those are private," Erza reprimanded her._

_"It's alright. I don't mind," I said. Of course when the girls started giggling over my chubby baby photos I minded a bit more but I humoured them. In some ways it felt like them flipping casually through these photos so full of life and colour while I related some of the stories that went with them, was a much better memorial than the sombre, black and white, affair downstairs had been. "Where are all your photos and stuff?" The brief look I'd taken into the bedrooms had given the impression of bare, impersonal spaces._

_"The basement. It's scary so we never go down there," Millianna replied. Erza said nothing. In fact, Millianna spoke often of her parents and her life before the accident while Erza didn't. I hadn't forgotten her strange answers from earlier and my curiosity was getting the best of my good manners._

_"Why don't you talk about your parents? How can you not remember them?"_

_A strange look fluttered across Erza's face and she looked away from me, "I just can't."_

_"But why?" I insisted. "You can't forget them like that. That's mean."_

_"I can't remember okay. Just shut up."_

_"But-"_

_Erza leapt to her feet, "I said shut up! I can't remember anything and it doesn't matter if I did, they don't want me anyway!"_

_In the silence that followed I didn't know what to say. Erza's hands were balled into fists at her sides and I could see her trembling. How could her parents not want her? "I don't understand."_

_She sucked in a sharp breath, "I woke up in the hospital three days after the accident. I couldn't remember anything. Not my parents. Not my friends. Not my house. Not even the accident. Nothing but my name and not even all of that. Erza. Just Erza. The doctors say I have am... amn... amn-something! I don't remember things. I couldn't do anything but lie in that stupid hospital bed and wait. I waited for someone to come and get me. Someone, anyone, to say 'she's my child'. But no one did. So they told me that my parents probably died in the accident but they don't really know. Which makes two of us because I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to miss or even if they're out there somewhere and just don't want to come get me. It was a school day. I shouldn't have even been on that train! But no school has any record of me. What kind of parents don't even send their kid to school?" _

_Erza tried to say more but I couldn't understand her through the gasping sobs she was making. I had no idea how to undo the stupid thing I'd said. Of course no one would willingly forget their parents, that was a dumb thing for me to think, but I found it harder to believe that, if they were still alive, they wouldn't come and get her. "That's not true."_

_"It is!"_

_"No, it is not. They died that day just like all of our parents." It was without a doubt the cruellest kind thing I could ever say. "If they were still alive, they'd never stop looking until they found you. Never." It was what parents did. Mine lost me once when we went out shopping. I'd never forget the look on their faces when they found me in a toy store, blissfully unaware of their distress. That mixture of still lingering panic, the rush of relief and a tinge of anger at me for wandering off. "They'd go to the ends of the world to find you. I know they would."_

_Erza walked to the window and stared out. True to what she'd said earlier, she didn't cry, her shoulders stiff with the effort of containing all her emotions. "Do you really think so?"_

_"Yes," I replied firmly. Millianna slid her tiny hand into mine and squeezed. "I love Erza," she said softly._

_I took a wild shot in the dark and hoped I was right, "Everyone does. You all live here like a family right?" Neither of them contradicted me so I pressed the point, "You might not remember your parents but you've got a new family now and they don't want you to think that way."_

_"A new family," she repeated slowly, "I'm still just Erza though."_

_"Well that's easy to fix."_

_Erza threw me a sceptical look over her shoulder, "Oh really?"_

_"Mmm. You can have my last name. Erza Fernandez."_

_Erza's lips twitched and at my side Millianna started giggling. "What? You don't like it?"_

_"Not exactly but... it's like we got married!" _

_Both girls burst into laughter and I felt my face flood with heat. "Is not!"_

_"Is too!"_

_"Is not!"_

_"Is too!"_

_"I don't hear any better ideas coming from either of you! I'm trying to help." Offended, I crossed my arms and glared at them._

_Erza swallowed her laughter, "I'm sorry, Jellal. It's very kind of you to offer your last name. Lots of people have suggested names but," she shrugged, "they don't feel right."_

_"I'm not 'lots of people'. I'll think of one." It was a matter of pride now. I tried out a few of my old friends last names but none of them matched with the name Erza. This might be harder than I'd originally thought. I relaxed back onto the rug to think and Millianna wedged herself firmly against my side to keep looking through the photos. Erza stayed by the window. Any more 'happy family' photos were probably too painful for her to be looking at right now. I felt really bad for her. I was sure that I wasn't the first person to contradict what she believed but the negative thoughts about her parents still clung to her. If I could at least think of a last name for Erza maybe that'd be the start of healing the wound on her heart._

_Across the circular room, Erza sighed and scratched at the black cap on her head, "I hate this thing. It's so itchy."_

_"Take it off," Millianna said without looking up._

_"You know I can't. Matron will get angry if I do."_

_I didn't say anything. I hadn't been able to stop myself earlier from blurting out that rude question about her eye patch but I'd managed to avoid nosing into why she covered her head when none of the other girls bothered. Now that I knew a little of her story I figured maybe she'd lost all her hair in the accident or something. Erza's life seemed really rough compared to mine. We'd both lost our parents but she'd had it so much harder. I at least had their memory._

_"Matron," said Millianna with the simplicity that only a five year old could manage, "is not here."_

_Two things happened then that would irreversibly bind me to Erza forever. First, she pulled the cap off. Second, a particularly strong gust of wind forced the old-fashioned latch on the window Erza was standing by to pop open. Years later I'd think it was fate..._

_Erza let out a surprised gasp and Millianna squealed as wind howled around the room. The pages in the photo albums went flickering over and over, fast as lightning, forming a blur of faces and places. Rain poured in the open window as Erza leaned out, trying to close it. I rushed over to help her and together we managed to pull it shut but not before we both got drenched by the storm. Erza was laughing and I could definitely see the funny side of things but the vision of her standing there made the laughter catch in my throat._

_Her dress was dripping water onto the stone floor, adding to the already substantial puddle at our feet. I watched Erza cross her arms and hug herself against the sudden dampness. I barely registered the creeping cold. Her hair hung in wet strands around her face, some of it plastered to her flushed cheeks. _

_It was the most amazing colour I'd ever seen. _

_I blurted out, "You're so pretty."_

_She blushed, her hand subconsciously creeping to her hairline, "I'm not."_

_"Why..." I was still struggling to come to terms with this new revelation, "why would you cover something so beautiful?"_

_"Matron says its vulgar because it's too bright." Embarrassed, she bent down and retrieved her cap off the wet floor. She went to put it back on but I snatched it from her hand. How could she even think of wearing that stupid thing. On impulse I reopened the window a crack and let the wind steal the cap away. The rush of cool air lifted her hair, sending it whipping around her face until I managed to tug the window shut again. "Don't cover your hair. Ever."_

_"It's too red."_

_"It's not even red."_

_She gave me a weird look, "Are you colour blind or something?"_

_Red was much too plain of a word for what she had. I searched my vocabulary for something more suitable. "I got it."_

_"What?"_

_"A name for you."_

_Erza peeled the clammy wisps of hair off her cheeks, "Let's hear it then."_

_I could tell she didn't believe me but I knew this one would be perfect. I reached out and she froze as I ran my fingers gently through her hair, trying to undo the tangles created by the wind. "I'm Jellal Fernandez, it's really nice to meet you Erza. Erza Scarlet."_

* * *

><p>Waking up with Jellal was a little disorienting. I had to pinch myself to make sure I was actually awake and not simply caught up in a lovely dream. His arm was thrown over me in a loose embrace. Under the covers our legs were intertwined and I blushed with the knowledge that we were both still naked. Best of all I had a perfect, up close view of his adorable sleeping face. He was smiling in his sleep, obviously caught up in some nice dream. I reached out and lightly traced the curve of his lips, followed the elaborate swirling pattern of his birthmark, brushed a stray lock of hair off his forehead. Experienced a dizzy, joy inducing thought that this beautiful man was mine. All mine. Finally. Jellal stirred, caught my hand and kissed my fingers. His brown eyes opened slowly and he murmured, "Good morning, Beautiful."<p>

"Morning," my heart skipped a beat and I felt my face flush. How could this possibly be real?

* * *

><p>Waking up with Erza was pure bliss. She looked so natural, her beautiful scarlet hair all mused, no makeup, faintly blushing. Giving me that look that told me everything I needed to know - she loved me. I let my hand trail along her back. Crazy how that little girl I once knew was now a woman, and in bed with me no less.<p>

"Feel okay?" She nodded back and blushed harder, remembering last night.

"Sorry, for hurting you." She shook her head.

"Have I stunned you into silence or something?" I asked, amused.

"No. I just... Can't believe this is real."

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer. "Neither can I."

* * *

><p>We lay there in the early morning quiet before Jellal said with a half laugh, "I dreamed of you last night. About the first time we met."<p>

"At school?"

"No, the very first time at my old house." He gave me a bemused look, "You laughed at having my last name. Tore my young heart to pieces right then."

My face flooded with a new wave of heat, "I was seven!"

"No excuses. I was devastated. Don't think I ever really recovered. I might have a complex because of you."

Was he teasing me? I couldn't tell. "I'm sorry Jellal. I'd take it now," I offered.

* * *

><p>"You... you would?" My heart stuttered almost to a complete stop. Did she really mean that?<p>

"Yeah. Erza Fernandez has a nice ring to it..." Her voice trailed off. "I don't mean like... I'm not saying... Don't take that the wrong way!"

She burrowed closer to me, her forehead pressed against my chest so I couldn't see her face. I held her tightly. "It does have a nice ring to it," was all I said. It was way too soon for us to be having a conversation like that even if it was a foregone conclusion that one day, if I didn't fuck this thing between us up, just maybe, she'd end up with my last name after all.

"I missed you. After you left that day," she said finally, her breath warm on my skin.

"I missed you too." After I left it'd been four long months before we saw each other again and that had been completely by chance. I'd been expelled from my fancy boarding school for fighting. Brain of course didn't want me hanging about and shipped me off to Magnolia. It was a much nicer school, nicer dorms, with kind people who understood that I wasn't a bad kid, I'd just hit that stage in the grieving process where I hated the world and everyone it for being alive when my parents weren't. Until one day a new student with an instantly recognisable shade of red hair walked into my homeroom. "You got me in detention the second time we met."

"Uh if I remember correctly, _you're _the one who jumped up so fast that your chair clattered to the floor and then proceed to hug me so hard I couldn't breathe. You threw the whole class into an uproar."

"Your fault."

I pulled away just enough to give Jellal a fake frown, "How is that my fault?"

He kissed my nose, "For being so beautiful that I couldn't stay away from you. Still can't."

Every time I thought my blush was fading away he said something else that had all the colour rushing back into my cheeks. I'd been a bit of a handful after Jellal left. I kept running away, trying to find him, until Matron got fed up and sent me to Magnolia. Best thing ever. Jellal and I had been inseparable ever since. I changed the subject, "Whatever happened to Brain?"

"I think he's still in prison. I mean, he stole every penny of my inheritance that wasn't locked away and even took money from the funds donated to the other orphans. A real nasty piece of work. It worked out though. I mean we've got each other and we have so many great friends that live here."

"Sometimes I wonder what happened to the others."

"Hmm. It's a shame we didn't all keep in touch."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence again and it dawned on me how weird this was. I'd lost my virginity to him literally last night and this morning could have been so awkward but we'd fallen naturally into our 'best friends forever' mode where nothing, not matter what it was, could ever be weird between us. "Hey Jell, do you love me?"

"Of course I do. You know I love you baby. More than anyone."

* * *

><p>Somehow the words didn't seem like enough and I wasn't really sure where that sudden question had come from. I thought last night had made it obvious how crazy I was about Erza. There was nothing else for me to give her and nothing more that I could take. We owned each other, body and soul. Surely that had to be enough. Unless... "Erza, last night..." Maybe I'd hurt her more than she'd let on to. "I didn't mean to hurt you and that doesn't mean I don't love you. I wanted you so much, I got carried away. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I really love you. You have to know that."<p>

"Whoa, hey, where's all this coming from? Last night was amazing. You didn't hurt me. I know you love me, I just wanted to hear you say it."

I shook my head, "I did hurt you and I'll say it as often as you want me to. I love you, Erza. I'm sorry that I don't always show it."

"Hush. Don't be silly. If you showed me any more love my heart would explode from all of it. Now don't apologise to me again or I'll have no choice but to hit you."

I made the wise choice and held my tongue. It'd be a long time yet before I managed to feel like I didn't owe her at least a thousand more apologies. "You saved my parents books for me."

* * *

><p>The abrupt change in topic threw me but I only shrugged, "It was obvious how much they meant to you."<p>

"I never really thought of it but you must have gotten into trouble when they went missing."

"Oh a little." I always played it down. He didn't really need to know about the two days I'd spent locked in the tower and, after all these years, now was a really bad time to mention it. Ironic since the very place they chose for my punishment was the same spot where the books were hidden. The conversation triggered off a whole set of memories for me, mostly happy, some not so much.

"You know," Jellal said and it was like he'd read my mind, "once you turn eighteen we can try and find your parents records."

It wasn't like I hadn't thought of it before but I shook my head right away. I'd closed that chapter of my life years ago. "I have all the family I want."

* * *

><p>I released a breath I hadn't known I was holding. "Erza, are you happy? With me?"<p>

"Give me your hand a second," she said after a pause and I willingly intertwined my fingers with hers. Everything about us just fit so right. Erza pressed the back of my hand to her breast. I felt an instant thrill of excitement. I'd already been conscious of her naked body so close to mine but I let the thoughts that appeared die. Even if she denied it, I knew she would be sore from yesterday.

"Do you feel that?" she asked in a soft voice. I closed my eyes and stayed quiet until I could pick up the faint beat of her heart under my hand.

"My heart beats for you Jellal. Only you. Never doubt that. Never doubt us."

I kissed her, wishing we could stay trapped in this moment forever but knowing it couldn't be so. We'd probably love a lot and fight a little, have both good times and bad in our relationship, even though it felt like we had our lifetimes worth of lows in the last few months hopefully that meant we had plenty of highs to make up for it. Right now though..."You didn't answer me. Are you happy? Right now, with me?"

Erza gave me one of her classic smiles, "After everything we've been through, I love you and you love me, how could we be _anything_ but happy?"


End file.
